


A Life Once Lived

by Sigy_Artyn



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: (read author's note at the end), AU, Canonical Character Death, Couch Cuddles, Disturbing Themes, Female Harry, Gen, I suppose, I'm so sorry, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Marauders' Mischief totally managed, Mystery, Not abandoned I promise!, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Slow Build, Time Travel, What Have I Done, Why does it seem like the only writing mode I have is intense, and darker themes later on, discontinued until further notice, probably, that's it for the moment?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-28
Updated: 2018-02-12
Packaged: 2018-02-27 08:26:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 133,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2685965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sigy_Artyn/pseuds/Sigy_Artyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She had a life once, but she doesn't remember. All she knows is the ashes and blood she tastes as she wakes up yet again… She's got one more try to get it right. - Haesel hadn't quite thought of this when she'd accepted Death's 'chance to live with those she'd lost'. AU, time travel, fem!Harry, T for now? (extra info inside )</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!
> 
> Hopefully this is the one and only Author's Note I'll be putting up (maybe another if an issue comes up that needs to be addressed), but I need one to issue some warnings!
> 
> First of all, this is a fem!Harry fic which contains time travel. This idea's been hanging around my head for years now, so I've definitely put some thought in it – so please, think of that before questioning the plot overly much. That said, I do appreciate constructive criticism, very much! I might even use suggestions.
> 
> I'm a very busy person, unfortunately, between university, being active in a youth action group (nothing bad I promise) trying to have a social live and living alone. Oh, and a job as well. So I might not update every day, so to speak although I'm not giving up on this story either! I always finish what I start. I promise :)
> 
> I'll put this story on both Archive of Our Own (AO3) and Fanfiction.net, under the same name. (same pen name, too)
> 
> Also - disclaimer! I do not, and will never, own anything, except perhaps the idea for this plot. Everything else though, characters, world, etc., belongs to the wonderful J.K. Rowling (and others she sold the rights to, heh). This is a disclaimer for the entire story, I think we're perfectly aware what fan fiction implies, pfft.
> 
> Ehm, I think that's it! I hope you enjoy and please leave a review if you have time. They're very encouraging when writing ^^ Happy reading!
> 
> Sigy Artyn
> 
> Arthur's Shadow

Flashes of light. A single star living and then exploding. A great booming noise that reverberated through her very bones. Ripples like concentric circles through time as the universe formed over and over again.

If there is nothing faster than the speed of light, why is darkness always there before it?

Impossible green eyes snap open to a hazy world and immediately close again. She groans in pain, wondering what has happened to her as slowly awareness comes back to her. There are voices like static noise buzzing in and out. She catches only a few words before it all grows dark once more.

"-she ever recover fully?"  
"We may never know. As soon as she is able to stay awake for longer periods, we will be able to make certain -"

If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, what sound does it make?

 

The second time she comes to the world was a little bit more clear. She blinks awake. She is in a bed. The sheets are white and feel soft to her bare legs and arms. She takes that to mean she's wearing only a short gown and there is a high probability of her being in a hospital of some sort. 

She looks around.

There is someone sitting on the chair beside the bed, a little girl seemingly composed by an artist with only two colours; red and creamy white. She vaguely thinks that the girl seems familiar, but the thought slips away before she can catch and examine it. The little girl is reading a book so large it doesn't quite fit on her skinny legs. 

The girl looks up the moment she contemplates the amusing thought and green eyes meet green eyes before the girl on the bed blacks out again.

Is there life after death? She doesn't know.

 

 

She feels too little, as if there wasn't enough of her for some reason. It might be the clothes, which are too big on her thin frame, but she knows that's not it. 

For the life of her, she couldn't have said what was, though.

“Haesel, are you coming?” a woman's voice calls out. The girl looks into the mirror one last time and then exits the small bathroom. There's a woman waiting in the room, sitting on the bed clutching a child's coat and a purse. She smiles.

Haesel tries to smile back. The woman – no, Ivy Evans, Aunt Ivy, not the woman – clearly appreciates the effort and holds the coat out.

“Come here, I'll help you.” she says. Haesel shrugs, mindful of the cast on her left arm and the bandages stiff around her torso and right shoulder. She wonders if there'll be a time she'll be able to move as a normal person again, but then she thinks of how difficult it was to move even her pinkie just months earlier and is thankful for the ability to walk again.

Aunt Ivy's hands are soft when she helps Haesel with the coat. She tightens the last button and sighs, resting a hand on Haesel's uninjured, or rather, already healed left shoulder.

Haesel has no words for her question, so she just looks at her, wondering. Aunt Ivy sits down on the chair beside the bed. There are lines around her eyes that weren't there before, and the hand falls away from Haesel. She wishes she didn't feel the cold feeling it leaves behind.

“Haesel..” Aunt Ivy sighs. 

Haesel looks up to her.

Aunt Ivy doesn't know how to continue. She chews her lower lip anxiously, worries the clasp of her handbag.

“I know.. I know it must be bothering you. That you can't remember.” She eventually starts. Haesel licks her suddenly dry lips. Ivy laughs softly, but there is no music in the sound. 

“It would bother me, waking up in an unfamiliar hospital, being told that my father and mother are dead yet not even knowing who they were... It would bother me.” she sighs again and looks up, this time in straight into Haesel's eyes. 

They have the same eye colour, the same almond shape as Ivy's own daughter. They are the eyes Ivy and her sister Ianthe got from their father and passed on to their children in turn. 

Ivy tries to hide a flinch. Haesel is the only thing she has left of Ianthe now. 

“I don't..” Haesel doesn't like to speak; it shows in the hesitant way she utters the vowels and the soft, almost too quiet voice. “I don't remember. That is why.. it may not bother me. I don't remember.”

Aunt Ivy blinks. She's back to seeing Haesel as her own person, Haesel knows it. It feels harsh, but Haesel can't remember this person Aunt Ivy compares her too – her dead younger sister who was apparently Haesel's mum. Haesel can't remember anything but curious flashes of a life that was her own yet not. 

She doesn't mention the dreams to those who call themselves her family. There's blood in them, war and rage as humans fight humans and others, too. Though she can't remember anything about her own life she knows many things, and mythology is one of those. There are werewolves and centaurs in her dreams and that is why she can not speak of them.

Amnesia is much easier to handle than a mental institution.

She sees the pain in her Aunt's eyes, but Aunt Ivy is a good person at heart and doesn't blame Haesel, that Haesel knows. She pities her too much to blame her.

Aunt Ivy stands. “Come on, let's get home. Robert and the girls are waiting for us.”

Haesel tries the smile again. It still feels fake and unused.

 

 

Aunt Ivy is a modern woman, and so she can drive. Aunt Ivy doesn't ask her to put on her seatbelt, aware it could rub agains the wounds that have only half healed. She watches Haesel warily, prepared to intervene should it become necessary. Haesel doesn't mind. She supposedly lost her parents and almost her life in a car accident, after all.

The drive isn't that long. Haesel remembers that someone told her the accident happened in Germany and that she'd been flown over to London soon after initial surgery, so her family could visit her. What was left of her parents' bodies was also flown over, but Haesel doesn't remember anything about a funeral. She assumes it happened while she was still in a coma. 

Aunt Ivy had taken a hotel room in the city and visited the most, taking care of everything that needed to be taken care of. When Haesel was doing better, they moved her yet again, to a smaller revalidation home closer to where the Evans family live.

When they arrive the rest of the family exits the house at the sound of tires on gravel. There's Uncle Robert, blond haired to Ivy's fiery red and the calm to her liveliness, as Haesel has found out. They balance each other, and Haesel is glad. On some level she is happy these people are her family – it is easy enough to fantasise about parents if she has a model to build upon.

Aunt Ivy and Uncle Robert have two daughters. The eldest is called Petunia. She takes after her father and though she's not more than three years Haesel's senior, she already seems to be in a sort of gangly, awkward teenage phrase. The smile on her face is honest and warm, though.

In contrast Lily, the second daughter, is still a child and a very lovely one too. She has red hair like Ivy and the green eyes. She hardly waits until Aunt Ivy is out of the car to rush to Haesel's door and open it. She extends a hand, obviously wanting to help her.

Haesel can't find fault in her enthusiasm. Like always, Lily is mindful of her injuries, but she is also mindful of Haesel herself and chatters away a mile an hour about how exited she is that Haesel is coming to live with them.

“ - and you'll be staying with me in my room, 'cause it's the biggest! We've got the bestest view ever, of the garden! I'll show it to you later, the garden I mean, I'll show you our room first -”

“Breathe, Lily-pad.” Uncle Robert laughs, resting his hands on Lily's shoulders to keep her still. He looks up to Haesel. “Welcome to our home, Haesel dear. I hope you'll like it.”

She nods. The house is moderately large, with a porch, garage and a garden in the front and the back, from what she can see. There's a large tree standing near the house. Haesel likes it. It may be just another in a row of fairly identical houses in the better neighbourhood of this little town, but it looks warm and welcoming, just like her family.

A warm feeling fills her. 

Her family.

 

 

Time passes, as it is wont to do.

Haesel heals in body, and she thinks maybe in mind, also. It's easier, adapting, when you don't remember how things were done before. She feels blank sometimes. 

Luckily, she has sisters now, and they don't hesitate to write in the empty book she feels she's always been. She's closer to Lily. They're the same age, in fact, they even share the same birthday. Lily tells her all about it one day, full of energy, as Lily usually is.

“I was pretty sad I'd never met you, because we were born the same day and all! Mum says you're younger, because she got pregnant first or something, and that it was a huge surprise when Uncle Erwin called to let Mum and Dad know you were born. You were three weeks early! Mum says you were really tiny. I was way bigger than you!” she grins when she says that. She still is by a full inch. 

They're on the swings in the nearby park. It's hot. Summer has already begun. Haesel has been living with the Evanses for five months now. It's been almost a year since she lost her parents and her memory. 

Haesel tilts her head back and watches her hair fall like a curtain behind her. It's an inky black. It's the only real difference between Lily and her beside the height. They both look like their mothers, who were identical twins. 

It seems like Lily has been thinking the same thing as Haesel. She stops the swing and looks at Haesel. Feeling the scrutiny, the black haired girl pulls herself back into a vertical position.

“Say, Haesel...” Lily lets her words trail off.

“Yes?” Haesel isn't sure if she likes the contemplating look Lily is wearing. She has the feeling that whatever Lily is going to say now won't be a good idea.

“You know, we look really alike. We're both from the same year – we even share a birthday!”

Haesel has the idea she knows where this is going and opens her mouth to say it's a stupid idea, but the words get buried beneath the lump suddenly tight in her throat. She closes her mouth again.

“We could pretend to be twins! Mum and Dad could officially adopt you or something, they've already got custody of you because they're your lawful guardians, but they could make it official! Petunia won't mind at all, she likes babying you more than me – which I am fine with, truly! -”

Haesel holds up a hand, effectively cutting Lily off. The redhead falls silent.

It is quiet for a minute. Haesel has tipped her head back and looks at the blue sky, contemplating the slow movement of the lazy white clouds. She can feel Lily's burning stare.

“I've always wanted a twin sister.” Lily speaks up softly. She's dropped her gaze to eye her sandals, a hand twisting in her summer dress. “Tuney is so much older than me, and then Mum and Dad told me about you and how you were my age, and you looked so much like me..”

She pauses. A swift kick to the ground and she's airborne again. Haesel can see her in her peripheral vision, moving in and out the faster she's going. 

“I've got to show you something, though!” Lily cries and then, as she is as high as the swing will go and Haesel feels worry coil in her belly, she lets go of the ropes and for a moment she soars.

“Lily!” Haesel isn't sure who is screaming until she notices she's the one making that noise. She jumps off the swing, her arms outstretched as far as they can go, willing with all her might that she could catch her, the girl that has become so very dear to her.

Suddenly she's there, clutching Lily in her thin arms and they crash on the unforgiving ground far to far from the swings to be all together possible. 

It's silent for a minute. Haesel imagines the dust settling around them and is grateful that they're alone at the playground. It's lunchtime and they're going to be late, she knows that. She also knows she isn't going anywhere until Lily has told her what that was about, what she did... and what Haesel herself did. 

Lily sits up first, pulling Haesel with her. She grimaces at the tear in her skirt, Mummy'll be mad now for sure – as if the scrapes on their knees and arms, the durst and dirt on their faces won't tell on them before she can even see the damage to their clothes. 

Haesel glowers at her. Lily is a little intimidated. For such a fragile looking child, Haesel certainly looks very, very dangerous right now. Lily figures she's got no more than five seconds to start talking so she wastes no more of her precious time. Where to start, though? Maybe, as the saying goes, the beginning is the best place? 

She's known it her entire life, but she's never had words for it so she's strangely at loss how to speak about it even though she's never wanted to do so more.

Haesel's left eye twitches. 

“Right.” Lily says and she's talking, then. She can't seem to stop once she's started, a bad trait of hers. “I've sort of had it my entire life? I don't know what it is, exactly – only that neither Mum or Dad or Tuney have it. It mostly happens when I'm angry, or hurt, but I've been able to do it without really intense feelings. It's hard to do though, I've got to focus very much, and I can't do much, just float when I jump of the swing, like controlling my descent? And oh! This, too!”

She grabs at a dead flower nearby. She's got no clue how it got here, probably plucked then dropped when it was less fresh than expected. It'll do for what she's got in mind never the less.

Lily focusses so hard on the flower that it looks as if she's wanting it to drop dead or burst into flames. Instead, it slowly starts to float and the petals regain colour as they open and close. She glances back to Haesel, triumphant. 

Haesel's eyes are wide and incredibly frightened. 

Lily drops the flower but the harm seems to be done already. Haesel is so pale Lily is afraid she's going to faint any second now and for a fleeting second Lily deeply regrets showing off. What if Haesel never wants anything to do with her anymore now? What if.. she doesn't want to be her sister now? Has she destroyed all her chances?

Haesel opens her mouth a few times only to close it without saying anything. Wind brushes past them and red and black hair is moved gently as the moment stretches on into eternity. Then, softly almost as if she's not believing she's doing this, Haesel picks the flower up again, holds it in the palm of her hand. She swallows with difficulty. 

She suddenly remembers the dreams in even more clarity and she can almost taste ash and blood on the back of her tongue as she makes the flower float again. 

Haesel raises her eyes and green meets green. With an improbably sense of destiny, both girls know there's no going back now.

Half an hour later sees them arriving home, dresses dirty and knees bloody. Ivy scolds them before sighing, telling them to go clean up before coming down for lunch 'and you're not going to the park alone now anymore, you hear?'

Lily grins as she catches Haesel's eyes and Haesel smiles.


	2. Twee

It's a hot summer day and Haesel is laying outside in the garden. There's a book covering her face. Her arms are spread and she curls her toes in the grass, sighing happily. 

Sometimes, she's just glad to be alive and today is one of those days. 

She's too content to read, so she just lies back and thinks instead. She opens her eyes looking up at the book, but it's too close to read and the words become smudges of black ink. She feels guilty for being so happy. Tomorrow she'll have been an orphan for a full year, and yet here she is feeling content.

She lets out a deep sigh. 

Suddenly the book disappears and all Haesel can do is shut her eyes as fast as she can to avoid looking straight into the bright sun. A soft chuckle betrays Petunia en Haesel tries to glare without opening her eyes. Petunia's laugh tells her it isn't very effective.

"Stop having a wee guilt-fest, you little." Petunia says and Haesel wants to curse her for being so spot on. For some reason her elder sister - cousin a voice in the back of her mind reminds her gently - is very adept at reading her. She's not as good as Lily is at it because sometimes it almost seems like Lily and Haesel share a mind, but she's older, a little wiser and her interpretation often carries slightly more weight.

Haesel mumbles something but she herself is not sure what it's meant to be. Petunia's remark has hit a little to close to home.

A hand sweeps the wild hair off her forehead. Petunia's come from the inside where it is cooler so her hand is nice and refreshing. Haesel wants to cuddle right into it. 

Sometimes she wonders if she was a cat in a previous life, if there is indeed such a thing. 

The light has become bearable and Haesel opens her eyes cautiously. Petunia is staring off into the distance, mind on other things. She looks comfortable off into her own world, but Haesel is curious to what she wants with her so she nudges Petunia's hand with a finger where it's laying on her forehead still.

She would say that Petunia starts, for that's exactly it, but the elder girl would deny doing such an unladylike thing, so she just keeps silent and stares expectantly.

“Right.” Petunia says decisively. All of the Evanses have that habit of stating that one word before getting down to anything and Haesel has noticed she's picked it up as well. She doesn't mind, because it makes her even more one of the family.

“I wanted to ask you something, if you do not mind, of course.” Petunia always takes care to talk properly, because that's ladylike and she's a lady. Ivy just said she's read Pride and Prejudice once too many, when asked. Haesel isn't too sure what that means, but she and Lily still laugh about it sometimes.

“I don't mind.” Haesel says, never mind that she's got no idea what Petunia wants to ask in the first place.

“Ah, yes.” the blond haired girl takes a moment to arrange her thoughts before proceeding. “I'm aware Lily has asked you if you would mind being her sister? I'm talking about an official adoption, as opposed to just being a ward of Mother and Father.”

Haesel nods, just once. She and Lily haven't spoken of what she asked that day yet, although they've been talking long into the night about the other things that had happened. 

“I have come to the understanding that this is not completely beyond what Mother and Father desire themselves.”

Haesel stares at her. Petunia coughs delicately and blushes, obviously misunderstanding. “Naturally, I am not at all be opposed, so I took it upon myself to assure you of this.”

“She doesn't understand a word of what you just said, Tuney.” Lily unceremoniously drops herself beside the two others, a frown on her face. “For that matter, neither do I.”

Now Petunia's the one gaping but she catches on to it soon enough to close her mouth before either Lily or Haesel can make a 'watch out for flies' comment or anything of the like. 

“So.. You mean, she hasn't understood a thing?” 

“Of course not! We're smart, Tuney, but no geniuses.”

This is wrong, of course. From what Haesel has observed in the time she's known her family, she knows that Lily is extremely bright. She herself hasn't been to school yet on account of recovering from her injuries. She doesn't like to brag, but she's been able to keep up with what Ivy – who's an elementary school teacher – has been teaching her, and Ivy has told her they've gone so fast she's actually been teaching her way beyond what she's got to know to join Lily in school when summer ends. 

Upon hearing this, Lily had demanded to be home schooled as well. Ivy had said they'd talk it over and while that had meant Ivy and Robert, not Ivy and Lily, Lily had taken to it as such and sometimes completely surprises her mum by starting on the subject yet again. Petunia, who was going to Middle School the next year, had taken to just watching and enjoying the show.

Haesel tunes in again in time to hear Lily assure Petunia that it would be indeed better to repeat her words, but this time not 'in words that belong with the Queen, not us.' so as to quote Lily directly.

A bit miffed, Petunia turns to face Haesel again, who's still laying on the ground peering up at her.

“You really didn't understand?”

Haesel shakes her head lightly, taking care not to dislodge the hand still on her forehead. The skin has warmed up by now, but it's very comforting.

Petunia sighs. 

“I would like for you to be my sister as well. I know – I have overheard Mother and Father taking about it.”

Haesel sits upright and turns to face her. Lily has looked up as well, taking her attention from the daisy chain she's making to observe her elder sister. This is new to them.

Petunia is quick to explain. “They were talking about how they were thinking about going to visit your parents' graves tomorrow. Mother brought it up; Father agreed and then he suggested they finished the adoption process.”

“Finish?” Lily gasps. “That means they've already started it!”

Petunia nods. “They wouldn't need your agreement, Haesel because you're still a minor, but Mother said she wanted to ask you about it anyway. She mentioned how you fit in so well and then Father said he wouldn't mind making you an Evans by name as well as by heart.”

Haesel's eyes are large and round. There's a lot of confusion stirring in her heart, but elation triumphs. Her Aunt and Uncle would really want her as one of their own? She would be able to call Lily and Petunia her sisters?

Lily plucks a daisy absentmindedly and makes a hole in the stem with her nail before tugging another through the hole she's just made. Judging by the way her eyes seem to measure the crown of Haesel's head she has already decided for who the daisy chain is going to be.

“I've got more news.” Petunia shares and she bends closer as if this is a great secret, but before she can utter another word Ivy appears in the kitchen door and calls them all inside. The girls share glances, wondering what it would be about but having the idea they already know. They troop inside, Petunia first and Lily last, trying to pluck some more daisies so she can finish her chain. Haesel remembers the book she's left outside, but the serious look on Aunt Ivy's face makes her decide to leave it for later.

They sit in the living room. Petunia choses the arm chair Robert normally prefers. She's a daddy's girl to the core and whenever she can she reads his paper and sits in the chair, preferably both at the same time. Lily and Haesel chose the love seat closest to the telly. Robert is standing near the fake fireplace, and Ivy seats herself on the sofa. Ivy speaks up first.

“Girls, we have two .. issues we'd like to talk to you about. The first one is that your father” this with a look to Robert that has the girls giggling “has accepted another position in his firm.”

“Yes.” Robert takes over. “It's a pretty good promotion, actually – but we'd have to move.”

“Oh, where to?” Lily is exited, Petunia and Haesel less so. Petunia is thinking of the friends she's made here and the new school they'd all be going to together. Haesel has an unexpected lump in her throat. This is the first home she's had that she can remember and she'll be sad to lose it.

“Cokeworth.” Ivy says and it's clear by her expression that she's not nearly as exited as her husband and youngest daughter.

“..Isn't that a mining town?” Petunia says and Haesel doesn't know if she ought to be surprised Petunia knows this. Sometimes it seems to her that Petunia knows everything. 

“Indeed it is, Tuney-bear!” Robert says and his passion makes up for what Petunia's voice lacks. Petunia's cheeks stain a soft pink, as they always do whenever her father calls her by the nickname from when she was a small child and loved nothing more than her teddy bear.

Ivy sends her husband another look and he calms down slightly, enough to cough in his hand and attempt to deliver whatever he was going to say next in a slightly more moderate tone.

“I'm aware it's not a town as large or with as great a reputation as where we live now, but this is a very good chance for me to rise in the cooperation. Your mother and I have already looked at houses and have found one in a very good neighbourhood that will fit all our needs.”

Ivy takes over. “You two will still need to share a room” She smiles. “I don't think that will be a problem.”

Lily and Haesel, knowing this is meant for them, nod empathically.

“When will we move, Mu – Mother?” Petunia asks, covering up her slip by coughing in her hand. Lily buries her snickers in Haesel's shoulder who bears it stoically. There's a glint in her eyes, though. Petunia glares at them both.

Ivy moves to answer her though and as she turns her attention away, Lily takes a moment to whisper to Haesel.

“I'm waiting for the moment she says 'my lady mother' or something.” 

Now it's Haesel who has to cover her giggles and she adds, grinning, “Most Honourable and Revered Mother-”

Lily buries her face in Haesel's shoulder again and keeps it there. Haesel can feel her shoulders shake as she attempts to keep her laughing unnoticed. Haesel herself is spotting a grin that almost makes her cheeks hurt. 

Robert glances over at them. A light frown ceases his forehead and he takes a step into their direction.

“Is everything all right, Lily-pad?” he asks. Haesel shakes her head and bites her lip trying not to laugh out loud. Lily just raises a hand and makes a feeble gesture that is meant to make clear she's fine, just dying from laughter.

Robert looks like he doesn't understand, so Haesel takes it upon herself to explain. “That means she's fine, she's just dying from laughter?”

Lily nods in her shoulder. Her shaking has lessened somewhat which means she's calming down, but she still keeps her probably red face hidden.

“Dying from laughter?” They've caught Ivy's attention. “Why ever for?”

Petunia scowls. “I bet they're making fun of me. Again. Mother, tell them to stop!” 

Although her words are cold, her voice isn't. It's hard to be mad at those two, sitting there on the love seat looking adorable. If it were only Lily, it wouldn't be that hard to keep up the pretence of being offended, but in the year she's known her Haesel has managed to sneak into Petunia's heart and make a little spot there her own. She's a sucker for the girl she essentially sees as her littlest sister, and she knows it, so she gentles out her expression. 

Haesel is starting to get a little red in the face from the scrutiny. She elbows Lily gently and the red haired girl takes the hint, sitting up slowly and wiping the last tears from her eyes.

“It's nothing.” she says. “Just a funny thought!”

Exchanging a fond look, Robert and Ivy go back to the matter at hand. “We're still finalising the plans, so soon as we have met with the real estate agent we will be able to tell you more. My boss would like me on the job as soon as possible though, so I might commute until then.”

“I guess maybe before the summer ends, sometime in August?” Ivy says, looking thoughtful.

Petunia adopts a pondering look. “Then we'd be able to start school there from the beginning, good. I don't want to start halfway through or something!” 

Ivy laughs. “Heaven forbids, darling.”

Robert, in absence of his favourite chair, sits down on the sofa. From being amused, his expression turns rather grave and serious. The girls quieten.

“Now, there was another matter we needed to speak to you about. This specifically concerns you, Haesel.”

This is it, Haesel thinks. She's not sure what to feel. Petunia's words earlier have warned her some and she's not as unprepared as she might've been. She still isn't too sure what to feel or say, though a part deep within her has an idea.

“I was thinking of visiting your parents' graves tomorrow.” Ivy says. She pauses, affected by what she's thinking about.

Haesel speaks up just before the silence becomes too heavy. “I would like to go?” It's meant as a statement, but it comes out uncomfortably questioning. Ivy sends her a quick smile.

“That's not the issue, though.” She seems to find it hard to organise her words. Robert grabs one of her hands, giving it a squeeze. He's leaving it to her, and while it seems maybe a bit cruel to Haesel she also understands why. Her mum was Ivy's younger twin sister, after all.

“As you are a minor, you are officially in our custody as our ward. There is however, the option to adopt you legally.” Ivy has found her words. She speaks slowly, carefully. “This would hardly change anything, really – it gives us just a little more legal weight, it would allow you to change your last name if you would wish to do so..”

She takes a deep breath. “But mostly, it would make you wholly, truly, one of ours.”

It's silent yet again. Haesel almost feels how everyone is staring at her. She dips her head down and worries at a loose thread on her dress. 

“I know Petunia and Lily have been eager to call you their sister.” Robert says, voice warm. He chuckles. “Especially Lily.”

Lily grins at this. She's taken to leaning her shoulder against Haesel's in a silent show of support and Haesel takes the comfort it offers. She raises her eyes.

“Would that mean.. I mean.. you'd be my parents?” It's difficult to speak up, but she forces the sentence out of her mouth anyway.

Ivy's eyes well up. “Of course, darling!” She moves of the sofa and over to where Lily and Haesel sit, wrapping her arms tightly around the both of them. Lily makes a protesting sound, but Haesel gladly accepts it. Over Ivy's shoulder she sees both Robert and Petunia give her warm smiles and her eyes start to mist up a little. She sniffs.

Ivy moves back and wipes at her eyes, sitting back on her knees in from of them. “We wouldn't want to replace your parents, dear, of course not! I'll still tell you all about them and we'll go to visit each year or whenever you want. You won't have to change your name if you don't want to either -”

“I want to.” Haesel says. “I just, all I've ever know, has been you and I'm so sorry because I didn't mean to forget but it's not coming back and I overheard that doctor say back at the hospital it might never and it's just been so lonely...”

She's crying then, she can feel the tears dripping from her chin. 

“You're not alone! Never ever again. You've got me now.” Lily declares and she wraps her arms around Haesel in the biggest hug she can manage. The sobs start coming even louder now. She's barely aware of being wrapped in more arms, but she hears all of their voices, saying things like “We're here, darling, we're here” and “You've got us now, we're not going anywhere.”

Haesel finally lets go of the awful feeling that's been stuck in her chest for what feels like forever but has really only been since she woke up in the hospital, all alone. 

It's warm, coming home.

 

 

Everything goes fast after that. The girls help their mother – Haesel can't help but smile a little every time she gets to think that – pack up the house. They've all gone and visited the graves of Haesel's birth parents and Haesel has been able to tell them she'll be okay now. It's been an oddly liberating thing to do and she feels better for it. 

Lily has convinced Robert and Ivy that she can introduce Haesel as her twin. The fact that they share a birthday and the official adoption both make for serious arguments, and after asking Haesel if she's okay with it because it's almost paramount to lying, the only thing they did was shrug and say they don't mind. Lily is all over the moon that day (and the days after). Haesel doesn't mind. It hardly changes anything for her. She still has two elder sisters and a nice pair of parents. Petunia is also not opposed when questioned about the matter. She is happy enough that Haesel lets her baby her, something Lily is firmly against. 

When the final documents come in, they hold a little party in the now empty living room, eating pizza on the floor. Ivy even introduces a cupcake she's bought at the bakers' with a candle in it.

They make it a ritual and do it every year.

True to word, the new house in Cokeworth is about the same size as their old one, if not a bit larger. Lily and Haesel petition to have the attic instead of the larger bedroom, saying Petunia can have that one and that they would love to have the attic to themselves. Robert and Ivy just do what they've already established as a rule when concerning the two – they shrug and smile.

Exited the girls plan their room. Lily wants hammocks, Haesel a bunk bed and in the end they compromise after spotting a truly giant bed in a second hand shop. It's got drapes and looks like it belongs in a castle rather than a normal home. They say they don't mind sharing and the bed becomes theirs. 

In fact, they've become so close that Ivy isn't surprised that the word 'twins' is one she uses often. The only physical difference lies in their hair colour and the little height Lily has on Haesel, but the more she recovers from her extended stay in the hospital, the taller Ivy is sure she'll grow. More difference is found in their personalities. 

Lily is outgoing, energetic, always optimistic. She's not afraid to speak up and draw attention to herself. Haesel in contrast in softer, more prone to silence and sometimes even brooding, but they're both sweet girls and Ivy thinks she couldn't be more proud than she is. Sometimes it hurts, thinking of her own twin sister and what she would have said, seeing them now.

Ivy thinks Ianthe would be proud, bump their shoulders like she always did and say “What a pair they make! They're just like us when we were young.” 

She smiles as she looks at the girls, busy dropping grass down Petunia's shirt and in her hair as she lies napping in the chair on the outside deck. 

 

 

Summer's coming to an end. They've settled well into the house and the town. It helps that they live in the better part of it and that there's a park with swings two streets away. There's even a creek with wildflowers and a bit of forest not too far away. 

Ivy has finally lifted the ban on going to the park alone and Lily and Haesel have wasted no time familiarising themselves with the neighbourhood. They've proclaimed the swings their place. Lily likes the middle swing. She says it makes the best creaks as she is flying. Haesel doesn't really cares. She just likes to drop almost horizontally and watch the sky.

“Say, Haaaaaesel?” Lily draws out her name, making a funny face to go with that. 

Haesel laughs. “Don't do that! It's annoying.”

Lily sticks out her tongue. Haesel crosses her eyes. They both start giggling at the same time. Haesel leans up and starts pushing the swing with her feet. 

“What is it?” she asks after a bit.

“I want to do the trick again.” Lily says, peering over at Haesel to closely watch her reaction.

“Isn't that dangerous? People could see.” Haesel frowns, marking her words by taking a cursory look around.

“There's no one there, I already checked.”

“We could fall again and Mum would forbid us to go to the park alone again and then we'd have to ask Tuney to go with us each time we wanted to go.”

“We won't fall! Last time you overreacted. Come on, please?” Lily whines.

“I did not!” Haesel refutes, biting her lip and blushing.

“You totally did. But that's not the point! In or out?”

Haesel puffs up her cheeks and blows the air out in one go before giving in. “All right, fine. Just once!” 

“Just once!” Lily laughs and they start swinging at the same time, going higher and higher. Just before they let go, they grab the others hand and fly a little too long, landing a little too softly.

It would have been fine... if not for the boy who's now standing beside a tree not far off and who has definitely seen what they've been doing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for commenting/giving kudos, I appreciate it lots! I'm a bit on a roll here so I'm updating really fast, hah. Don't know how long it's going to last! 
> 
> Three guesses who that boy is? Two of those don't count :D
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	3. 三

Moving to put the cake she's been making in the oven, Ivy almost jumps a feet high in the air when she suddenly discovers Petunia and Haesel standing behind her. The latter is looking at the envelope the former is clutching tightly with faint interest, and Ivy almost laughs at her furrowed brows. It is Petunia's expression which really catches her interest, though. She's biting her lip – a nervous habit she has been trying to lose for years, shuffles her feet, eyes wide with disbelief and hope. 

Ivy raises an eyebrow but waits to question her until she's done what she wants and the oven door is closed.

“Is there anything wrong?” she questions when Petunia stays silent. The blond girl merely hands her the envelope en Ivy has to keep back a gasp when she sees the seal on the back. It's from Cheltenham Ladies College, her own alma mater.

“Oh Petunia, does this mean...”

Petunia can't hold back a beaming smile of utter delight. “I got in! They said there was a problem with the mail, that's why the letter is so late or something like that, but I got in!”

Ivy moves to hug her eldest, also smiling widely.

“I'm so proud of you, darling! So very proud!” 

Petunia laughs. She's still clutching the letter tight, as if it will disappear the moment she lets go of it. 

“Oh we've got so much to do, so much to buy! We'll go for your uniform and everything tomorrow, there's not much time left. We'll go over what you'll need tonight. What House are you in, does it say? It's a lovely college, you'll have such a great time!”

Haesel stands at the kitchen door, feeling out of her depth as mother and daughter start an exited conversation that goes entirely over her head. She turns around to go upstairs, intending to look for Lily. She will surely know what that was all about.  
Lily is laying on their shared bed, still in her pyjamas. Haesel goes and lays beside her. She doesn't say anything for a while and the silence is comforting, only disturbed when Lily turns a page in the novel she's reading – one Haesel recognises to be nicked from their Mum's collection.

“Say..” she starts. Lily looks up from her book, noting with interest the puzzled frown Haesel is wearing. She nudges it with a frown.

“Stop that, it's unbecoming. You'll get wrinkles before your time!”

Haesel merely furrows her brows an extra bit, the Petunia-impression not managing to make her amused. Lily abandons her book entirely and sits up. She now recognises Haesel's mood as the one she gets when she's doubting her place in the family, which, despite Lily's assurances, still happens fairly often.

Haesel searches for words. 

“Petunia got this letter from some college or another. When she showed it to Mum, they were both terribly exited.”

Lily nods. It's not entirely unexpected. Petunia had applied and gone through all the tests and the visits. When the letter hadn't arrived, all of them had thought she hadn't been accepted even though her application had been favourably received as far as Lily had been aware. Of course most of this had happened when Haesel had been in the hospital still, so she wouldn't have known. No wonder she feels a little left out. 

“Mum went there when she was young, too, and it's always gone sort of unsaid that we'd go there as well. Or, you know, try to get in. It's very fancy and very good, so it isn't very easy. When no letter came, we thought she'd not been accepted.”

Lily pauses. Cheltenham is the reason Petunia's been trying to make herself be more ladylike, it's why she's worked really hard in school. She'd been quietly crushed when it seemed like her every effort had failed but had tried not to show it.

“I'm happy for her! It's really important for her, to get into Mum's school. They share so little, I mean, Petunia looks like Dad and has always been a Daddy's girl while Mum and I had lots in common.” She nods, considering. “That's what I always thought, anyway.”

Most of the confusion has cleared from Haesel's face. It's their ritual, to go get the post together. Petunia carries the letters and bills and Haesel the paper, and she likes it very much.

Sometime every little way to connect, to belong, is important to her.

Lily pokes her. Haesel shifts a little to peer up at her better.

“I'm not sure if you're supposed to try to get in there, actually.” 

Haesel starts. She's not?

“Do you know about the fostering thing?”

Haesel shakes her head. She knows the word but she hasn't a clue what Lily is on about.

“Well, there used to be this tradition in Mum's family to foster someone out for a bit, like a year or so. It was usually for boys, but then there were only two girls – Mum and Aunt Ianthe.” 

Lily barely waits for Haesel's nod to continue. “So they fostered Aunt Ianthe out for a year to a family is Scotland, when they were ten. Afterwards, Mum told me, Aunt Ianthe had gotten so attached to her family that she wanted to enter the same school as her host-sister, some Saint George something, I'm not too sure what it was called again.”

“So you think Mum might like me to go there?” Haesel says thoughtfully. They both know she means both her Mums when she says that and Lily shrugs.

“Maybe.”

They lapse in silence again and Lily contemplates returning to her book when a though strikes her. She turns on Haesel with wide eyes. She can read those identical green eyes better than she knows her owns and sees her fears reflected back to her.

“I won't let them!” Lily exclaims, wildly waving her hands. “We won't!”

Haesel nods solemnly. “We won't.” she agrees.

Lily calms down. After a moment she lets out a small sigh. 

“Well, I should try to find out all I can about that school, then – if I'm going to try to go with you.”

She groans. “Not knowing the name for sure is embarrassing!”

Haesel giggles.

 

§

 

Her new school is all Petunia is concerned with the next few days and she can scarcely talk about anything else. Lily and Haesel let her, secure in their promise to try out for the same school when the time comes. They've become so attached to each other the idea of separation for years is one that is impossible to stomach. They've not said anything to their parents. Lily wanted to, but Haesel said not to. This time is for Petunia, she said, and we'll not ruin it for her! Petunia deserves the attention, the happiness. She's bright, extremely so, but she doesn't hold a candle to the sheer genius of Lily and if Haesel is honest, herself. It's the second reason she thinks of going to a different school, so Petunia can hold on that glory even when Lily and Haesel outstrip her.. because they're undeniable special.

Haesel is reminded ever so often of that day in the park, when they did those ..tricks and that boy saw them. He tried to talk to them, yelled something about witches to which Lily had said “How rude!” and pulled Haesel away.

They've not been to the park since, keeping to the backyard and the swing they've managed to talk Robert into. They're trying to talk him into a pool as well, but haven't had much luck so far.

They've talked about the tricks enough times though. Haesel has even been able to admit to Lily about the dreams, and the strange things she sees in them. Lily nods, thinking deeply before proclaiming them both to be 'magic'. 

Haesel falls of the bed laughing, but Lily only stares at her seriously. 

The evening of the day Ivy takes Petunia for her school uniform and other school things, she takes Haesel aside for a moment. With a sad smile she hands her a battered dark green case.

“Open it.” Ivy says. There's something in her eyes that Haesel finds hard to name. 

She undoes the clasps one by one, until the case is open and she's presented with a beautiful, gleaming violin. Haesel looks up to her Mum, wonder in her eyes. She suddenly yearns to play this instrument, although she's sure she doesn't know how.

“I'm sure you don't remember but.. you've been playing since you were five.” Ivy smiles. “Though that might not have been the same instrument, maybe a smaller size.” Her hand touches one of the burnt spots that litter the case. “It was in the car with you. I've been told that you tried to protect it with your own body.”

Someone gasps and Haesel looks up to see Lily stand in the doorway to the kitchen from where Robert and Petunia's voices still come. 

She feel the burns on her back and shoulder itch.

“Go on, try it!” Ivy encourages. 

Haesel lays down the case on the sofa and frees the violin and bow from their secure confinement. She tightens the bow, lifts the violin to her shoulder in a thoughtless gesture. She touches the bow to the strings. 

It's like coming home all over again as Haesel traces the notes of a song she didn't know she even knew. When she opens her eyes again – when did she close them? – the whole family is standing there. Lily is near tears and is clapping enthusiastically when she finishes. Haesel grins. 

She can't mean her 'thank you' to Ivy enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm sorry to have taken so long – and then have the balls to appear with such a short chapter. I've got my reasons, though! It's exam time in two weeks so yep, have to study! And I want to do a time skip but felt I needed to include just a little more before I did.
> 
> Hope you liked it!


	4. Katër

“I wish things were back to their normal way again.”

Haesel wrinkles her nose. “Me too.”

Lily slides a wee bit lower down the sofa. Any minute now she'll be laying on the ground, but it doesn't look like she'll mind. Or, maybe, Haesel thinks, notice at all. 

It's the 4th of January 1971. The twins are less than a mere month from being eleven. Haesel thinks she's supposed to be really exited about it, but she can't feel it. She fiddles with her jumper, a Christmas present from Petunia.. in days when everything was still great, she can't help but remark to herself. It's five in the afternoon, time for tea, but the kitchen is occupied with arguing parents and a Petunia in the middle of a hissy fit.

Lily sighs and slides even lower.

“D'you reckon they'd notice if we snuck out and went to the park?” She says.

Haesel raises an eyebrow, a move she's spend all summer practising. When Lily saw her employ it to a girl at school once and noticed it's effectiveness, she convinced Haesel to teach it to her as well. They can do it synchronised now – they try their best to be practically identical and to be honest, it doesn't take much effort. Most of the time they finish each other's thoughts anyway and Lily can't imagine a time without Haesel anymore, if there ever was such a thing.

That Haesel hasn't know anything else goes unmentioned.

Now on the floor with her hair spread in tangles on the sofa Lily grins up at her. “Come on, you know they wouldn't.”

Haesel makes a show of thinking it over but she's already in. That's their dynamic, mostly. Lily is the outgoing, friendly one that makes the plans and Haesel is the more quiet, sometimes distant and sarcastic one that makes sure nothing can go wrong. They're the perfect team. She returns the grin.

“You sure you want the park, though?” 

Lily frowns briefly. “I'm sure it'll be empty by now, won't it?”

Haesel nods. They don't like to go to the park as a rule. Ever since they moved there and demonstrated their talents one summer afternoon they've had the feeling of being watched whenever they were in the park. They suspect it's the boy they saw the first time around.

Lily thinks it's sad and really weird. Haesel agrees and adds it's also a little creepy. When she said that, self-consciously rubbing the thin scar on her left arm, Lily went quiet and never mentioned the park again if she could help it. Instead, she convinced their parents to get her a piano teacher so she could do duets with Haesel's violin. All the staying inside practicing has gotten them really good. They've even won school awards they keep in their bedroom. 

Haesel eyes the piano in the corner for a moment, then abandons the idea immediately again. She really wants to get out of the house.

Silently she stands and glances into the kitchen. The situation hasn't changed. Robert is trying to talk to Petunia now, Ivy is stacking plates on the counter without any real purpose seeing as they're those used during lunch and are already cleaned.

Lily is already at the door to the hallway and Haesel shakes her head when she sees the hopeful glint Lily can't completely hide. Lily shrugs and eases open the door.

Pulling on their winter coats, scarfs, hats and mittens, completing the look with snow boots, the girls are overcome with excitement and their shared glances and grins turn into full blown laughter when Haesel pulls the front door closed with a soft thud. 

There's been a lot of snow this Winter Holiday and already the front yard is decorated with a family of snowmen. Lily pats one of them proudly on the shoulder in passing.

“Let's not stay out too long.” she says. Haesel blows, the cold air making her breath freeze into a little steam cloud.

“Why, you cold?” she asks before blowing out again. She likes making clouds.

Lily shakes her head. “No, but it's already dark out, and even though I really wanted out just now” – “Me too,” Haesel agrees – “I'm not very fond of making Mum and Dad worry too much.”

“Good point.” She sticks her hands in her pockets and encounters unexpected cripsness. Smiling she pulls out a five pound note, left over from maybe Christmas shopping. 

“Look, Lils! We could maybe visit the corner store or something for sweets!”

When they ease back into the house almost an hour later, still sucking on the sweets Haesel's note has bought them, it's to the sight of Petunia standing in the doorway to the living room with her hands on her hips. 

The twins exchange glances. Can we make it to our room? Lily's eyes ask. No, Haesel's replies, too much clothes on and she's closer – she'd catch us for sure.

United in their sense of doom, the girls turn to their elder sister, who's now crossing her arms over her chest. When she doesn't say anything, they start removing their clothes, shedding boots, scarves and mittens one by one. The loose coins in Haesel's pockets jingle when she hangs up her coat. 

Petunia points them to the living room, which is surprisingly empty.

“Mum and Dad have gone out to the shop.” she says upon noticing their looks and her voice is not as fierce as her expression had them imagine. Petunia is sharp, and this doesn't escape her notice as little does, especially not concerning her little sisters.

She wonders when they grew so distant that she had no idea they didn't share her ideas for the future. 

Maybe they thought they couldn't talk to you about it, she thinks, and it hurts to see them settling on the love seat again, pressing close together unconsciously. She's gone most of the year except the holidays, and even then she usually forgoes going home with Easter to study for exams. They send letters, sure, but it's not the same, never the same because she can't read their faces anymore the way she used to be able to do. 

Even now, they think her hostile and she reflect she hasn't given them a reason not to. She sighs. This has to be fixed, and Mum was right. She glances at the clock. She's got half an hour to set this right.

“Lily, Haesel, isn't there something you ought to tell me?” She asks, taking great care to keep her voice soft and even. 

A look, a hesitant shake before Haesel elbows Lily and that has to hurt because Haesel has always been thin and her elbows look sharp. 

Haesel looks up with fierce green eyes. “It was my idea.” 

Lily wants to intervene, crying out with something along the lines of “No it was mine!” but Haesel silences her with a sharp look.

“When you got accepted into Cheltenham's, Lily told me about the fostering.” 

Petunia breathes in sharply. So Mum had been right, when she said that maybe Haesel just wanted to forge more links to her past and since when had Lily done anything else but follow her whenever she went?

Haesel nods. Petunia notices how they clasp hands, presenting a united front.

There's nothing more she can say now. She's defeated even before the game really started and it's a bitter pill to swallow, that she can never show the school she loves so much to her little sisters. 

“I just.. I'd just hoped..” She whispers and the broken tone makes her cringe inside. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Wasn't she the one telling her friends and House mates that she'd be joined by her sisters before next year was gone? Now the new year had started and by all means, they would never.

Haesel and Lily surge forward as one. True, ever since Petunia had gone off to her college contact had been scarce and even during the holidays she'd go off with friends but she was still their sister and the one that made them hot milk before they went to bed after playing in the snow too long. She still was the one they bought charms for the bracelet they'd given her Haesel's first Christmas whenever they were in London. 

“You're still our big sister, you know.” Haesel says and there's an echo to her words that surprises her; but it's only Lily. They manage to speak together, sometimes, in times of great emotion, and that they did so now means almost as much to Petunia as the hug they've sandwiched her in.

She winds her arms around them. “Thank you.” She whispers. 

That evening they're finally able to talk about it like a family should, and Petunia leaves for her boarding school with a light heart. The letters she receives are a lot more honest as well, she feels, until that letter that, when looked upon later, changed everything.

“They were accepted where??”

 

§

 

The letter that comes for them their eleventh birthday is one that is not as unexpected to the twins as they would have their parents believe. 

The morning has started out normal, so far. Lily wakes Haesel up at the crack of dawn because she was so exited and for once, Haesel shares that sentiment completely. She's not sure just what it is about turning eleven that is so absolutely wonderful, but it just is and they wake their parents by jumping up and down on the bed, something they haven't done in years because it is so very childish but right now, Haesel doesn't care because she's turning eleven!

Robert relents and goes down to start on some pancakes while Ivy attempts to wrestle her squirming daughters into submission. It's not working, despite the fact that she knows all their ticklish points because they're two of them and she tries to argue that's not fair when they hear something heavy fall down with a resounding crash downstairs. 

They're all up in a moment racing out of the bedroom, Ivy not even pausing to pull on a bathrobe over her pyjamas.

“Dad, what's wrong!” intermingles with “Robert! Is everything is all right?” and “Please don't die Daddy I'm coming to rescue you!” as they stumble into the kitchen. 

Robert looks at them strangely, especially Lily, who's been the one to utter the last sentiment. 

“What's wrong with you three?”

Ivy attempts to correct herself, straightening her shirt and pulling on the slipper she almost lost down the stairs. “We heard a strange noise and a pretty loud crash!”

“We thought you were being robbed! Or maybe held at gunpoint after a valiant fight with a masked attacker..” Lily trails off as she looks around the kitchen and sees nothing out of the ordinary, except maybe the owl sitting on the window legde bearing letters.

“Ah!” she jumps back, colliding with Haesel who clutches her foot as she jumps up and down.

“Well, I had the same reaction.. except I was holding the frying pan.” Robert chuckles as he gives the aforementioned item a little tap where it's on the furnace again. 

“Ehm, Dad, why is there an owl in our kitchen?” Lily ventures hesitantly. Ivy nods as she guides Haesel to a chair, who waves off an offer to look at her foot with “It's all right now Mum, she didn't step on it too hard.” to which Lily immediately forgets all about the owl and starts trying to have Haesel accept her apologies.

“Yes, dear, what is with the owl?” Ivy asks as she dips a finger into the batter to try it. Robert waves her hand away as he shrugs.

“I have no idea; suddenly it was there and it wanted in.”

“Why has it got letters? I thought the only birds that carried mail were pigeons. And maybe hawks as well? No wait, I'm wrong, they were used to hunt the pigeons.” Haesel has picked up Lily's habit of going off on tangents, although she only has it when she's feeling out of her depth.

Lily halts her nervous fluttering around Haesel to attempt to approach the owl still patiently sitting on the window sill.

Robert absentmindedly pours batter into the pan and twists it around until it's sure to become a lovely pancake. They are all looking at Lily, who is now petting the owl softly before untying the piece of string that keeps the letters to it's leg.

When the letters are loose, the owl affectionately nips at Lily's fingers and leaves through the still open window. Keeping her fingers curled carefully in the event the owl decides to return to nip them again Lily closes the window. 

Ivy has become impatient. “Well, what do they say?”

“They're addressed to us.” Lily says and she motions with one letter to Haesel. Haesel accepts it and takes a moment to admire the green ink and fancy writing that speak of her name.

Miss H. Evans  
The Attic  
Green Road 6  
Cokeworth CW5 6AL

Lily settles beside her on her customary chair and Haesel can see that hers is almost the same, except that it's addressed to Miss L. Evans instead.  
“Why do they know we have the attic?” Lily frowns but she can't keep the expression for even a moment, she's much too exited.

“Why are you asking me?” Haesel says and with matching smiles they turn the envelopes and tear them open. Identical letters fall into their hands. 

“Dear Miss Evans,” Haesel starts to read aloud, skipping the part with what seems like someone's titles. “We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at … Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry? What the bloody hell is this?”

“Haesel!” Ivy scolds shocked, unaware Haesel even knew curses. Then what she said before it catches up to her and she looks wide eyed to her husband who almost lets his current pancake burn.

Lily looks up as well. “It's all...” She doesn't appear to have words for what she wants to say, turning to Haesel. “D'you think it's a joke?”

“I have no idea. What do you think, Mum, Dad?”

“Let me have a look.” Robert says and he hands the pan to his wife before he makes any accident happen. He carefully looks over the letter Haesel hands him, getting a feel of the paper before concluding it's actually parchment instead. Ivy looks up from setting the plates at that, and Lily starts sniffing her copy in case she can smell the dead animal she remembers parchment being made of.

“Whoever send this, was about as honest as a man proclaiming to be a 'chief warlock' can be.” Robert says finally as they all sit down to eat, the letters put aside for the moment although they are not far from mind. “Or a Deputy Headmistress of a school with such a, might I say it, ridiculous name.”

The twins giggle and even Ivy can't smother a smile. 

“A shame the owl went away, then.” Lily remarks. “We could've send a note with it asking for more information, because 'Hogwarts, Scotland' doesn't cover it!”

“I'll send a note tomorrow, then. Today is for celebration, though! What did you girls want to do again?”

“The zoo, Dad.” they both groan in unison because haven't they repeated this a million times before?

“You're lucky this is a Saturday. It wouldn't have been possible at all on a school day, I do hope you know that.” Robert winks. They know he's riling them up, but they still go along with it and the letters are momentarily forgotten.

Until the doorbell rings. 

Haesel and Lily are the only ones that are actually clothed and not still in their pyjamas, even though Robert is wearing a bathrobe, so they stand up and go to answer. Ivy calls after them to tell the milkman, if that's him, that she wants only three bottles this week and not four.

It's not the milkman. It's a lady wearing a stern expression, a dark green two piece suit with a long skirt and a long coat over it. Her greying hair is pulled back into a severe bun and she's holding some rolled up documents.

“Good morning.” She says and it seems to Lily that her voice is only slightly warmed than her appearance. Haesel isn't daunted. 

“Good morning!” She says cheerfully. “I'm afraid we were not expecting visitors and are in face still at breakfast, ma'am.”

“Ah.” the lady smiles and suddenly she's much nicer looking, all in all. Lily nods respectfully at her and then scampers back into the kitchen to warn her parents. 

“Would you like to come in?” Haesel offers and the lady accepts with a single purposeful nod. Haesel leads her to the living room, aware of the fact that her parents have hurried upstairs to put on some clothes.

When the guest is seated, Haesel has a panicky moment of no idea what to do next but Lily saves her, coming in with a pot of tea, some cups and a few biscuits that she quite obviously just put together. She offers them to their visitor, who accepts a cup of tea “– no sugar or milk, thank you.”

They sit in silence for a bit, until Ivy and Robert come down, wearing normal day clothes. Ivy apologises for their delay and the lady says she was unaware it was quite this early.

“Ah, yes,” Ivy laughs. “We're celebrating their eleventh birthday today, so we're a bit behind schedule, as well.”

The lady smiles again and it does help to lighten her overall countenance. “Indeed, that is why I came.” She sets down her cup of tea delicately and nods to the girls sharing the love seat as they're wont to do.

“I have been remiss in introducing myself. My name is Professor Minerva McGonagall, Deputy Headmistress of Hogwarts and Head of House of Gryffindor.” 

Rapid glances are thrown around the room and Lily can't contain her enthusiasm. “So the letters were true! We thought they might be a joke.”

“A common belief in families of Muggleborn witches or wizards.” Professor McGonagall says indulgently. “Allow me to explain.”

What follows after those words is a tale of magic, of a castle with high towers and deep dungeons and wonderful acts of wizardry enough to fill countless tales. The twins and their parents are entranced and it's almost two hours of questions, demonstrations and extra information before the Professor takes her leave. She gifts them with leaflets and tells them the way to contact the wizarding world by just sending any post through the normal network where it would then be picked up. 

She says goodbye with the hopes of seeing Lily and Haesel at Hogwarts; mentiones they seem like two bright little girls that have much to offer and learn.

They don't go to the zoo, in the end, but they're not too disappointed about it when they're whispering in the dark that night.

“I think I'd like to go.” Lily says and she searches for Haesel's hand under the blanket. Their eyes find each other despite the darkness.

“Me too.” Haesel says. “It does explain, doesn't it! The things we can do, it's magic!”

“And that.. what that boy said, remember? He mentioned witches, that we were witches! He must have known.”

Haesel is unsure about seeking him out and Lily promises to keep her distance for a little bit. Eventually, Haesel is won over anyway and they agree to go to the park the next day to see if they can find him, to hear him out. 

When they fall asleep, it's with tightly clutched hands and matching smiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!
> 
> I know it's fast! I just got the itch to write again, when I was past the part that was bothering me (before the time-skip, hah). So now, even though they've known of him, they'll get to know the boy that spies on them – as many have correctly guessed, it's Severus Snape! But the closer they get to Hogwarts, the more people they meet... 
> 
> Hope you liked it! Don't expect the next update to be tomorrow, hah, cause then I'm sitting down to study again. I was just lonely, celebrating Christmas alone (even though I don't care for the event itself, I'd hoped to spend it with family but they seem to have forgotten about me, heh) so there I went, did something with it! ;)
> 
> See you, have a lovely New Year!


	5. پنج

Haesel wonders if she ought to be sad that they're not going to Grandma's or exited that they're going to visit the Wizarding Alley so soon. She likes going to Grandma's, even though that's really weird because Grandma is already dead and buried and they just visit her grave, clean it up a little, leave flowers.

She's never known Grandma, either, but she's family and her grave is quite a way so they usually make it into a day trip visiting the place Mum grew up. Those little family things are hugely important to Haesel, because sometimes that's all she has.

Lily has no such things holding her back and is almost vibrating in her seat in sheer excitement. They are at breakfast. It's nine o'clock on the last Saturday of February and if she had lived, Grandma's birthday would've been the next week.

Hence the visit to her grave.

“Ah, Petunia will be so disappointed she's missed it!” Lily exclaims and waves with her fork to add credit to her point. Haesel ducks the bits of egg that fly off and giggles at Ivy's sigh of “Yet another thing to clean up later.”

She glances at Dad. He's frowning and it doesn't take a brilliant mind to figure out that Lily's remark is the cause of it.

Haesel glances back to her plate and shoves her toast with egg around with her knife. Petunia has taken the news as well as could be expected, which is not at all. Lily and Haesel had written her a letter immediately after the Professor had left and ran out to meet the mailman before he took the last batch that Saturday. 

In their hurry they had put on maybe a little too many stamps and so Petunia had called not two days later demanding what the letter was all about. She'd been hard to convince through the phone and it actually took a weekend trip to her school to show her the letters before she'd grudgingly admitted it wasn't a hoax. She'd still been very wary of it all, though, insisting that the twins tried to get into the boarding school they had been thinking of before just in case.

Ivy pokes her husband in the side. “Stop frowning. You'll scare the girls!”

Robert snorts. Across the table, Haesel and Lily are fighting of smiles. “I could never manage to scare those two little devils!” he says and then winks to soften the barb.

Lily gives him thumbs up and Haesel mouths “Keep trying!” at him. Their grins are infectious and soon they're all laughing.

“Anyway!” He says, aware that they'll never grow serious or will get on with the day if this goes on much longer. Laughing, Lily has once declared, is one of her favourite hobbies and she plans to spend much of her life doing it. Robert heartily approves of this outlook on life – but it isn't a very good thing when you're on a schedule.

“Petunia brought on some valuable concerns. We know almost nothing about this new 'Wizarding World' and it strikes me as not very smart to let you two just get on that train in September entirely unprepared.”

Ivy nods. “We planned this outing as a way to get you both acquainted with the customs and practices of this world before letting you go.” Her eyes are a little misty and Lily and Haesel share a single glance that just speaks 'Mum!'.

“What?!” Ivy says and for a moment the twins think she's talking to them but then they see she's only responding to Robert's eye-rolling. “They're the youngest two, my little babies!”

Lily drops her head on the table with a groan. Haesel stuffs her fist in her mouth to muffle her laughter. Robert looks as if he wants to follow Lily's example, but swallows and bravely changes the subject without looking at his wife. 

This makes it even harder for Haesel to stop laughing.

“We're leaving at nine. Dress warmly!” with this said, he gives a nod and quickly leaves the table to flee to the study. Lily lifts her head to see him go and then considers her almost pouting mother, her laughing little sister and lets her head drop on the table again.

“You're all insane!”

“Au contraire, my dear!” Haesel manages a posh French accent through her laughter. “We're all a little mad here!”

“The Cheshire Cat, great.” comes the muffled reply. “Let mum be the Mad Hatter, please!”

Ivy starts stacking the empty plates. “In that case, you are the dormouse.”

Lily mumbles something intelligibly. Haesel just laughs.

 

§

 

Haesel considers the green dress she's laid on the bed for a moment. She had been planning to put it to visit Grandma, as it is one of her best. It's almost the colour of her eyes, which seem even brighter when she puts it on. She's already wearing black tights and will put on her winter boots when she's downstairs, but she's not sure a visit to the Wizarding Alley, special as it may be, warrants one of her best dresses.

Lily pokes her. “Just put it on, I'm wearing mine as well, see?”

She is, indeed. They like to dress the same. Sometimes the only difference in their wardrobes is in colour. Haesel likes green and a red colour Mum calls scarlet. She's attached to it for reasons she has no idea of. 

Lily likes purple – when it doesn't clash with her hair – and blue, but that's as far as it goes.This dress they've both got in green and Lily brushes her hair as Haesel puts it on.

They both bounce down the stairs at exactly nine o'clock. Ivy helps Haesel to button on her white coat properly, even though she's perfectly capable to do it herself. There's a sort of nervous excitement in the air and Ivy tugs at the hats and scarves of the girls until she deems them properly enough. 

Eventually, Lily grows tired of the hanging around and decides they need to leave right then and there. 

So they do.

The drive to London feels like an eternity and even though breakfast was but three or so hours ago the girls are ready to eat again when Robert parks the car somewhere in the vicinity of where he thinks the pub they need is, based on what the Professor has told them.

“We're looking for a pub called 'the Leaky Cauldron',” he says when the car is locked and they're ready to go.

“A pub, lovely! D'you reckon we'd be able to have some food there?” Lily says. The gleam in her eyes is not only hunger.

“It's a pub, it's bound to have some.” Haesel falls in. Their parents share a look before Ivy nods.

“Why not. Maybe they'll have different food or something?” Robert proposes. 

Ivy has a look on her face that suggests she's not entirely sure it's a good idea anymore, but she doesn't mention it.

“Hold hands, girls!” she says instead and Haesel and Lily hold up their already clasped hands. “...with us, darlings. Don't want to lose you, now, would we?”

Haesel grabs Robert and Lily takes Ivy's hand and they pull their parents a bit up the street where Lily has noticed a sign with a cauldron on it.

It doesn't look very inviting, and the girls leave it to Robert to open the door and step inside. Ivy claims caution and enters last. 

The inside is a pleasant surprise. It's warm and comfortable with worn chairs and wooden tables. A staircase leads up to a walkway with doors. There are many people, some dressed normal but more dressed oddly in robes like Professor McGonagall or some fashion that seems very strange indeed to the eyes of the Evans family. For a moment they don't know what to do. Haesel's eye falls on a man behind the bar cleaning glasses. She doesn't think he's very old, but he's already bald.

She releases her Dad's hand and walks up to the bar, pulling Lily with her. Ivy, still grasping tightly on Lily's hand, files after them. A moment's hesitation sees Robert following.

“Excuse me, sir?” Haesel pipes up. The bald man turns but doesn't see her at first; she's still a little smaller than the counter so he has to set the glass aside to bend down a bit.

“Yes, what can I do for you, little lady?” He cheerfully asks and Haesel can't withhold a blush. 

“We're, ehm, new here?” Lily cuts in. Haesel nods empathically. 

“They just turned eleven,” Robert adds, “And we wanted to come have a look already, make sure they're as prepared as possibly can.”

The man nods slowly, comprehension dawning on his expressive face. “Ah, Muggleborn, eh?”

“Yes?” Lily says. She can vaguely remember that word from their birthday. 

“That's actually a good idea, comin' in early – most wait for August, you see, and then it's real busy with all the new students and such. My name's Tom; I'm the owner of the Leaky!”

“My name is Robert Evans, this is my wife Ivy and my daughters Lily and Haesel.” Robert concludes the introductions and Ivy gives a little wave when her name is mentioned but stays silent, forgoing talking for observing. “It's nice to meet you.”

“You as well.” Tom says and he smiles down to the girls. “Best to go to the bank first, me thinks. I'll show you the way in!”

He walks from behind the counter and motions them to follow him. They go through the pub to a door in the back, which opens to a little courtyard which seemed to be only used to put the trash out and house some empty barrels. Tom approaches the back wall and then pulls out his wand to tap in a counter clockwise motion across the bricks.

The whole family watches in awe as the wall shifts and moves until it's an archway leading on to a cobble stone street with leaning buildings. It's reasonably busy, with more people in robes travelling between the shops minding their own business. 

“There ya go!” Tom says cheerfully, smiling at the looks on their faces. “Just go down the Alley to the white marble building there, that's Gringotts Bank. It's run by Goblins, they can change your money into Galleons and possibly help you along. Depends on their moods, really!” His short laugh isn't very assuring.

“Anyways, you might want to try Flourish and Blotts, the bookshop over there, for more information. They might have some guides or something.”  
With a smile and a wave he leaves them standing there. Haesel barely manages a thank you before he closes the door to attend to the bar again.

“Well, nothing to it, then.” Robert says and steps forward. When they leave the courtyard the walls assembles again behind them and Haesel vaguely wonders how they'll get out again when a woman walks past them. As she nears the wall, the bricks open up once more and the woman passes through them quickly. Haesel is reassured.

Diagon Alley, not the Wizarding Alley as they'd thought, is simply wonderful. Stalls are set out in front of shops selling an assortment of odd things. People weave their way between them, often stopping to talk to others they know or going into shops. Haesel doesn't see many wearing normal clothes. She can't help but think the robes must be enchanted, because they look a bit draughty and cold. She shares this observation with Lily and they giggle quietly.

They let go of each other's hands, overcome with excitement once more. Lily darts forward to reach her father's side and starts pointing out shops she wants to visit. Ivy is quick to try to temper her enthusiasm, though she's obviously interested as well. 

Haesel hangs back unconsciously, her feet slowing down as she attempts to take it in all at once.

It doesn't take long before she's separated from her family. 

She only notices she's alone when she sees a stall with wee pies on them and she wants to point it out to Lily, hoping to be able to return when they've got wizarding money to buy some. She freezes.

The panic is instant and overwhelming. For a moment she's not able to think, faintly hearing her Mum say not half an hour before 'wouldn't want to lose you' above the pounding silence in her ears.

Then she darts into motion, trying to get forward as soon as possible because they can't have gotten far, can they? Soon she is at the end of the Alley and before her marble columns and steps rise up, but Lily or Mum or Dad are not on them.

She's a breath away from crying when the boy slams into her. 

Haesel can only identify black curls and startling grey – almost silver – eyes before the boy curses, pulls her up and into a little side street between two shops. He shoves her behind him and frantically checks the Alley, wincing when a equally black haired woman in fancy robes storms past. The woman doesn't notice them and continues on, screaming “Wait until I get to you, insolent child!” at the top of her lungs. 

Haesel can't help but notice that her robes are pink and she's leaving a trail of bubbles behind her. She snorts.

Hearing the sound, the boy turns again. Haesel wants to pinch herself for noticing the way his eyes light up at seeing her laugh, the way his face has a decidedly noble look to it with sharp but strong features. She just knows this boy will grow to be a rather handsome man, and if she's being entirely honest, he's already fairly handsome.

She backtracks. She did not think that! Mooning over boys was what Petunia did, not Lily or she!

Lily! Abruptly she remembers that she's lost and the panic strikes again. She attempts to pass the boy to run back into the Alley proper, but he holds her back.

“Wait!” he says. The way he speaks sounds rather .. cultured, a far corner of her mind notes. It reminds her of the Jane Austin films her Mum likes so much.

She has the idea this boy has never seen Pride and Prejudice, though.

“You can't go just yet, my mother is still raging out there.” He stifles a laugh. “I always thought she was a dragon.”

Haesel feels a reluctant smile pulling at her lips and she's glad to find she's calming a little. Panicking isn't going to help, she knows that, yet she did anyway! It's careless of her. What if she passed Mum and Dad and Lily in the Alley, maybe when they turned back when they noticed she was missing? She's stupid to react like that!

The boy lets go of her and holds out a hand. “My name is Sirius Black. Sorry for mowing you over. I was not really looking where I was going.”

She moves to shake is hand, the smile now fully formed. “Haesel Evans. It's okay, though.” She wants to release his hand to brush down her coat, but he holds on. She imagines she can feel the warmth of his hand through her gloves and feels her cheeks warm.

Sirius grins at her. He likes her already. This Haesel is an interesting girl. Most girls aren't, except for Cousin Andy, of course. Bella is vicious and Cissy is too young to appreciate a good prank, ignoring the fact she's only two years younger than him. 

But Haesel, with her green eyes and red cheeks – who get more red the longer he holds on to her hand which makes him want to never let it go, just to see how long she's going to let him, of course – looks him in the eye and asks what he's done. 

His grin widens. They're definitely going to be friends, they are!

“Stole her wand and then charmed her robes a shade of pink so horrifying even Cissy wouldn't want to be seen in it.” he answers proudly.

She raises an eyebrow. It looks really classy, but not really intimidating. Just rather, dare he say it, cute. 

Urg. Give him a moment and he will start going on about unicorns and rainbows and other fluffy things. He's got to distract her.. distract himself.

Sirius glances around the Alley again. His mother doesn't seem to be anywhere in sight. He hopes this'll be the last drop and she'll never want to take him to the Alley ever again. She'll probably ask Uncle Alphard to take him instead, and Uncle Alphard will take him to Gambol and Japes' for prank items.

“Come.” he says and he transfers her hand to his other one to better pull her along. “I'll treat you. What do you like?”

“Ehm, pies?” Haesel says and she seems a little overwhelmed as he drags her to the nearest stall – the one she'd been admiring when she lost her family.

Sirius orders two mince pies and finally lets go of her hand to pay. He hands one to her and Haesel bites into it gratefully. It's warm and filling and tastes great.

“Thanks.” she says, swallowing her first bite and going for her second. 

“You're welcome.” Sirius grins. She wonders if that is his default expression.

“Hey, how old are you?” he suddenly asks and she's a bit startled by the intense look she's suddenly levelled with.

“Eleven.” she answers. She can't help but pull her brow in a silent question, even though the move had no effect last time. 

Little does she know Sirius can't help the sudden cute that steals across his thoughts before he can stop it. “Me too.” he says instead. “Going to Hogwarts in September?”

She nods. “That's why we're here, to get some more information.” 

Now he finally looks beyond her green eyes and wild black hair to see the quite obvious Muggle clothing she wears. 

“You're a Muggleborn?”

It isn't a question as much as a statement but she answers with a 'yes' anyway. “Is that a problem? People keep mentioning it.”

He tilts his head a little, a stray black curl falling in front of his eyes. He sweeps it away with a practiced, elegant movement. “Not really. To some it is. Some of the Pureblood families, the oldest ones, think you only matter when your blood is as pure as possible.”

“And mine isn't.” She gives him a look that dares him to say anything to the contrary. He can't help but grin again. She's amusing. He might say Gryffindor, with fire like that.

“My mother would say so, yes.”

“Are you one of them, then? Those Pureblood families?” 

He nods solemnly. “The Ancient and Most Noble House of Black, yea.”

She can't help a little snort. 

“I don't believe in their talk, though. They're all nuts, the lot of them. Except Cousin Andy and Uncle Alphard, but the rest of the family isn't worth meeting.” That includes his own wee brother Regulus, he can't help but add bitterly in his own mind.

Haesel gives him a look that says she's sorry for all of it. It shouldn't make him feel a little better, but it does.

“So are you the only witch in the family?” he asks, wanting to change the subject. She allows him to.

“No, my sister Lily is one as well. We're twins.” She smiles happily saying that and it's clear she loves her sister very much. “I've got an older sister as well, actually, Lily is older also, I'm the youngest, but she's not a witch.”

Her smile is still fond. He thinks of how in his family, squibs are banned. He tries to shrug it off.

“Do you know which House you want yet?” 

She shrugs, twisting her hands. “I sort of hope for Gryffindor? Or maybe Ravenclaw. I like knowledge, but I don't know if I'm very brave.”

“You're talking to me, a complete stranger, so I'm sure you are.” he winks a little. She blushes again. “I'll probably go into Slytherin, like the rest of the family.” He doesn't sound excited by the prospect.

“You're talking to me too.. isn't that brave as well?” Her smile is impish. He likes the implication of her words. 

They stand in silence for a bit, finishing their pies. Then her eyes widen comically and she's off suddenly in the direction of the Leaky Cauldron. 

“Bye!” she yells back at him. “Write me!”

He can only stare as she disappears into the throng of shoppers. He's not sure the owl he got for his eleventh birthday can find a probably Muggle home, but he's certainly going to try.

Sirius Black stuff his hands into his pockets and grins.

 

§

 

Haesel suddenly thinks of the next step they were going to take after going to the bank – the book shop they passed earlier, the one Tom had pointed out. She's off before she can think of it and only remembers to wave and yell 'bye' as she goes. She's adding 'Write me!' to it before she knows why and later on face-palms for it because she hasn't given him her address and would he even want to write?

But at that moment she's focused on finding the book shop. She's in sight of it when she hears her name being called and there they are, Mum with worried eyes and Dad who only lets go of Lily's hand when she almost pulls him off his feet running toward Haesel.

Haesel is caught in an impromptu group hug she relishes in. Ivy draws back first.

“Where have you been?! We went into the bank and all of sudden you weren't there anymore!” she scolds.

“I got distracted, I'm sorry!” Haesel says and she doesn't know why she doesn't mention the boy she met because she could've been there sooner, she knows it.

“Well don't do that anymore.” her Mum says and she pulls her in for another hug. 

They don't stay very much longer after that, just enough to collect a heavy bag with books and some other items that will help them understand this new world. Haesel sticks to Lily like glue. Her sister doesn't mind. She only wonders at the dust on Haesel's coat and it's then that Haesel spills the secret about where she's been the entire time, standing between the bookshelves.

Lily is jealous that she already got to meet someone they'll be going to Hogwarts with and she's doubly intent on finding and meeting the boy in the park back home. They wait for their parents at the shop window, Haesel looking for Sirius and Lily just observing the people walking by.

She doesn't see him anymore, though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!
> 
> To all out there, thank you for reading and may you have a lovely New Year! No matter how inspired I feel (hah) I probably won't have time to update before the year is gone, so there you go!
> 
> Have fun! ;)


	6. Chwech

Petunia drops her book-bag and the bag with her sports uniform and lacrosse sticks on her bed and sighs blissfully as she stretches her arms a little. She's tried lessening the weight of her trunk by sticking all her school books in the leather messenger bag she got last year, but where the trunk is lighter her bag is now awfully heavy. She's sure there is a red spot where the strap has been.

 

“Over here all right, honey?” she hears her father ask and she turns quickly, surprised she hasn't heard him come up the stairs with her trunk.

 

“Sure, thank you.” she says and he places it down at the end of her bed, where it usually stands when she's home for the holidays. He stands and stretches.

 

“What do you put in there, stones?” he jokes.

 

Petunia scowls. “I'll have you know that's mostly clothes! I took out my school books.” She gestures to the bag on her bed, making a great dent in the crisp bedding. Petunia loves her Mum, she really does – arriving home to lovely cooked food and a clean room with fresh bedding is a delight, every time.

 

“I'll leave you to your unpacking then, I've got some errands to run for tonight.” he winks. “Your mum left you a hamper for your dirty clothes, but don't worry, she'll do them. Oh, and you can expect your favourites tonight.” he smiles.

 

Petunia is surprised. Sure, Mum always makes something more special the first night she is back, but her favourites? Then it clicks. She groans.

 

“Don't tell me you got a letter from school!”

 

Her father laughs. “Right you are! And forgive me not for being ever so proud of you.”

 

Petunia shakes her head. There's no arguing with Dad when he's like that. Better to change the subject before he's gushing about how wonderful she is or something along those lines.

 

If she'd knew all this trouble was going to come from it, she'd done just a little bit worse on her finals and then she'd never been Honour Student of the Year. The title is far more trouble than it's worth.

 

“Where is Mum, anyway?”

 

The knowing look she gets ensures her that the subject is not closed yet, but he allows the change. “She went out to London, to get the test results of the twins.”

 

“They've finished already?” she asks in surprise. Then her brow furrows a little. “I didn't know you could pick them up, I thought they mailed in cases like these.”

 

Her father laughs again. “Well, turns out you're not the only special one in the family. They called for a personal conversation and Ivy wanted some extra information for next year anyway, so she went ahead today.”

 

“Then why do I see Haesel beside the pool? Shouldn't they've gone with Mum?”

 

“Ah, she's there?” Dad moves to look out of the window. He hums. “That's not entirely unexpected.” he says, but it's so quietly spoken Petunia isn't sure she was meant to hear it. She decides to ignore it then.

 

“So I take it the results were fine?”

 

Because Hogwarts apparently doesn't offer O levels or A levels in things such as Maths and English and Science, Mum and Dad have insisted that the twins do their exams in those things every summer so that they'll not get behind or are unable to go to university later on if they so wish. They've recently taken their first batch of tests to prove they've finished this year, and in a normal situation, would be able to continue on to Secondary School.

 

“Indeed they were. In fact, they scored so high, the lady in charge had them take the first year Secondary School tests as well.” The smug expression on Robert's face tells her that he's not entirely surprised at that. In fact, if he were to be believed, he had known his daughters – all three of them – were geniuses ages before anyone else found out. Then again, he's been saying ever since Petunia spoke her first word years ago.

 

It was book.

 

“But no, they were not required to be there in person.” Robert looks at his watch. “I got to go now, honey. Make yourself at home.” he winks at her again when he says this and she smiles in return. It's their custom, almost.

 

She moves to the trunk to unpack but thinks better of it and decides to wander through the house a little, to see if anything has changed in her absence. It's not much. The couch in the living room is new, but she knew about that from Mum's letters, and there are some new towels in lovely bright colours in the bathroom, but the real change is when she chances into the twins' attic room.

 

Instead of the huge bed that used to dominate the space two double beds are standing against opposite walls. She knew that the huge bed had gone – an accident with a candle way before Christmas – but in the Winter holiday the two beds were still pushed together in it's place.

 

Now, the once so cozy rooms speaks of distance and Petunia worriedly remembers Haesel, alone in the garden. Their letters were cheerful enough, but has anything happened they had not told her about?

 

She goes over the room once again. It's fairly easy to see which side is which. Haesel's covers are green on black and Lily's a deep purple. On Lily's side books are stacked haphazardly on shelves interspersed with stuffed animals, while Haesel has organised her books on colour and the bedside cabinet is full of photographs.

 

It looks normal enough, but Petunia can't shake the feeling of distance she gets, so she wanders outside with a little stop in the kitchen for an apple to snack on. It feels like it was ages ago she had Leaving Lunch at school, before the school year was officially over and her Dad had come to pick her up.

 

Haesel is so engrossed into her book that she doesn't notice Petunia until she sits in the chair beside her. When she does, however, she tucks a letter to mark her page before snapping the book closed and leaning over to give Petunia a heartfelt hug.

 

When they settle back on their respective chairs Petunia glances to the book. _History of Magic_ is written in golden letters on the cover. It's bound in leather and looks terribly interesting.

 

“Huh.” she says. “May I borrow it sometime, d'you think? Or is that not allowed?”

 

Haesel shrugs. “I don't think it matters – not for history, at least. If you want you can read some now? I've already read it, but it is very interesting.” she smiles.

 

“You might want to take out your bookmark, then, in that case.” Petunia says and there is mischief in her voice. Haesel unexpectedly colours and snatches the letter out before handing the book over.

 

Having found something far more interesting for the time being, Petunia puts it aside. She raises an eyebrow in a silent enquiry.

 

Haesel colours some more. “It's from Sirius.” she says after a little while.

 

“Ah, the boy you met in that Alley, what was it called again?”

 

“Diagon Alley.” Haesel nods.

 

“You've been writing to him?” Petunia couldn't keep her amusement out of her voice if she tried.

 

Haesel scowls defensively and Petunia laughs. Ah, so easy to tease!

 

“Not you too!” Haesel exclaims and Petunia suddenly detects something truly uncomfortable in her expression. She remembers the distance she's seen in the room upstairs and calms herself.

 

“Haesel-love, where is Lily?” she asks softly.

 

Haesel stills and looks down, worrying a corner of the letter she holds. Petunia wonders about the comfort it seems to give her and resolves to ask more later. For now, it seems she has a problem on hand.

 

“She's out.” is what her littlest sister finally says and Petunia almost has to stain her ears to catch it.

 

“Out where?”

 

“Probably at the park. With that Snape boy.”

 

There's real resentment in her voice as she says that and Petunia has to work her memory to remember who this is again. Then she has it. Some of Lily's letters have mentioned a new friend she's made, a boy who's apparently a wizard and will be going to Hogwarts with them. She said he was pretty smart and well informed about the Wizarding World.

 

She now remembers that it struck her as strange that the name was nowhere to be found in any of Haesel's letters, and it seems she has just found out why.

 

“You don't like him?” It's fairly obvious she doesn't, but she has to get Haesel talking somehow and easing her into it has always worked best, a few questions until the dam bursts and Haesel spews it all out herself.

 

Yet again it has worked as Haesel looks up, eyes flashing.

 

“He always stares at me strangely! Always asks me to come with but I don't want to, he gives me the creeps! He's weird and it has nothing to do with being a wizard because I know a wizard” – she waves around with the letter at this – “and he's nothing like it. Always going on about the greatness of magic and okay, I think magic is wonderful too, but he seems almost disdainful of normal people and that's not right! Lily brings him 'round some times and he's polite enough to Mum and Dad but I can just see he doesn't like them, I mean, what they are.”

 

She scowls again and looks her older sister square in the eye. “He questioned us why we keep writing to you and talk about you so often because he said, he said -” she breaks off and it's clear she's really mad now. “He said that it wasn't worth it because you couldn't do magic!”

 

Petunia is a little taken aback.

 

“But you're not, you're great and you're Honour Student this year, at Cheltenham's no less! That's really, really cool and I'm really proud to have you as my sister and Lily thinks the same.”

 

Petunia is touched and says so. Haesel smiles at her and it's a sight she'll treasure forever – that beaming smile that just screams love at her. She's fairly certain this face will stay with her 'till she drops dead, at whatever age that may be.

 

“But... worst of all... It feels like he's stolen Lily from me.” Haesel admits and there it is, the one thing that feels even heavier than the rest of it. “He's told her so much, always pulling her off to talk some more. Lily invites me the whole time, and he does too, but well I said I didn't like him very much so I always say no and besides, Sirius tells me loads of stuff anyway, but Lily doesn't listen to that anymore. I just.. I just feel I've somehow lost Lily.”

 

She's worrying the letter again and Petunia sighs. “Oh Haesel. Come here.”

 

Her littlest sister looks exactly so right in that moment and it takes Petunia back to the first time she arrived at their home, so stiff and painfully thin, not recovered from the horrible ordeal she went through. Through the years she's gained some weight, grown a little taller, but she always seems to stay a little thin, a little more breakable.

 

Petunia hugs her for a while. Haesel sniffs sometimes and she knows that the kindest thing is to pretend she's not holding in tears and just letting her sister be, but it hurts Petunia like a knife when Haesel admits in a small voice that they haven't practiced their music together in a while. She just tightens her hold.

 

Some time passes and Petunia lets go. “So that Snape boy doesn't like, what's the word, moggies?”

 

“Muggles.” Haesel laughs. “I'm a muggle-born, because my parents are muggles.”

 

Her laugh fades away a little and she clutches the letter again. Petunia notes she hasn't let it go at all, in fact. Hah, very interesting indeed!

 

“Sirius, he's a Pureblood – from a family that's entirely magic, has been for ages. He told me that there's this racial conflict in the Wizarding World, kind of like the segregation in the United States?”

 

Petunia nods. She still remembers when Martin Luther King, Jr was assassinated in 1968, only three years ago. She'd tried to read everything she could get her hands on, back then.

 

“Well, it's sort of like that, but instead with how much Muggle blood you have, or better yet, how little. Sirius says that most people don't really care and the Headmaster of our school is supposed to be really fair and interested in equality, but well it is a bit worrisome still.”

 

Petunia nods, but Haesel isn't finished yet.

 

“Snape, well, Lily calls him Sev -”

 

“Sev?” Petunia raises an eyebrow. She can't help it. Her friends at the dormitory joke it's almost her default expression and she's all to aware that her little sisters often imitate it.

 

“His name is actually Severus Snape.”

 

Petunia snorts. “His parents weren't too kind to him, I think. That's a name guaranteed to bring teasing!”

 

Haesel is thoughtful. “I overheard Mum gossiping in the shop once to Mrs Brown and I think she said that his parents have a lot of problems, such as his Dad drinking and such. He lives at Spinner's End too.”

 

Petunia wrinkles her nose at that.

 

“Anyway, he said to Lily that she shouldn't worry about it at all and it's going to be fine. He wants her to try out for Slytherin, me too, actually.”

 

“Those were the Houses your school has, right?” Petunia confirms. She has understood from various letters that not unlike her school, where you belong to a certain House or dorm, Hogwarts is separated into four houses according to the different founders of the school.

 

“Slytherin is famous for cunning, ambition and resourcefulness.” Haesel says and they share a laugh together at the idea of Lily being cunning. She's a very headstrong person and very smart, but a bit obvious and has not a sneaky bone in her body.

 

“Personally, I think she's Gryffindor, the house of the brave and noble people.” Haesel smiles. “If you were a witch I would have said you were a Ravenclaw!”

 

“What are those?”

 

“They're smart and love knowledge.” Haesel says cheekily. Petunia hums. It's true, she is indeed always in pursuit of more things to read, more things to know.

 

“And you?”

 

“Hufflepuf!” grins Haesel. “Loyalty, patience, fairness and hard work.”

 

“Hard work?” Petunia teases. “Patience?” she grins in return. Haesel acts offended. “No, I think Gryffindor sounds more like you. You're braver than you think you are, you know. Not afraid to be who you are.”

 

Haesel laughs suddenly. She waves the letter again. “I think you and Sirius would get along. He says the same things!”

 

“I would like to get to know him.” Petunia winks and Haesel can't help the blush that steals over her cheeks. “Do tell me all about him!”

 

“We met in the Alley, back in February.” Haesel starts. It's clear she's not going to mention why or how she got to be so attached to the boy, but Petunia takes what she can get. “He accidentally ran me over and then bought me a pastry to make up for it.”

 

“That's a great tale to tell your children, later.” Petunia says with a smile. Haesel sputters for a second before she can continue again.

 

“We've kept into contact and he's told me a lot about the Wizarding World and Hogwarts.”

 

“And you trust his information more than that what Snape tells Lily?”

 

“Yes, definitely! He doesn't lie to me, in any case. He's sometimes a bit stiff, his family is of quite high social standing so he's been raised very properly. He can sometimes be a bit.. obtuse. Like he is evading certain things, but he never lies.”

 

“High social standing, what do you mean? Nobility of some kind?”

 

“Apparently, yes. It's different to what nobility we have, in the Muggle world, but I can't explain it well. It's in the book though, you should definitely read it.”

 

Petunia smiles at that. “I think I shall. Have you read many books already?”

 

Her answer is an empathic nod.

 

“We went for extra information, didn't we say so? In February. Dad has gone back once more but without us, and he picked me up some more books. Sirius has been giving me advice on things to read to better understand the Wizarding World and so far it has been fascinating!”

 

There's real enthusiasm there and even though nothing has been resolved yet, Petunia knows it will.

 

Haesel levels her with a look. “You'll get to go as well, to the Alley! We're going for school supplies in the 23th of August. Mum thinks less people will go on a Monday.” she smiles. “Sirius says he's going to convince his uncle to take him then as well, and perhaps some friends of his too.”

 

“His uncle?” Petunia inquires, wondering if the boy is maybe an orphan.

 

Haesel's grin is bright. “He doesn't get along with his mother and that one time we were in Diagon Alley he pranked her so bad she has said she's never taking him anymore, which he was delighted with, of course.”

 

“Really,” Petunia tries her hand at an interested drawl. “Tell me more.”

 

Haesel does so, and Petunia is glad to know that when she's going to Hogwarts at least she'll go with a friend.

 

And a sister – she has the rest of the summer to work on this. It'll be fine by the time September rolls around. It has to be.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! 
> 
> I know I said to several people that I wouldn't update until after the 19th when my finals were over, but the pressure is getting to me and I needed a little time to unwind. I know not much happens in this chapter, mostly just Petunia and Haesel talking, but I'm setting up for a lot of other things to happen such as the visit to Diagon Alley which will be next chapter and then on to Hogwarts, so yep, stuff coming up!
> 
> I hope you all had a lovely new year! I'm posting this and then back to my history (oral exam number two tomorrow) texts!
> 
> Thank you for reading, hope you liked it!


	7. ʻehiku

It hasn't.

 

At the start of summer, Petunia was so sure she could fix the gap that has grown between her sisters, but as she pulls on her dainty summer sandals for the trip to Diagon Alley – she's making sure to look her best for it – she reflects on the fact she hasn't made any progress.

 

They still love each other dearly, that's not the problem. And when Petunia remarked to Lily that Haesel missed her, Lily had instantly gone to spend more time with her twin. Haesel, grateful, had insisted on spending days by the pool and making more music together. Petunia also managed to convince their parents to take a week off to go hiking in Scotland. She has no idea where Hogwarts is, except that it is in Scotland and she's fairly sure they've not come close, but the wild Highlands and the city of Edinburgh were wonderful anyway, so she doesn't mind. Her parents also liked the idea of spending time as a family before all three of them would be off to a boarding school, so she likes to think that brought the family a little closer again.

 

Haesel sits down beside her on the cough to lace up her favourite bright red Converse. She's dressed in a pair of shorts and a casual shirt. It's a simple outfit, but it looks very good on her. Lily is wearing similar clothes and once more the resemblance they share with each other is starting.

 

The doorbell rings. Lily perks up.

 

“Mum, Dad, Sev's here!”

 

“Yes, Sev's here.” Haesel mutters under her breath but she smiles at the boy anyway. Petunia is amused by how cold the smile actually is, not that anyone will notice but Petunia knows her sister so she smiles as she settles her sunglasses in her hair.

 

It's a bright summer day, perfect for shopping. They're leaving for London in a matter of minutes and Severus Snape and his mother are joining them on their trip.

 

Haesel is suddenly resentful of the family van, because that means they all fit. If they had had a car with only five seats the Snape boy couldn't have come because Petunia would never let this chance to see the Wizarding Alley go – and quite possibly get to meet Haesel's friend Sirius – so it would be family only. Even if they did meet up with the boy, she still would be able to slip off with Sirius and Petunia if she didn't mind. She'd already asked Mum, who by now has a lot more confidence in the whole business than she had back in winter.

 

They all have. They've known about the Wizarding World for only more than half a year and yet it seems as if it's always been that way. They've all been reading the books they got at the Alley, so they're all up to date with mostly everything magic. Mum and Petunia have been joking about getting some summer robes as well because they look really comfy for lazing about in summer, not to mention that to any question they could just claim some sort of new Oriental thing going on.

 

Haesel eyes the boy she still silently accuses of trying to steal her sister, even though Petunia getting back from school has made a great deal of difference. Severus – all right, she's just going to call him Snape in her mind because she's maybe not given to hate but she sure as hell isn't going to call him by his name in her mind – wears ill-fitting Muggle clothes, all in black, and she wonders how he can keep breathing in the late August heat. He looks like his mother, she can now say. They've got the same sharp nose and stingy-looking black locks. His mother is not particularly pretty, but she's not bad looking either, just an average face in a sea of strangers.

 

Haesel can only wonder at the difference as her Mum descents the stairs, trying to fix her hair into a loose chignon to keep away. Ivy is wearing a lovely dress with flowers and having kept the cobble stones of Diagon Alley in mind, a pair of laced up sandals with flat soles. She slings her handbag over her shoulder and ushers them out of the house, making polite small talk with Eileen Prince, as Haesel learns Snape's mother is called. It's clear both woman don't care much for the other, and Haesel can kind of understand why. Her Mum is beautiful, with her fiery red hair and green eyes. She's happily married to a wonderful husband who dotes on her, as is apparent when Dad whistles when he sees Mum, not to mention having three gorgeous, brilliant daughters and living in a great house in a wonderful neighbourhood.

 

Eileen Prince, on the other hand, has bruises she tries to hide with long sleeves and looks entirely ordinary. She's not pretty or very talented, lives in the less than wonderful neighbourhood Spinner's End. Her only joy is her son, but they're both a touch on the wrong side of the oddness-scale, even for wizards. Haesel can easily see that the woman knows she's not very welcome, but everyone stays very polite instead.

 

Haesel wonders if she should feel sorry for her, and decides she does. She's sure that she mustn't have had a very easy life, but she's also sure that if that were her, she wouldn't have stayed. She would have fought for her own rights, her own freedom – she's never take any form of beating staying down.

 

She'd never cower.

 

Haesel locks eyes with Lily and is, for a moment, utterly sure they share the same thoughts. She remembers Petunia saying _Gryffindor_ and suddenly she's sure that yes, maybe she'll be brave enough.

 

The ride to London is as dull as it always is. Mum and Dad have the front seats and they've given Eileen Prince the window seat out of politeness so Petunia and Haesel share the rest of the middle row and Lily and Snape take the back seats. When they are parked near the Leaky Cauldron and file out into the heavy summer air, Lily pipes up excitedly.

 

“You know, we could do this the first of September as well, all go together!”

 

Snape looks terribly excited. Haesel has to concentrate hard on keeping her face blank.

 

Robert looks uncomfortable. Ivy, trading glances with her husband, finally moves to answer.

 

“I'm afraid that won't be possible, darling. After we've dropped off you two, we're bringing Petunia to Cheltenham's. We're going to have to take out the back seat for the trunks as it is, I don't think there will be space enough.”

 

Lily looks a bit disappointed, but not as much as Snape, whose face falls dramatically. Luckily, a scene is avoided as Eileen Prince cuts in.

 

“I'd like to bring my son to the platform for the first time as well.” There's a quiet rebuke in her voice and her eyes are stern as she looks towards Lily who flushes at the implication that they'd steal her son away and not let her have any time with him on one of the most important days in a child's life.

 

Ivy places a hand on Lily's shoulder and unconsciously Haesel moves to flank her twin sister. Scratch the fact she's happy that day will be family only, no one gets to attack Lily and get away with it. She's not so sure she pities Eileen anymore.

 

“You'll still be able to sit together on the train, won't you?” Robert suggests and he pulls the door of the Leaky open, letting them all enter. “That's one thing to look forward to.”

 

“Thanks a lot, Dad.” Haesel mutters under her breath. The twitch in his left eye betrays him and he chances a quick wink at her, bending to whisper in her ear as she enters last.

 

“You don't have to sit with him the whole ride, Haesel love.”

 

“Thank Morgana for that!” She smiles in return. She's quickly taken to mentioning Merlin and Morgana, picking the up habit from Sirius who frequently uses it in his letters. Suddenly she's excited again. They've agreed to meet at three for ice cream at Florian Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour, which is fairly new according to Sirius but sells the best ice cream.

 

They go to Gringotts first. Robert exchanges pounds for galleons while Eileen and Snape go visit their vault. They're not the only passengers for the cart going down, the other people also being a mother and son duo. Once again, Haesel is startled by the difference the two pairs present.

 

The unknown woman, an stately older lady with auburn hair that's already growing grey, is wearing summer robes of a lovely blue colour. Her son, of whom Haesel can't see much beside black hair and spectacles, is wearing a pair of shorts and a shirt but it's clear the items are of good quality. She watches them leave for the cart to the vaults with interest.

 

There are long lines at the tills, so her Dad is only just being handed a heavy sack of gold when both pairs return. Haesel has been idly watching the different people come and go, led by goblin. She wonders where the carts go, because often the faces of those retuning are more than a little green. That's why she spots Snape and his mother returning immediately.

 

“What the...” she says unbelieving and only the knowledge people can see keeps her from letting her mouth drop wide enough to catch flies. At her exclamation, both Lily and Petunia look over from where they'd been having a conversation with Mum about fashion, something Haesel isn't particularly interested in.

 

She doesn't have to see it to know their eyes have all widened.

 

Snape is sporting a bloody nose and his clothes are in disarray, his to big coat missing a button. His mother is trying her best to keep her son calm and out of the way of the other boy, who's trying as hard as he can to wipe the blood on his knuckles on his shirt. His spectacles are hanging side ways, his hair sticks up in the back and he's clearly being lectured by his mum. As they get closer to the stupefied Evanses Haesel can hear part of it.

 

“– and I don't care if he started it, James, I expect better than that from you! Fighting with a complete stranger the moment I'm out of sight, in Gringotts no less!”

 

The boy – James – is still trying to clean his bleeding hand on his shirt. His mother pulls him to a stop with an exasperated sigh, pulling out her wand and healing the injury with a wave. Another wave removes the blood and yet another repairs the spectacles.

 

Haesel can't help but be impressed. The witch is clearly very good, to be able to do all that non-verbal.

 

The witch turns to Eileen, clearly about to offer some sort of apology and maybe offer some healing as well, but Eileen gives only a curt thank you and continues on, pulling Snape past the Evanses and out the bank.

 

“What was that?” Robert asks Ivy when he joins them, pocketing the galleons and handing a small pouch to Ivy who tucks it into her handbag.

 

Ivy shrugs. “I've got no idea.”

 

The witch has seen them standing there and has obviously concluded they know Eileen and Snape. She moves towards them, gesturing her son to follow.

 

“Excuse me, might you be friends with the woman who just went past?”

 

“We're more of casual acquaintances, I suppose.” Robert says and Ivy agrees with a nod.

 

“I wanted to, ah, offer my apologies but I don't suppose you'd be able to help me, now.” the witch says and she smiles. Although she's getting on in years she's still very beautiful, looking almost regal. She extends a hand. “Lady Dorea Potter. I'm sorry for the inconvenience, but I'm still very delighted to meet you.”

 

Haesel's parents shake her hand and introduce themselves. The girls exchange wide glances. Haesel supposes that she's one of those people that Sirius told her about, the nobility of the Wizarding World.

 

She feels eyes on her and looks away from her sisters to see James looking at her. Considering that he's hit Snape, something she's been wanting to do for some time whenever she felt particularly resentful towards him, she gives him a wide smile. He smiles in return, a bit startled by the brilliance of the one she has granted him with.

 

Lily has obviously made the link between James' bloody knuckles and Snape's bleeding nose as well, but she's not nearly as happy. The presence of their parents hold her back however and she settles for giving James a good angry glare before dismissing him by turning in for the conversation their parents are having now.

 

James turns to Haesel, confused. They're the only ones not paying attention now, as even Petunia is pulled into the conversation which has progressed into gushing about their children, as any parent is wont to do.

 

Haesel leans over a bit. “She's friends with Snape – the boy you hit.”

 

“Excuse me, I punched him. Right in the face.” James says and he manages to sound very proud of that. Haesel reckons he's got reason to be and can't keep herself from saying so, glancing furtively at Lily to see if she's not listening, but her twin is smiling at Lady Potter, who she obviously likes despite her progeny.

 

“You're not, then?” James asks.

 

“Not at all.” Haesel denies. “I think he's a little creepy but don't tell my sister I said that. She insists on hanging out with him.”

 

James gets a look on his face similar to one smelling something bad. “Why would she do that? He's an absolute prick!”

 

“I haven't got the foggiest.” Haesel laments. “But, about that, what happened down there?”

 

“We were visiting our vaults, mine last because it's quite deep – we're quite an old family and the older the family the –”

 

“-deeper the vault, yes, I know.” Haesel interrupts. James grins and holds up his hands.

 

“All right, easy there. Anyway, Mum had gone in to retrieve money to buy school supplies and that boy made a snide remark about how money might not mean brains or class, I suppose that was because Mum and I were talking about the prank I pulled with my friends last week, and I couldn't let him say anything about my Mum, so I hit him.”

 

“Sounds reasonable, I suppose.” Haesel says and in a copy of James' mother earlier sticks out her hand. “I'm Haesel Evans. That's my family, my Mum, Dad, Petunia and Lily.” She indicates each one with a little wave of her hand.

 

James' eyes go wide. “You're Haesel Evans?” he asks, but completes the introduction with a “James Potter, nice to meet you.”

 

“What do you mean, I'm Haesel Evans?” Haesel frowns. She's fairly sure he can't have heard of her, considering she's Muggleborn and all.

 

“Nothing.” James says with a grin. His mother is saying her goodbye's so he waves at Haesel before saying, with a mischievous sparkle in his eyes: “I'll see you for ice cream at three!”

 

Haesel gapes at his retreating back.

 

 

 

 

She's still wondering how he knows that she's having ice cream at three when they exit the robes shop, already laden down with packages. They've visited the bookshop and apothecary already and go for a cauldron and scales next. Petunia thinks it's awfully funny that everything about the Wizarding World is so horribly cliché, with brooms, robes, cauldrons and even cats.

 

That doesn't stop her from adding a volume about _Wizards in the Wide World: An Introduction to Worldwide Wizardry_ to the pile of books, though.

 

When they're buying trunks, Haesel is quick to convince her parents to let her have a nice leather book-bag as well. The owner of the shop is nice enough to charm both the trunks and the bag something he calls featherlight and even places an enlargement charm on the bag so Haesel will surely be able to fit all her books inside.

 

Seeing this, Lily wants one as well and it's a while before she's done choosing 'the bag you'll have to use the next seven years, all right honey?'.

 

Lily looks up and down the Alley when they're walking to their last official stop – Ollivander's Wand Shop – but she's unable to spot Snape. She hasn't got much time to be sad about it, because now they'll be getting their wands and Haesel grasps Lily's hand when they enter. Lily gives a squeeze in return.

 

Inside, the shop is large and dusty. There's a counter in from with a little golden bell on it and a few low chairs in front of it. Although it's only growing close to three in the afternoon, not much light is let into the shop by the almost grimy windows.

 

Petunia gives the whole place one look and promptly starts sneezing, her dust allergy kicking in with a violence. Ivy hands her packages to her husband and quickly takes her outside.

 

When they turn to the counter again, an old man with a great deal of white hair is leaning against it and Haesel and Lily jump synchronised in sudden fright. Even Robert can't hide a twitch.

 

“Welcome to Ollivanders. Off to Hogwarts this year, I presume?” he says, and Haesel likes his voice, dry and soft spoken as he is he seems to fit right in with the rest of the dusty shop. “I do apologise for your sister, I presume? When you're as old as I am, you tend to skip the spring cleaning, sometimes.”

 

Considering the flaking gold letters across the door read 'Wand Makers since 382 BC' Haesel is inclined to agree.

 

“Now, step forward.” He indicates Lily and she gives a last squeeze before letting go. It doesn't take very long before Lily produces red sparks with a 'swishy' willow wand, apparently excellent for charm work.

 

Haesel is next to step up. She watches the funny tape measure the length of her fingers and the distance between her nose and her knees as Ollivander brings out wand after wand, but none of the chose her. She's starting to almost doubt being a witch after all when Ollivander brings out a box which he places reverently in an empty spot between the boxes with wands already tries. He opens it and hands her the wand and as soon as her fingers grasp the handle Haesel _knows_ that this is her wand.

 

Invisible wind blows her hair back and somewhere there's a distant melody, almost birdsong but much more beautiful and Haesel knows that melody, that's her lullaby, the one she never learns but could still play.

 

Everyone is impressed and Haesel barely notices her father paying for the wands or Ollivander reaching for parchment and a quill to pen a letter. She slips the box holding her wand into her new bag which already has most of her books. To lighten the load on their parents, Lily has done the same and they once more clasp hands when they leave.

 

 

 

 

It's almost strange, stepping out into the sunlight once more. Haesel is surprised to be unable to spot either her mother or her older sister.

 

Dad has noticed her looking. "Your mother and Petunia have gone to that boutique we saw a while back. They, well, Ivy did, I don't think Petunia will enter here again, nipped in for a moment right after Lily got her wand. I don't think you were paying much attention."

 

He smiles. Lily, who had been paying about as much attention as Haesel herself, immediately starts asking to go there herself. Robert notices Haesel's reluctance and looking between his two daughters thinks of a solution. He needs to go see if Ivy still has enough galleons and he doesn't quite trust Lily not to get to distracted with something new and marvellous on the way to the boutique, so he'll have to go down with her. Haesel has already proven herself able to navigate the Alley on her own and in her own way she's just a little less exited than Lily can be. Not to mention she's mentioned wanting to go somewhere?

 

"All right. I'll accompany Lily to where your Mum and Petunia are and Haesel, you're free to go look at that shop you were talking about." He ignores Lily's pout and fishes some sickles and knuts out of his pockets that he hands to Haesel, who's surprised but delighted.

 

Robert checks his watch and tries to calculate how much time the girls will want to spend fitting clothes. Lily notices him looking and guessing the reason why, nudges him and whispers "An hour at least, Dad!"

 

He's always found it hard to say no to his daughters - that's part of the reason they have a pool now - and this time is no exception. He gives in, making Haesel promise to meet them at the boutique if she's done before four and if she isn't she's to find them at Eylops Owl Emporium where they're going to maybe look for an owl for the girls.

 

They split up and Haesel cheerfully makes her way to Fortescue's. She's early and she can't see Sirius anywhere, so she goes ahead and browses the different tastes.

 

"Chicken with roasted potatoes? People actually like having that sort of ice cream?" She exclaims upon noticing a really weird flavour.

 

"Not sure.. Sounds all right anyway, though my favourite is chocolate." A boy's voice says close to her left ear. Haesel jumps what feels like a mile high in sudden fright. She twists around to catch a glimpse of who scared her so, but ends up tripping over her own feet and falling down in a tangle of limbs.

 

She's caught before she can touch the ground, and familiar hands set het back on her feet. She sees a familiar face set into a familiar grin and moves to hug Sirius even when a little voice in the back her head remarks on his strength, to have caught her so.

 

"Easy there." Sirius says but he hugs her in return, carefully patting her back to check she's not hurt.

 

"I'm fine." Haesel dismisses. "Happens all the time. All the graceful genes went to my older sisters, so there were none left for me." She pouts excessively making clear she's just joking.

 

"Poor you." Sirius says and as one they turn to the ice cream. Neither of them remarks on the arm that's still around Haesel's shoulders as Haesel ends up asking for raspberry and mango and Sirius just goes with chocolate after all.

 

They find a table outside just inside the shade provided by a big potted plant placed there, which is more like a small tree in a pot than anything else, Haesel can't help but notice.

 

"Say, you don't mind if I invited an acquaintance of mine, do you?" Sirius says finally when they've covered everything from the last letter somewhere in July before Haesel went camping to today.

 

Haesel shakes her head. "If it's really that boy I met in Gringotts today, then no. He punched Snape in the face, so for today he's my hero."

 

"I am?" A pleased voice says from beside their table. Haesel, once again, can't help a squeak of surprise.

 

"What's up with you people, I'll have a heart attack at this rate!"

 

"Isn't a little fright supposed to be good for the blood and such? Mum was telling Dad that yesterday, after I'd caught him - finally! - with a, if I may say so, bloody brilliant one." James says and it's hard to be mad at him when he looks like a cat who was caught with the cream after eating most of it, so even scared away it's secure in it's victory.

 

"So it worked then, did it?" Sirius asks and James nods.

 

"That idea was just .." He motions with his hands as if no words can describe how good it was.

 

Sirius nods like he'd expected that all along. "It was Haesel's plan, actually."

 

James rounds on her, eyes wide. "It was?"

 

Haesel's starting to get an idea what they're talking about. "Is this about the 'set traps with magic and then catch them like a Muggle'?"

 

Both boys nod.

 

"Ah, yep, that seems like it would work." Now it's Haesel's turn to be smug.

 

"Please, Mistress, teach me!" James looks like he's about to fall on his knees to beg and Sirius jabs an elbow in his side to keep him quiet. He's just noticed James' Mum coming up behind them with two cones.

 

"Here you go, darling." She says and James groans "Mum!"

 

Dorea Potter merely looks amused as she floats another chair over to the little table and seats herself elegantly.

 

"Now what we you children talking about?"

 

As one, the three say: "Hogwarts." without ever having to look at each other.

 

"We were telling Haesel here some more about what to expect, Lady Potter, because she's Muggleborn." Sirius adds.

 

"How many time do I have to tell you to just call me Aunt Dorea, dear? We're related, after all. And I already knew that, seeing as I met her parents at Gringotts." She turns to Haesel. "We've met, but I don't think we've been introduced? I am, as Sirius so sweetly mentioned, Lady Dorea Potter, but you may call me Aunt Dorea as well."

 

Haesel blinks. She can see why her Mum and Mrs Potter got along so well. "Ehm, sure, thank you? I am Haesel Evans." She's not sure if she needs to shake hands, but Dorea solves the problem by leaning over and giving her three kisses in the air. She ends up sitting there a bit stupefied, but with an honest smile on her face.

 

"I'm most pleased James finally made a friend of the other sex! He's usually so shy around women, I wasn't sure if I'd ever get grandchildren!"

 

Sirius and Haesel studiously avoid looking at each other as James bangs his head on the table with a muttered curse of "Mum please!"

 

Dorea just sits and smiles and enjoys her ice cream.

 

 

 

It's with regret Haesel announces that it is time for het to meet up with her family. Sirius insist on going with her, saying he's still got time before his uncle will be looking for him. They say goodbye to James and Dorea. Haesel promises to meet up with James as well on the train, and when they're in the middle of a goodbye hug James whispers he'll write to her about pranks because that's the first time he's gotten one over his father, who's Head Auror and battle trained. Haesel is laughing the whole way down to the Emporium.

 

Her cheery mood is gone the instant she spots both Snape and his mother with her family. She grabs Sirius and yanks him behind a sign proclaiming something about kittens.

 

"Is that..?" Sirius asks and she nods glumly.

 

"I was sort of hoping they'd gone home on their own, but seems like luck's not on my side today." Haesel sighs.

 

Sirius chuckles lightly. "Well, good thing I am, then." He says and he takes her hand before pulling her forward.

 

"Afternoon!" He says, cheerful like only he can be approaching Haesel's family seemingly without fear. "My name is Sirius Black and I'm a friend of your daughter's."

 

Haesel gives a little squeak and pulls on his hand but Sirius refuses to let go and it's then she notices the strong grip he has on her hand, the most sign of nerves she's ever seen him have.

 

Ivy can only keep herself from squealing in glee with a herculean effort. Robert is significantly less pleased and Petunia looks on, certain of her amusement. Lily is staring down at their joined hands and up at her twin's face in a repeat motion, while Snape's face is a study in surprise. Haesel is sure even Eileen Prince looked surprised there for a moment and she tucks the knowledge away they know which family Sirius belongs to and how significant it is he's willing to declare himself a friend to a Muggleborn girl.

 

"So nice to meet you! Haesel's been talking about you for ages now! I'm Ivy Evans, Haesel's mother, and this is Robert, her father."

 

Robert grunts something that sounds suspiciously more like 'I didn't know that friend was a boy!' than 'Nice to meet you.'

 

Petunia and Lily introduce themselves next, but Snape and his mother keep to themselves which is, Haesel can't help but think, terribly rude.

 

Robert, finally having gotten over his shock, ushers them into the Emporium. The fact she's being introduced to Haesel's friend means Lily is almost unable to tear herself from Haesel's side and she's almost entirely ignoring Snape,  the who trails after her like a lost puppy.

 

There are many beautiful and impressive owls, but none Haesel really likes. She's not sure what she's looking for, but she keeps thinking 'nah, not white enough' or 'too small' so when she's finally seen them all there's no owl that keeps her attention. Lily finds a lovely barn owl she decides to call Archimedes after Merlin's owl in Disney's The Sword in the Stone, which was her favourite film growing up.

 

They're both disappointed until Petunia suggests taking a look in the pet shop right beside the Emporium.

 

It's there that Haesel meets the mischievous kitten she falls in love with the moment it's handed to her. The kitten is almost a mirror image of her with black fur and green eyes and Sirius insists she gets that one, saying it would be bad luck not too. The only difference is the one white paw it has.

 

Haesel considers and then says: "Welcome to the family, Boots."

 

There's a strangled sound behind her that Sirius will forever deny producing. He'll also deny to his dying day having laughed at how she named her cat.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!
> 
> So I'm almost finished (but to be honest, I'm rather looking forward to my oral English final) and I though I'd celebrate by going for a really long chapter! ^^
> 
> A very big thank you to everyone taking the time to read this! I love comments, and I love getting kudos and I love knowing people like this enough to bookmark it! And, most of all, I love all the people who take the time to read what I write. I don't need to have proof – and I'd never dream of asking for comments or such – but even so, watching the stats for this story makes my day, just the same as when I get a comment or a kudos. I keep looking at it! I'm so bloody happy about all of it ^^
> 
> So thank you very very much, whoever reads this. You read that? You make my day!


	8. Tse robeli

It is with an air of satisfaction that Haesel places her cat carrier on top of her trunk, ignoring Boots' pleas to be let out.

 

"Just a bit longer, darling. Until we're on the train."

 

"You've got to stop talking to your cat as if it's going to answer, you know." Lily says, green eyes bright and happy.

 

"As if you're not talking to your owl." Haesel scoffs and then they both laugh. The day they've been waiting for so long has finally arrived and they're both extremely excited. It's hardly important anymore that they are running a bit late because Haesel had forgotten her bag with books and sandwiches for on the train, and half an hour in they had to return for it.

 

Traffic was on their side today, however - which is extremely lucky considering it's London - and they've made it at ten forty. The whole family accompanies the twins as they push their trolleys through the barrier that separates the rest of King's Cross from Platform Nine and Three Quarters.

 

They all go collectively "Ooh.." at the sight awaiting them there. There's a great scarlet engine all the way to the front with countless carriages behind it, all looking brand new and shiny.

 

The platform is a hive of activity, with parents hugging children, friends reuniting after a summer apart, people calling and laughing and trunks are abandoned all over the place. After a moment to properly appreciate all of it, they push their trolleys to the nearest carriage that looks fairly empty still. Robert and Petunia help them lift the trunks into the train, where they leave them in an empty compartment, the cat and owl carriers on top of them.

 

Once back on the platform, there's a solemn moments of silence, until Ivy breaks it.

 

"Well then.. This is it!" She dabs at her eyes.

 

"Mum!" Lily groans but even she is moved. Petunia laughs and breaks the stalemate as she moves to hug her sisters.

 

"Remember, just write to Mum and Dad and they'll forward it to me, but in case of an emergency, you can always send Archimedes to Cheltenham's." She ruffles Haesel's hair and then Lily's, revelling in the shared looks of annoyance she receives.

 

Robert is next. He pulls them both in at the same time and whispers into their hair that they're always welcome to come home if it's too much and don't forget to write all right?

 

Ivy can obviously hardly keep in her tears and that makes the twins teary as well, so Petunia starts to pull her Mum along before she can get embarrassing, using the fact they still need to get to her school too.

 

With a final wave and "Have fun but not too much!" from their Mum the rest of the Evanses leave the platform.

 

Haesel and Lily step on the train and settle in their compartment. Haesel lets Boots out of his carrier and holds him as they observe the families still swarming on the platform below, now obviously saying goodbye as the clock ticks closer to eleven. A couple of late arrivals hurries to put both trunks and children on the train.

 

Finally, the whistle blows and then they're off.

 

For all their earlier excitement, now both of them are a little less exuberant, the fact they've hardly slept the last night catching up to them. Lily pulls a book from her bag and Haesel her travel pillow to maybe take a wee nap.

 

It doesn't feel very long until she's woken up by raised voices. She's obviously slipped to the side, but someone sitting next to her has caught that movement so now she's sleeping on a shoulder instead of sprawling awkwardly on the bench.

 

A corner of Haesel's mind hopes she hasn't been drooling or something said something unseemly.

 

The voices become increasingly louder and it seems no one has noticed Haesel waking up so she takes her time to observe.

 

Lily is still sitting across her but now Snape is beside her, already wearing his school robes. Lily's red faced and Snape appears to be arguing but it takes a moment for Haesel's sleep addled brain to understand what they're talking about. She recognises the other voices as James and the one she's been sleeping on - and hopefully not drooling as well - is Sirius. She wonders when they all came in. Boots is still on her lap, also asleep.

 

It's clear tensions are quickly escalating and then a comment from an unusually animated Snape makes things even worse.

 

"If you'd rather be brawny than brainy!"

 

Ah, so it's about Houses. Haesel knows from comments Sirius has dropped that to most families it's a big deal where their children end up, some families almost exclusively limited to one House in particular. She remembers how her Mum was sad Petunia wasn't in the same dorm she had been in, and understands the idea.

 

Obviously, Snape wants to be in Slytherin, and James is all about Gryffindor as she'd noticed in the few letters they've exchanged and the time they spend in Diagon Alley. The rivalry between those is a thing, according to what she's read.

 

Sirius shakes in laughter, but it's not nice laughter, the kind she's used to hear. It's cold and mocking.

 

"So where are you thinking to go, seeing as you're neither?"

 

Lily can't keep silent and rises to her friends defence. "That's uncalled for! Leave Severus alone!"

 

"...sorry, what did you say? His name is Snivellus?" There's honest surprise in James' voice, but Lily is too incensed to notice and thinks it's a mean joke. She's almost incoherent in her rage.

 

"Why you... Arrogant little.. Come on, Sev, we're out of here!"

 

Snape follows her out, so pleased to be defended that he almost doesn't mind the smirks the other two boys are wearing.

 

"It's Severus, not Snivellus." Haesel remarks softly. She's not sure what to feel. On the one hand, Snape has just insulted the House she wants to go to as well plus her friends, but on the other hand, Lily has just left her alone. Just up and gone without hardly as much as a look in her direction.

 

"Haesel?" Sirius exclaims. He sounds slightly guilty.

 

She sits up and straightens. The travel pillow, which is just a little throw pillow from the cough in all honestly, falls down forgotten behind her back. Boots has woken up as well and jumps down to the floor to stretch.

 

Haesel turns to face the boys. James has gone to sit in Lily's previous seat, so they can see each other better.

 

"That wasn't very nice." She says, careful to keep any judgement out of her voice. She's missed half the conversation, so she can't say anything but while she might not like Snape and even called James her hero for punching him, that was a one time thing with justifiable provocation, and if they're not careful it will turn to bullying.

 

She doesn't like bullying, no matter her personal feelings towards the intended subject just there.

 

James and Sirius exchange looks before Sirius speaks.

 

"At first it was just us and your sister and that was fairly all right, though she didn't seem very friendly."

 

"But she was very polite." James hastens to say.

 

"Yes, very polite." Sirius gives James an odd look, as if wondering why he made the comment. "But then her friend came in and the conversation turned to Houses."

 

"When he heard I wanted to get into Gryffindor, like my Dad, well, he said 'if you'd rather'"-

 

"I think I woke then, uhu." Haesel inserts. She doesn't seem to have missed much.

 

"So what's his name, again?" James asks, looking as if he can't believe what she said earlier.

 

"Severus, like some of those Roman Emperors of old."

 

"Named for an emperor, he doesn't look it much!" James sniggers. Haesel can't hold back a smile.

 

"Yes, well just call him Snape. I do, I mean, in my mind. I have to call him Severus in public, 'cause he's Lily's friend and all."

 

"Still don't understand why." James muses and Haesel lets him be, content to lean back into her seat. Sirius is silent beside her, observing Boots licking his paws on the floor. She wants to ask what is wrong but doesn't dare to because Sirius, as a boy, might not really like to talk about feelings or such things with his friend present. Seeing James occupied with looking out of the window - probably still musing on the strange friendship between Lily and Snape - she reaches for his hand and gives it a squeeze.

 

Sirius looks up and his grey eyes are grateful. She carefully mouths 'brave at heart' at him and his eyes soften as his lips pull up into a smile.

 

It's silent for a while before Haesel stands. Sirius has yet to release her hand and she tugs on it.

 

"Where are you going?" He asks.

 

"The loo." She answers smartly and then grins. "And maybe check up on Lily as well."

 

His face darkens a little.

 

"She's my sister." Haesel says.

 

"She abandoned you." He counters.

 

She suddenly wondered why this is such a big deal and if she was maybe wrong to say 'brave' to him earlier if this was what he had been occupied with instead of the fear of having to go to a certain House because that's what his family required of him.

 

"It's still... She has a way to forget things when she's angry or upset, and she probably thought I was still sleeping. Beside, she might not like you much at the moment, she knows you're my friend and she trusts that you will take care of me."

 

She turns to James. "Both of you."

 

James looks sceptical. "Even though she 'dislikes' us?" He puts air quotes around dislikes.

 

"Even so." Haesel hums. "See, I don't like Snape, not at all in fact, but I do trust that right now, he's going to watch her back."

 

Maybe, she adds in her mind, but she refrains from saying it out loud. She might as well have though, because both boys look unconvinced.

 

"I wouldn't be so sure." Sirius says, but he's not saying it out of spite, rather, it's thoughtful. "I'd say he is a perfect cut-out for Slytherin and no matter the bad reputation that House gets, it's true that they look out for their own interests first."

 

James nods. "My mum might not look like it, but she was Slytherin when she was at school. She said the same thing, that a Slytherin always looks out for it's own first."

 

"Your mum was in Slytherin?" Haesel says and though at first it seemed strange now she can imagine why. Dorea Potter does have a way about her though she seems much softer, sweeter than the harsh idea they've just painted of the ideal Slytherin.

 

"And my Dad was in Gryffindor, so to be honest sometimes it doesn't quite matter. But he seemed like the sort who really buys into the whole House pride thing."

 

Haesel sits down thoughtfully. "I suppose it may be because he doesn't really has much to take pride in otherwise?"

 

Both boys muffle a snicker. She frowns at them.

 

"I'm serious!"

 

"I thought you were Haesel?" James frowns in return and it takes her a moment and a full out laughing Sirius to understand the joke she just walked into. She can't help but laugh as well, because it is quite funny, except...

 

"You don't do this every time anyone says that, so you?"

 

A look of pride is exchanged. "Of course we do!" They say at the same time. Haesel groans, but she's smiling. The previous conversation is almost entirely forgotten as they proceed to tell her all sorts of escapades from the time they were first introduced at a pureblood get together.

 

It almost makes Haesel forget her initial intentions... Almost.

 

She stands again and this time succeeds in getting her hand free. "Would you guys watch Boots for a bit? I'll be back soon."

 

She picks up the kitty and hands him to Sirius, who's trying to keep his face blank. He's not over her naming skills yet and has been teasing her in his letters, saying that if she ever were to marry she should let her husband name the children. Haesel had been very happy that no one had been around to see her face go as red as a firetruck.

 

But that's in the past and Haesel tries hard not to think about it as she leaves the compartment and heads out in a random direction, looking every so often into a compartment or crossing a carriage to see if she can spot her sister.

 

She finally finds her to the back of the train. Lily and Snape are in a rather small compartment with two other girls, but there's no conversation or the air of companionship she's left behind in her own compartment. They all look up at her entrance, Lily with a smile and Snape with a barely concealed scowl. He evidently thinks she's taken her side, with how long it has taken for her to find them.

 

It's indeed almost one o'clock in the afternoon and Haesel is suddenly glad she took her sandwiches with her. She hands Lily hers and after a quiet thank you from her sister they dig in. This remind the others in their compartment of their own lunches and for a while anything anyone can hear is people chewing, which breaks the previous silence, Haesel thinks amused.

 

"So." She says, when she's finished her last sandwich and fruit juice. She places the apple back to have as a snack later on.

 

Everyone is looking at her.

 

"I'm Haesel." She says then, cheerfully. "I know my twin sister Lily and Severus Snape there, obviously, but I'm afraid I don't know you girls yet."

 

"My name is Mary McDonald." The blond haired girl says, a hint of a Scottish accent coming through. "I'm a first year - you're all first years too, aren't you?"

 

All of them nod. The other girl, brown haired with sharp blue eyes, introduces herself next as Cynthia Selwyn. She's polite, but keeps her distance as the conversations turns almost inevitable towards Houses.

 

Cynthia admits a preference for Ravenclaw and Mary for Gryffindor. At this point, Snape can't withheld a snort and Mary is about to try and tear him a new one when Lily suddenly stands, attracting everyone's attention.

 

“Would you come with me to the loo for a bit, Haesel?” She says, and her voice is cold. Haesel nods, rising to place the paper bag that held her lunch in the little litter basket.

 

Snape almost rises too, but Lily shakes her head and says “Just Haesel, please.”

 

Haesel can't help but notice she hasn't looked her friend in the eye and wonders what is up with her sister.

 

They walk towards the nearest loo, which is at the end of the train, in silence. On the way they encounter a lady pushing a cart full of sweets. She asks them if they want one and Haesel pauses for a moment to reach for the sickles her Dad gave her before they'd left the house this morning. She asks for some sugar quills and a couple of chocolate frogs, choosing some of the more unusual sounding things and then hurries to catch up to Lily, who's passed the loo entirely and entered the last carriage of the train which turns out to be a storage carriage for people who don't want their trunk or owl carrier to be with them in their compartment.

 

Lily sits down on a trunk and Haesel goes to sit beside her. They sit in silence for a bit, sucking their sugar quills before Lily starts talking. She's not sure what to say, exactly, but in the end decides to just come out with it.

 

“I've been thinking about something Petunia told me yesterday. She took me aside after dinner to have a little talk with me – that's why I was gone for a while.”

 

Haesel nods. She'd been wondering where Lily had been when Mum had helped her check if her trunk contained everything she needed and some extra things she might need. Instead of being there the whole time, Lily had only come back halfway through with a thoughtful frown on her face, the same she's wearing now.

 

Lily sits up straight and looks Haesel right in the eyes. Green holds green and neither can look away.

 

“I'm sorry I left you behind.” Lily says, and it takes Haesel a moment to understand what she means.

 

“If you mean in the compartment it's fine – ” but Lily breaks her off.

 

“No, although, I'm sorry about that too, but I mean these last few months. I've always been gone, off doing things with Sev, and I've hardly spend any time with you. We've hardly played anything! I'm really sorry. I got caught up in all the wonderful things Sev could tell me and well, Petunia told me what you two talked about in the beginning of summer, and that she'd tried to help you reverse all of it but I wasn't understanding what the whole point was so she tried to tell me before we were gone.”

 

Haesel is almost afraid to speak. “Which point?”

 

Lily looks almost outraged. “That you'd ever think I'd leave you behind! That I'd let you go! You're my twin sister, Haesel, even though Mum wasn't always your Mum. It matters not, because you are and to me you'll always be.”

 

There are tears in Haesel's eyes and she doesn't hesitate to hug her sister close.

 

They hug for a while before Lily draws back. “There's another thing.” she admits, frowning again. “I'm worried about Sev.. he's been acting a little weird.”

 

“How do you mean?” Haesel asks. She's got a fair idea where this is going, but she knows she has to let Lily work it out herself.

 

“Remember the incident in the bank?”

 

“When James punched him?”

 

“Yes, then. I know it looked like I was staying away from you two, but I heard him tell what had happened and when I later asked Sev, he told me that James had first insulted him and he'd only responded in kind. I tried to be loyal and believe his version, but well, it didn't go well with how Lady Potter acted, especially compared to Sev's Mum.”

 

She pauses.

 

“Sev kept going on about it, telling me that some wizards where worse than others because they believed Muggles ought to have the same rights as wizards and everything, and that frightened me. I don't think he knew that I read the magical newspaper, and that sounded exactly like what those Pureblood elitists where saying. Not to mention, what about Mum and Dad? And Petunia? I mean, he insulted her before.”

 

“And then I told him off.” Haesel says. There's some happiness about the fact colouring her tone.

 

“Yes, you did and I agreed with that one, remember? But mostly, what happened today – what happened today twice.”

 

Haesel doesn't have to guess this one. “With the thing about the Houses.”

 

Lily nods.

 

Haesel is thoughtful for a moment. “I had a bit of a talk about that with Sirius and James.”

 

Lily makes to interrupt, but Haesel holds up her hands. “Wait, let me explain. I said that despite the fact you didn't really liked them –” Lily colours a bit “– you trusted them to guard me. I said I trusted Sev to guard you as well because you're his friend, but they disagreed because they thought that Sev, as a quintessential Slytherin, would perhaps act in his own interests first.”

 

“What does that have to do with...” Lily trails off.

 

“James said that Sev seemed like the type to buy into the whole House pride thing, and I suspect it might be because he doesn't have much to take pride in to start with. You know, what with what I suspect his home situation is.”

 

Lily nods at this, the corners of her mouth tight. She obviously shares her suspicions.

 

“Well, maybe that's why he doesn't have a very high opinion of Muggles in general. I don't like that attitude, though. One bad apple doesn't mean the whole harvest is bad, I mean, but still, he's still a boy.”

 

“There's good in him, I know there is.” Lily says softly. Haesel hums in agreement. Her twin has the gift to see that, the good in people, Haesel knows she can. Unfortunately, she doesn't share that trait. Haesel is more inclined to be realistic about people, to see beyond what she often wishes to see. That doesn't make her a very good judge of character, though. Neither of them are – Lily sees the good and Haesel sees the bad. Together, that about sums a person up, but apart it's a weakness as well as a strength.

 

“I do think he needs your friendship, Lils.” Haesel says after they've been silent for a while.

 

“I'm not about to stop being friends with him.” Lily notes sharply.

 

Haesel laughs. “I didn't say that! But I suppose you can make him a better person. Like you've made me.”

 

“I didn't have to do much.” Lily says fondly and they banter for a little bit more before returning to the rest of the train. Lily stops in the compartment where Snape sits and then decides to stay there the rest of the trip, so they go to their original compartment for a moment to fetch her school robes which she puts on in the loo. Lily then leaves for her compartment while Haesel goes back to the one she shared with Sirius and James, both of which had greeted them cheerfully when they passed by to pick up their robes.

 

They've changed into robes themselves and the three of them spend the rest of the trip comparing prank ideas. When it's almost entirely dark, there's an announcement over the speakers that they'll be arriving soon and to leave any baggage behind including pets. Haesel catches Boots who protests at being placed in the carrier again, but by then Haesel is much to exited to mind him.

 

The train comes to a slow stop and the three firsties put on their cloaks – it seems cold and wet outside – before they leave the compartment and the train.

 

Outside it's indeed wet, but it's not raining anymore as it was earlier. Haesel is glad for the warm cloak and her trusty red converse, who help her keep her grip on the wet platform.

 

At one end, a giant of a man is waving a light. “First years, over here! All first years, over here!”

 

Sirius and James take each one of her hands and pull her along. She's sheltered between them, which saves her from the pushing older students, but means she's not able to look for Lily either, not that she would be able to see over all the other, much taller, students.

 

They gather around the giant man, who looks very friendly and very wild, and when he has apparently determined he has all of them – Haesel can't really count, but there seem to be at least fifty or more of them – he guides them down a path and to a little beach.

 

Hogwarts towers over them and the sight is magnificent. Sitting in a little boat, crossing the enormous black Lake, Haesel can't hold back her grin.

 

She's finally here.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!
> 
> Sorry for the delay – I got ill (still am, lots of headaches, pretty awful I can't bear looking at my iPad or laptop for too long) and also I only had an iPad for a while, and I'm pretty bad at typing long texts on that one. 
> 
> I hope you liked the chapter! Next one: the sorting!


	9. Níu

Hagrid leads them up from the underground cavern where they got out of the boats to a little room off a very impressive entrance hall. From behind the huge double doors they can hear voices talking and laughing and many conclude rightly that the Great Hall is just beyond those doors.

 

There's a witch waiting for them, dressed in dark green robes with her pointy witch hat set at exactly the correct angle to make the best possible impression. Haesel recognises her as Professor McGonagall.

 

“Welcome to Hogwarts. I am Professor McGonagall, primary teacher of Transfiguration and head of Gryffindor House.” the witch says. “In a moment, I will see if they are ready for you in the Great Hall. When they are, I will lead you in and you will be sorted.”

 

She looks around to see if all of them are properly listening. Satisfied that they are or at least seem to be, she continues.

 

“The sorting ceremony is a very important event, because while you are here, your House will be something like your family within Hogwarts. You will have classes with the rest of your House, sleep in your House dormitory and spend free time in your House common room. There are four Houses, Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Slytherin. Each House has it's own noble history and has produced outstanding witches and wizards. While you are at Hogwarts, your triumphs will earn you points. Any rule breaking will make you lose points. At the end of the year, the House Cup is awarded – a great honour.”

 

She checks again if everyone is listening. Haesel can understand why. While at first she'd assumed there were about fifty first years, now she can see there were more although she had no idea how many, it has to be at least double. She remembers something she's read in a history book once, which claimed that every year, each House got around fifteen female and fifteen male students. She had wondered how that worked out since mere chance wouldn't stand for it, but she can believe that the amount of students that could apply would be controlled to a nice even number. The selection procedure was probably quite harsh, offering places only to those rich and important to get one – or more likely, to several of the old families of the Wizarding World – and the leftover places were quite probably sorted out and given to the best possible candidates.

 

Haesel remembers the high scores they had both scored on their end of year tests and wonders how much of their being offered a place was due to that. She knows from her own research that there are several other schools in the British Isles that accepted students, but they are smaller and definitely less prestigious than Hogwarts is. According to one book, rumour had it that a graduate from Hogwarts had few to none difficulties finding a job, often at the Ministry, or gaining an apprenticeship to attain a Mastery.

 

She resolves to work hard to be deserving of the honour.

 

Haesel looks up in time to see the back of Professor McGonagall's robes disappear through the big doors that lead into the Great Hall. The noise from within swells and quietens again as the witch passes through.

 

“How many first year students do you think are there?” She whispers to Sirius. James, overhearing the question, answers before the other has time to do so.

 

“Around one-twenty, I think.”

 

“One hundred and twenty?” Haesel asks for clarification. Sirius, quite a bit taller than she is, cranes his neck to look around. He nods.

 

“Hogwarts usually accepts around that much students.” James says, not minding the other people gathered around them that are leaning a bit closer to better hear what he's saying. “Most of them are from the older families. For some, such as me, their name was down the moment they were born. It's always been that way.”

 

“Ah,” Haesel says. “I thought that much. And then there are some places left that are given to particularly gifted Muggleborn students and others, right?”

 

Sirius gives another nod. It's clear to Haesel that he's nervous and the most obvious reason is that is the sorting. She wants to take his hand again and repeat 'Brave at heart' – she might as well have it engraved and call it her motto – but there are too many people watching them now.

 

“Some places are given to scholarship students also, unfortunately.” A sour looking girl with long black hair comments and she gives a boy standing near a dirty glance, making clear that she thinks it's a disgrace to let in poor people. The boy flushes. It's obvious from his worn robes and general scruffy appearance that his family isn't as wealthy as James' or Sirius' family is.

 

“At least they can say talent got them to Hogwarts and not money.” Haesel remarks and she inwardly thanks Petunia for teaching her how to deal with bullies.

 

It's the girls turn to blush now as the surrounding students laugh. The boy, sandy haired with strangely amber eyes, gives Haesel a grateful smile and Haesel winks in return. His smile grows to a grin.

 

“Good one, Haesel.” applauds James and he's grinning. It almost seems like he has no nerves whatsoever, but the way he fists his hands before sticking them in his trouser pockets betrays him.

 

The sound of the great doors being opened again silences any remark the girl would want to make and the Professor surveys the group sharply.

 

“They are ready for you now – follow me in an orderly line of two, please.”

 

Eager to get going the first years do as she says. Haesel ends up beside Sirius and behind them James quietly introduces himself to the sandy haired boy. Not many are talking as they are filing into the Great Hall two after two, so Haesel can hear him answer with a polite 'Remus Lupin, nice to meet you too'. She quickly turns and sticks out her hand.

 

“I'm Haesel Evans!” she whispers excitedly. They're among the last to enter, so Remus has enough time to shake her hand and agree that the acquaintance is happily made. Then it's their turn to enter and Haesel has a difficult time to mask her gasp.

 

The Great Hall is, true to it's name, enormous. Four long tables stand side by side, mostly filled with students and a long table in the far back, perpendicular to the other four, holds what Haesel presumes are the teachers and professors. High above the tables, already decked with golden silverware, hang a thousand or more gently floating candles that illuminate everything. But the ceiling is even more wonderful; it looks almost exactly like Haesel remembers the sky to be when they were crossing the lake. It's not a far stretch to imagine it's enchanted to show the real sky outside.

 

She's so busy admiring the Hall that she almost doesn't notice coming up at the front where Professor McGonagall has stopped the rest of the first years. Sirius has to catch her arm to stop her advancement right before she walks right into the back of a tall boy.

 

She doesn't say anything when he lowers his hand to grasp hers, knowing he needs the comfort and they are concealed by the rest of the group around them.

 

It grows silent. When the professor is sure they can all hear her, she addresses them again.

 

“When I call your name, you will come forward, put on the hat and sit on the stool to be sorted.” She says, unrolling a truly long looking roll of parchment which Haesel assumes contains their names. She's not wrong, and it feels like a blink of an eye before the students whose last name began with an A have been sorted and the B's are being called forward one by one.

 

Sirius squeezes her hand. She looks up at him, the relief that all they had to do was try on a hat fading away in concern for her first Wizarding friend.

 

She squeezes back and says, lowly: “You're talking to me, remember?”

 

He manages a small smile, clearly remembering their first meeting and looks her straight into her eyes. “Brave at heart.” He repeats. She nods solemnly and then -

 

“Sirius Black!” is called.

 

There seem to be a great deal of people watching Sirius' sorting, Haesel thinks. James has managed to weasel himself into standing next to her, Remus at his side, evidently just adopted into the brotherhood. Haesel faintly wonders where Lily is because she saw a glimpse of her earlier but the crowd of first years hasn't diminished enough that she can actually see her.

 

She stands on her tip-toes, hoping to keep Sirius within view as he appears to be arguing, but she cannot see with whom. It's taking some time and she sees how people are starting to murmur among themselves. The other sortings never took this much time. Haesel starts to chant under her breath without noticing it, saying “Come on you can do it!” It isn't until an amused glance from James makes her aware of what she's doing and she wrinkles her nose at him for laughing at her.

 

She's so busy making faces at James that she almost doesn't hear the hat call out “Gryffindor!” but it's impossible to miss the dead silence that falls afterwards. Haesel resists jumping up and down with difficulty but she doesn't hesitate to clap along with the slightly stupefied table at the far right, which is Gryffindor's.

 

There's a great grin on Sirius' face and the way he looks at Haesel and James, who are busy cheering for him, makes his happiness well known.

 

As the next person is called forward there's some commotion in the group, resulting from someone making their way through them. It's quickly revealed to be Lily, who breaks out in a smile when she sees Haesel. Snape has followed in her wake, but he's careful not to look at either Haesel or James, who likewise try not to mind him.

 

“I've been looking for you.” Lily says as she takes Haesel's hand and the twins share a quick grin. Haesel is glad her sister has found them, because she wants to share as much as possible with her.

 

“Me too!” She agrees and then they're silent again because it doesn't do to talk while others are being sorted. Nerves make the time go by faster and truly it's not long before the D's make place for the E's.

 

Haesel is called forward first.

 

She makes her way to the front, accepts the frayed hat from Margaret Ettington who then leaves for Ravenclaw and sits down on the low stool before putting the hat on. It's too big for her and it sinks down on her face, obscuring her view of the Hall.

 

“ _Interesting_.” a soft voice says in her ear and now Haesel understand why several people have jumped in fright because she just did the same. “ _Easy there, I'm not going to harm you. Just have a wee look into your mind._ ”

 

 _That's not exactly reassuring_ , Haesel thinks.

 

_I will not betray your secrets, do not worry – I've been sworn to secrecy by Rowena Ravenclaw herself._

 

 _Was this her hat, then?_ Haesel can't help but inquire cheekily. There's silent laughter in her head.

 

_No, child, it's much to big for that! I used to belong to Godric Gryffindor and on that note, let's get to sorting you._

 

Haesel doesn't hear anything for maybe a breath and then the voice starts up again. _Difficult, yes, very difficult. Plenty of courage, not a bad mind, prepared to work hard I see? Quite a bit of ambition you have there, Miss Evans. Or should I call you by another name? But never mind that, the time has not yet come._

 

 _The time for what?_ Haesel thinks.

 

 _It's not my place to tell you, child. But to have come here requires a noble mind and courage above all, and where else but_ “Gryffindor!” _will you find your home?_

 

It takes Haesel a moment to understand she just got sorted yet the hat doesn't seem to be done. _Already you have caused ripples in the fabric of time. I look forward to seeing what you archive, child._

 

 _Bye?_ Haesel thinks and when she hears nothing more than a fleeting farewell in return she lifts the hat and hands it to her sister who's smiling in congratulations.

 

“See you in a bit.” Haesel can't help but whisper with a wink and she stows the hat's strange words away in the back of her mind as she meets the eye of an exited James and cheerfully walks towards the table where Sirius has saved her a seat.

 

Beside a quick grin and some congratulations Haesel doesn't say much, training her attention on Lily at the front of the Hall wearing the hat. It seems to take ages, but Haesel's inner clock says it's less time than she and certainly less time than Sirius wore the hat before it gives Lily her new house.

 

It's not really surprising that it's Gryffindor, although Lily's loyalty might have earned her Hufflepuff as well, Haesel snickers in her mind. She shoves Sirius a bit aside to make space for Lily, who has given Snape a regretful shrug before sitting down beside her twin.

 

“He had been hoping we'd be in the same House.” she tells Haesel, who's not surprised to hear that. “But I didn't really think it would happen anyway.”

 

Haesel nods and they leave it at that.

 

The sorting seems to slow down after they've taking their seats. Haesel reasons it might be because they don't really know many people, and the ones they're waiting for such as James and Snape have last names that will take some time. She's glad for the apple she saved for a snack so it doesn't seem like the last time she ate was yesterday as the sorting drags on and more and more people join their new house.

 

She smiles as those she does know make it to her new House; Remus and Mary McDonald from the train and eventually James, whose sorting takes about the amount of time it takes for him to lower the hat on his head and then immediately take it off again. His grin is wide and proud and he tells anyone who listens that he wasn't frightened because he always knew where he'd end up. Haesel decides to humour him and not mention the nerves she saw him display before, although Lily's eye-roll speaks volumes.

 

Lily is the only one from the table of 'lions' as they refer to themselves to clap when Snape gets sorted into Slytherin. She shrugs off the odd looks she gets from the others. After the S there are not much students left and it seems to go faster than before. Everyone is glad for it as many are starting to finger their cutlery hungrily. Surely, the headmaster has noticed, for his speech is brief and to the point.

 

“To all students; I welcome you for another year at Hogwarts! For most of you, this is welcome back and are we ever glad to see you return!”

 

Haesel isn't sure this sentiment is shared wholeheartedly by every teacher, but she's willing to give them the benefit of the doubt.

 

“I'm sure you are all very hungry and so I shall endeavour to keep this brief! The Forbidden Forest is, as it's name states, forbidden for all students. Magic in the corridors is also forbidden, as some of you are wont to forget, and a list of banned items can be found in the caretakers office. Luckily, that is all that is required of me to say, so without further ado; let us tuck in!”

 

He claps his hands and suddenly the tables are almost groaning under the amount of food they are carrying. Haesel picks up her fork and knife and heads for the baked potatoes.

 

It's a while before anyone is willing to talk again, hungry as they are it takes in fact for dinner to disappear in favour of dessert before the first years start talking. Some already know each other, but most don't, and introductions are foremost on everyone's minds.

 

“So we sleep in dormitories, don't we?” A girl with pretty blond hair and a round face questions, after having introduced herself as Alice Little.

 

Mary McDonald nods. “There are about fourteen of us girls and fifteen of you boys - ”

 

“You've been counting?” Emmeline Vance exclaims incredulously.

 

Mary gives her a look that questions her intelligence. “No, I just checked.”

 

Sure that she's cowed her into silence now, Mary continues. “My mum told me the biggest dorms get is five people, so that's easy there. We'll hear who we're rooming with for the next seven years in a moment.”

 

Haesel and Lily exchange looks over the treacle tart. What if they're not together?

 

“For seven years, really? It doesn't change?” A mousy haired boy with watery blue eyes pipes up from the end of the table.

 

“It usually doesn't.” Florence Night answers. “My mum was in Gryffindor too and she told me that she had the same dorm-mates for the whole of it.”

 

“I did hear that they do sometimes change people around.” A girl with skin a pretty dark inserts into the conversation. “My uncle was Ravenclaw – the only one in the family, in fact – and he said that once they had to change a girl because she didn't get along with anyone in her dormitory. He said she was pretty awful.”

 

“What happened to her?” Someone asks, Haesel can't see who.

 

The girl shrugs. “She was bullied, I think my uncle said, and then one day she died.”

 

There are incredulous sounds around the group.

 

“Just up and died?” Another boy, sitting beside Remus across from Haesel asks.

 

“My uncle said it was quite mysterious.” The girl reveals, clearly enjoying her time in the spotlight. Before she's able to continue though dessert starts disappearing from the table. Most students rise and the first years wait a moment until an older student with a prefect badge comes to collect them, introducing himself only as fifth year prefect Andrew Kirke.

 

He takes them up several stairs, explaining on the way about the moving staircases and the Gryffindor Tower. He tells them that, seeing as it's a Wednesday, classes will start the next day, but at a later hour than usual. They're to wait in the common room around eight o'clock when the other, female prefect will guide them down to breakfast to get their class schedules. She'll then guide them back to the tower to get the appropriate books and tell them how to get to their first classroom. After that, they're on their own, although older students will always be available to help them find their way in the beginning and for advice on classes.

 

Haesel tries to print the way they take into her brain, but after eating her fill she's starting to get quite tired. She resolves to pay more attention the next day and leans on Lily shoulder as they climb yet another staircase to stop in front of a portrait of a rather plumb lady wearing a fairly horrible ruffled pink dress.

 

“This is the entrance to the Gryffindor Tower.” The prefect says. “It's password protected. The password changes every so often, so take care to check the board in the common room so you'll not be locked out. Quid Agis.”

 

“Fine, thank you.” The portrait says and swings open.

 

Noting Haesel's puzzled look, Sirius explains it means 'how are you' in Latin, which then earns him a puzzled look from Lily as they enter into a cozy room.

 

Haesel can't help but fall in love with the room. It's quite wide, with a giant fireplace on one side and plushy arm chairs all over. To the left, some entrances seem to lead to other rooms or corridors while an entrance on the right reveals stairs leading up to a second level. There are alcoves near the windows where groups of people can sit and talk, and the overall scarlet and gold makes for a warm atmosphere. Here and there people are seated, mostly talking to friends or year-mates.

 

“To the left, you can enter some study rooms and the corridor to the Head Boy and Girl dorms, which are not occupied at the moment and are thus closed off.” Kirke explains. “To the right, you can go up to the second level, where more seats and study tables are located.”

 

He points them to door beside the one that he earlier said led to the Head Dorms. “That entrance there is the one to the dorms. First years are on the first level, and the higher you go in year, the higher you move in dorm. When you get to your dorms, girls go to the right and boys to the left. On the doors there will be notes with the names of whoever sleeps in that one. Your luggage is already standing by your bed.”

 

Suddenly he smiles. “Welcome to Gryffindor! I'm afraid first year curfew is in an hour already, so you best get settled.”

 

They nod and troop up the stairs one after the other. At the first landing Haesel hesitates, letting the others go past until only Lily, James, Sirius and Remus have stayed behind. They look at her, wondering why she stayed back.

 

“I'm glad we're all in here, together.” She says and she knows her smile is wide on her face.

 

Lily nods and hugs her. “Me too.” She's mostly looking at Haesel, but the three boys give her smiles as well and Lily goes on ahead to check out their dorm. After a quick goodnight James drags Remus off to do the same until only Sirius remains.

 

“Thank you.” he says and nervously wipes a stray black curl away from his eyes.

 

“For what?” Haesel asks. They both ignore some older students descending the stairs.

 

Sirius gives an elegant shrug. “For being there?”

 

It might have been meant as a statement, but it sounds more like a question.

 

“That's all right.” She says and she steps forward to give him a hug, which he accepts readily. When he squeezes a little too hard and holds on a little too long she doesn't mind it, because she _knows_ how much it means to him that he's a Gryffindor now – that he can finally go his own way despite his family, never mind how scary that prospect sometimes looks.

 

She shares a dorm with Lily, Alice Little, Mary McDonald and Florence Night. The girls are eager to get to know one another, but they can hardly talk for all the yawning they're doing, so Haesel and Lily write a short letter together for their parents and Lily hands it to Archimedes as Haesel crawls into the four poster bed.

 

Their beds are beside one another, and there's just not too much space between them that the twins can clasp hands and share smiles before going to sleep.

 

It's the start of a new life, it feels like and Haesel remembers how happy she was to get here and how little that feeling has left.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!
> 
> Hmm, weird chapter. Had to do a lot of research for this one, especially for classmates, class sizes, all that. I finally decided on a Hogwarts student population of around 840, as that makes a lot more sense than just 280 (which would be the size if every year had only forty students, ten a House) as insinuated in canon. 
> 
> As for names... there are not many characters, students, from the Marauder's Era that I know off, aside from the obvious ones or the ones we think might've been at school during their time there (such as say Lucius Malfoy), so I took names from the Harry Potter wiki and made characters to suit my needs. This means that I tried really hard to keep some sort of canon idea, but most other characters will probably be more OC than anything else. Sorry! I hope you don't mind. I'll try not to make them all awful Mary Sue's or something, but I don't really know what else to do!
> 
> Also, because of the larger student population, I had to add teachers – hence why Professor McGonagall says she's the primary Transfiguration teacher, not just the Transfiguration teacher – but yet again, I'm going to try to keep OC's to a minimum! 
> 
> Okay, this was a bit of a difficult chapter. I tried to fit the common room to reflect the need for more students as well, setting is a bit weird otherwise – but I'm not going to change much more, I think! Hah, I hereby claim artistic licence and point to the summary which says AU, so there :D
> 
> Hope you enjoyed and thank you for reading!


	10. Sapuluh

For a first day of classes at a magical school, it's oddly relaxed. Normally they'd have Astronomy at midnight on a Wednesday, so Thursday mornings are class-free and they only have Transfiguration and History of Magic in the afternoon.

 

Normally they would have had Astronomy on Wednesday night and then Thursday morning off to recuperate, but since they hadn't had Astronomy it was just a free morning. After breakfast the female prefect led them back to the common room and advised them to use this time to settle in, maybe explore a bit of the castle so they at least knew where the library was. Once she had heard the word library, Lily was all for it and so they set off.

 

Hogwarts' great library deserved the reputation it had gotten, and more, is what Haesel marvels after an hour. She's lost Lily somewhere around the Charms section. Their first lesson after lunch was after all charms and Lily was eager to maybe read ahead.

 

Haesel snorts. She's fairly sure Lily knows the text book backwards and forwards, and they're only first years. Hogwarts is said to be one one of the best Magic schools in the world but even they won't expect miracles from the beginning. They've got time, yet.

 

She glimpses a little of the sky outside through a window and sees it's perfectly blue, which means it's a wonderful late summer day outside and she's here inside, almost wasting it away.

 

She leaves the library and wanders outside. Other students have had the same idea and the grounds are dotted with students. Haesel heads towards the lake first and after a calming half an hour sitting with her feet in the water heads towards the border of the Forbidden Forest. Halfway there she sees James coming up to her, Remus at his side. She's faintly amused at the speed he seems to be integrating into their little group but she's far from minding it. He seems like a nice boy and she's sure they can become great friends.

 

Contrary to the nice weather and the free morning, their faces are rather glum. As they near her they spot her as well and James changes direction slightly to meet up.

 

"Hey." He says and he makes a token effort to make his voice cheerful. Haesel carefully raises an eyebrow and James can't help a quick grin.

 

"James, Remus." She greets them. "Why the long faces?"

 

Remus gives a shrug and waves with one hand to a big tree growing close to the edge of the Black Lake some of it's roots disappearing into the water. It's so big she can't really see around it, making it an excellent hiding place.

 

"It's Sirius." Remus finally admits when it's clear Haesel hasn't got a clue why the tree is important. "He's a bit down."

 

James snorts. "A bit all right! His cousin told his mother that he'd gotten into Gryffindor before he could and she sent him this awful letter, arrived right after breakfast."

 

That clears up the confused frown Haesel had adopted halfway through because when Lily and her had left for the library all three of the boys had seemed to be in great spirits, joking away. Due to Lily's enthusiasm they had left rather early, so Haesel had thought she wouldn't see her friends until lunch or the Charms class they have afterwards.

 

"Well, not like she would've been happy about it had he told her either." Remus says with a shrug. "My parents don't go out much, and they don't really belong to the same social circles you or Sirius do, James, but even I know that Blacks usually go to Slytherin and that Sirius' mother is .. Not playing with a full deck, so to say."

 

Which was, of course, a polite way to say she is a little crazy.

 

Haesel nods. The comments Sirius had dropped over the course of their friendship indicate as much, really.

 

James regards her in a new light. "Say, maybe you could try to talk to him? We've tried almost everything from telling jokes to saying nothing at all, but it didn't appear to help much."

 

"We even talked about pranks." Remus says and there's something like marvel in the way he says it, as if he can't believe they talked about it. Or, Haesel muses, can't believe they talked about it with him.

 

She mimics Remus' earlier shrug. "I could try, but there's no guarantee I'd do any better than you."

 

James looks as if he very much doubts that and suddenly Haesel remembers the way he said "So you're Haesel Evans!" When they met in Gringotts and wonders what he'd heard of her.. What Sirius has told him about her.

 

Remus seems to share James' views but he covers it up with a "You never know, right?"

 

Giving a last wave, they head on towards the great doors and Haesel proceeds towards the tree. Her earlier idea of it being a great place to hide is proven correctly. The roots make a little hollow that can comfortably shield one person, or two little ones she thinks as she slips down to settle beside Sirius, who beside a covert look to see who's joining him doesn't really acknowledged her.

 

They sit in silence for a while, Sirius crinkling the parchment of the letter he holds and then smoothing it out again ever so often and Haesel with her feet in the cold lake again, looking down to the ripples she makes in the water. Finally, Sirius breaks the silence.

 

"My mother wants me to go to the Headmaster and ask to be resorted." He says and Haesel winces a little inside at how dead his voice sounds.

 

"I don't think that's possible." She says after a bit.

 

Sirius gives a short barking laugh. "No, it isn't."

 

They are silent once more, but this time it's Haesel who speaks first.

 

"What are you going to tell her?" She's honestly curious.

 

"The truth." He sighs. "Beside, she's probably written to Dumbledore as well anyway, so he'll tell her the same thing."

 

"Is it honestly that terrible, to be sorted into the House of the Brave?" She knows none of her family would take offence, wherever she went. They'd be equally happy for her.

 

Sirius doesn't have such a family, though.

 

"It wouldn't be so bad if it had been Ravenclaw." Sirius muses, putting his arms behind his head and leaning back on them.

 

"Why?" Haesel asks, again.

 

Sirius attempts a shrug but it fails due to his position and he drops his arms to either side, letting his head fall back on the tree. Haesel tries not to mind the arm that is almost dangerously close to being around her shoulders. She knows Sirius isn't aware of it nor of the implications the gesture carries, so she endeavours to keep it that way. He's not above teasing her, that she knows well.

 

"I told you how certain families carry certain.. Alliances." He says, speaking carefully. Haesel nods, despite the fact he's closed his eyes and thus cannot see it, but he goes on regardless. "The Potter family, for example, has always tended towards the Light side of the spectrum while say my family is oriented towards the Dark side of it. Of course, the whole thing is rather rubbish because it's intend that matters most and even the most Light spells can have deadly consequences, but most of the families keep to it almost religiously."

 

Haesel has read about this in her books, so it's not something she's never heard of before and she supposes it's really not all that different from mundane politics. Nevertheless, she lets him go on without interrupting.

 

"For a Dark of maybe Grey wizard, cunning and ambition - Slytherin traits - are very important. The Blacks take pride in both. Members of my family have been Minister of Magic, Headmaster of Hogwarts, held high posts in the Ministry or been important in their chosen field of Mastery. I am the scion of the House, the heir to the Black Family. I can't be a reckless idiot."

 

"But you aren't." Haesel injects into his monologue which has become increasingly morose. "Being noble and courageous is sometimes more important than being cunning or ambitious, because what are you with ambition if you haven't got the nerve to do anything? What use is cunning when you can't see it through? Besides, Gryffindor doesn't mean Light, really. Different people make different choices, no matter their dominant traits."

 

She pauses, looking out over the lake. "I think that being a Gryffindor means not being afraid who you are, not being afraid to stand up for that which you believe in, daring the world to come and prove you wrong because you aren't."

 

She glances back. Sirius is looking at her intently, grey eyes sharp even though their half closed position invites the idea he's only half awake.

 

"I.." Haesel doubts for a second, weighting her words. It'll be the first time she's told anyone this, will it be alright? She fears having it out in the open, but that's almost irrational. This secret cannot hurt her. She doesn't think he'll allow it to.

 

"My Mum used to have a younger sister, my Aunt Ianthe. She traveled often with her husband and she was godmother to Lily and I, so we sometimes went with them for some travels. When Lily and I were eight, we were supposed to join them in Germany but Lily got ill and it was decided only I would go."

 

Sirius is in silent in turn, curious to see where this is going to lead.

 

"There was a car accident, a drunk driver late at night. Uncle Erwin, he was the least hurt of the three of us. He managed to free himself and then got me out. When he went back for Aunt Ianthe, the car exploded. I was the only survivor."

 

Haesel scratches her left shoulder. The wounds have healed and left only silver spider web scars behind, but sometimes she thinks she can feel how everything hurt and she couldn't move, the first time she woke up properly in the hospital in London.

 

"Dad told me this, from a witness account. I was heavily wounded, all over – they feared I wouldn't make it, those first few weeks." She's got difficulty admitting the following. "I have amnesia. I don't remember anything before waking up in the hospital, nothing from the first eight years of my life."

 

Haesel doesn't dare looking towards Sirius, instead rummaging in her bag to find her notebook. The black Moleskin is the first thing she was given after waking up and initially it was meant to write down anything she maybe remembered, but when no memories came she'd started writing what she learned, things she wanted to know or places she wanted to visit. She shows it to Sirius, pointing out the carefully taped in photo she has of the Grandma she's never known. The most important photo she keeps tucked in the little pocket at the back and she's careful when she pulls it out. It's a holiday photo Aunt Ianthe send to Mum of the three of them standing, all dressed up in front of the Munich Opera. The back reads 'Munich Opera Festival 30th June 1968'.

 

She hands it to Sirius, who flips it over to read the note on the back and then stares at the photo itself some more. It's in colour. Younger Haesel is wearing a pretty patterned blue dress with a black cardigan and low sandals. Her smile is wide as she holds the hand of the pretty woman standing next to her, who's smiling at her husband.

 

“Why?” Sirius asks. “Why tell me this?”

 

Haesel lowers her eyes in thought as she tucks the photo away and then slips the notebook back into the shoulder bag that she's taken to carrying around in preparation to classes.

 

“I don't know, I mean, I hardly know who I am, but I want to be the best I can. I want to be strong enough to be whoever I want to be?” She carefully does not think how half of what she's just told him is a lie, how not her aunt and uncle died but her own parents but the lie has become her life and she's going to live it, now. “There might not actually a point to it.” She laughs lightly. She hoped once that maybe, the fact she's told this to someone would lighten some kind of invisible burden, but the fact it's still a lie makes something burn in the back of her throat.

 

“Maybe despite the fact I've got a family I sometimes still feel as if I don't have anywhere to belong?” She says finally. “Maybe it's that despite the years past, the support I've been given, I still feel lonely sometimes?”

 

Haesel shrugs. She's become used to it, in the wee hours of the night, looking at Lily's sleeping figure in the bed opposite by the slight moonlight coming through badly closed curtains, laying awake and wondering how and who she used to be and just what she has lost, maybe in more ways than just one.

 

Sirius gives a low sigh, glancing at the crumpled letter. He's not sure what he's going to reply, because he doesn't really know what could bring his mother to accept the person he wants to be, the values he holds dear that are definitely not those she advocates. He quietly dreads the confrontation that will await him when he gets home and has already decided somewhere in the back of his mind not to leave Hogwarts until he can't stay anymore. Which means he has until the summer to come up with a plan.

 

It's not as if he had wanted to write to anyone – his father is uninterested in his children, choosing to take care of the matters of the Black family first and foremost, his mother has nothing better to do than terrorise them between the social events she attends and his little brother is a follower if he's ever seen one, so no hope there.

 

He had wanted to leave it all behind, but now he sees it was a foolish hope. He is, as he told Haesel just minutes before, the Heir to the family, expected to take up the mantle of head after his father dies. All his life he's been carefully groomed and all his life he's tried to defy it. Getting into Gryffindor had been a distant wish and now he's actually done it he can't seem to enjoy it.

 

Sirius leans his head against the tree once again, staring up at the swaying branches and blue sky up above. He knows ignoring his mother won't work, even if she won't employ a howler 'because it is beneath a Pureblood, purebred lady to air her laundry in public' she will find a way to make her displeasure known.

 

Ah well, there's no more use in worrying about it. There's nothing he can do but try to put a spin on it, saying something like it's the ultimate strategy by making them all trust him because he's a goody two shoes Gryffindor while getting close to the sons and daughters of the enemy or something like that. He's had to blatantly lie and claim things his mother had never thought of before and if he can get away with a prank like that on her it would be the best. Uncle Alphard always did say that sometimes you just had to tell people the things they want to hear.

 

This thought makes him stare at Haesel thoughtfully. What does she want to hear? She's told him something she was obviously conflicted about, but now she's just staring out over the lake, mind far away. There's conflict on her face, written in the furrow of her brow and the way she's biting her lip and he wants to distract her from her worries, the way he wants to distract himself from his own.

 

Besides, the day is far to beautiful to be let down by heavy thoughts like these.

 

“Be careful with thinking – I've heard that you can get lost in the unfamiliar thoughts.” It's not a very good one, considering all the cheeky things he has said over the course of his life, but it does the job. She looks at him, merry green eyes dancing and the worries chased far.

 

“It's like you would know.” She says and she tries the brow-arching again, which still looks not at all impressive and just cute.

 

Sirius goes to give her a little shove for those words, but he fails to go through with it when he noticed he's basically half hugging her with his arm around her shoulders and he. Hasn't. Noticed.

 

Time to take advantage of that, then!

 

With a playful grin he wraps the arm around her securely and drags her tight against his side. She squeaks and goes red and he laughs. It's not that bad, he supposes, as long as one has friends to remind them of the important things in life, such as pranks and laughter.

 

Haesel is still miffed at him when they enter the Great Hall for lunch ten minutes later. It doesn't take long to spot their friends, who are sitting somewhere in the middle of the Gryffindor table already eating. James sees them first and almost sprays Remus with crumbs as he opens his mouth to call them over despite the sandwich he's in the process of eating.

 

Surprisingly it's not Remus who calls him out on that, but a snide “It's impolite to open your mouth when chewing.” from Lily, who's sitting with Mary and Florence closer to the boys than Haesel would have thought.

 

She grins at her sister as she goes to sit beside her, leaving Sirius to join James and Remus. She knows she can't leave them alone for long as they're planning the first prank they're going to start the school year with but she still needs some girl time as well. They have a pleasant conversation guessing the content of their first Charms lesson and making up amusing things about who their teacher is going to be. At one point, Florence is saying she hopes it's a he and he will be handsome, someone buts into their conversation.

 

“You're first years, right? So you'll probably have Professor Flitwick.” The boy seems at first glance just another first year, but he's definitely not one of them Lily quickly realises and she pounces the chance to get more information from someone form second year. Haesel gets bored around the time they talk about second year classes, but the mention of the first year electives pulls her back in. The prefect from this morning explained briefly that beyond the core subjects such as Potions, Transfiguration and History there are some three more classes the first years can choose to take if they want to, which go until third year t

 

The boy, whose name Haesel hasn't caught, explains that while Magical Theory is interesting, it's not very interesting if you aren't planning on taking a Mastery in Charms or Transfiguration, but according to an older student he's got his information from it is handy if you're planning on taking Arithmancy in third year. He, on the other hand, is thinking of becoming maybe an Auror or a curse breaker – Haesel think both sound pretty exiting – and thus prefers to just take Ancient Studies, which covers what History doesn't and is all around more interesting anyway.

 

When asked why, he shrugs and says “You'll see.”

 

“But what about Culture?” Alice has by now also come down to eat and followed to conversation with interest.

 

Unnamed Boy thinks on it. “Obviously most of you have had things like etiquette and ballroom dancing already, but well my mum made me take it and it wasn't so bad, actually. The Madame knows some funny ways to insult someone politely and really it's just having afternoon tea with a bit of instruction.”

 

“So it's worth taking?” Lily asks.

 

“If you're muggleborn, it might be in your best interests, because it deals with a lot of things most magically grown up children have known about all their lives and this way you won't appear to be uncultured.” Unnamed Boy answers and really Haesel needs to know his name this is embarrassing.

 

Lily seems a little insulted, but Haesel gives her a quick poke and a silent warning to leave it.

 

“Just a nice spot of tea drinking with polite conversation, then.” She sums it up and the boy laughs.

 

“Mostly, yes.” His own friends motion for him to join them and he leaves them with a friendly bye.

 

“I think I'm going to take all of the electives.” Lily announces and Haesel is not surprised. She's not the only one who's reluctant to declare the same, she realises when Alice and Mary have the same look she feels is on her face.

 

“I'm not very interested in Magic Theory.” She says. Lily gives her an amused look. They both remember Haesel lamenting the fact that Hogwarts doesn't have any Physical Education classes outside the mandatory flying class. Ever since she's recovered enough to do things again Haesel has had a thing about being able to move.

 

“Me neither.” Alice agrees. “Though I suspect my mum would want me to take Culture.”

 

“I've got that in writing.” Mary says and her voice is anything but enthusiastic.

 

“I might take Ancient studies though.” Haesel adds thoughtful. “Curse breaker sounds pretty exiting!”

 

Florence grimaces. “I'm expected to gain an eventual Mastery – my whole family has at least one – so I'll probably have to take both Ancient Studies and Magical Theory. But I'm not taking Culture, my grandmother has drilled me on everything she could possibly think of already, I don't reckon I need any more instruction!”

 

The other girls laugh at her expression and then they all have to try and find the Charms classroom for their first ever lesson in anything magic.

 

 

 

 

It's a thoroughly bored and annoyed Haesel that dumps her bag on the couch in the common room beside James more than two hours later. She flops down beside it, nudging the boy out of the way.

 

Remus and Sirius are sprawled likewise on two armchairs facing the couch and their bags are sitting on the low table in the middle. Remus is checking his schedule, likely trying to memorise it and Sirius is observing her with the same obvious amusement as James is.

 

“History was so boring! At first I thought that maybe because our teacher is a ghost – and apparently our teacher is a ghost! - that would mean that he's surely lived though some of it and has interesting stories to tell but come on! I know History can be exiting but this? This isn't it.”

 

She's crossing her arms and frowning heavily by the end of it and all three boys are now outright laughing at her. It doesn't stop her from continuing.

 

“Also, I don't get why Lily found Charms so exiting. It was an introduction to magic! I read about all of that ages ago. It's like going back to the very basics!”

 

Remus makes a sound in the back of his throat which might have been a chuckle. “Not all of us are geniuses like you and your sister, you know. Some of us need those basics.”

 

Sirius snorts. “Like you needed them.”

 

James gives an agreeable nod. “We all didn't. But that boy, you know the one that tried to move dormitories? He might.”

 

“He definitely needs them.” Sirius says.

 

“.. He didn't give off a very bright impression, I must admit.” Remus says after a little silence where he was obviously trying to find something nice to say.

 

“You've lost me.” Haesel remarks. “Which boy?”

 

“Remember those lists hanging on your dormitory doors yesterday with all the names?”

 

“No.” Haesel says and gives James a look that clearly questions why he felt the need to say that. “Why should I? It only ever told me I would be rooming with my sister for yet another seven years.”

 

“Sarcasm aside, which by the way I am telling Mum about-”

 

“Wait why are you going to tell that to your mother?” Remus questions, trowing them entirely off track. “I thought you weren't related or anything?”

 

James gives a very put upon sigh. “She wanted to be kept updated about what all my female friends did, and I quote, 'for the novelty of it all'.”

 

The others descend into laughter and Sirius and Haesel regale Remus with the tale of the ice cream meeting in Diagon Alley.

 

“Anyway, back to the original story.” James says and he glares at them, which only serves to make their grins widen. “On the second door there was this note saying we slept there, all three of us, and two more boys, Edward and Hamish, you've met them at breakfast.”

 

“Oh right those two.” Haesel says as she remembers the two boys who were nice but obviously already very good friends and in no need to gain more beyond pleasant acquaintances.

 

“Yes well we're all putting on our pyjamas when this boy comes in and claims he's 'supposed to be in this room and some boy changed the names!'” James is obviously trying to mimic another's voice, high and reeling with an obvious whine in it. “We checked the notes, and it was true-”

 

“I suspect Hamish, he seems like the type.” Sirius randomly inserts and James ignores him, going on like there wasn't any interruption.

 

“-but none of us were admitting to it, so in the end we had to call the prefect to get it settled.”

 

Remus takes over. “Prefect Kirke seemed a bit annoyed at all of it, but well mostly at that boy, because he was going on and on about being deprived of his dorm room and everything. In the end he simply said that as we had already all started to settle in the boy just ought to take his luggage and move dorms. But that was the strange thing, his luggage was already in the other dorm and all of ours was in our dorm as well, which means someone decided to change the names before we got here.”

 

“I still suspect Hamish, though.” Sirius says.

 

“What?” he questions when they all look at him strangely. “My mother has no qualms writing the headmaster, I don't reckon she's the only one! Some parent must have requested their children to room with this or that person provided they make the House, and as Hamish's father is on the Board of Directors I think he's our best bet.”

 

“That was remarkably thought out.” Remus comments, as if he can't believe Sirius is capable of using logic. Sirius lungs at him to show how offended he is and Haesel and James cheer them on as they tumble over the armchair Remus was siting on, making entirely too much noise and commotion for a couple of fresh firsties.

 

Not like they care, Haesel thinks – and not like this is the least they are going to do, because the pranks they're planning and the things they're going to do are definitely going to bring them more attention.

 

She grins and cheers on Remus as he elbows Sirius and then changes alliances and cheers Sirius on who's managed to get Remus in a headlock.

 

Nah, they'll do whatever they want to, because normal is overrated anyway.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!
> 
> Sorry for the rather longer wait – I can only say I got my results (passed all of my finals hell yeah!), then got ill (again), classes started again and gosh not fun how much work we already have and then my cold came back (also again. I love Winter, I do, but if Spring means no more illness I'm gladly moving on).
> 
> Anyway, might update slower because of uni, yep. Thank you all for reading! I love all the feedback, really :D it's a huge support!


	11. أحد عشر

Not a month later Haesel is peacefully napping on a couch to the far end of the common room. Boots, only slightly bigger now, is curled up on her stomach, also fast asleep.

 

She looks like she tried to do some studying, Sirius reflects as he sits down opposite. There's a thick book called  _ Uncommon Uses of Common Spells _ on the floor where her hand is lightly touching it. He wanted to tell her that it's announced they'll have their first flying lesson two days from now on Thursday, but there have been slight bags under her eyes lately and she has admitted to sleeping bad so he lets her rest and takes this chance to study her.

 

Now the green eyes are closed, he notes other things about her more easily, like her long black lashes that rest on skin darkened just a shade from spending a lot of time out in the sun this summer. She's extremely fair still, and he knows from her letters she burns easily. A few vague freckles are scattered over the thin bridge of her nose and her hair is spread over the arm of the couch she's on in wild tangles.

 

He knows Lily and Haesel are twins, has seen how much they look alike and as he squashes the urge to pick up a stand of hair he contemplates the differences again. Lily has red hair to Haesel's inky black, and she's taller as well. Laying there sleeping Haesel looks even more fragile than normal, arms and legs thin. He knows why now; how she hasn't yet recovered fully from the terrible accident that almost took her life and as Lily had admitted the moment she knew he knew about that, she likely would always bear the scars.

 

The scars. He hasn't seen them, but Lily has shown him a photo of a pale, tiny Haesel covered in bandages with short, uneven hair because most of it was burned off.

 

He thinks he likes it better long. It's wild and often tangled, but it's all her and Sirius isn't sure if he ought to fear how much he values her as his friend. They've made their nice little group of friends, he and Haesel, James and Remus. All of them are very bright and also very mischievous. So far they haven't really done any real pranks, but last week Remus came up with the idea to see if they can recruit the house elves to help them with food related pranks. Immediately declaring that to be brilliant, they've been looking for the kitchen but they've yet to find it.

 

When they do... Ah, Sirius can't contain a grin.

 

Green eyes blink open and Haesel gives a great yawn as a languid stretch almost dislodges Boots, who gives a token protest but settles again almost immediately.

 

"Oh hi Sirius." Haesel says between yawns, looking unwilling to move from the comfy couch.

 

Sirius leans back and feels his grin widen. Sometimes he thinks Haesel and Boots are not only in looks alike.

 

"Stop smiling like that, it gives me the shivers." Haesel says.

 

Sirius keeps grinning. When she narrows her eyes at him, he holds his hands up. They're all a little afraid of Haesel, after she completely decimated a bloke from Ravenclaw annoying her after their shared Transfiguration class. James and Haesel had been the first to manage to turn a matchstick into a needle, and James' quick escape had left Haesel to the mercy of the inquisitive Ravenclaws, a move she hadn't appreciated at all, nor the endless questions of "So how did you..”

 

“Haha.. anyway! They announced when we’ll have our first flying lesson.”

 

“Really?” There’s faint interest in Haesel’s eyes though she doesn’t move. “When?”

 

“Thursday - two days from now.”

 

Haesel frowns. “Why are you exited? I know you’ve flown before.”

 

Sirius shrugs. “I have, yes, but you haven’t! Lots of people won’t have flown before. Brooms are fairly expensive, so most parents just don’t buy one.”

 

“You mean the good ones are expensive.”

 

“True.” Sirius is unrepentant. It’s something Haesel has noticed over the course of their friendship and that she can now see in James as well. Both come from wealthy, pureblood backgrounds and while they don’t buy in any supremacist talk they are used to not thinking about the money they spend. It shows in the quality of their robes and personal effects. James even has a little pocket money to order sweets and prank items with, which was surprisingly his mothers idea.

 

Haesel’s family is well off certainly, but they’re still middle class and not so rich ‘no one has to work for three generations and they would still be able to live off the family fortune’ as Sirius had put it once.

 

She lets one hand drop to rest on her tummy. “I hope it’s going to be any fun.”

 

“It’s flying, Haesel. It will be!”

 

“Stop pretending to be James.”

 

Sirius pouts.

 

“I mean it. You’re already attached at the hip, no need to pretend!”

 

Sirius grins. Haesel gives it up as a lost cause.

 

“I’m so glad I have Remus.” She remarks to the room at large. A sneak peak to Sirius shows his fake wounded expression and the hand he presses to his heart in an exaggerated motion. “And Lily and the girls.”

 

She sneaks another look and adds, gleefully: “Especially the girls.”

 

Sirius has now a very put upon expression. “I’ll take my revenge for that, I promise!”

 

“I’m looking forward to it.” Haesel grins. The look he gives her makes her regret those words though because that look is pure evil.

 

“Oh, but I will enjoy it.” Sirius almost purrs and Haesel is sure her eyes are wide. Now it’s Sirius’ turn to look gleeful.

 

“I promise to never ever say I prefer the girls over you.” Haesel says in an attempt to calm him. She’s brave, sure, but not suicidal.

 

“Too late.”

 

“I promise to never ever even think about it?” Haesel offers.

 

No reaction.

 

“Not even dream about-” she breaks off her own sentence, suddenly reminded why she’s so tired she fell asleep reading.

 

Sirius has noticed the abrupt end to her sentence. “Go on, I’m waiting?”

 

“Never mind.” Haesel says and she looks down to a still asleep Boots, the hand on her tummy going to softly pet him. The kitty wakes slowly, already purring.

 

Sirius leans forwards. This is what he’s been waiting for, because he knows by now that just plainly asking will get a ‘I’m fine’ and no progress at all. You’ve got to lead Haesel into it, using anything you can. If she thinks it’s important she’ll share it, like she shared the story of her accident, but if it’s just about her health she’ll brush it off so he has to go roundabout.

 

It’s even more worrying because Lily had said - who’s a lot more willing to talk about her sister to Sirius now she knows Haesel trusts him enough to tell him her secrets - that she wakes up in the middle of the night and Haesel would be sitting up in her bed, reading a book by the light of her wand. Any attempt to get her to sleep or talk about it would fail and Lily had looked really worried when she said that.

 

Sirius has to admit that is worrying, because ever since they made up on the Express he was sure the twins had gone back to the closeness Haesel has often written about.

 

“Never mind what?” He asks.

 

Haesel doesn’t even glance his way as she says: “Nothing terrible important.”

 

“But still fairly important.”

 

“Would you just leave it alone!”

 

Haesel looks even more shocked than he is in the wake of her outburst. It was louder than she’d surely intended, but the other students who’ve glanced at them look away when they see nothing but a slowly reddening Haesel and a surprised Sirius.

 

Haesel, who’d shot to a sitting position and disrupting Boots in the process, sinks down into the couch again and attempts to pacify the angry kitten, but Boots won’t have it and stalks away with his tail high in the air. Haesel follows her cat with her eyes, eyes that seem curiously wet.

 

“I’m sorry.” She whispers eventually and Sirius gets up, goes around the table and sits down next to her, drawing her into a hug.

 

“It’s okay.” is all he says as she curls into him. There are no tears, but they sit like that for a little while, Haesel hiding her face in his shoulder. Sirius sees James and Remus approaching from the entrance of the common room, but he shakes his head minutely and luckily Remus, the one who’s slightly less socially obvious gets the hint and pulls James to the stairs to the dorms.

 

Sirius gives them a grateful smile.

 

Haesel is silent for such a long time Sirius almost fears she’s fallen asleep again, but then her voice sounds, muffled against his school jumper.

 

“I’ve got these dreams, nightmares actually. I’ve had them as long as I can remember - and that’s saying something.”

 

Sirius says nothing, but doesn’t protest either when Haesel cuddles even closer. She’s still not shown her face, but he’s happy enough that she’s sharing that he’s not going to say anything about it.

 

When she volunteers nothing more, he ventures to ask. “What are they about?”

 

She shudders. “War, death, destruction.” He can almost physically feel her swallow before she goes on. “I didn’t used to know it was magic - that the people in my dreams fought with magic or that unicorns and centaurs were real… but then I discovered Lily and I were magic and suddenly it wasn’t so strange anymore. I thought they might even be going away.”

 

She is silent again. He speaks again, encourages her. “But they didn’t?”

 

She shakes her head against his shoulder. “No. Since coming to Hogwarts they even got worse, actually and sometimes I wake up and it takes ages before I remember they’re not real. They seem so real, though. They’re not always bad, but the good ones are worse. I feel like I lost so much.”

 

“Maybe they’re subconscious fears?” He suggests, turning her last words over in his head.

 

“I don’t think so. They feel like memories. Sometimes it even feels like…” she pauses to swallow again. “As if they’re trying to tell me something.”

 

Sirius’ mind whirls. He could dismiss the dreams out of hand, that would be what everyone would do he thinks. They would maybe suggest a visit to a mind healer to discuss some obviously trauma she’s not over yet, but he doesn’t think that’s it. That she doesn’t remember anything before the accident sure hurts but in part she’s already over it and he is fairly sure she’s already seen a mind healer or the Muggle equivalent for it. No, this is more and with magic, that can mean anything.

 

He sighs.

 

“What?” Haesel says, finally looking up. Her face is dry, her eyes not read, he was correct in that she wasn’t crying but her inner turmoil is clear on her face.

 

“We’ll have to go to the library for this one.”

 

She starts laughing at the look of distaste on his face.

 

“Really? You think it means something?” There’s undeniably hope in her voice.

 

He shrugs. “I’ve heard of stranger things. In some bloodlines strange powers are passed on. In my family, for example in my family sometimes there’s a metamorphmagus.”

 

“A what?” Haesel frowns. “Ah, well, never mind. But I’m muggleborn, though.”

 

Sirius shrugs again. “You never know.”

 

He nudges her. “But you should talk to Lily about this, too.”

 

Haesel looks reluctant. Time to go in for the kill, then. “She worries about you.”

 

Haesel still looks reluctant, but she gives in. “Okay.”

 

She sinks back into the couch, conveniently ignoring how he’s still hugging her sideways. “Thank you.”

 

He smiles.  _ Because that’s what friends do, don’t they? _

 

 

 

 

 

“Stop fidgeting. You’re making me nervous.” Haesel hisses and Lily looks apologetic.

 

“Sorry…” She whispers and shifts to her other foot again. Haesel rolls her eyes at Remus, who’s on her other side.

 

The Gryffindor first years are lined up across from the Slytherin first years, each one standing beside a battered school broom. It’s Thursday 30th September 4 o’clock and they’re having their first flying lesson.

 

Haesel wonders at the wisdom of the Gryffindor and Slytherin firsties have it together, because those two houses are the worst when it comes to inter house disputes. Aside from one pair of unlikely friends, she has to admit as she spies Lily giving Snape an encouraging smile from the corner of her eye.

 

But they are the exception. There’s one girl Haesel has Potions with who’s name is Elizabeth Burke sending her nasty looks and whispering to her friend Tabitha Bainbridge, who’s standing at the next broom. Haesel has no clue what she’s done to warrant their hate, but it must have been something truly atrocious because the girls go out of their way to insult her.

 

Lily sees her looking and doesn’t have to guess what she’s thinking off.

 

“They think you stole Sirius from them.” She leans over and whispers. Haesel colours and splutters.

 

“I did what? You make me sound like a thirty-something home wrecker!”

 

“Sev told me that Burke went around saying she was going to get engaged to Sirius when they were older, because her family is also one of the Sacred Twenty-Eight.”

 

Haesel nods. That explains a lot - no wait it doesn’t. “The what?”

 

Lily gives her a look as if she ought to know this. “The only families to be completely, truly ‘pureblood’ in the 1930’s. Didn’t Sirius tell you this? I think it was even in that thick history book of yours.”

 

“Ah now I remember.” Haesel says. Lily humours her and continues.

 

“They often inter-marry because then they’re assured of a continued pureblood line, so it’s not unlikely Burke would marry Sirius.”

 

“Why would he do that? She’s awful!”

 

“To us, yes.” Lily doesn’t have to say it’s because they’re Muggleborn.

 

“But why would she say  _ I _ stole him?”

 

“Your friendship would have swayed him into thinking favourably of Muggleborns and thus ending up in Gryffindor, so now his parents don’t think him good enough to continue the Noble House of Black.”

 

“It’s the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black.” Haesel corrects almost absentmindedly and Lily giggles.

 

“That’s not discounting the theory that Sirius got into Gryffindor as a part of an elaborate plot to make the Blacks seem more friendly and get a shoe in with the Light side.”

 

Now Haesel’s the one giggling. “Who thinks those things up?”

 

“It’s inter-house gossip.” Lily shrugs. “Sev tells me it’s a big thing with the Slytherin girls, and the boys too, actually. Apparently gossip and appearances are everything among the higher social circles.”

 

“That’s so Victorian.” Haesel says and the twins share a grin before the instructor, one Madam Hooch, a witch appearing to be in her fifties for all that says anything about the long living Wizarding Folk, calls them to attention.

 

“Good afternoon, class.”

 

The thirty first years reply as one. “Good afternoon, Madam.”

 

“My name is Rolanda Hooch, and I will be your flying instructor. If any of you ever manage to become part of a Quidditch House Team, I will be your referee also. Now, today we will have our first Flying Class. Anyone who has ever flown before, raise your hand.”

 

Half of the hands go up. Madam Hooch nods approvingly.

 

“Good. We will start at the beginning and then work our way up, assessing your individual level as we go. If by the end of this class I declare you proficient, you need not return next week. If I deem you not ready, you will return until I say you are.”

 

She gives them a hard stare. “I repeat, I decide if you are proficient or not. I do not care about your previous experience or your father’s influence on the Board of Governors. If you think you are,  _ then show me. _ I will not enter into discussions with anyone.”

 

More than one of the firsties gulp nervously. From the other side of Remus James trows Haesel a wink. Sirius leans around James to give a little wave and a thumps up for Remus who looks like he’s going to be ill.

 

Haesel tries to feel confident instead of queasy herself as Madam Hooch tells them to put their hand above their broom and call out “Up!”.

 

“Feel it! No, boy, not like you’re afraid from it, command it!”

 

Like a dog, Haesel tries to tell herself and holds out her hand.

 

“Up!”

 

To her surprise the broom flies into her hand immediately. Her fingers close around the wooden shaft, which feels almost alive under her hand. She exchanges a wide eyed look with Lily, who’s a little peeved because her broom refuses to cooperate.

 

“Imagine talking to a dog.” Haesel whispers. “Command it.”

 

Lily gives it another half hearted try, and then another and another. Finally, she holds a broom which appears almost as reluctant as herself. Haesel tries to smile encouragingly.

 

“Good! Now seat yourself and place both hands around the shaft.” Madam Hooch commands and everyone does so. Madam Hooch goes around to check their grips, correcting here and there. Haesel is faintly happy to see her correct Elizabeth Burke.

 

“When I blow my whistle, you will all push off the ground slowly. Wait, girl, what are you doing!”

 

The gathered first years look on in amazement as Edith Newton, a shy Gryffindor girl in one of the other dorms, pushes off to early and much to hard and then almost unaware of the eyes on her goes up vertically only to lose her grip on the broom and crash down to the ground from thirty feet. Haesel looks around quickly. Madam Hooch is as surprised as the rest of them and is staring stupidly as most of the firsties and Haesel realises if no one is going to do anything Edith is going to seriously hurt herself.

 

She whips out her wand from the special pocket and whispers the first spell she can think off, the Wingardium Leviosa they’re rumoured to learn next. Edith’s fall slows and then she’s floating and Haesel’s wand is shaking - or is it her hand that is shaking? - when she lowers her to the ground.

 

Everyone is staring at her, some in disbelief, others in amazement.

 

Edith is just crying and all around going into hysterics. Madam Hooch tries to calm her but fails and ends up deciding to take her to the Hospital Wing for a Calming Draught.

 

“Don’t you move. If one of you decide to try flying, you’ll be gone from Hogwarts before you can say Quidditch.” She threatens them before leaving with a sobbing Edith. The first years crowd around Haesel.

 

“How’d you know to do that?” Florence asks excitedly.

 

“Yes that was great!” James exclaims.

 

Haesel doesn’t get a chance to say anything before Elizabeth pushes her way through the crowd.

 

“If it isn’t one Mudblood saving another.” She sneers. There are gasps and pointed exclamations among the group.

 

“What do you want, Burke?” Sirius sneers and Haesel has always thought he was fairly handsome but now, with that expression, it’s hard to see.

 

“I want nothing from you, Black.” The way she says his last name is like saying it seems to cause her pain. “But I have something you might want.” This she says to Haesel, turning from Sirius as if she can’t bear to look at him.

 

“What?” Haesel asks. It’s hardly started and she’s already tired of this.

 

Burke pulls out a wand and twirls it in her fingers, studying it.

 

“Edith's wand!” A Gryffindor girl Haesel doesn’t know the name of but is sure shares Edith's dorm says.

 

“Give it here.” Haesel says.

 

“No.” Burke says and then she’s on her broom. “Come get it.”

 

“Don’t!” Lily calls but Haesel determinedly gets on the broom she’d taken back when she’d but her wand away and pushes off. This is Edith’s wand, the most important thing to a witch or wizard. She can’t have Burke trow it away or damage it.

 

“Haesel!” Lily calls again but Haesel’s shakily gotten to the same height Burke hovers and is determined to ignore her sister for now.

 

“So you think you can fly.” Burke sneers. She’s even uglier with it and Haesel thinks that with all her heart. “Prove it then - catch it if you can!”

 

With that, she throws the wand as hard as she can towards the nearby castle wall.

 

Haesel sees the wand flying, closing in on the unforgiving stone and suddenly she’s not thinking anymore but feeling. The broom is alive under her hands and she bends down and  _ flies _ .

 

The wand falls fast but Haesel is faster and she catches it a foot from the ground, managing to pull even and rise up again, euphoria filling her as she stares at the wand and then at the broom with a wide grin.

 

Flying is awesome!

 

Under her, the Gryffindor first years cheer and they surround her as she lands lightly. She’s in the process of being hugged by a fanatically worried Lily and a evenly fanatically delighted James who yell about completely different things when a sharp voice cuts through the sounds.

 

“Miss Evans!”

 

Haesel turns, feeling her doom settle heavier than the combined weight of Lily and James as she sees Professor McGonagall bear down on the gaggle of firsties who separate like the red sea.

 

“Follow me.” Is all the Professor says but Haesel can’t read her face and wonders dejectedly, broom and caught wand clenched in her hands, if her parents will let her be homeschooled or she could chance a smaller school of magic, because she’ll be kicked out of Hogwarts for sure now. She manages to hand the wand to an equally worried Lily who promises to give it back to Edith before she’s forced to run after the Professor.

 

For some reason, the Professor leads her to a corridor where she’s never been before, stopping before a stone gargoyle to which she says “Ice Mice” before the gargoyle leaps aside to reveal a spiralling stone staircase.

 

They ride the stairs in silence and poor Haesel is thinking of even more gruesome sort of public shaming when they enter a small stone chamber.

 

“Wait here.” Professor McGonagall tells her and knocks once before entering what appears to be an office. Haesel can hear her say “Professor Dumbledore, I wish to ask special per- ” before the door cuts off her words.

 

Haesel moans. The Headmaster, of course she’s brought to the Headmaster. She clenches the broom even closer, glad she’s got it to hold on to.

 

Haesel waits in the little room for what feels like an age but is probably more close to ten minutes. She can’t hear anything through the thick oaken door, but as convinced she is of her fate she doesn’t try anyway. It’s a surprise then when the door swings open and she’s beckoned inside.

 

If Haesel hadn’t been scared out of her wits to be thrown out of school she’d be pleased to have a look around the office. It’s a large and beautiful circular room, full of funny little noises and curious silver instruments. The walls are covered with portraits of old Headmasters and Headmistresses, all of whom are either looking curiously at her or snoozing gently in their frames. There is also an enormous, claw-footed desk behind which the Headmaster himself is sitting.

 

With a wave she’s invited to take a seat before the desk.

 

“Do you know why you are here, Miss Evans?” The Headmaster asks her.

 

“To be expelled?” Haesel hazards a guess.

 

Both professors look incredulously at each other. The Headmaster recovers first. “Of course not, dear girl. In fact, Professor McGonagall here has an incredible proposition for you if you were to take it.” His blue eyes twinkle friendly behind his half moon spectacles, but Haesel has more notice for the Professor mentioned.

 

Professor McGonagall seems to be softer somehow as she looks down at her. “Would you like to join the Gryffindor Quidditch team as Seeker, Miss Evans?”

 

Haesel feels her jaw drop. “Wh- What?” She squeaks.

 

Now both are laughing.

 

“Professor McGonagall told me she saw you catch a wand a foot from the ground after diving a full fifty feet and then rising again. Is this true?”

 

Haesel can only nod.

 

“It was incredible, Albus!” Professor McGonagall almost gushes and Haesel thinks almost because Professor McGonagall gushing, what is happening to the world? “We really need a seeker and she’d be perfect!” Turning to Haesel, she adds “Do you own a broom?”

 

“Um, no.” Haesel says feeling as if this is a dream and she’s about to wake up in a really bad way. “This was my first time on a broom, Professor.”

 

“First time!” Professor McGonagall has to sit down.

 

“Very well.” Headmaster Dumbledore says and he smiles at Haesel. “We’ll contact your parents for approval and to organise a broom, of course, but if you feel up to it, welcome to the Gryffindor Quidditch Team.”

 

“Eh okay, thanks.” Haesel says because this is a dream and it’s going to be fine, right?

 

Professor McGonagall smiles. “I’ll introduce you to Captain Bones after dinner, then. Come to my office at half seven, please.”

 

Haesel nods and says her goodbye’s automatically before she descends the spiralling staircase.

 

When she goes to put the broom away no one is there anymore and it’s only when she enters the Gryffindor common room she finds her sister and friends.

 

“Haesel!” Lily yells the moment she sees her and hugs her before patting her face and sides to check if she’s still okay and there in one piece. “What happened? Are you all right? Did they expel you?”

 

“No, I don’t think so.” Haesel says slowly because while she’s coming out of her daze she’s still not sure what exactly happened, but in the back of her mind she hears the warning the Transfiguration Mistress and Head of Gryffindor House has issued her; that she’s to keep this secret as long as possible so she pulls Lily and Remus, the first ones she can grab, towards the window seat they’ve claimed for their own.

 

James, Sirius, Alice, Florence and Mary follow and when they’re seated Haesel motions them closer still.

 

“You can’t tell anyone this, okay? Professor McGonagall made me swear to keep it secret. If anyone asks where I am, say detention with her, okay?”

 

They nod and swear secrecy one after another and then Haesel drops the bomb.

 

“Professor McGonagall was so impressed by my flying stunt she went to the Headmaster to ask special permission to let me be on the Quidditch House Team as seeker.”

 

Jaws drop.

 

“I know.” Haesel commiserates. “That was my reaction too.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed! Hihi, took the description of the Headmaster’s office almost entirely from The Chamber Of Secrets. Wanted to stay authentic. I changed that scene a little too. Hope you don’t mind! I thought flying was really important to Harry(Haesel) and thus had to add it.
> 
> Also, Sirius in denial. I love writing them! Didn’t mean to put them together like that - I swear it wasn’t in the plans - but they happen to like being really friendly so there you have it. I do promise that whatever romance this story will have, it will be at a more appropriate age. But well, plans. Hihi! :)
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	12. बारह

“Just kill me now and then it will be over!” Haesel moans as she lets her head drop with a loud thunk, narrowly missing Remus’ porridge and the cup of tea Lily manages to grab just in time.

 

“I hadn’t thought you’d want to die before you even wish Sirius a happy birthday, Haesel.” The latter remarks happily, adding a touch more sugar and stirring her tea.

 

Remus stifles a snort on her other side as Haesel’s head lifts again with dizzying speed.

 

“What?” Is all she manages to produce before almost passing out from the blood leaving her head in a rush. Ever since she’s joined the Gryffindor Quidditch team Haesel’s workload has tripled, with early morning practice twice a week and once in the evening. They’re coming up on the opening game of the season which is Gryffindor vs. Slytherin and their captain has been utterly ruthless in practice, determined not to lose now they’ve got an ace up their sleeve.

 

Haesel has no problem being that ace, but she’s more dead than alive after practice most days. She’s improved heaps and bounds though, and she gets to fly lots on a daily basis so she can’t really complain.

 

Still… that’s no excuse for forgetting your best friend’s birthday - which Sirius definitely is, in all fairness.

 

James drops into the seat across from Haesel and starts to butter some toast. “He’s been inconsolable.”

 

“Seriously? It’s his birthday today?” Haesel is near panic. She had an idea for a present but not near ready damn it!

 

Oops, sorry Mum, she thinks guiltily. She knows she’s forbidden from swearing and the Culture classes they’ve been taking have only enforced their Mum’s teachings. Haesel had been extra happy when she had discovered that Culture really was just drinking tea and making polite conversation, although dancing had been announced now the festive season is only two more months away. Haesel’s just glad she’s not expected to attend any balls.

 

“Siriusly.” James corrects, now adding raspberry jam and Remus, Lily and Haesel groan in unison. “And no, it’s this weekend. You seem a bit out of it, Haesel-dear.”

 

“Not the nickname!” Haesel moans before what he said makes itself known. “This weekend? Good. Wasn’t done yet, with my present.”

 

“What are you going to give, yourself?” Florence asks as she seats herself beside James. Their two dorms have been interacting a great deal, what with Haesel’s friendship with the three boys. Theif other two roommates, Hamish and Edward, have been keeping to themselves but Alice, Florence and Mary join them often at meals and in the common room. Haesel is happy for it. She spends more time with the boys while Lily divides her time between the girls, Haesel and Snape. All in all, she’s made great friends she gladly writes home about.

 

A wave of homesickness overcomes her and she’s distracted a little too much to properly react to Florence’s comment. Lily chokes on her tea and James is coughing up the crumbles of toast that went down the wrong pipe.

 

“I think we’re a little too young for that yet, Florence.” Remus answers calmly.

 

“And? Never to early to start on something.”

 

“Excuse me?” Lily almost roars. “Are you saying my innocent little sister should offer herself to the likes of a ... a dog like some sort of sacrificial virgin?”

 

A lot more people are now left choking and James is almost dying in his plate, wheezing and coughing and crying his eyes out from laughing so much.

 

“Hey Evans, I just wanted to remind - what is going on here? You alright there, Potter?” It’s Quidditch Captain Seraphina Bones, coming up behind Haesel and frowning at the state of the group of firsties. Haesel is faintly happy she obviously hasn’t heard Lily’s comment.

 

“Nothing, Captain.” She says. “He’ll be fine, by the way. Just a funny comment. What did you want to say?”

 

Firsties are odd, Seraphina thinks to herself and wonders if she were that weird when she was that age. She’s in sixth year now, so she’s got a hard time remembering. Of course, this batch could just be extra odd. Gryffindor often gets weirdos. Brilliant people, in both academics and sports, but weird anyway.

 

“I wanted to remind you about the practice tonight. It’s the last one before the game this Sunday, so I wanted to stay maybe a little later to see if we really have everything down.” She says instead.

 

“Eh sure.” Haesel shrugs and she gives her captain a smile and a wave as the older girl leaves to sit with the rest of the team. They’ve decided that for now Haesel will keep a little distance from them so as not to make her inclusion on the team public knowledge.

 

Turning back to her friends and spotting Sirius and Mary coming up towards them, Haesel grins. Lily is still red in the face and the huff she gives as Sirius sits down is impressive.

 

“What have I done now?” Said boy wonders and gives his friends odd looks when they all start laughing.

 

§

 

Before she even knows it, it’s Sunday 31st of October - Sirius’s birthday, the day of the first Quidditch match of the season between Gryffindor and Slytherin and Haesel wants to throw up.

 

“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” Lily questions as they trudge down to have breakfast. “You’re looking a bit green.”

 

“I’m fine.” Haesel says. “Just .. nerves.”

 

“Well then don’t worry. I’ve seen you flying and you will be great!”

 

“Thanks.” Is all Haesel can utter because her tummy is making summersaults and she is seriously doubting whether she will be able to hold anything down at all.

 

“She’s right. You’ll do fine!” Sirius appears just in time to push the portrait open and let the twins through. He’s wearing a grin from ear to ear.

 

“Sirius! Happy birthday.” Lily says and she moves to give him a hug, inadvertently blocking the entrance to the common room. Sirius accepts the hug and tries not to remember that time when Lily thought he was an absolute prick, which was all of two months ago.

 

Well, Haesel has turned her around, he thinks and accepts the little package with sweets Lily hands him with a simple ‘thank you’, because he now spotted Haesel, who’s trying to hide something behind her back.

 

“Happy birthday.” She says and smiles. Sirius grins in return and motions to her hidden hands.

 

“You can give me your present now!”

 

Haesel raises an eyebrow and Sirius can’t help it, but that isn’t going to stop being cute anytime now, he just knows it and he’s sure Haesel knows it as well because the corners of her mouth curl even further.

 

“Alright. Here,” She gives in and hands him a package that looks quite large and feels soft underneath the wrapping paper. “I made it myself, so it’s not very good, but I guess it’s in time for the match today?”

 

Sirius shreds the flimsy wrapping paper, compressing it unceremoniously in his pocket and a red-and-gold scarf is revealed. When he lets it drop, it’s almost as long as he is and the wool is soft in his hands.

 

“Mum started teaching me last year. I’m not very good yet and it’s probably way to long, but yea… I hope you like it?”

 

_ I love it, _ Sirius wants to say, because this is quite possibly the first hand made present he’s ever gotten, but he just nods and then gathers the black haired girl close for a hug. “Thanks.” His voice is muffled against her own scarf, which like the one he is wearing now is the standard Gryffindor one that comes with the uniform. He’s quick to take it off and stuff it in his other pocket - maybe he’ll pin it up in his room at the Black Townhouse, he thinks with a mental snigger - and winds Haesel’s present around his neck. 

 

As she’s said, it’s too long, but “Look at it on the bright side.” Lily remarks as they enter the Great Hall and sit down at their normal place, where a chorus of “Good Morning” and “Happy birthday, Sirius” greets them. “It’ll still be long enough when you’re taller yourself.”

 

Sirius nods considering, already accepting a gift from James and tugging Haesel into the seat beside him. He can live with that.

 

§

 

Despite all of them trying, no one really manages to get Haesel to eat more than a slice of toast and some fruit, washed down with tea. Nerves are rampart in her body and Haesel stands unsteadily when Seraphina catches her eye some seats down.

 

It’s time, then.

 

“Are you really fine?” Alice wonders, but Haesel only nods and walks out of the Great Hall, exiting the Entrance Hall and going out in the direction of the Quidditch Pitch. She hasn’t even made it across half the distance before the rest of the team joins her.

 

“Don’t worry.” Chaser Neil Randall assures her. “Your nerves will be gone the moment you’re up in the air.”

 

“That’s what you say.” snorts Keeper Michael Karume. “I still get nerves every game!”

 

“As long as you stop them from scoring more than half the times they throw the Quaffle at you, I’m sure it’s going to be fine.”

 

“Thanks for the overwhelming show of support, Captain.” The boy scoffs.

 

“You’re the youngest player in almost eighty years! I think you’ve proven you’re good enough to win!” Alix De Saint-Pierre, Beater, reminds her. The other beater, Robin McTinghe, who’s usually a more silent person, gives a nod. Haesel gives them grateful smiles.

 

“It’s all going to be just fine.” Sakura Akagi, the last Chaser, drapes her arm around Haesel’s shoulder and steers her into the female changing rooms. “You’ll see!”

 

 

“All right, team!” Captain Bones shouts as they all stand before her, dressed in their Quidditch robes and holding their brooms. “I know that this is the first game of the season and if we’re done in here we might as well give up the Cup, but don’t let the pressure get to you! We’ve trained more than they have. We’ve got the better players. We are just better, damn it!”

 

The noise from the crowd settling into their seats above them can’t muffle the cheer the team lets loose after that. Haesel is starting to enjoy herself and feels excitement war with the nerves. She grips her broom tighter, feeling the smooth handle of the Nimbus 1001.

 

_ I can do this _ , she reminds herself.  _ My broom is made especially for this, for going fast and turning quickly. It’s top of the line racing brooms and only been produced for a year! I had to sacrifice my Christmas and birthday presents to get it because it is the best and if I haven’t trained as hard as I could for this game I’ll eat it! _

 

Seraphina looks them in the eye, one after another, and when she meets Haesel’s, the girl gives her captain a determined nod.

 

“So let’s show them what we’re made of!” The doors to the pitch burst open and the noise that slams into them is deafening. “Gryffindor, go!”

 

Haesel mounts her broom and flies out after the rest. She can hear surprised shouts and a loud cheer that can only be Lily, but she tries to block them out as they hover in a circle, waiting for Madam Hooch to toss the Quaffle and signal for the game to start.

 

“I want a nice, clean game!” Madam Hooch says as the two captains try to crush each other’s hands in a official handshake under her watchful eyes. The captains rise again and both teams are on high alert.

 

Madam Hooch releases the Bludgers and the Snitch and then holds up the Quaffle. “Ready? Go!” She trows the red ball up, blows her whistle and the game is on.

 

For a while, Haesel has nothing to do but watch as the game unfolds. She’s looking for the Snitch, but it has flown off so all she has to do for the foreseeable future is cheer when Gryffindor scores and boo when Slytherin does the same, which luckily is less often than the Gryffindor chasers manage. Their selling point is teamwork, and the result is visible; while the Slytherin team is united by the goal of winning, the Gryffindor team is going for winning together, which would be horribly Hufflepuff as Haesel had once remarked if it’s not also characterized by their lack of care when doing death defying stunts.

 

All in all, an hour and a half in Haesel’s nerves are almost entirely gone. The only feeling is the queasy one in her tummy, but she can attribute that to lack of sufficient food. Next time, she muses as she lazily makes another tour of the pitch, she’s going to eat -

 

There!

 

A flash of gold beside the ear of the Slytherin Keeper, who’s also the captain and too busy shouting instructions to his team to notice the little golden ball with wings fluttering beside his head.

 

Luckily, he does manage to spot Haesel barreling down at him and swears as he has to swerve hastily to avoid colliding in mid air. His momentary inattention leaves the hoops wide open and Neil gives a cheer as he puts the Quaffle nicely away in the left one.

 

“Beaters!” Is all the Slytherin captain can yell, anger prominent on his face which only gets worse when he has to duck out of the way of his own Seeker who’s hot on Haesel’s tail. “Get her!”

 

Making a sharp turn and flying right over the heads of the students in the lower stands, Haesel has only eyes for the Snitch and the Bludger that hits her halfway over the field is completely unexpected.

 

The force of it hits her right in her tummy and for a moment Haesel feels her eyes roll back. Her grip on her broom slacks and she’s aware she’s falling, but the only thing she’s focused on right at that moment is the little golden ball just out of her reach - two feet, one feet, yes! It’s going straight down and she’s heavier, falls faster and then her fingers close around the Snitch as she hits the ground in a tumble.

 

“Aww aww aww.” Haesel moans and grips at her ribcage with one hand. She struggles to stand.

 

“Haesel! Are you alright?” A voice calls and Haesel raises her head to see Seraphina hovering in front of her. In the background one of the Slytherin Chasers attempts to put the Quaffle through the middle hoop, but Michael manages to block it.

 

Haesel grins and holds her hand up, proudly showing the Snitch captured in the cage of her fingers.

 

“She’s got the Snitch!” The call goes up and suddenly the cheers are absolutely crazy as the Gryffindor supporters go wild. The rest of the team touches down and converges on Haesel as one and the girl wraps one arm around her ribs as she’s lifted to sit on Neil's shoulders, waving the Snitch above her head.

 

It’s a glorious moment.

 

§

 

One hour later, Haesel is in the Hospital Wing getting her ribs checked out by the Matron, Madam Poppy Pomfrey, who’s really nice but also appears to have taken classes at the Professor McGonagall School of Strict, Stern and Severe.

 

“That’s one broken rib, young lady, and two cracked.” The Madam pronounces after a lot of prodding and wand-waving. “Fortunately, I can mend those in a heartbeat.”

 

Haesel squirms. She’s not fond of hospitals of any kind. At all. “I can go after that, can’t I?”

 

The Matron nods. “I’ll give you some more potions to drink too, you are a bit too small for your age and I'm worried about the state of your bones, you lack a little calcium.”

 

Haesel sends Lily, who’s the only one allowed to stay with her, a pleading look. Her sister nods and takes upon herself to explain to the Madam everything that happened to Haesel in terms of medical things. She’s very thorough in explaining it, partly because researching all the medical terms was the one thing she kept busy with when Haesel was still in the hospital all those years ago.

 

Haesel thinks back to her second awakening with amusement, remembering the slight girl with the heavy book.

 

It’s not long before the Madam finishes healing her and Haesel stands with relief. She’s still wearing her muddy Quidditch robes and she spares the dirty bed a guilty glance, but doesn’t comment on it as she downs the potions she’s handed one after the other.

 

“I’d like you to return tomorrow for a check up and another batch of potions.” Madam Pomfrey says as she lets Haesel and Lily leave. Eager to go, Haesel nods and they leave for the common room.

 

Haesel is looking forward to a shower, but when she enters the common room cheers go up. There a triumphant atmosphere and Haesel is hoisted into the air once more to be paraded around the common room. Even those who’re not as enthusiastic about Quidditch participate in the following party and it’s only when the party starts dying down a little that Haesel gets the chance to sit down with her friends.

 

“I’m trying out next year!” James declares.

 

“You should.” Haesel laughs. “Robin and Sakura are graduating, so a Chaser and a Beater position will need to be filled.”

 

“I think I might try out for Beater.” Mary and Sirius say at the same time and then glare at each other.

 

Haesel isn’t the only one laughing now.

 

“I don’t think I’d ever.” Remus remarks. “I like to watch it, I do and I really like it when our team wins - ” this gets him some grins “- but I don’t think I want to be on the team.”

 

“Yea.” Lily agrees and she sends Haesel a concerned look. “It was just your first game and already you had three injured ribs! Don’t you think it’s a little dangerous?”

 

“Well, of course it is.” James says, but he swallows the rest of his words at the narrowed eyes and chilled glare Lily sends his way.

 

Sirius, slightly less concerned that Lily’s going to hurt him - he’s got Haesel’s trust, he can get her to cover for him and everyone knows Lily will crave to Haesel’s will - adds: “I think that if something is important enough, I’d be willing to get hurt over it.”

 

Haesel nods. “Besides, I’ve still got trouble with my field awareness. I focused completely on the Snitch, so I didn’t see the Bludger coming.”

 

“That sort of thing comes with practice, won’t it?” Alice suggests.

 

“Yes, you’ll get better and then you’ll have less chances of getting injured.” Florence adds.

 

James agrees. “Quidditch is a very dangerous game, that’s true, but Madam Pomfrey is really good! She used to be an important Healer at St Mungo’s, my Mum used to work there and she told me that.”

 

“She did seem very competent.” Lily allows, thinking back to the no nonsense manner and the straight to the point questions of the Hogwarts' Matron. “Say, how do you become a Healer, anyway?”

 

“Already thinking ahead?” Mary grins.

 

“As if most of us aren’t.” Lily says and she shoots Haesel a look, clearly remembering her ‘curse breaker sounds cool!’- comment from the start of the school year.

 

Haesel is unrepentant. There’s so much amazing magic out there, the least she can do is discover some of it! It helps that she kind of likes the idea of doing dangerous things, Quidditch being a case in point.

 

“Apprenticeship at St Mungo’s, I think.” James says, thinking it over. “I could ask my Mum, if you want?”

 

“Cheers!” Lily is pleased, and James is also in turn because that means he’s out of Lily’s bad books. Their friends have quickly discovered that Lily has the true temper of a redhead, quick and explosive, but Lily being Lily she easily forgives and makes peace.

 

Haesel’s tummy growls and she gives an embarrassed shrug.

 

“Here.” Remus says and he pulls a chocolate bar from his pocket. If there’s one thing Haesel has learned about Remus, it’s that he almost always carries around sweets. She secretly supposes that’s the reason he’s been ill twice so far, but doesn’t comment on it as she gratefully accepts the treat.

 

“Thanks! When is dinner, actually?”

 

“I think in half an hour or so?” Florence says. “You might want to take a shower, if you’re planning on going.”

 

Haesel flicks at the bits of dried mud clinging to her robes and grins. “Yea, maybe.”

 

 

§

 

 

That evening, Haesel is sitting on the window sill beside her bed, clad in her pajama's and with Boots in her lap, thinking about magic, Hogwarts, her friends and family and life in general and she concludes that right now, it’s not such a bad place to be.

 

Unfortunately, it doesn't stay that way.

 

She’s forced to eat those words when she’s packed her trunk and falls asleep in her four poster bed for the last time before she’s going home for the Winter Holidays, because the dreams have returned with a vengeance after the game.

 

It’s far from light when she goes down to the common room and curls up on a sofa beside the fire. That’s where Sirius finds her the next morning. He wakes her with a touch to the shoulder, because while so far no one is up yet, that’s not going to stay so for forever.

 

“Why is it always you that sees me like this?” Haesel questions sleepily.

 

Sirius gives an elegant shrug. “I could ask the same. Maybe it’s just that unbreakable bond we forged when I ran you over in Diagon Alley almost a year ago, which will bind us for the rest of forever?”

 

Haesel shudders. “Don’t say that.”

 

Sirius sits down on the sofa beside her. Almost without thinking Haesel shuffles over and curls into him.

 

“The dreams again?” The boy asks as he wraps an arm around her. It’s not the first time he’s comforted Haesel like this and he’s fairly sure it’s not going to be the last. Or well, for a while it will be because he’s staying at Hogwarts - ostentatiously to study some more, but more likely to avoid the lavish Yule celebrations his family puts on - and she’s going home to her family. He’s divided between being jealous of them all, for being able to do that, and the feeling he’s going to miss all of his friends.

 

Well, at least Remus is staying. Florence said her family is abroad and at first that meant she was staying as well, but now she’s going to her Aunt’s. Sirius isn’t sure if he’s relieved, because to be honest out of all the girls he knows Haesel best. Lily is a close second, and he’s not sure what he would do with the company of a girl he doesn’t really know, though they’re definitely friends.

 

He’s definitely going to miss spending mornings like this with Haesel curled into his side, because though it feels evil to think that it’s calm and comforting to sit like this.

 

Haesel nods, but like usual she doesn’t elaborate. Sirius is past the point of forcing it out of her, anyway.

 

They sit in silence for a while and then Sirius is almost startled when Haesel’s head drops against his shoulder. He’s petrified for a bit, not only listening to but also feeling her soft breath puff against the bare skin of his neck. His first thought is of what Lily and their friends would say, but then he mentally scoffs and decides to let it be. Haesel can use the sleep and he doesn’t mind being her pillow. It gives him time to think in silence without thinking he’s alone, the warm weight at his side reminding him of the fact he’s got friends, friends who like him for  _ who _ he is and not  _ what _ he is.

 

He’s managed to get his mother to stop harping on him by playing her desire to see what she wants to see, which is the perfect pureblood but most importantly, Slytherin son she’s always wanted.

 

He has played off getting into Gryffindor over Slytherin - the house Blacks have been going to for generations - as a play to get into the good graces of many important Light side families and people, such as Dumbledore who despite his cheerful manner is very powerful. This way, he’s told his other, he can get to know and gather intelligence on the children of those families, like the Potters, with whom even the Blacks still associate despite their habit of marrying muggleborn and halfblooded witches and wizards.

 

Sirius knows that she’s only buying that load of dragon dung because his Uncle Alphard has chosen his side and because his father, who’s Head of the family, frankly just doesn’t care. He’s only reminded Sirius of his duty to learn the family secrets as the Heir Apparent.

 

His father was always the more rational one of his parents anyway, and Sirius doesn’t mind learning Black Magic from the family grimoires if that means he can go home in the summer without fearing for his life.

 

His cousins still at school, Andromeda and Bellatrix, are both in Slytherin and older, so he doesn’t see much of them. He’s not sorry about it either in Bellatrix’s case, because even as a child she was already a nut job. He sees Andromeda sometimes in the library and his eldest cousin is always nice to him, helping him with his homework.

 

Yes, all in all, life is going pretty great right now! He can’t wait to grow up and finally be able to do things because being a child is boring, but in the meantime, they’ve got pranks and next term they’re going to find the kitchens for sure!

 

There are worse ways to live, Sirius reflects as he leans his head back on the sofa and feels Haesel shift under his arm.Yep, definitely.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!
> 
> I’m skipping quite a bit, but Haesel isn’t about to have many adventures like Harry had because Voldemort isn’t after her and second she’s considered quite normal, haha. Not a celebrity by any means! So to avoid things getting boring, I sort of have to skip. I think the pace is going to slow down as they’re a little older and able to do more, like going on trips or actually fighting in the war that’s not yet happening. She’s going to have a bit more of a normal childhood compared to Harry’s :)
> 
> Hope you liked it! Thank you very much for reading, I love every review, follow and fav! I love looking at the stats of this story, they make me really happy!


	13. On üç

“Don’t pretend you four weren’t behind that prank this morning.” Lily says and the tone of her voice is reproving.

“Which prank?” Haesel grins. She knows her sister can see through it without fail, but that doesn’t mean she oughtn’t try to keep the ruse as long as she can. The boys are counting on her, after all.

Lily does the eyebrow move. Even if she didn’t use it herself, Haesel has taught her that move and no way she’s falling for it. That would be just sad.

“I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about, dear sister.”

Lily moves a book away and leans over. “I know you were involved! Come on Haesel, I’m not blind!”

“Never said you were?” Haesel says slowly. Lily is being uncharacteristically insistent about all of this. As a matter of fact, Haesel was indeed not involved in the prank pulled this very morning in the Great Hall, where your cup of tea would blow up the moment you added either sugar or cream.

Actually, Lily likes to drink tea with a spoon full of sugar every morning even though Haesel has always insisted on just black tea, so the fact that her tea blew up in her face might be the cause of her vehemence. 

But Haesel had had Quidditch practice last night – they’re coming up to the last game of the season, Gryffindor versus Ravenclaw – and Captain Boots is having them practice as if they’re in the pro league, instead of just a House team. Not that Haesel would dare say anything of the sort to her Captain. Even so, she was heavily involved in the planning process, and Lily knows it.

The red headed girl shifts even closer. Haesel resists the temptation to lift her Charms textbook to cover her face as some sort of barrier. “Don’t try that on me! I saw you with those books about time-delayed potions! I was already wondering what you were doing with those, that’s third year stuff. I was happy that you were taking your studies seriously, but instead you’re just playing pranks?”

Her expression is quickly crossing into livid anger and Haesel slides down her seat a little more. The Library tables are generally uncovered though, so hiding there is not an option.

“Did I hear my name?” A cheerful voice says. It’s Sirius, accompanied by a harried looking Remus. 

“Black. Lupin.” Lily hisses and Haesel is fairly sure anytime now her hair is going to float and writhe like Medusa’s snakes do in the cartoons. She wouldn’t be surprised.

Remus only coughs, but Sirius is a little taken back. He tries to signal Haesel for explanations and Haesel carefully mimes a cup blowing up. Sirius nods.

“Don’t be so angry, Lils – it was just a prank.” Haesel attempts. “We wanted to cheer everyone up before the last game and the end of year exams.”

“I don’t care, it was dangerous!” Lily says, but her voice has gone back to normal volume. Haesel and the boys trade relieved glances. “But don’t think you’re out of the fire yet, little sister.”

“Yes?” Haesel peeps. 

“I’ll write to Mum and Dad and tell them that you are wasting your time, when you could be learning.” She smiles, but it only makes her seem more dangerous. “And I’ll write to Petunia.”

Haesel makes a wounded noise. “I am earning! I’m learning lots. Professor Slughorn even complemented me on my potion and Professor McGonagall smiled at me last week!” She says ‘smiled’ as if it is a once-every-century happening; but it’s true that the honourable professor is a little more fond of her than she seems to be of others, which Haesel’s friends attribute to her being Gryffindor’s star Seeker.

Lily has to concede that much. “You’re doing well in DADA as well, but your Astronomy and Charms could use some work.”

Haesel scowls as she holds up the Charms textbook. “I’m doing extra work already, don’t make it harder! Besides, I can’t help it I’ve got Quidditch practice on Wednesday night. I’m so tired I keep falling asleep.”

“Go to bed earlier other nights then.” Lily suggests primly.

“I can’t.” Haesel says disgruntled. “I need the time to finish my assignments, since you frown on doing them in the weekend.”

Lily wants to say she could lie in on the weekend then, but closes her mouth before she can speak. Haesel often has Quidditch on the weekends. Even when there’s no practice or game, she often goes to see the other teams or does her own little flying routine, not to mention hanging around with her friends and the extra studying Lily ropers her into, like right now. 

When talking about hanging around the castle…

“Were you out past curfew again this week? I didn’t see you in the dorm or the common room the day before yesterday.”

Haesel goes wide eyed. “Eh, no, not at all.” She tries to defend, but it sounds weak even to her ears. To Lily’s as well, she sees in the smirk on her twin’s face.

“Sometimes I feel like Lily’s her mother rather than her elder sister.” Sirius whispers to Remus, but his timing is just wrong and both girls can clearly hear the comment.

Haesel sniggers. “Ah, wait until you meet my eldest sister, Petunia. She’s way worse!”

“I’m glad I’m the oldest, then.” Sirius says considering.

“And that I’m an only child.” Remus says, but he coughs halfway through so no one is exactly sure what he has said. Haesel gives him a concerned look.

“Well I have to!” Lily says huffily. “You guys are always out and about, … marauding like that, not paying attention to curfew or rules!”

“Marauding..” Sirius says slowly, considering. “I think I like that.”

Catching sight of Lily’s slowly reddening face, both Haesel and Sirius share the same instinct – to get out! Haesel is fairly sure she hasn’t gathered her books this fast in forever and Sirius who hadn’t had the time to open his bag anyway is done even faster.

“Come on, Remus, we’ll take you to the Hospital Wing. I need to take my potions anyway.” Haesel says as she stuffs her quill beside her books. 

“Yea let’s.” Sirius agrees and they hightail it out of there.

Three corridors away they fall to the ground laughing breathlessly. Even Remus is laughing as he’s overcome with coughing.

Sirius slowly straightens. “I actually really like that word.. Marauding.”

“You don’t even know what it means.” Remus accuses.

“I do!” Sirius says in his defence.

“Then tell us?” Remus suggests.

“… Just not now? You tell!”

Haesel, who had just recovered from her laughing fit, starts laughing all over again.

§

In truth, Haesel is almost sad to know the year will end soon. She’s exited for the summer holidays of course, spending some much needed time with her family, but she’ll miss her friends, the magic lessons, Quidditch, visiting the friendly half giant Hagrid, lazing around the lake planning pranks, having meals in the Great Hall and being chased around the corridors at night by Filch the caretaker because James forgot his invisibility cloak once again…

It’s startling; how much she’s going to miss Hogwarts.

“You’ll all visit, won’t you?” Mary prods one sunny afternoon when they’re cooling their feet in the lake. They’ve just finished their exams. Two more weeks and then the term will end and they’ll go home for the summer. Haesel has her head on Sirius’ thigh, dozing while enjoying the nice weather.

“I don’t know if we’ll have time.” Lily admits ruefully. “Mum and Dad wrote to say they want to go on holiday to Italy to see old friends, they’re archaeologists who travel the world so Mum thinks it’s perfect to get some culture into us at the same time.”

Her voice makes it clear she thinks she has gotten plenty of culture in her life so far, but she’s still pleased with the chance to visit landmarks like the Coliseum.

“Oh, that’s nice!” Florence admires. “For how long? My family went away around Yule already so we’re probably staying in Britain.”

“A month, probably. We’re really going all out on this one because ever since we had to move for Dad’s job we haven’t been on holiday really.”

“We went to Scotland last summer?” Haesel reminds sleepily. 

The whole group laughs. 

“That’s not really a holiday now is it?” Remus remarks amused. Haesel opens one eye and gives him a nod, conceding the point.

“And then we’ve got family reunion in Wales… Busy summer this year.” Lily sighs, dropping backwards unto Haesel’s tummy, who lets out a weird noise as she loses her breath all at once.

“You’ll have no time to meet up at all?” James says disappointed.

“Well we might, but it’s hard to say.” Haesel yawns.

“We could meet up for school shopping?” Alice suggests. “If we go near the end of August the crowds will have died down as well and I think more of us will be able to go.”

Florence snorts. “My mum thinks it’s not worth shopping this year because I’ve already got most of the things I need to personally get, like my wand. She’s planning on owl ordering the lot.”

“But won’t you need new robes?” Mary asks.

When the girls start talking about the merits of owl ordering clothes and Remus and James discuss their plans for the summer, Haesel looks up at an oddly silent Sirius.

She wordlessly raises an eyebrow in question and can’t suppress the satisfied smirk as that makes him smile. She clued into the other, unexpected power that little move has over him fairly quickly.

He pats her head, which is silent code for talking later in private. They’re working on a system of silent codes to reduce the risk of someone overhearing them while they steal about the castle at night, and patting Haesel on the head has the aforementioned meaning. They’re getting better at it, but James is still going on about how it would be better if they actually knew if anyone was coming or not. So far they’ve only had to serve detention a few times, but, as James puts it; ‘a real prankster doesn’t get caught!’

That’s also why they often try to use spells or potions that are clearly above their first year level, because it throws the suspicion off.

Satisfied the conversation can do without her input for now, Haesel closes her eyes.

 

She’s alone in a dark corridor. When she hesitantly walks a little, she notes that her footsteps don’t make any noise. She’s all alone, and while she now recognises the corridor as the one close to the stairs on the second floor near where the Ancient Studies classroom is, it lacks the comforting presence Hogwarts always seems to have even at night.

She’s cold.

She wanders around for some more, but the castle is oddly deserted. She goes near where she knows the prefects often patrol, but there’s no one. Finally, going up to the secret passage from the third floor to the seventh floor she hears slight voices.

She pauses behind the tapestry. It’s an odd place for anyone to be, really, because the only thing that is in this corridor is that tapestry of a wizard teaching trolls ballet, of all things and blank stretches of wall. Which is weird too because most of Hogwarts is covered in tapestries and portraits. She knows they use this passage because it’s not far to the entrance to the Gryffindor Tower, but she was unaware others used it as well. 

There’s a boy pacing before the blank stretch of wall. He seems agitated, muttering to himself. She takes the chance to observe him. He’s tall, possibly a sixth or seventh year, with pointy features and slicked back white blond hair.

She notices that his muttering has become louder, loud enough that she can understand what he’s saying. “I need the Room of Hidden Things. I need the Room of Hidden Things.”

At first the pacing and muttering seems that of a mad man, but then a door, large and elaborate, forms on the wall opposite.

Haesel!

She can barely muffle her gasp of surprise as the boy pulls the door open and disappears. Slowly the door closes ad she’s left with more questions than answers about the ceiling high towers of just … stuff. 

Haesel, wake up!

She supposes ‘Room of Hidden Things’ makes sense, if that was indeed what the boy had been asking? For. 

Haesel!

 

She wakes with a start, sweat cold on her brow. Sirius looks down on her, grey eyes unreadable. 

“I dreamed.” Haesel says, unnecessarily.

It’s then that she notices that they are the only ones left. When she turns her head she can just make out Lily, Florence and Alice walking up to the castle. Remus is lagging behind them, looking up at the colours the setting sun is producing. 

She assumes James and Mary have already entered into the castle.

“I thought so.” Sirius says. His voice is soft as he wipes Haesel’s flyaway hair away from her face.

The quiet gets to Haesel. 

“What did you want to say?” She says as she sits up. Sirius is still observing her, but he looks away as he finally utters words he’s clearly been wanting to say for a while.

“Father has agreed to teach me the Family magic this summer.”

From the way he says it, Haesel understands that ‘Family’ has a capital f.

“That’s good, right?” she says eventually. “Wasn’t that the sort of acceptance you were waiting on?”

“Yes!” He bursts out. She’s taken aback. “But I lied! I told them I pretended to be more brave than cunning to get in Dumbledore’s good books and everything, but it’s not! I am, I mean, I want..” He’s not sure how to correctly express what he wants to say.

“You want to be able to say your own courage was what got you into Gryffindor, not an extended debate with the Sorting Hat.” Haesel says, speaking slowly in case she’s wrong. He doesn’t correct her though, so she goes on. “You want your family to recognise you for who you truly are.”

His grey eyes have become even more stormy as he nods.

“I don’t think that’s a bad thing.” She muses. “But sometimes the more kind thing to do is leave people their illusions.” She pauses briefly. “I wanted to do that, when I first woke up. I wanted to pretend I remembered, just to make Mum a little less sad, but I couldn’t and sometimes I wonder if that was the right thing to do.”

“For you it is.” Sirius says. A strangely soft smile curls the corners of his mouth. “I don’t think you can even be less than what you are.”

Haesel laughs, but she knows, deep in her bones, that he’s right – and that’s scary, after all.

§

“Did my clothes multiply or something?” Lily mutters as she jumps on her trunk to get it to close. 

Haesel sniggers. “I think it’s those books you insisted on borrowing from the library. Does Madam Pince even know you have them?”

“Of course she does!” Lily frowns as she finally manages to close the clasp only to discover she hasn’t added her pyjamas and toothbrush yet. With a sigh she just stuffs those in the school bag she’s taking on the train.

“I wasn’t even aware you could borrow books over summer.” Alice says as she closes her owl’s empty cage. She’s sent her owl ahead with the time they’ll arrive in London, and Lily has done the same on her advice. They’re the only ones left in the dorm, Haesel just staying to watch Lily force her trunk for the amusement of it.

They leave their trunks and troop down the stairs with their bags and other things, ready for the last breakfast. Lily grumbles a little when they enter the Great Hall. Ravenclaw has beaten Gryffindor in the race to the House Cup and she’s still a little sore because of it. Haesel doesn’t mind any of that; their team has won the Quidditch Cup, which is a million times better than the House Cup anytime in her opinion.

Only James, Sirius, Mary, the Quidditch team and some others agree though.

Despite the fact that the Leaving Feast was last night, all the professors are there as well as most of the students. Haesel has not seen the Hall filled up so much since the start of the year. She reasons that even though there are other occasions where many attend, things like End of Term in December or the Samhain feast can still be skipped, but the Welcoming and Leaving Feast are compulsory.

They settle in the last free spots at their part of the table, relishing in the fact that next year they’ll be able to move a little down the table as the new firsties will fill those seas closest to the professors table.

All too soon they’re settling in at a compartment on the scarlet train and even though Haesel is insanely busy talking with all the various friends and acquaintances she’s made over the course of the year, it seems the train ride is over in the blink of an eye.

Well, maybe a particularly lazy eye, she reflects as she’s hugged once again by an over eager Mary.

“So we’ll keep in contact, right?” Alice is next and Haesel hasn’t even had time to look for her parents on the crowded platform. 

“Sure.” She says. “Have a lovely holiday!”

“You too!”

She’s saved hugging Sirius for last, and she makes sure to make that one extra tight and secure. 

“Good luck and if you forget to write me, I’ll haunt your dreams!” He says, grin bright.

Haesel shudders. “No thanks. In fact, I’ll make sure to write at least twice a week… and you should appreciate my sacrifice and Lily’s owl because that’ more than the amount I write my parents.”

“Uhu.” Sirius says. “I’ll be replying too, you know. I’ll send first, actually. Then we can use my owl. She’s been lazing around the past school year, she could use some exercise.”

Haesel grins and releases him. They step back and then she gives a little finger wave before turning and disappearing into the mass of people for the direction she last saw Lily leave.

“Later!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
> Sorry for the long silence.. Had a string of really bad luck, including accidentally killing my laptop and getting a fairly nasty infection in my tummy. Back now, I think! Thank you for all the encouragement :)
> 
> Shout out to my dear friend who asked me over pasta if I could please continue writing; thank you Sensei! ;)


	14. चौदा

Sirius wishes that he can say summer did Haesel well. That she's not so pale anymore - although her nose still seems to be a little sunburned, that the potions regimen Madam Pomfrey has set her on has helped tremendously and she's finally the same height as Lily, making them look even more identical.

 

He stuffs his socks in his trunk with a despondent feeling, because he can't. The only reason he knows these things is because they were in the numerous letters which are laying bundled on his desk. He hasn't seen his friends all summer, despite all his friends requests and James' whining, his parents insisting on instructing him in a manner of subjects he is now 'old enough to learn'.

 

Sirius snorts. What a load of bollocks! Now he's managed to convince them that he's a worthy pureblood heir to the House they seem to value him a lot more, especially his mother. He stands by what he told Haesel under that willow tree by the Black Lake. He'll not be happy because of it, for it isn't true. Well, maybe, in a way. Telling his mother what she wanted to hear, presenting a front and acting precisely as needed, that's pretty Slytherin and pureblood like. It's what his parents have always wanted to see, and it's exactly what he doesn't want to be.

 

He supposes it's okay to keep it up if it keeps him and his friends safe.

 

Concerning his friends... He might have lied just a tiny wee bit and stated Haesel and Lily are half bloods. It could be true - Lily has told him their father is from a rather ancient Welsh line dating back to the Middle Ages with the appropriate family manor and wealth.. But they're all muggle, from what Lily knows, plus their father is estranged.

 

It makes him wonder how the family reunion went. Haesel said in her last letter that her mum has asked her not to send or accept any owls as no to offend the family matriarch. Lily had to send her owl Archimedes to Alice even. Haesel mentioned that it's the first time in almost twenty years since her father had been invited to attend the yearly family meeting, so Sirius had obliged her request. Family is very important to Haesel.

 

“Not yet done packing, brother? We leave for King’s Cross in ten minutes.” A soft, cultured voice says from the doorway.

 

Sirius looks up. It’s his little brother, Regulus - the only one who would, logically, address him as ‘brother’. He hasn’t ceased feeling a little bewildered whenever Regulus uses that word. It’s maybe the best thing that has come out of pretending - being - a wee bit more Slytherin, because now his parents like him again his little brother feels it’s okay to like him again too.

 

Sirius has never quite forgotten those days when they would do mischief together, and reflects that Haesel isn’t the only one who thinks family is important. He closes his trunk.

 

“I’d forgotten to add something.” He says, and then he calls Kreacher to take his trunk down. The house elf is still creepy and still has his favourite in Regulus, but at the very least Sirius is spared a litany of ‘traitor, should be ashamed of himself, sullying the noble House of Black…’ any time he has to call the elf or encounters him in the hall.

 

He leaves his room and closes the door behind him, following Regulus down the stairs. He’ll see his friends soon, he’s going back to Hogwarts, and currently life is fairly good.

 

§

 

“I don’t care about any of that!” Haesel hisses, furiously. “I really don’t understand why it is such a big deal! We’re still the same as we were before!”

 

“We’re not!” Lily says, trowing her hands into the air in exasperation. “Have’t you heard the whispers? Read the papers? This is important. It could change our entire future!”

 

“So what? I’m not going to pretend -” Haesel is mad beyond words now. She copies Lily’s gesture and flings her hands around, trying to articulate her point by sheer will and movement alone. Lily shakes her head, unmoved.

 

“Listen, Haesel.” She says, her voice now soft. “This doesn’t change who we are, as people. We’re still the same Haesel and Lily we were before the summer, and we’ll always stay that way. This is just like, eh, changing a variable in an equation. It doesn’t detracts anything from the value, it just  _ changes _ it.”

 

Haesel seems to sag a little, her anger spent.

 

Lily senses she’s finally getting through, after the numerous arguments they have had about this and she can’t really describe the relief she feels. It’s tinted with sadness, because she thinks she knows why Haesel has been so adamant about this.

 

“It’s your heritage too, now.” She lifts her hand, shows the little scar that now adorns her hand. It’s shaped like an ‘h’, and slowly Haesel does the same, raising a hand that carries a little ‘L’ in exactly the same spot.

 

She sighs. Lily closes the distance between their hands and right before they touch a little spark like electricity but what Haesel knows to be magic jumps from one scar to the other.

 

Lily giggles. “That’s one side effect Grandmother hadn’t anticipated, huh.”

 

Haesel can’t help the smile that steals over her face. “No, she did not. The look on her face!”

 

Lily nods enthusiastically. “Almost makes up for her calling Tuney a squib. It might be true, after a fashion, but that’s definitely not a nice thing to say!”

 

“No, it wasn’t!” Haesel agrees and they both sink down on Lily’s bed, beside which they’ve been arguing. Haesel drops back, sighing.

 

“I haven’t the foggiest how we’re going to explain this to our friends.” She remarks, looking up at the canopy of the bed which Lily has fixed just so that it resembles her four poster bed at Hogwarts.

 

“Me neither.” Lily agrees, also leaning back. “Not like we can just say it at dinner like ‘say remember how we thought we were purely muggle born? Now apparently our dad was a squib descended from the most honourable and noble House of Evans and our Grandmother, who is a bit of weirdo, has made us do some really crazy things so we might be the official heirs, bypassing our elder sister because she can’t do magic.’”

 

Now Haesel was the one who was giggling. “Don’t forget the part where she made us do a blood ritual so we’re now really twins.”

 

“And when people ask why we weren’t before, we just go ‘ah but she was adopted’ while pointing to you.”

 

“Oh! Mention the crazy Aunts and Uncles too!” Haesel exclaims. Their anger has completely passed now and they can finally joke about their summer, because that was exactly what happened at the family reunion.

 

Turns out that the reason Dad had been estranged was not because of some argument, but rather because, like Petunia, he couldn’t do magic. His parents had noticed this fairly soon and had always kept him at a distance, sending him to boarding school after boarding school so he hadn’t been aware of magic until Lily and Haesel got their letters. Now they had been proven to be witches and the news had trickled down to matriarch Evangelina Evans, their little branch had been promptly invited again.

 

Funny enough, Dad had been the eldest of his siblings, so now he had magical heirs, they could inherit. Grandmother, as they’d been told to call Evangelina, had even insisted on a blood adoption ritual to fully bring Haesel into the family. Mum and Dad had been next to useless for this, so Haesel now shares Lily’s blood most of all. It had the added benefits of making her a little taller and a red shine to her hair when she’s in direct sunlight. Other than that they now look even more identical, if that was at all possible, which they both think is really awesome.

 

Haesel sighs again. Lily looks up in concern.

 

“I wouldn’t be surprised if next year, Mum and Dad suddenly have this place they absolutely have to take Tuney too or something.” She says. Lily nods.

 

“I don’t think it’s easy for them. I mean, it was great, when it was just us and we could wear summer robes in Italy and read magical history books together, but in a complete magical household.. They must feel a little left out.”

 

“We did, but that doesn’t mean we love you two less.” Their mum suddenly says and she places a basked with freshly cleaned clothes on the dresser in the middle. The twins can recognise their school uniform on top, ironed almost to perfection.

 

They shoot up and almost overbalance from the bed.

 

“Easy there.” Ivy says and she catches her daughters before they can tumble to the ground. She’s not very surprised when they clutch at her and she relishes in embracing them. In an hour, her mother-in-law will pick the girls up to apparate them to the station - and wasn’t that a surprise, that Robert’s mum was a witch all along.

 

“You do?” Haesel whispers into the crook of her neck, and Ivy clenches her a little tighter.

 

“We wouldn’t dream of doing anything else, love, but love you whole heartedly and unconditionally for the rest of your life!”

 

Lily props herself back on her elbows. “Even if I decided to run away to join the circus and marry a knife trowing air acrobat from China?”

 

Ivy looks at her oddly. “Well, maybe then I would get a little concerned.” She concedes. “But I’d definitely won’t stop adoring you like the cute wee munchkin you are!”

 

She tackles them to the bed and starts tickling them. “Enough heavy thoughts! You’re going back to school in a bit and you haven’t even dressed properly yet! What shall Grandmother think when she sees you like this!”

 

It’s an empty thread, because no matter how stern she seems towards the girls, it’s clear Evangeline couldn’t wish for better heirs and a part of Ivy is proud of that. She raised those girls, she, a muggle! It’s due to their own character, to the loving care they’ve given all of them.

 

Yes, she’s damn proud of her girls, she reflects as she looks down on identical red faces with tears of mirth marring their cheeks.

 

§

 

Being dropped off by one’s fairly unknown, strict Grandmother is really different from being dropped off by your parents and elder sister. For one, there is a lot more protocol to be followed.

 

Grandmother insisted on them wearing their uniforms already on the train and only taking a small bag with a book or a game in it on the train. She thinks a proper young lady does not change outfits in a train compartment or in a toilet, and carrying too much is not done either. From now on until they are married, their hair has to be up in a hairstyle at all times, for a lady only wears her hair down in private. Luckily they already know lots of etiquette and manners from the Culture class at Hogwarts, which Grandmother has approved of them taking.

 

She hadn’t approved of Haesel being on the Quidditch team, but Haesel has argued that she’d quit over her dead body because flying makes her feel alive like almost nothing else can and she’s not giving it up for anything!

 

With both her parents and siblings firmly behind her, eventually Grandmother had to relent, but not before she had inspected Haesel’s Quidditch uniform to see if it was modest enough.

 

Only Petunia’s remark in private later that she was so old she surely must have been alive when dinosaurs still walked the Earth and gotten her social ideas there had allowed Haesel to keep her composure whenever the point came up again.

 

Grandmother fixes them with a stern eye and fixes Haesel’s collar for what feels like the ninth time. She’s just about to remind Lily not to fiddle with her sleeves when she spots someone coming towards them.

 

“Remember, girls: you are part of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Evans now, so take care to act the part.” She says and then her stern glare is replaced by a distant expression of polite interest. Lily and Haesel turn as one to see what has caught their Grandmother’s eye and Haesel blanches at the same time as Sirius as they see each other.

 

The platform wasn’t very crowded yet when they had arrived, so when his mother had spotted someone she was intent on introducing herself to, he’d followed reluctant but resigned. It had been the same when they had gone to Diagon Alley for school supplies, but then it had been far worse; his mother had chosen to go only a few days after the letters had arrived so it had been incredibly busy at the Alley. She now enjoyed presenting him where before she tried to forget he existed if at all possible, so he’s glad there seem to be less people she can drag him to this time.

 

That is… until he seem to who, exactly, they are going.

 

At first, he only sees the tall, elegant older lady in the dark blue dress robes which seem to expensive for just a little trip to the platform and only faintly registers how she’s accompanied by two young girls already dressed in their uniform when it suddenly hits him that that’s Lily and Haesel and he meets wide green eyes with his own.

 

“Lady Evangeline, such a pleasure to see you here once more!” His mother simpers and Sirius has to look away not to start laughing. He really has trouble not bursting out every time she says one of those phrases she might only ever mean when she’s long dead.

 

“Walburga.” The so named Lady Evangeline nods and Sirius wonders at her age and station if she has leave to address his mother without her title. “Indeed, it has been many years since I’ve had the pleasure of escorting any of mine.”

 

“Why yes I thought all your children had already graduated?” His mother says. His father and Regulus have reached them now and his father and Lady Evangeline exchange a regal nod.

 

“Today I am bringing the next generation.” Lady Evangeline says and she sounds undeniable proud. “May I present my granddaughters and heirs, Lily and Haesel Evans?”

 

When their names are mentioned, both girls sink into a graceful curtsy, but Sirius only sees Haesel’s waver a little because he knows her so well. Never the less, he’s surprised. Really surprised. That’s beyond his wildest tales, for them to be actually related to an old family and to be taken as the heirs as well!

 

Although he supposes it’s more likely Lily is the actual heir.

 

Still, just what has happened to them this summer?

 

§

 

Haesel is relieved when all the introductions are over and they have kissed Grandmother goodbye. She just wants to sit on the train with her friends, read that interesting volume on Asian wizards she found in her grandmother’s library and maybe nap a little.

 

On their tour around the platform they’ve picked up Alice and Florence, aside from Sirius who had discreetly attached himself to them when his mother had looked the other way. Haesel can’t blame him, the woman looks scary.

 

They’ve dropped behind a little and Haesel doesn’t protest at all when Sirius shuffled her into a different compartment across the one Lily is entering with the girls. She sinks down on the seat with a sigh, wishing to undo the bun her hair is in but not daring too when her Grandmother might still see her.

 

“You okay?” Sirius asks as he closed the door and sits down beside her.

 

“Not sure.” Haesel admits and then the whole story just spills out. How at first the summer had been brilliant, with the time spend in Italy visiting monuments and cities but how it all went down into confusion, anger and hurt.

 

When she’s finally done they’re quite a ways from London already and Remus and James have joined them in their compartment. Both are nodding solemnly.

 

“On the one hand,” James says, “It is a good thing, because now you’ll be less looked down upon for being muggle born, but on the other hand it certainly complicated things.”

 

“The Evans are a very old Welsh neutral family, so people from both Light and Dark parties will try to gain favour with you. Especially with Lily, I should think.” Remus says thoughtfully. He’s stroking his chin as if a beard grows from it that he can stroke. Haesel has to smile at the thought. “I had wondered if you were related before.”

 

James is not nearly so happy at the thought Lily will be the target of interested parties, especially and starts to mutter plans to protect her.

 

Haesel hasn’t got the heart to tell him that none of those plans will endear him to her sister. Instead she just leans back and slightly sideways to observe Remus trying in her stead.

 

“Better now?” Sirius asks, and Haesel hums.

 

“Think so, yea.” She looks up and smiles. “Mind if I use you as a pillow? Forgot my little travel one at home, I’ll have to mail Mum about it later…”

 

He gives her a look that clearly states she’s mad for asking and wraps and arm around her to settle her more comfortable, before joining in trying to convince James that locking Lily up in the Astronomy Tower is not going to go over well.

 

Haesel falls asleep to the rocking motion of the train, the comforting sound of some of her best friends arguing pointless things and the solid heat that is Sirius.

 

She’s glad to be back and the last thought she has is that it feels an awful lot like coming home.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!
> 
> Sorry, this was a difficult chapter to get out, and aside from that I’ve been feeling a little lost. I’m thinking of changing my major from History-English to History alone, but don’t really dare telling my parents, hah. 
> 
> Think the next chapter will be out sooner. Thank you very much for reading, commenting and the like! It’s great :)


	15. Quinze

The music goes up, down and she follows, fingers sliding into position effortlessly, bow sweeping with utter surety. She loses herself in her music as she's always done, feeling breathless at the rush of emotions. When she's playing the violin is the only time she ever lets herself _feel_ , lets go of the tight reigns she tries to keep on her emotions otherwise.

There's frustration, at the feeling of being played, at being used as a pawn in a political game played by people she neither cares about nor care about her. Fear, for her dreams have turned even darker of late and blood is coating her hands although she knows they're clean and she's not done the things she does in the dreams. She's not fought in a war, has not been tortured by men in black cloaks and white skull masks.

The music is wild, dark for a long uncertain moment until Haesel releases the bottled feelings in one long breath. Silence falls for a heartbeat and then the bow touches the strings again. It’s sound is soft now, filled with uncertainty and hope. She’s not alone.. In more ways than one, which is easily revealed when someone starts clapping the moment the music ends.

Haesel lowers her violin slowly and tries not to gape because sitting in the seat reserved for the music teacher is the Headmaster of Hogwarts, Albus Dumbledore himself.

“Headmaster.” She says, sinking in a shallow curtsy to cover her unease at not knowing why he is here. Beside, her Grandmother was very firm on etiquette and the proper way to great someone of higher social standing than herself.

“Now now,” he chuckles, rising from his seat, “No need for decorum, Miss Evans.”

Haesel fiddles with the bow a little, feeling decidedly awkward standing in one room with the most powerful wizard in the castle and not knowing why he is here.

The Headmaster, meanwhile, has moved to the little window the music room has. “For all the magic I’ve got at my command, the spells I can do – I think music might be the most magical of it all.” It almost sounds as if he’s musing about something.

Headmaster Dumbledore turns and smiles at her. Haesel has yet to say anything, so she gathers her courage – it feels very meagre all of sudden – and opens her mouth.

“May I ask what brings you here, Headmaster?”

If anything his smile grows wider. “Music of course, my dear girl.”

Haesel blushes and if she wasn’t still holding her violin, her forehead would be reintroduced to her hand palm.

“Ah, but I shouldn’t tease you.” The Headmaster is still smiling and his eyes twinkle merrily. Haesel hasn’t got a grandfather, not one she remembers anyway, but she suddenly thinks that’s how they ought to look and tease their grandchildren and she can’t help the smile that tugs at the corners of her mouth. She’s suddenly a lot more at ease and she distantly wonders if that’s what he was meaning to do all along.

“Unfortunately I had something to discuss with our music Mistress, but fortunately for me I happened to pass this room and heard you play. I couldn’t help but come inside to listen.” The expression on his wizened face is one of contrition, but the way he tugs a little at his long beard makes it look a little playful as well.

Haesel is sporting a full blown smile now. “It’s all right, sir.” She says. “I hope you enjoyed it. To me it’s … it’s a way to work through everything that happens, you know, …” She trails off, not knowing what made her say that beyond the desire to confess to someone.

There’s a quiet sort of understanding in the tilt of his head. “I’m sure much has happened over summer. It usually does! It sometimes seems as if my paperwork doubles, alas!”

Haesel laughs. “Lots did. I’m still not sure how to go about it.”

The unspoken ‘will I ever’ is a silent shadow hanging on to her words, but he seems to have heard anyway. The look he gives her now is sad, but it’s not pitying and Haesel is glad for that.

“You can grow as old as I, and still the world will surprise you in both good and bad. But,” He holds up a finger, “throughout it all, if our friends stand by us and are ever true, there is nothing we need to fear.”

“Were you in Gryffindor perhaps, sir?” Haesel asks boldly.

Headmaster Dumbledore laughs. “You are quite right indeed, my dear.”

They are both smiling for a moment before the Headmaster gives a regretful sigh and makes to leave. “Thank you for letting me hear you play, Miss Evans.”

“I’m happy you liked it.” Is al Haesel can say and she gives a hesitant wave goodbye as the Headmaster leaves.

She stands there for a minute or two more, contemplating the encounter before shrugging and setting the violin back on her shoulder. There’s truth in what he has told her and she smiles as she starts a quick and happy tune.

Out in the corridor, the Headmaster of Hogwarts smiles as he hears the music. Yes, there is no magic more powerful – well, perhaps that of a smile aside.

§

Carefully holding her violin case at her side, Haesel climbs the stairs to her dorm. It’ll be dinner soon, so she’s surprised to find her dorm mates sitting in a circle on the floor. When they spot her, Lily waves her forward and Alice and Mary shuffle a little to make room for her.

“What’s going on?” Haesel asks.

“We were thinking of maybe organising a little get-together to celebrate the start of our second year at Hogwarts.” Florence says.

“And celebrate her birthday!” Mary adds and Lily and Alice nod, smiles on their face. Mary points to Florence who is, uncharacteristically for her, blushing. “She neglected to tell us that her birthday was yesterday.”

“It was?” Haesel gapes. “Happy birthday!” She moves over to give Florence a hug and three kisses. “I’m afraid I don’t have a present for you.” She says when she settles back down. Her eye falls on the violin case on the floor. Maybe she could play her something?

“It’s fine.” Florence says, still blushing slightly. “I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it.”

“But it’s your birthday!” Lily exclaims. “We always make a big deal out of birthday.” She frowns for a moment. “Or, well, Mum does. But we still celebrated everyone else’s.”

“True, that.” Mary nods. “We could ask the house elves for food again and get together in an unused classroom like we did for my birthday.”

“Yours was in December.” Haesel points out. “The weather is still slightly nice, I think we ought to do it by the tree at the lake while we still can.”

The others nod.

“We could do it tomorrow, or Sunday.” Alice puts in.

“No, not tomorrow,” Mary is quick to add. “It’s Quidditch try outs then and I have to beat Black for the position of Beater.”

The closer they have come to the 15th of September, the date Captain Bones had chosen so as to start training as soon as possible, the worse Sirius and Mary had become because they were both going to try out for the same position. They have been trying to keep the two apart because together their conversations almost always spiral into who is better suited for the position.

Haesel was a little worried she’s going to lose her position as Seeker, but Seraphina has told her there are not many candidates and none of them are worth anything anyway, so she’s not as nervous as Mary, Sirius and James are, the latter who is going for the empty Chaser spot.

“Try-outs are this early?” Lily frowns.

Haesel nods glumly. “Captain is determined to get the Cup this year as well, because it’s her last chance to. You sure you want in? Practice is going to be brutal.” She aims the last part at Mary who nods determinedly.

“I practised all summer long, so I’m certain I can take it!”

“If you say so – it’s your funeral.” Haesel says with a morbid expression. The three other girls gulp nervously, but Mary keeps smiling, her expression not once wavering.

“Allright! Then I do hope you’ll make it!” Haesel smiles happily, a one-eighty that leaves her friends reeling, except for Lily, who’s used to Haesel’s moods.

“What about Sirius, then?” She asks instead.Haesel gives a nervous little laugh and looks pointedly at her non-existing wristwatch.

“Would you look at the time, I sure am hungry! Shall we go to dinner now? I’m sure the boys are waiting for us already.” With that, she jumps up, drops her violin case on her bed and almost sprints down the stairs in her haste to get away.

Florence, Alice and Mary look questioning at Lily, who only sighs, mutters ‘troublesome little sisters’ under her breath and suggests they leave for dinner as well.

§

“So he just said that and went away?” Sirius remarks as he cuts into his steak. Performing magic and travelling the great castle always leaves the students incredibly hungry, especially growing boys and Haesel wants to snigger as she sees James adding another helping of potatoes to his plate. To get away from the girls’ inquiries she’s seated herself between Sirius and Remus with James across from her.

She swallows her bite of chicken and scoops up some apple sauce.

“Yep, exactly so.”

“Weird.” Sirius says. “But then again, he’s always been odd – brilliant; but odd.”

“There’s a fine line between genius and insanity.” Remus puts in and James nods enthusiastically, luckily keeping his mouth shut. Lily’s already been on his case more than enough about manners and keeping your mouth closed when chewing.

Finished chewing, James tilts his head in a manner not reminiscent of the Headmaster at all and exclaims in a dreamy voice; “But which side do we fall on? – now that’s the question.” He nods sagely a few times as if he’s delivered some great wisdom.

The others just laugh. Haesel chances a look to the head table where a few teachers are also having dinner and happens to meet the eye of the one they were just talking about. The Headmaster raises his glass of wine at her and they share a smile before Haesel turns back to her friends.

§

Captain Bones has been completely right. None of those challenging Haesel for her spot on the team were any good and it’s with a feeling of intense satisfaction she lands in the tribunes to watch the Chaser try-outs beside her sister.

“Congratulations.” Lily says and gives her twin a smile. “Although there never was any doubt of you not making it, I’m sure.”

“Thanks.” Haesel laughs. Her cheeks are red and her hair, although in a ponytail, is wild from the wind.

“Come here.” Lily says fondly and lays her Charms book aside. Haesel easily turns on the bench and lets Lily charm her flyaway hair into a neat plait, which gives her a great view of James nervously lining up down on the field. She sends him a little wave, but she’s fairly sure he hasn’t seen it by the way his eyes seem to go past her and to her sister.

Haesel has a little private giggle at that. James is getting quite obsesses with her twin, well, if she’s honest he’s sort of always been ever since the incident in Gringotts that time before their First year, when she so blatantly ignored him because he’s punched Severus Snape. Speaking of which, Haesel easily spots him coming down from the castle. She’s quite familiar with him now, enough to recognise him from a distance, even though she tries to keep her distance from him. He still spends a lot of time with Lily, mostly in the Library. They sit beside each other whenever they can in class, the only two from Gryffindor and Slytherin to really interact with each other.

The thought of this brings a frown to Haesel’s face. There have been articles in the paper about disappearances over the summer, people being threatened. There’s even a rumour at school that it has to do with all the fuss some Purebloods were making about blood purity. Sirius has told her it has to do mainly with arguments Grindewald used, during the magical side of World War Two, about the rightful place of wizards at the top with muggles beneath them. Grindewald might have been defeated and locked up in his own prison, but his ideals haven’t been forgotten. Haesel is reminded of the remarks Snape used to make, about her parents and Petunia, that they oughtn’t write to her because she, as a muggle, ‘wasn’t worth it’.

She remembers being mad and can’t quite shake the feeling of unease he brings her.

Lily has got no such reservation and happily waves him over. Haesel subtly shifts, pretending to be completely absorbed in the flying now carried out, going as far as to rise from her seat and shouting encouragements to James. Soon enough it’s not a pretence but the truth and she cheers wholeheartedly when James manages to finish his laps first out of all the Chaser hopefuls.

It’s only when they are pairing up to start a mock game with the Beater hopefuls added to test their mettle, that she notices Lily has been trying to get her attention.

She turns with an apologetic expression, which hardens ever so slightly when she is suddenly face to face with Severus Snape, who nods at her. Haesel manages a pained smile and quickly to her sister, but not fast enough to miss the flash of disappointment that shows in his dark eyes.

Inwardly she frowns. She’s always thought him completely fixed on Lily, but now she’s reminded of the times he used to ask her to come with them, but she’d chosen the company of her books and her violin and Sirius’ letters. He’d always looked disappointed then too.

She sweeps it from her mind, resolving to think upon it later. Or never.

“Yes?” She asks an impatient Lily.

“We’re going inside to do some studying.” Lily says. Her eyes, too, flitter curiously to the side when Snape lets out a hurried “But we could stay if you want us too!”

“Ehm, no that’s okay.” Haesel says, now thoroughly freaked out. Lily frowns minutely and Haesel turns back completely to her sister. “You’re not going to see the rest of James’ try-out? Or see if Sirius or Mary gets the spot?” She grins when she says the last one and Lily regards her suspiciously.

“What’s up? Come on, spill the beans.”

“Right then.” Haesel grins. She leans in close to Lily, only noting from the corner of her eye how Snape tries to inch closer to them. “Truth is that Alix, the other Beater, has decided to focus on her studies completely since it’s her O.W.L. year. She’s not going to continue to her N.E.W.T.’s; so it’s really important she does well.”

“Why isn’t she going to continue?” Lily frowns and Haesel wants to laugh out loud, because she knows that to Lily the idea of abandoning your education is something incredibly strange. That’s why she pressured Haesel to keep up with her muggle work during the year so they could easily pass their summer tests and will eventually be able to go to university if they so wish.

“Her parents have this shop that she’s going to take over and besides, her family is rather traditional and it’s unusual for their daughters to go beyond their O.W.L’s.” Haesel shrugs. Alix hadn’t seen to upset while saying this, merely mentioning that she’d had a great four years at Hogwarts already and was happy enough to say she didn’t have any regrets.

Haesel could respect that attitude. She supposed Alix had been raised quite differently to how Petunia, Lily and her had been raised, because while Petunia would have her O levels this year their parents firmly encouraged her to go for her A-levels and beyond that university if she wanted, and Petunia, happy to have their trust and support, had mentioned she would like to although she wasn’t sure yet what she wanted to do.

If worse came to worse, she could always do some typing course, find a boring man to marry who earned them enough so they could live in a typical boring neighbourhood and spoil their only child rotten, she’d laughed but then they had both shivered at such a, well, boring existence.

Lily had evidentially been thinking about the same things as Haesel and they share a quick smile.

“So they could both be accepted?” Lily asks and she throws a cursory glance at the ongoing game, where Mary just smacks a bludger as hard as she can in Sirius’ direction, who then hits it in the direction of one of the players of the other team. “They do seem to have some teamwork.”

Haesel makes an agreeing noise and has a hard time to tear her gaze from the field towards Lily again. She ignores Snape, who’s still hovering at the edge, not daring to get any closer.

“I’ll tell them that.” Haesel says and gives her twin a hug before waving an awkward goodbye to Snape as they leave. She’s reminded of a puppy who’s glad to be acknowledged at the almost enthusiastic wave she gets in return. She turns away, an uneasy feeling in her chest.

Luckily it goes away when she cheers on her friends who’re all doing wonderful. She’s sure they have a good chance to make it on the team as Captain Bones calls all the hopefuls and her team down.

“Well,” Seraphina says as everyone is gathered around her, “I’ve seen some really good flyers out here today and I’d like to thank you all for participating. But you don’t have to be just good at flying, you have to be great and that’s why I’m sorry to say that only a few will make this year’s starting line. If you’ve not been chosen, you’re still welcome to try out next year, of course.”

She’s normally fairly happy and easy going, but this is a serious occasion and she tries to keep it that way as she fishes in her pocket for the parchment she’s made her notes on. She clears her throat once then starts with purpose.

“Keeper: Michael Karume. Seeker: Haesel Evans. Chasers: Neil Randall, James Potter and I. Beaters: Mary McDonald and Sirius Black. Welcome to the Gryffindor team, people!”

Cheers and groans go up at every pronouncement. Some were clear from the start, such as the members of the old team keeping their posts – they had participated in the try-out but it was clear to everyone they’d be chosen again, but the fact that the empty spots have been filled with second years comes as a bit of surprise to most, who think it’s unfair they’ve not been chosen while they’re older and as such have less chance to get on the team in the future.

Haesel leaves it to her Captain to explain her reasons and squishes her friends in a tight hug. “I knew you’d do it, I knew it!”

James’ grin is exuberant and almost too big for his face. “Hah, did you see the goal I made at the end? And the one where that tall girl, the one there, tried to block me and I took the ball from her and went towards the goal –”

“We’re never going to hear the end of it now.” Mary groans but there’s a smile stretching her cheeks all the same. Then suddenly she clues in on Haesel’s own wide grin and gasps. “You knew there were two spots! You knew there was a chance the both of us could have gotten in!”

Haesel shrugs and it’s only then that she discovers she’s still being held by someone. She doesn’t have to turn her head to know it’s Sirius and that he’s almost shaking with the effort of keeping his happiness contained inside. She gives the hand at her side a squeeze and is tugged a little closer in answer. Only then she answers Mary, who’s still wide eyed at her discovery of Haesel’s deviousness. They all ignore an exited James who’s still rambling about how great he was during the mock match earlier that decided the team placements.

“Well yes I did, but Captain asked me not to tell you.” She gives a cheeky smile. “Besides, it was funny to see you fight over it.” She can’t help a little giggle in remembrance. Sirius retaliates with a poke in her side and the giggles turn into a full blown laugh.

“Yea, yea, laugh it up will you, you little.” Mary grumbles.

James has finally clued in on the fact that they are ignoring him, but before he can remind them that that’s rude he also notices something or rather the absence of someone.

He turns to Haesel. “Where’s Lily?”

Mary now searches the stands for the redhead as well. “Yes, she was still here when we started.”

“Snape came and they went to the library.” Haesel says shortly, uncomfortable with the topic. All three of her friends look at her in concern but before they can ask anything, they are all called towards their captain and the first official team meeting begins.

§

It’s no longer late but early when Haesel sits down in on the couch in the little corner of the common room they’ve made their own, close enough to the fireplace to feel it’s heat in the winter but at the windows for the light and view they provide.

It’s not light enough to see outside now though. Dawn has yet to touch the horizon and Haesel can point out the stars they’ve learned about in Astronomy if she so desires, but now she doesn’t.

_She’s running through a strange place; high as a church and full of nothing but towering shelves filled with glass orbs the kind the Gypsy women and funnily enough the Wizarding World too uses for viewing the future, but she has no idea why they are gathered here collecting dust. All of them have a card attached to them, but they’re going too fast for her to read what they say._

_There are people with her, friends she thinks, because they move as one. Finally they’ve arrived at their destination, a little ways down row 97._

_She sees her own hand reach towards one of the orbs and then she sees what is written on the card that is attached to it, initials followed by one little sentence. It’s what’s written in red ink beneath it, obviously added later, that truly shocks her to the bone._

_S.P.T to A.P.W.B.D_

_Dark Lord and_

_(?)_

_Haesel Potter_

_She picks up the orb that bears her name and it’s then that twelve figures seem to emerge from the shadows themselves, wearing black cloaks and bone skull masks. What follows is something she can only describe as a desperate battle through different halls filled with strange things which eventually ends into an all-out battle at a room with a raised dais and a curiously fluttering black veil…_

_… a veil she sees a strangely old Sirius fall into, beyond her staining hands, unable to grasp as he fades into the black with a peaceful smile._

Her eyes fly open with a strangled gasp when someone shakes her shoulder. She’s looking into concerned grey eyes belonging to Sirius, her Sirius, who looks young not old like he was in her dream and definitely allright and not fading into the black veil which Haesel somehow knows means death.

Sirius almost falls back at the force with which Haesel throws herself at him, but holds her close nevertheless. There were tears on her face and he could tell by the way she was clutching her knees to her chest that she’d had another dream. He remembers the research he’s done over the summer in the Black Family Library and the knowledge Haesel shares blood with one of the old families and he clenches his jaw. He’s sure he knows what these dreams mean, but he dreads telling Haesel. Or Lily. Or anyone, really, because as silly as it is he fears that saying it aloud might make it true.

He just continues to hold her and hopes it isn’t true… but once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth, that much he knows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!
> 
> Sorry for the late update, can only say life happened. That, and college – exams now but I felt I really needed to update! Also, not sorry about the sort of cliff hanger there, mwahaha!
> 
> Quote is by … if you don’t know that, shame on you! :P Thanks for commenting, kudos and everything!


	16. 열 여섯

Haesel is rolling over the floor dying of laughter. She's not alone, no; Remus and Sirius are leaning on each other for support, Alice, Mary and Florence form a giggling mountain of girls on the couch and a triumphant Lily stands twirling her wand before it all, enjoying the chaos with a great grin stretching her cheeks.

 

The reason for all the mirth stands there pulling at the antlers newly adorning his head with a disgruntled face. James has finally crossed the line trying to protect Lily and in retaliation she has hexed with antlers, a deer's nose and, best of all, a little fluffy tail.

 

"She... really... got ....you there, mate!" Is all Sirius can gasp in between gasps of laughter. Alice manages to sit up and says, wiping tears of mirth away: "Can I pretty please touch your tail? It looks so, so, fluffy!" 

 

"No!" Is the only thing a thoroughly embarrassed James can growl, but his friends - the traitors! - have doubled over in hysterics once again and are of no use. He turns to the smug redhead. "Come on, Evans, please turn me back!"

 

Lily raises an eyebrow. "Oh, so it's Evans now eh?"

 

 James looks tortured as he replies. "I'm sorry for bothering you, allright?"

 

It's not enough. Lily's other eyebrow joins the first.

 

"Okay, I promise to stop bothering you. I won't even try to give you the tiniest bit of advice, fine?"

 

Finally, slightly appeased, the girl nods. "And you'll apologise to Severus."

 

James grits his teeth.

 

"Oh come on, Potter! I'm not asking you to get down on your knees in front of the whole Great Hall at dinner but you've got to admit that last hex was going too far!" Lily is back to waving her wand threateningly and James nervously eyes the red sparks it emits, but he's not to be moved.

 

"I can admit it was maybe a little over the top and I can try not to retaliate too much, but I won't apologise. He insulted my honour and my family name!" He throws his hands up and looks at the girl opposite him, who's also not giving an inch. "I can't let that go, Evans!"

 

He visibly tries to calm himself. Their friends behind them have finally cooled down some and are now throwing concerned looks at each other. If it comes down to it, they'll have to choose sides, that they know and it's clear where the lines will be drawn because this has been brewing for a while. But however clean cut those lines appear to be, they've been friends for over a year now - and that's not so easy to let go off.

 

Haesel is clearly looking torn, her conflict easily visible in the way her brows are furrowed and how she's chewing her lower lip.

 

James shakes his head. This time no one laughs at the antlers moving as he does. "If he were maybe willing to settle the score the right way we could both walk away from his with no honour los but..."

 

They both know, Lily even better than James, that pride the only thing is that Severus Snape can call his own and that he'll never agree to 'settle the score' or, in more easily understood terms, agree to a duel.

 

Now it’s Lily who looks conflicted. She sighs and gives in. “Allright. I won’t make you apologise but just to be clear, Potter –“ James’s, whose face had lightened considerably, visibly falls again at the sound of his last name “-one more offence and you and will be having this talk again.”

 

Disgruntled, James gives a stiff nod. “If he keeps in line, me too.”

 

Figuring that’s as good as she’s going to get, Lily agrees with a nod as well. She hasn’t got a clue why the two boys insist on acting like complete ..twats around each other, but it has to stop. Can’t they just move past it and be friends or something?

 

She pockets her wand and looks questioning at the girls on the couch. Alice, Mary and Florence stand and get their bags, but Haesel gives a shake of her head. Lily can’t help the stab of betrayal that goes through her for a moment before the pleading, conflicted look in her little sister’s eyes makes her hesitate. As if sensing that, Haesel holds up her hand; the one with the ‘L’-shaped scar and Lily’s features soften. She’s not the only one torn between friends and for Haesel it might be worse because they’re family.

 

She raises her own hand and gives her little sister a smile. The one she gets in return is filled with pure warmth and happiness at Lily’s understanding and Lily feels how her smile widens as well.

 

The four girls leave the Tower for breakfast, chatting about their new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. They leave behind a subdued group. Remus and Sirius are sharing looks between themselves, obviously trying to silently communicate about what just happened.

 

Haesel stands, dusts off her robes and moves towards James. With a hand on his shoulder she guides him towards an armchair.

 

“Relax. I’ll undo the transfiguration.” She says and starts moving her wand into the pattern of her spell.

 

“Thanks.” James sighs as he leans back into the armchair. There’s a pleasant tingle that signifies Haesel has been successful, but James lifts a hand anyway to check if he still has antlers.

He doesn’t, luckily.

 

The three others exchange looks. Haesel signs a short message, patting her own head, scratching her nose and pulling her ear. Sirius replies by pulling his own ear and Remus bites his lower lip.

 

“Stop talking, guys.” James says. His eyes are still closed, but he knows them well enough that silence doesn’t mean they aren’t communicating. What do they take him for? He’s designed half of that code, Merlin’s beard!

 

“You know, I was wondering… What exactly have you got against the Snape kid?” Sirius says aloud finally.

 

“He annoys me.” James says shortly.

 

“Yes but that Peter bloke from dorm one annoys you too yet you don’t go around hexing him.” Remus says logically.

 

“It can’t be still because of what happened on the train in first year, can it?” Haesel asks tentatively.

 

James snorts. “No. I’m not that desperate for an excuse to get someone.”

 

“But what is it then?” Sirius continues to question. Sometimes he doesn’t well know when to stop hounding for information. He blames his parents for raising him like answers are his due whenever he demands them.

 

James finally opens his eyes and leans forward. The others all lean forward as one, thinking he wants more privacy to speak his mind, but James only flings his arms forward in a fast motion almost like clapping his hands, causing Sirius’, Remus’ and Haesel’s heads all to bump each other.

 

“Nothing. Just let it rest.” He says and then goes to stand. “Any of you up for breakfast? We ought to leave before we’re late.”

 

His friends are too busy trying to soothe their arching heads to answer and James crosses his arms and smiles.

 

 

Not all her dreams are bad or scary and she’s not sure which one is worse. Sometimes the things she sees are nice, wonderful, filled with companionship she sorely misses when she wakes up and in a way that’s harder to escape than the fear and the pain a bad dream brings. Those days she doesn’t sit down in the common room to wait for comfort but she seeks it herself, running from the arching hole in her chest. She often ends up in the music rooms with her violin and there she plays for hours until her fingers are sore or she gets her broom and flies until her cheeks burn from the wind that grows ever colder now the summer wanes.

 

It’s on one of those days that Haesel discovers the kitchens. She’s holding her broom in one hand and is attempting to bring order into her hair with the other as she suddenly notes she took the wrong turn for the tower and is in fact ambling deeper into the bowels of the castle. She’s only ever been there for Potions, but she knows the Slytherin and Hufflepuff dorms are down there too and curiosity strikes her along with a fragment of something she’d gone out to forget in the first place.

 

_… There are tables almost like those in the real Great Hall down there but the ante chamber she’s seen before is the kitchen here instead. A veritable army of house elves is there, rushing to and from completing tasks. Lunch is ongoing, but Haesel is down here instead watching as a handsome, dark haired student clad in robes with Hufflepuff colours leads her to what would be the Hufflepuff table if they weren’t down here in the kitchens._

_“I hope you don’t mind.” He laughs at her and Haesel is faintly aware she’s blushing slightly to her own mortification. He’s got a girlfriend, she reminds herself._

_“Not at all.” She says and they sit. The elves come up to them and the young man asks them for a light lunch if they don’t mind. They are charmed by his pleasant manners, as is she, and hurry away giggling._

_“How d’you find this place?” She asks to break the silence. He laughs._

_“It was fairly easy. We’re really close to the Hufflepuff dorms down here – the Slytherin ones are at the opposite of the dungeons – and it’s a bit of a Hufflepuff secret. We tell it to the first years at the end of their first year, when they’ve proven themselves able not to abuse the privilege.”_

_“Aren’t you breaking some sort of rule then showing me all this?” She wonders._

_He shakes his head and for the first time something else besides good humour enters his merry grey eyes. She feels almost ashamed at the pity there meant for her. “I think it will do you well to have a place to retreat to, now the Quidditch pitch isn’t available to us anymore.”_

_Haesel scowls over that. “That’s only one of the many downsides of this Tournament.”_

_He agrees and then their lunch arrives._

 

Haesel shakes her head to clear it and heads down the passageway until she spies a portrait of a bowl of fruit. Almost as if by instinct her fingers look for the pear and tickle it, then grasp the handle that appears. She pulls open the door and sees the kitchens they’ve been looking for.

 

A grin steals over her face. Maybe there is some use in those dreams after all.

 

 

"You know I spend half the summer with friends of my parents, right?" Haesel says as she thumbs through a giant book on common household spells.

 

The three boys, two on chairs for visitors like Haesel and one in the hospital bed nod, wondering what that has to do with the topic of their conversation, which is ideas for new pranks. James takes it on himself to question.

 

"I might or might not have told you guys that they had a son our age?" Haesel looks up in time to see their confused expression. "Huh, guess not. Anyway, his name was Michael and he went to a boarding school somewhere is Wales. I dunno which, but that's not important."

 

She closes the book and leans forward with a slightly devious smile pulling at her lips. "What's important is that he and his friends like to play pranks too and he told me about a couple."

 

"But wouldn't they be muggle pranks then?" Remus questions. The others grin.

 

"The thing about pranking people the muggle way is that they do not, at all, expect it. I managed to get my dad that way with a really simple one - just a bucket of water on a door - and he fell for it because he'd been expecting things with magic." James explains.

 

"And what we can do is take a simple, muggle concept and adapt it to magic." Haesel adds.

 

"Which is why they will fall for it." Sirius finishes. "Also, it will make it even harder to pin us down as the ones doing the prank, because..."

 

"No one will have expected it, yes." Remus sighs. "What did he tell you, Haesel?"

 

"There was one I really liked." Haesel says and they all lean forward until their heads are close together and they can plan properly. "Michael said they made a whole bucket full of extra strong glue and used it to decorate the floor before breakfast so it would be really sticky when people entered the dining hall..."

 

"And their shoes would get stuck, just like every other thing they put on the floor." James realises. He looks overjoyed. "This we can use indeed."

 

Remus glances at the grins on his friends faces and feels guilty. It's not as much about what they're planning to do as the reason they're in the hospital wing - why he is in the hospital wing. He feels the new scars pull a little when he moves his hands, the only reason the others still believe his story of illness the prodigal healing talents of the Matron.

 

He looks up and catches Haesel’s concerned glance. She’s the more observing one of the quartet and he smiles in a bid to try to divert her attention because he can’t – he won’t – survive it if his friends found out his secret and… He’s not sure what they will do but he remembers how doors closed for his mother after he’d been bitten, how her solitude wasn’t chosen but forced upon her and he’d resigned to a similar fate, before Professor Dumbledore had answered his mother’s letter and then admitted him to the school. He’s painfully aware he’s one of the few charity cases Hogwarts gets, even the moderate wealth of Haesel’s family not to mention the sheer fortune the Potter’s and Black’s own remind him of that although their children don’t think of it at all.

 

He’s happy to have them as his friends and he’s grateful, so immensely grateful to belong that he can’t tell them his secret. He can’t lose them. He can’t.

 

Flexing his fingers again, feeling the scars pull, he immerses himself into the planning again and they’re happily engaged until Sirius suddenly notices the time.

 

“Bugger, I need to go.” He curses.

 

“Language.” Haesel reacts without thinking, a summer spend with various relatives fixed on her own language bearing fruit.

 

“Whatever for?” James asks, eyes not leaving the potions recipe he’s reading.

 

“Detention with McGonagall.” Sirius answers and he picks up his bag with a reluctant face. Haesel and James tear themselves from their books to exchange amused glances.

 

“If you’re so sad about it, you ought to take care not to insult her.” Remus advises.

 

Sirius rolls his eyes. “A nickname is a sign of, what did my grandmother call it again?, ah right ‘love and respect’.”

 

“So when you call her Minnie that’s because you love and respect her?” Remus asks innocently. Sirius nods. “When might we expect a happy announcement?”

 

James howls with laughter at Sirius’ stupefied face and Haesel attempts to bury her laughter in the blanket over Remus’ legs.

 

“You idiots!” Sirius hisses. “I’m not going to marry her! She’s what, eighty? That’s way to old!”

 

Now even Remus can’t keep his face straight and Sirius gives a huff before declaring them to be unworthy of his continued presence and marches away. The three unworthy ones don’t appear to care one whit and only slightly try to muffle their amusement when the Matron threatens to throw James and Haesel out if they don’t quiet down.

 

“Well.” Haesel wipes the tears out of her eyes. “We’ve got our chance now. What’s the plan?”

 

 

The Great Hall is pure chaos. Depending on which table you’re at the desserts turn you into different colours, make smoke explode from your ears or have to imitate animals and Sirius can’t help but be completely amazed.

 

“You did all of this… for me?”

 

James, Remus and Haesel nod and their smiles are bright on their faces, even though James is currently a shade of hot pink, Remus has just recovered from his monkey attempt and Haesel is drenched in the pumpkin juice Remus knocked over in his attempt to jump on the table. They’ve included every table and eaten from the ‘poisoned’ sweets to avoid suspicion onto themselves.

 

“How?” Is all Sirius can say. He’s got the inclination that potions are involved – the four of them are the pride of Slughorn’s class with all the practice they get – but how have they got them all into the food?

 

“The kitchens.” James grins. “Haesel discovered them three weeks ago and we recruited the house elves to help us.”

 

Sirius can only shake his head. On the one hand they’ve kept the location of the kitchens he’s been after since forever but on the other hand they’ve used that knowledge to give him the best birthday party ever. Their grins let him know that they know they’ve been forgiven and his is a little rueful.

 

“Thanks.” He says.

 

Remus gives a little shake of the head. “Don’t thank us yet.”

 

“The best is yet to come.” Haesel says and her grin grows into a blinding smile. “We decided that you had enough things and well…”

 

“We can always do with a few good memories.” James finishes for her.

 

Sirius is just about to ask what they mean when they say the best is yet to come – the horrified faces of some of his more stuck up relatives over at the Slytherin table when they realised what they had just been doing is something he’ll never ever forget – but then the magnificent cake that sits at the head table bursts into fireworks when the headmaster attempts to cut a slice out of it.

 

“I don’t love you guys.” Sirius says reverently as the fireworks write a glittering message on the ceiling, “I adore you. I do. Forever.” He knows he’s exaggerating a little but oh this is brilliant.

 

“Does that mean we get a nickname now?” James teases. Haesel laughs.

 

Sirius looks up at the words and grins. “Sure!”

 

_Signed: the Marauders._


	17. સત્તર

Haesel sweeps into another slow circuit of the pitch and reflects that sometimes being Seeker is quite boring. Underneath the Chasers are executing daring manoeuvres trying to score goals, while the Keeper is cheering them on and the Beaters are hitting heavily trying to cow the Ravenclaw Chasers into submission. Nevertheless, she watches everything like a hawk, ready to sometimes dive down to break up plays of the other team or to lead the other Seeker on a merry chase of a non-existing snitch; but Haesel has learned so far that the other Seeker, a fifth year Ravenclaw girl called Anna Thompson is watching her and not looking out for the snitch herself, which Haesel can’t help but use for her own purposes.

To keep herself entertained she’s making the dive deeper and deeper, ever more daring, just to see how far Thompson will follow her.

Very far, Haesel soon discovers as she pulls up with her toes barely touching the grass so close she’s gotten to the ground, but she hasn’t got the skill to back it up and is consequently out of the game with, from what Haesel can see, a broken arm. She absentmindedly shrugs. It’s not her fault that the Ravenclaw’s strategy was faulty.

She climbs higher. The cold air makes her cheeks sting with winter and she knows it’s close. They’re nearing the end of November and this will be the last game of the season before they can’t hold them due to snowstorms anymore. Break will be there soon too and she’s looking forward to it. Making a fire in the backyard and huddling close to it while roasting marshmallows on sticks, holding snowball fights with Lily and Petunia, filing the front yard up with the usual snowman family, baking biscuits with Mum, helping Dad decorate the Christmas tree, … There’s just so much to do and she honestly can’t wait!

Well, they’ve got to finish end of term exams first! Lily has already made up a study schedule and is pushing Haesel to study. Haesel is pretty sure her work through the term and extra studies will be enough for A’s at worst and O’s at best, with the occasional E in there as well, but when she told Lily that the redhead had frowned and said that just coasting on work done was not enough; that she needed to aim for the highest and best results.

Haesel is sure that failing isn’t in her sister’s dictionary but looking down towards the stands where she can see her sister cheering her on like a lunatic, she knows that luckily relaxing is in. That’s the only reason she goes along with her study obsessive tendencies: the fact that her grades and the things she learns, the things she can do genuinely mean a great deal to Lily. They’ve gotten the example from Petunia after all.

As she’s contemplating these things she suddenly becomes aware of a fluttering sound near her left ear. She grabs on and plucks something out of the sky and when she opens her hand the golden snitch lies there glittering innocently.

“Huh, that was rather anti-climactic.” She muses and glides the winds down to show the snitch to Madam Hooch.

§

“Five minutes, Haesel? Five minutes? I barely got the chance to score!” James isn’t sure what to feel, happiness at their easy win and consequent record for the shortest match in the recent history of the school or be angry he hasn’t gotten the chance to show off his skills. Ravenclaw had scored exactly once and Gryffindor has just began their second play for the goals.

“Yes, what do we practice for if you’re just going to catch the snitch five minutes in?” Sirius moans. This isn’t their first match, but the hype hasn’t worn off yet. Haesel doesn’t think it will for a long while anyway.

“I for one am glad to get out of the cold.” Mary says as they climb the steps, push open one of the giant doors and enter into the Entrance Hall, on their way to the Gryffindor Tower for the party and to warm up.

“True that.” The boys must admit and Sirius slings an arm over Haesel’s shoulder. “We’re off to get something hot from the kitchens first, okay? We’ll see you at the Tower.”

“Sure.” The other two chorus and Sirius and Haesel go down the stairs and hallways until they reach the kitchens. Ever since their discovery of them, they have used the most inane excuses to go down there, mostly to plan although the boys, growing as they are, claim they need the food. It’s warm there too, a commodity that is hard to find in the castle now outside the common room and the dormitories. The classrooms where they are taught, the library and the Great Hall are warm too but not very good places if one wants to plan a prank and actually get away with it.

“What’s the occasion?” Haesel inquires as Sirius tickles the pear and pulls the door open. As has become his habit, he still hasn’t let go of her and in the cold hallways the body heat is welcome. He gives a half-shrug that jostles Haesel as well as he leads her to the kitchens’ version of the Gryffindor table, the one they always sit at unless they are going for a particularly cunning prank, in which case they use the Slytherin table. No matter how childish the thought always gets them laughing, but that’s not what they are doing today.

Sirius asks the house elves for some tea and biscuits and they sit down. They enjoy the hot tea in a companionable silence, leaning against each other. Haesel soaks up the peace and quiet, knowing that the common room would be a riot like it always is after a Gryffindor Quidditch win.

“What are your plans for the winter holidays?” Sirius asks when they are on their second cup of tea.

Haesel smiles. “The usual. Snowman-building and snowball fights with my sisters, baking with Mum, getting the tree with Dad, you know.”

“Not going to any of the Yule parties?”

“No!” Haesel says cheerfully. “Grandmother has decided that we’re not going to any formal events until we’re officially ‘out’, whatever. I’m kind of glad about that to be honest.”

“You’re not allowed to go anywhere?” Sirius probes further. There’s something Haesel isn’t sure about in his eyes, a degree of interest she isn’t sure the subject warrants.

“We’re allowed to go to private events if the family in question is allright and the circumstances good, I mean, no staying alone at a boy’s house or something.” She smiles as she remembers that conversation. “Grandmother started on about it at breakfast a week into our stay there. It was really funny, Mum and Dad were really surprised.”

“What did she say?”

Haesel gives him a raised eyebrow but answers anyway. If he’s being so insistent about knowing she’ll indulge him, because he’ll reveal why anyway. Asking now is no good however, so she just recounts the conversation as best as she can.

“Grandmother asked what our restrictions where or something like that. As I said Mum and Dad were really surprised, but they do have some rules for us. We’re supposed to let an adult know if we’re going out, not go too far or stay out too long, go away with strange people, that sort of thing. Staying over at friend’s houses wasn’t really a problem. We went to a few birthday parties or sleepovers but that was mostly with girl-friends. I mean, Lily only got close with Snape half a year before we went to Hogwarts so they mostly hung out at the park.” She takes a sip of her tea. It’s brewed strongly, exactly like she likes it.

“So Grandmother told them about the expectations of society in the Wizarding World, like having your hair up in public or the value of reputations. Mum thought it a bit medieval but Dad was all for it. He likes to protect us.” She giggles. “Then they agreed that if we were ever to marry, we had the final say although a candidate was to be seriously considered by both my parents and Grandmother, and that we would have a coming out ball when we were fifteen. Before that we wouldn’t go to formal events though small private gatherings like a friend’s birthday party are okay.”

Haesel takes another sip. “In all honesty, I’m fine with it. I don’t have to deal with too much expectations and society things before I need to and only if I want to. The brunt of the marriage offers and all are going to be for Lily since she’s the older of the two of us and even then I can just say no. I’m not just marrying anyone, you know.”

“I’m glad.” Sirius says. He sounds relieved. She turns on him with a puzzled from.

“Were you worried?”

He attempts to look unconcerned but she can read him too well even when he evades her eyes and stares at the wall instead. “I’ve been thinking on it ever since you told us in the train. It’s good.”

“What is?”

“That you’ve got the chance to choose.” The clear rose dusting on his cheeks speaks of his embarrassment and Haesel gives an inward squeal. She’s growing older and puberty is beginning to set in. Her body is already changing, but Sirius is just a boy yet and frankly right now bleeding adorable. She’s touched by his concern and the way he’s been brooding about it ever since the start of term. They both have the tendency to brood and she’s glad they have each other to talk to.

“Thank you.” She says and she leans in close and buries her head in his neck while hugging him close. Boy he might be, he’s still taller than her. He’ll probably always be and Haesel is secretly glad because in his arms she feels safe.

She’s glad he can’t see how red her face becomes at that thought and wants to slap herself. That’s just ridiculous!

Or is it? As they make their way towards the common room, she can’t get the question out of her mind.

§

As the Hogwarts’ Express carries them towards London again for their winter holidays Haesel is scrutinising Remus.

“You’re looking a bit peaky.” She finally says, aware that her stares have been flustering him.

The sandy haired boy attempts an unconcerned shrug. “It was pretty cold lately, maybe I’ve caught that bug that’s been going around.”

James, who’s sitting beside Remus, shuffles a little to the side.

“Sorry.” He says. “I don’t want to catch anything. You know my Mum has been ill, so I’m not taking any chances.”

Remus smiles. Haesel finds it surprisingly bittersweet. “That’s okay. I’ve always been getting ill easily, even as a child. It’s my curse.”

It’s obviously meant as a joke, but here’s something in his tone that she doesn’t like. Pain, a little anger, which could be understandable but she’s not quite sold. Sirius, who’s sitting beside her – well actually she’s got her back against the wall and the window and her socked feet resting on his lap – catches the little furrow between her brows and tilts his head slightly.

It’s a testament to how well they know each other that they hardly need any words anymore. Haesel bites her lip and then flickers her gaze out into the night; towards the moon who’s ever growing fuller. Sirius’ eyebrows rise a fraction, expressing his incredulousness.

Haesel raises and drops one shoulder minutely, but then James interrupts their silent communication before they can give her theory more thought. Sirius is reluctant to dismiss any of her theories because between Lily and hers obsessive studying and Haesel’s weird dreams there is much she knows or has an accurate idea about.

“What are you two on about?”

Haesel takes note of the sudden flash of fear in Remus’ eyes even as she rebukes James. “Your holiday present actually. I was going to tell you but now I’m not so inclined.” She gives a sharp smile. James is immediately distracted by the idea of getting presents, but Sirius is not, that she knows by the little squeeze he gives her right foot.

She’s sort of glad to lay the theory aside because the ramifications will be great indeed if what she thinks is true.

If Remus is really a werewolf.

§

"So, are there any cute boys at that school of yours?"

Lily makes a squeaky sound and Haesel drops the plate she's washing back in the soapy water. "Tuney!" They sound out together.

"Or no, wait, you're still too young for that yet." Petunia continues blithely, ignoring the looks her younger sisters are shooting her. "Not for a while, I suppose... Too bad my school is girls only."

"Well there is someone who has an eye on Haesel, I reckon." Lily says considering and she picks up another plate to dry.

“Who?” Petunia asks interested.

“You know him, Siri-“

“No!” Haesel cuts in with a red blush staining her cheeks. “No one is interested in me.”

Lily frowns. “Maybe not really yet, but you’re certainly in the market.”

Haesel’s thin “I am what?” goes ignored as her two elder sisters continue on.

“We discussed on the train how interest in me would increase because I was now the Heir of a Noble and Ancient House, but thing is I don’t think it really has?” Lily says and the look on her face is considering.

“Why not?” Petunia asks, upset in place of her sister for the suspect slight against her.

“I focus mostly on my studies and the friends I already have, the girls in the dorm and Sev. I don’t really socialise with lots of people outside of those, so even if people try to get closer to me right now I’m not interested. But Haesel hangs out with those boys, is on the Quidditch team, pretty well known… Maybe people aren’t really interested yet, because we’re young and all, but I bet you that’ll change soon enough!”

Haesel quietly put the last plate for Lily to dry and tried to pretend she wasn’t hearing this conversation.

“When you put it like that.” Petunia muses. “I’ll probably only start meeting blokes when I’m in University.” She sighs dramatically. “Until then I’ll have to make do with these.” She taps the magazine she was reading before. It’s got a cover with a model on it, so Haesel automatically assumes it’s as bad as that _Witch Weekly_ magazine Mary and Florence delight in reading. Haesel herself felt slightly scarred for life after reading it and can’t help but wonder why people are so interested in the inane details of other people’s lives, people they don’t even know.

She doesn’t quite know why she’s so set against gossip magazines, but she supposes she’s better off without them anyway.

That said… Now, how to get out of the kitchen before her sisters notice her. She’ll take refuge in Dad’s office and sit in the other office chair which she can curl up into with a book just great.

She eyes her sisters again. Yea, that’s what she’s going to do.

§

The first and second full moon of 1973 prove Haesel right and never before has she wished so much she were wrong. As March 18th draws to a close, the Marauders – as they’ve taken to calling themselves in private – minus Remus sit in a secluded alcove away from the main halls. Sirius spells a privacy ward around their spot and then nods towards Haesel.

“We think Remus is a werewolf.” She says to James without wasting any more words than needed.

James’ only reaction is the way his eyes open wide, but then he frowns and taps his chin in agitated thought.

“It would fit only too well.” He finally says after a considering glance outside, towards the grounds of the castle who are highly visible in the light of the full moon.

“It would explain why the rumours about the Shrieking Shack started up again among the older years.” Sirius says. “From what I asked Andy about it there wasn’t much about the place until two years ago.”

“That’s when we started school.” James concludes. “What do we do?”

They look at each other and then Haesel gives one determined nod.

“He’s still our forth Marauder. He’s still our friend.”

James and Sirius nod.

“We solemnly swear...” Sirius lets his words fall away but they’ve been understood none the less. That’s what they say before they execute a prank, or do anything else really. It started out as a thing to do before doing a prank, them swearing never to betray one another or rat each other out, always to have each other’s backs, kind of like the ‘One for all, all for one’ Haesel remembers from her books, but it’s grown to be their motto and one of the defining characteristics of their friendship.

“…we’re up to no good.” Haesel and James finish and they flash each other grins before they get down to plan.

“I propose we go to the Headmaster with this.” Haesel says.

“Why?” James asks. Outside of classes they tend to try to avoid getting too much attention from teachers, afraid that when they look too close they’ll discover exactly how much the four of them are ‘up to no good’.

Haesel, who’s actually weirdly comfortable with the revered Headmaster of Hogwarts, courtesy of the times she’s actually spoken to him compared to the others, explains. “He’s the Headmaster, I’m sure it was he who arranged everything. Madam Pomfrey must know of it too, but I think if it’s best that we inform the Headmaster of the fact that we know.”

“And that we’ll keep our silence.” Sirius realises where she’s going with this. Haesel nods. “It’s really important that we keep this silent. If it gets out that Remus is a werewolf that would be really bad, not only for the school but mostly for Remus himself.”

“He’d be kicked out.” James says. “He wouldn’t be accepted into any other school either and everyone knows self-study can only get one so far, especially compared to an education in one of the best schools of magic in the world.”

“And we’re not going to let that happen.” Haesel says and determination burns visible in her eyes.

“Of course not.” James smirks and Sirius mirrors their expressions.

“So, off to the Headmaster then?” Sirius says. “Wait, can you just walk up there and ask to see him?”

Haesel’s feeling daring and is sure the others are filled with a similar feeling. “Why not?”

§

Because she’s the only one to have ever been there before Haesel leads the way to the Headmaster’s office, where they encounter their next problem: the stone gargoyle and the password it needs.

“It was something with sweets that last time.” Haesel says frowning in thought.

“So we just go and tell this thing all the sweets we can think of?” James says skeptically. Haesel gives an unsure nod.

“Well, here goes.” James says and Sirius and Haesel stand back and watch as he gives it a go. The list of sweets he knows is truly formidable, but as it goes on their amusement fades. James is wracking his brains in search of more sweets when all of sudden an aged voice speaks up behind them.

“Redvines.”

The gargoyle starts to open and the three jump in fright when they suddenly see the Headmaster himself standing before them with a slight smile on his lips. He observes the way the two boys have jumped in front of Haesel or how the girl herself is clutching both their arms and his smile grows. He’s observed these friends before. Their antics are amusing, their friendship a thing of beauty to see. But they are missing a member of the quartet and then Albus Dumbledore knows what this is about.

“I was just coming back from dinner. A dinner I’ve unfortunately not seen you three at.” He peers over his half-moon glasses as he says the words, the accusation on purpose to observe their reactions, because he really doesn’t have the time to check if every one of the students make it to meals and he’s actually coming from a late chat over tea with the Deputy Headmistress, but they don’t need to know that, do they?

Slightly panicked glances are thrown around and Dumbledore has to fight to keep his amusement hidden. But these children weren’t sorted into Gryffindor on mere chance, he thinks as their resolve hardens and their shoulders pull back, heads held high.

“We hadn’t noticed that it had gotten so late already.” Young Mr Black says and Mr Potter says after a glance at Miss Evans: “There was something we urgently needed to speak to you about, Headmaster.”

“If that’s allright with you, sir.” Miss Evans says.

He raises his eyebrows. “Is that so? Then, by all means, do follow me up.”

They ride the steps and go through the antechamber to enter the office. It’s just the same as Haesel remembers it but for the bird sitting on a perch beside the desk that she hadn’t noticed her previous visit here. Granted, she’d been incredibly nervous that time, but still, that wasn’t an excuse to miss a phoenix!

Headmaster Dumbledore chuckles when he sees their incredulous faces. “Miss Evans, Mr Potter, Mr Black, meet Fawkes the phoenix, my faithful companion.” With a slight bow towards the bird he completes the introductions and the bird amazes the three second years by giving a royal nod when they give an unsure “Pleased to meet you.”

With a wave, three comfortable chairs appear before the ornate desk and with a smile Dumbledore invites them to sit as he takes his own seat behind the desk. “Now tell me, what did you want to see me about?”

It’s amusing to see their silent communication through glances, the way the boys step forward first and place the girl between them.

“We think our friend Remus might be a werewolf.” Mr Black then says.

“He’s always ill around the time of the full moon and every time one has passed he looks bloody awful.” Mr Potter says and Miss Evans gives a routine sounding ‘Language, James!’ before finishing up.

“He’s our friend, Professor, and we’re not going to drop him like a hot stone over something he can’t help, but we thought it might be better if we informed you about the fact that we know.”

James Potter hesitates. “And we wanted to ask, if there was something we could do to help him?”

Headmaster Dumbledore leans back into his chair and steeples his finger against each other. He regards them for a while, until they start to shuffle uncomfortable.

“You are entirely correct, Mr Potter, Mr Black, Miss Evans. And might I say –“ He drops his hands and gives them a smile, “–  how proud I am of the trust and care you have for your friend. Fifty points each, for outstanding courage to look beyond conventional wisdom and into the heart of a matter.”

They all glow, pleased, but then Haesel’s face falls. “But there’s nothing we can do to help him?”

“Oh but there is! You can tell him that you know and that you informed me of this fact, you can reassure him of your acceptance and continued friendship. I’m sure those things will mean a great deal to young Mr Lupin.” He gives them another smiles and yes, this is why he started teaching children, this is why Hogwarts is still the most prized place he knows – here bonds are born that will transcend time and change the world.

“Of course, only animagi can safely be around a transformed werewolf, but you can ease him pain before and after the transformation with your companionship and maybe some chocolate. Of course, deflections of the true nature of his affliction will be most helpful also. I must ask you to not mention it even in passing, for the very walls have ears sometimes.”

“Thank you.” Mr Black says and there’s a gleam in the boy’s silvery grey eyes. Maybe he shouldn’t have said the bit about animagi? Ah well, it’s not like any book won’t tell them the same and this way he knows even more to keep an eye on them.

“Yes thank you Professor.” Haesel Evans says. “One more question; if someone we really do trust asks us what we know, mightn’t we tell them if Remus thinks it’s okay?”

“You are speaking of your sister and other friends, I presume?” At her nod, he gives a thoughtful hum. “If they do speak to you about suspicions and you think their intentions with that knowledge honourable, you may send them to me and I will sort it out further.”

“Right. Thank you again Professor. We’ll go now.” They all rise and give him nods and smiles before they file out.

Almost out of the door, Haesel pauses. She gives a last look towards Fawkes and then asks, unsure: “May I, Professor?”

“Of course.” He smiles and he watches, together with the two boys who have paused at the door, as Haesel approaches the phoenix. She repeats her question, to the bird this time, and his opinion of her is raised together with his respect. Not many think of the feelings of what most assume to be a pet.

Haesel pets the phoenix for a moment, feels the sleek feathers under her hand and hears the delighted thrill the bird gives at the attention and _knows_ in her bones she’s done this before. A weary part of her decides to leave it now and she bids the Headmaster goodbye once more.

Her mind can’t leave the moment alone so easily and she’s still distracted as she crawls into bed after a quick stop at the kitchens for some more dinner.

§

“Really?” Remus asks and the hope is warring with the relief that they finally know and the ice cold fear that they’ll leave now.

“Really. What did you think, that we would drop you just because you happen to have a little furry problem?” James says, tone suggesting that just the thought alone is ridiculous and idiotic.

Despite the seriousness of the moment, Sirius and Haesel both start laughing.

“A little furry problem? You make it sound like he has a badly behaved rabbit or something!” Haesel manages to get out between giggles.

“Do like it, though.” Sirius snorts. “It’s the sort of thing that fits us.”

“Really?” Remus repeats, still in shock.

His friends – his friends! – look at him fondly and nod.

“Of course, you idiot.” Haesel says and then she’s hugging him and if they’re aware he’s crying into her shoulder they are kind enough not to say anything about it.

“You do realise,” Sirius says when they’ve all calmed down a little, “that we have got to become animagi now, do you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
> I’ve got slightly bad news… I’m taking a little hiatus! I’ve got to work in August and I’ve made July into my holiday month. I’ll actually be away too, on scouting camp and all, so I’ve decided to take a little break from fanfiction. I’ll not be reading or posting anything after this one – got a little distracted so it’s not exactly June anymore whoops – but I’ll still answer my reviews and write! So I promise to be back with a new update on August the first, cross my heart and hope not-to-die.  
> As a side note… I welcome suggestions on Haesel’s animagus form and Marauder nickname! Got some ideas but interested what you think, yup!  
> Thank you very much for reading, reviewing, favouring and following! Have a lovely summer :)


	18. Dieciocho

“Go away!” Haesel mumbles and she attempts to draw her blanket closer, but it resists her grip and actually pulls away. In a corner of her sleepy brain that counts as simply wrong because blankets don’t pull away unless Sirius has charmed them, the annoying idiot. Ah well, that must be it. Bit odd of him to try that in the dorm but hey, it’s Sirius. The bloke will find a way even if it kills him to do so.

“You’re annoying Sirius bugger off.” She manages and then turns her head a little. Since when is her pillow so hard?

There’s muffled laughter somewhere. Haesel frowns. That’s mean of the girls, to not help her out.

Someone pokes her in the side and Haesel twitches.

“Wake up, Haesel!” A boy’s voice says in a heated whisper. Great, now James got in the dorm as well. So much for ‘charms cast by Rowena herself’ to keep the boys out of the girl’s dorms!

“Yes indeed, do wake up Miss Evans.”

Suddenly Haesel has the sinking feeling she knows why her pillow is so hard or how the boys got into the dormitory. Simply put - they haven’t … she just fell asleep in class.

She raises her head and surveys the damage while blinking the sleep out of her eyes. Vaguely she notices that what she thought was a blanket are actually Sirius’ robes and she’s wrinkled them a good deal by bunching them up in her fist.

In front of the three person desk she’s sharing with James and Sirius stands Professor McGonagall looking supremely unimpressed, eyebrows drawn upwards and arms crossed, tapping her wand lightly on her sleeve. All in all it presents a very intimidating gesture.

Haesel swallows.

“I see you are with us again, Miss Evans. Might I inquire why you felt the need to sleep on the desk during class?”

It takes a bit before Haesel remembers how Lily kept her up going over the basic principles of object to animal transfiguration in preparation of both class and exams. That alone isn’t bad, but they were up late the nights previous to first help Remus out and then to sneak around the castle and plan pranks, so Haesel is absolutely exhausted.

“Eh studying Professor.” She says but then ruins the nice sentence with a big yawn.

“Then you must show me your animal to object transformation, Miss Evans.”

_“_ _Well, thank you for that assessment, Mr Weasley. Perhaps it would be more useful if I were to transfigure Miss Potter and yourself into a pocket watch? That way, one of you might be on time.”_

“… Miss Evans?”

“Ah, I’m sorry Professor. It won’t happen again.” Haesel says. Her throat feels closed off and it’s hard to force the words through.

If she’d looked up she’d have seen the look of concern that briefly crosses the Professor’s face, but she doesn’t so the look passes and Professor McGonagall decides to choose another victim to perform the transfiguration. “Mr Potter, please.”

“Yes, Professor! Vera Verto!”

“I can’t believe you got off without even getting a detention! I call her Minnie once and I’m stuck scrubbing the trophy room for a week. You fall asleep in class and you get away with a ‘sorry’!” Sirius can’t stop talking about it because this is McGonagall, who’s feared in the whole castle for her strict manner.

“Yea, it’s clear you’re her favourite! I previously thought it was because you were on the Quidditch team but we’re on it too and we get no special treatment at all.” James sighs. “At all.”

“Isn’t that sad.” Sirius nods. Remus laughs at the over the top sad faces they are making.

_“Does it hurt?”_

_“Dying? Not at all. Quicker and easier than falling asleep.”_

Haesel has been walking faster and faster until she’s walking slightly ahead of them, but at that last comment she whirl around and the three boys stop short at her expression. Tears are brimming in her eyes and she’s clutching the strap of her bag as if releasing it will end her life.

“Would you just stop it?”

It’s so silent in the corridor that the silence becomes loud, if such a thing is indeed actually possible, Remus wonders in a corner of his mind.

“Err…” James says, not sure what to do.

“No! Just, just be silent okay?” Haesel releases the strap and clasps her hands over her ears. “Leave me alone!”

Remus glances out of his eye to Sirius and is surprised to see a dark thunderous expression on his face.

“But, Haesel … I’m not sure…” James steps forward a little, hands stretched out before him. Haesel sees him coming and stumbles back a few steps, but her eyes are wide and wild and for a moment Remus wonders if she really sees him at all.

“Please… Don’t…” She whispers and stumbles back another step.

“Fine.” Sirius suddenly says, voice as hard as his expression. His hands are balled into fists and he seems to be shaking. Remus and James exchange a wary look behind his back. They’re not sure what’s going on here. Haesel has never acted this way towards them before – heck; they haven’t ever seen her act this way with anybody ever! And the way Sirius is now, it’s actually scary. Remus makes an aborted motion with his head towards James, asking without words if he needs to get assistance.

Sirius’s cold tone seems to finally get through to Haesel, for her eyes widen and then she lets out a soft sigh as her eyes roll back and she crumbles to the ground. Remus and James are so surprised by this turn of events that they fail to react in time or react at all if Remus is honest with himself.

Luckily they were the only ones so unobservant and Sirius reaches her in time to catch her before she can touch the ground. For a moment his head is bowed and then he releases a sigh.

“Can one of you fetch Lily and the other Professor Dumbledore while I take Haesel to the hospital wing please?”

“Why the Headmaster?”

Sirius looks uncomfortable. “Because I don’t know how to deal with this on my own.”

_"Not Haesel, please no, take me, kill me instead -----”_

It’s hard to open her eyes. They feel gritty and the act of opening them is oddly unfamiliar. She tries to raise a hand to rub them, but her limbs are heavy and won’t cooperate.

She hears voices but can’t quite understand them and it’s all she can do not to panic because this is all to horribly familiar.

“She’s coming to again.”

“Do we… do we need to restrain her again? I felt horrible the last time, really. It was terrible.”

“No, I do not think that will be needed, Miss Evans. I think it is time to let her wake up naturally now. Please call your parents, grandmother and the Headmaster in now. They are currently in my office.”

“What about Sirius, I mean, Mr Black?”

“I will wake him.”

“Okay.”

Light footsteps hurry away, a curtain is rustled. Someone gives a heavy sigh, mutters a little under their breath and then another set of footsteps, slightly heavier, an adult this time. In the distance a door is opened and closed again.

Again rustling noises, someone being lightly shaken. The older female voice from before, whose firm tone was so familiar but didn’t cause the same pangs the girl’s voice did.

“Mr Black? Wake up, please.”

Someone groans.

“It might interest you to hear that she’s waking up.”

A sharp inhale of breath, then words. A boy’s voice on the crisp of breaking, on becoming a man. “Not like last time?”

A soft snort. “If that were the case, Mr Black, then that would have woken you.”

“True. Excuse me for a moment?”

“Of course.”

The sound of more rustling while someone presumably gets out of bed and then leaves the room to use the bathroom, as she can attest when she hears the flush at the same time another door opens. How many doors does this place have anyway? Not as many as the round spinning room in the Department –

No stop –

Don’t go there –

“Easy. Easy, lass, easy just breath through it, it is allright just breath in and out, in and out, in and out.”

“What happened? I thought she was waking peacefully Haesel, darling please what’s going on with her? What’s wrong with her?”

“Calm yourself please Mrs Evans, that’s not going to help her.”

“But Professor is there nothing we can do?”

“I fear this is beyond my capabilities.”

“Stay here, Lily. Robert, hold your wife – it might be better if we went back to the office, Albus.”

“I agree, Evangeline. Let us return, then.”

“No! Haesel!”

_“Not Haesel! Please … have mercy … have mercy… "_

 

There are no words he knows that can describe how it hurts him to see her like this. They’ve had to resort to bind her arms and legs to the bed because she hurt herself trashing about. Her cheeks are blotchy from tear stains and her lips torn because she’s bitten on them until they bled.

Since the time she collapsed in the corridor three days ago, she hasn’t woken up, not really. There have been times she was waking up and sometimes they even thought she would actually open her eyes but every time she was closed something would cause her to shake, cry and scream, trash about and once she even tried to curl up into a tight ball, whispering all over ‘please don’t hurt me no please’ and it breaks his heart.

Sirius is actually not sure why they have allowed him to stay with her, but it might be because when he talks to her when she’s having one of those episodes his voice seems to calm her down slightly. Once he could even touch her, hold her hand.

He’s holding it now. The fifth day will dawn soon and he’s not sure what to do anymore. He’s had suspicions before, that she was haunted by things she could not talk about and most of it had to do with those dreams. He thought he knew what they meant, but he hadn’t known she saw them even when she was awake, that they literally disturbed her every moment.

He had no idea the talent was so strong, although in hindsight it’s quite clear it had to be. It does explain how she would get paler and more distant and reluctant to talk about it as the months passed.

Movement catches his eye and he sees her eyes are moving again, her eyelashes fluttering slightly.

He moves to call Madam Pomfrey before he remembers she’s just gone down to get them some breakfast and he’s alone in the ward. Well, maybe not the whole ward as there are other patients now tended to by the apprentice healer, but in the private room certainly.

Slivers of green appear and Sirius is about ready to thank the gods – any god – on his bare knees when the sight of him or the simple act of waking up doesn’t immediately result in accelerated breathing.

“Siri… Sirius?” Haesel croaks. Her eyes close again as she coughs violently and Sirius quickly grabs the glass water that’s standing on the bedside cabinet.

“Here.” He says and watches how she sips from it. He has to hold the glass steady with one hand because hers shake too much, but it’s from exhaustion and weakness this time, not a fit of what Sirius has come to recognise as paralysing fear.

“What happened to me?” She says as she finally has drunk the entire glass and Sirius has placed it back down. She tries a careful little laugh but it sounds unconvincing. “I feel like the Hogwarts Express ran me over.”

“It might as well have. I think you’d feel better then.” He says seriously.

She winces.

“I remember… I try not to remember, actually.”

“I don’t think it’s remembering per se. Haesel, I think you remember things that have not happened yet.”

There’s a shocked silence and he’s happy to have finally said it out loud, the thing he’s been thinking but that doesn’t mean the weight has lifted from his chest.

“You mean… Like seeing the future?” Her voice is small, unsure and he’s reminded once again that they’re just twelve and too young to deal with any of this or the consequences it will bring because hers is a talent both coveted and feared in the Wizarding World.

“Do you know what the Raven on your family crest means?” He asks instead. She shakes her head minutely.

“In Celtic tradition a raven or a crow stands for oracles, for prophesies and tidings of things to come.” He uses his free hand to rub his face, wipe the curls that have fallen off his face. The other one is still clutching her hand and he takes comfort from the fact that she hasn’t let go either. “They also stand for war, but that’s not my point.”

Her lips are white. “You think it’s in my blood oh Morgana.”

“What is it?” He asks.

“The blood adoption, that’s what changed I wondered why they had become so clear, why I suddenly didn’t have to be asleep anymore to see them, oh by the gods.” Haesel presses one fist against her mouth.

“… Blood adoption? What are you talking about?” Sirius finally manages and Haesel pulls her hand lose, shows him the curious ‘L’ shaped scar and then proceeds to tell him a truth he hadn’t imagined possible.

“I’m sorry I lied to you.” She finishes, then. They’re both aware and unaware of the way he’s taken hold of her hand again, how he traces the scar over and over.

“I don’t think there is an easy way to tell it.” He says and he smiles at her. Haesel smiles back and his heart skips, stutters in his breast.

Sirius drops her hand. “We’ll talk it over later, allright? Now come here.” He beckons and she follows and she’s small in his arms but it fits, somehow.

“So that’s how it is.” Evangeline Evans says. She gives a thoughtful hum. Seated beside her on another recently conjured armchair Albus Dumbledore nods.

“Your secret is safe with us, dear girl.” He says and leans forward to pat her leg.

Haesel manages a smile. It feels wobbly and she can’t look her parents or Lily in the eye, but she feels the way Sirius stands beside her and she knows she’s not alone so she dares a quick peek.

Lily’s eyes have always been expressive, the way her own are and she can read them like a book sometimes. Now they are shuttered close and there is a little hurt because _you never told me why_ but she can see the unconditional support her sister has for her and it is a balm on her raw heart.

“It is triggered by things you see, things you hear who are often very familiar?” Evangeline asks. While her tone is brisk, there is concern on her features and that is the only reason why Haesel answers honestly.

“Not everything ‘triggers’ it.” She steals another glance at her sister and parents. They are following along anxiously. She looks back at her grandmother. “For example, you don’t Grandmother but Lily does. Almost everyone and everything here does.” She adds the last part in a whisper.

Evangeline might be old, but her hearing is still excellent. “Then I might have a proposal. Pending your approval of course, Robert, Ivy.”

“What is it?” Mum asks.

“As I have told you, I plan to spend the summer at my house in Bath to enjoy the Roman baths. They do my old bones well. I propose to take Haesel with me –“

Several people gasp. Ivy and Lily aren’t the only ones. In fact; the only calm one is Dumbledore.

“- and I think it would benefit her health. I can’t guarantee it won’t be a place that will trigger anything, but right now it seems to me the familiar is the problem.”

“It is a good idea.” Mum says hesitantly. She looks up at Dad, who looks torn.

“But we wanted to go to France.”

“We can go next year, or take only Petunia. I don’t think Lily will allow herself to be separated from Haesel now, will you darling?”

“No, I won’t.” Lily scowls. “Just try!”

At this, Haesel finally gives her a real smile because the echoes of an older, more grown up voice are still there they are being overwritten any moment Lily stands by her side.

Evangeline smiles. “I wouldn’t dream of it. Of course you are welcome to join us. You too, with Petunia, at any time you please.”

“Thank you.” Dad says. “But I think we might take Petunia on a little trip first. She’s been doing really well in school and we think she needs a little holiday.”

“Oh, I know!” Lily says. “Take her to Paris! She’ll love that.”

Haesel nods. “She will, truly.”

“Well I think France has more to offer than just Paris, but we’ll see. I can take off only so many days.” Dad laughs. Haesel basks in the happy atmosphere and glances up when Sirius gives her a little nudge.

_I told you it would be allright. We’ll make it so. Marauder’s honour._

She grins. A summer spend recovering will do her well. She’s okay with missing exams – her daily work was good enough that she’s got high enough scores to pass – she’s going to spend time lazing around in baths, talking walks and having relaxed tea with Lily. Maybe the relaxed setting, away from the ancestral manor, will allow them to get to know their Grandmother better too, who knows?

It’s night and Haesel is supposed to be sleeping, but she’s still wide awake. She sighs lightly and sits up to fluff her pillow a little, hoping it will help her sleep better. She misses her bed in the Gryffindor dorms, or the one she has at home, but she knows she won’t return to either. Lily has told her that her absence has been explained as her having caught the contagious disease tuberculosis, which is of course not true but does explain her absence from class, the reason visitors weren’t allowed in and how she’s lost weight and colour.

She doesn’t mind the excuse, although she feels guilty pretending towards any real sufferers and she’s already bored of the bed rest she’s put on. There’s still a month left of the school year, but she’s not going to spend all of it in the hospital wing, no – her Grandmother will arrive in two days and take her to her holiday home in Bath. Lily will join them there once the year is done and holiday has started.

Haesel sighs again. This sucks. She wonders, not for the first time nor will it be the last, she can’t help but think darkly, why she had to have this talent – why it could not just have stayed wherever it came from and left her alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
> I know people were waiting for this, eh? Don’t worry, you might think the cat is out of the bag now but I’m feeling pretty mean so nope! It’s not. You can expect the big reveal in year six or so, hihi. I do hope those of you who like drama and angst are satisfied! I think this chapter has lots of it.
> 
> Heh, I’ll be glad when it’s August and I’m back! I’m never doing this again, I promise. Good thing is that I’m back to reading/watching more ‘original’ content – got into some really good manga and anime (loving the summer season so far) and even started Game of Thrones, not to mention reading more books, so that end has been good! But I must say I missed fanfiction very much. There are a lot of great and talented people here who write amazing stories and I’d be crazy to miss out on it! Not to mention I could have updated this chapter way earlier. By the time it’s August it’ll have been sitting on my laptop for ages, yup.  
> See you with the next chapter on August 2! 
> 
> Am going to upload it now! Stayed up till twelve my time to have it up in time ;) worried about this chapter – hope you all like it!


	19. 十九

“That sucks.” Mary says empathically. They all nod, looking a bit down.

“And I was going to ask her if she wanted to spend some time at my place too.” James groans. “My Mum was insisting I have some friends over. She thinks I get too lonely alone.”

Florence snorts. “Too lonely, she says. What, does your ego take the holiday off too?”

Now they all have to laugh, even Lily and Sirius who were easily the most depressed looking of all of them.

“But the worst is over, isn’t it? She’s going to be okay?” Alice asks, turning towards Lily, who nods.

“It was touch and go for a while, but she’s going to be okay.” Just remembering the fear she’d felt is enough to kill any appetite Lily has and she shoves her dinner plate away. It’s still half full and she’s aware of her friends looking at her in concern.

“Seriously, it’ll be fine guys.” She says and smiles, albeit a touch weakly. “After Madam Pomfrey managed to stabilise her she was transferred to St Mungo’s. My Grandmother is planning to take her to Bath to help her recover when they let her leave.”

“That’s nice of her.” Mary says. “You’re not going on holiday then?”

“Nah.” Lily replies. This time, her smile grows and is an actual sign of happiness. “I mean, my parents are taking my sister to France but I’ll be joining Haesel and Grandmother in Bath.”

“Aww.” Florence coos. “Can’t bear to be separated?”

“I think it’s lovely.” Remus smiles at Lily. “If I were in that situation, I’d definitely go join her too!”

“True that.” Alice agrees, nodding. She’s got her own little sister, who’s still four actually, but she’d join her in a heartbeat if she’d been as ill as Haesel has reputably been. Only Lily and Sirius have been able to see her, the latter for a reason he won’t disclose and even Lily refuses to talk about. He’s joined them again now after five days of living in the hospital wing with Lily and presumably Haesel, but unlike Lily who’s eager to catch up with them and concentrates on studying as much as possible, Sirius seems to be there only in person but not in mind. Alice has a private giggle at that. She’s always adored romantic stories and this is just so romantic!

Sirius gives an unconscious shiver.

“Well at least we won the Cup first.” Mary says then and looks at them incredulously when they all start laughing. “What? Haesel loves Quidditch! She’d be really sad if she had to miss out on a match.”

“She will be sad she can’t say goodbye to the Captain.” James remarks.

Lily just knows that the conversation is going to dwindle into Quidditch talk now, so she gets to her feet and tells her friends she’s just going to the library for a book. Alice and Florence offer to go with her, but they’re not done eating yet so Lily waves their offer away with a smile. She find that her smiles come more easy now it’s sure that Haesel is going to be okay. Well, sort of, anyway.

It’s nice, to have such a mixed group of friends, she thinks as she exits the Great Hall and goes up the stairs. Concern over Haesel has brought them all together again. They’d been drifting into different groups, a girl group and a boy group which is a wrong name for it because Haesel also belongs to ‘the guys’, but it’s the easiest division to make. Now they’ve fallen into sitting together at mealtimes, in class and in the common room as if they’ve never shifted apart. It’s happened in her absence, but she can’t say she minds.

Lily can even say she doesn’t find James such a bother anymore with his obvious concern for her little sister and she’s even found herself smiling at him a few times. She smiles now, privately. She’s feeling optimistic. Due to the studying she’s done throughout the year she doesn’t feel as behind as she ought with exams only a week and a half away.

“Wait up, Lily!” Someone calls after her and Lily pauses on the top step with a little sigh. She’s happy to see Sev, truly she is, but the way he hounds her for information about Haesel irritates her. Since when is Sev so interested in her twin?

She can’t help the horrible thought that steals through her mind – _wasn’t he_ her _friend?_

“Where are you going?” Sev pants. Lily can’t help the snort that escapes her.

“I think you ought to do get some more movement or something.” She says. “You’re completely out of breath from just this fight of stairs.”

Sev gives her a good natured jab in the ribs with his elbow. “We don’t all run up and down to Gryffindor Tower all the time, you know. Our dungeons are just a flight down from ground level.”

“Good for you, you mean. If it were any deeper into the rock, you would freeze to death in the winter!”

“Actually, there’s a rumour that there’s a chamber somewhere, a secret one my mum told me about, and it might be even lower than the dungeons.” Sev says with a light frown that Lily knows means that he’s thinking deep.

“A secret chamber, really?” She raises an eyebrow to show her cynicism.

“Apparently Salazar Slytherin made it, when he left the other three. It was supposed to be his legacy and would once continue to do his will and remove all the unworthy from the castle.”

It’s the second time in ten minutes that a conversation takes a turn Lily doesn’t like, but this one is just a little worse than Quidditch.

“And who are the unworthy?” She asks with a touch of frost in her voice. Sev is not so caught up in his tale that he doesn’t notice, but before he can answer they enter the library and are automatically silent from years of habit. Sev wiped his hands on his robes. They’re oddly sweaty and he realises he’s nervous. He’s glad they got here when they did, because while now Lily is the same as him – she’s the same as him! They’re equals! The three of them – she used to think she was Muggleborn and besides… Lily’s the kind of person who’d be offended by a word like ‘Mudblood’ no matter if it applied to her or not.

But if he’s honest… that’s the reason he likes her so much, that innate kindness of hers.

There’s much she still has to do so Lily wastes no time picking out the books she needs. Despite the Professors agreeing to let any missed work from the past couple of days go she’s still determined to catch up and deliver it in anyway. Under no circumstances she’s going to let some Ravenclaw have her top spot!

They check out and go into the corridor again.

“So what are your holiday plans?” Sev asks eagerly. He hated it when she was gone almost the entire summer last year, and he’s vaguely aware there were plans to go to France but with Haesel’s illness those might have changed.

Lily shakes her head at his enthusiasm. She knows she’s the only friend he has at home and even here at school he doesn’t really have many, because he’s told her that in the snake pit one has either followers or acquaintances. She secretly thinks that’s a sad way to live.

“My mum and dad are taking Petunia to France, but Grandmother is going to take Haesel to Bath to recover and as soon as school’s out I’m going to join them there.”

“So you won’t be home at all?” Sev sounds really dejected and Lily makes a wild promise in an effort to cheer him up.

“I’ll see if I can convince Grandmother to let us go home for August, okay? Maybe we can even go shopping for school together!”

She can see that it’s working, but then he clearly remembers something and his face falls again. He even pauses and then Lily sees that they’re already on the junction where she goes up and he goes down.

“Say… You’re not, I mean, not that it matters much but you’re not friends with Potter and his ilk again, are you? I saw you sitting together at dinner and you were smiling at him.” There’s something close to petulance in his voice if Lily has to name it.

She rather wouldn’t.

“He was very concerned about Haesel. They all are, it’s really nice. They’re all very supportive.” She says instead and watches as a dark shadow appears in his eyes when she adds: “Sirius even stayed with her the whole time.”

She pauses, thinks. “Well I did too. Madam Pomfrey kept us at first because we were at risk of infection ourselves – same with James and Remus actually – but then we could stay because we were protected from the virus by the potions Madam Pomfrey gave us.”

She’s very aware she’s lying about the whole of this and it hurts her to lie to her best friend, but it’s Haesel’s life and safety that are at stake her and for that, Lily is prepared to lie a thousand lies.

“Why could he stay when I couldn’t even visit?” Sev says and this time she can’t deny she’s taken a little aback by his vehemence. Her remark on the brilliance of medical potions and the idea to maybe study to become a medi-witch dies on her tongue.

He can see he’s shocked her and promptly deflates. “Never mind. I’ll see you in Potions tomorrow, Lily. Goodnight.”

He turns and stalks away so abruptly that Lily is left to look at his retreating back and billowing robes.

The light rattling of the curtain as it slides back does not wake Haesel. No, it’s the muttered curse James utters as Remus stands on his one foot and Sirius on his other simultaneously, almost as if they’ve practiced it. They’ve not even started their growing yet and already they are having trouble fitting under his invisibility cloak.

“What?” Haesel mutters sleepily as she raises herself from her curled up position. She’s still tired and sore as hell, but she’s feeling better and she supposes the two days bed rest have done her well already. She’s actually looking forward to spending time with her Grandmother in Bath, but she’s secretly also sure that she’ll be glad when Lily arrives to join them.

The cloak drops and the three boys are revealed.

“Oh hey guys.” Haesel yawns. It’s a moment before the normalness of her reaction shocks her. She hold her breath and finds Sirius’ gaze with panic in her eyes, but his grey ones are reassuring, calm, warm.

He steps forward first and gives her a hug, partly to affirm his convictions but also to whisper quietly into her ear.

“It’s fine. We won’t stay long, just to say bye. Pretend you’re tired if you want us gone, okay?”

She gives a hesitant nod into his shoulder and he gives her a squeeze in return before letting go.

“Haesel! You’re still alive, good.” James jokes but his face is earnest and he moves in to give her a hug too. When he lets go Remus does the same, giving her a warm smile when he lets go.

Haesel smiles shakily back. Maybe Sirius was right to bring them here – every moment she spends with them they overwrite the creeping sense of unease she carries with her, the flashes of sight she’s come to expect.

She remembers how it was the same with Lily and Professor Dumbledore and finally feels that when the summer is over she’ll be okay to go back to school again. Now she’s still to shaken, too unsure and guarded but if she’s had some time… maybe then she’ll be able to get over it.

“Hey, it’s fine you know. We had to drink all sorts of potions, so I’m sure we won’t get infected.” James says with a confident grin.

Remus, however, has a suspicious spark in his eye. “I do wonder why Lily told us you were at St Mungo’s, but when Sirius takes us to the hospital wing you’re still here.”

Haesel gives a nervous laugh and throws a questioning glance towards Sirius.

The Black heir gives her a challenging stare and then turns towards the two other. “That’s because she wasn’t really ill.”

“What?” James exclaims.

“Shht!” Haesel hisses. “Quiet!”

“How do you mean?” Remus asks. “And why pretend she was?”

“Because there really was something wrong with me.” Haesel swallows. “Not in the way you think, though.”

“You do look like you’ve been ill.” James notes, taking in the way her face is pale and she looks thin. There’s an extra blanket on the bed and despite the fact it’s been slowly getting warmer she’s wearing a long sleeved pyjama James vaguely recognises from winter gatherings to discuss pranks in their dorm room.

“You must swear you’ll never, ever tell anyone about this, allright?” Haesel finally says as she’s allowed the silence to go on as long as she thinks they need to study her. “Never.”

“I will.” James says unexpectedly fierce. “I hereby swear never to tell a soul, neither living nor dead about the secrets you’ve revealed to me before or will today. So mote it be.”

“And I as well.” Remus says. “I hereby swear I will never tell a soul, neither living nor dead, about the secrets you’ve revealed to me before nor those you have yet to tell me. So mote it be.”

They look at each other and then add with grins: “Marauder’s honour!”

“Guys…” Haesel says and her voice is thick with tears. She opens their arms and they all huddle close into a group hug. She laughs wetly when she feels warm breath near her ear and Sirius’ voice who whispers “I told you it would be okay, didn’t I?”

Telling a secret you’ve worried a lot about often feels like taking off a heavy cloak; you feel inexplicably light and free after you’ve taken off your burden. It wasn’t easy, telling it all, laying her soul bare but Haesel knows, as she’s known before but had temporarily forgotten, that these are her true friends.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm terribly sorry - not only did I update really late, I just saw that I forgot to upload this chapter here. I did upload it on FF.net, but not here, so yup, sorry about that :/


	20. Tyve

The sun feels blissfully warm on her face. A light breeze keeps her from overheating and Haesel lies in the grass in the garden and loves life… Until Boots decides she’s had enough sun for the day and climbs on her head to lie on her face.

Haesel does not agree. She lifts the cat from her face and stares at him balefully. Boots has stayed on the small side of the spectrum and seems almost as if he’s stuck in the final stage of kitty-hood, but he’s already two years old and as mischievous as James and Sirius put together.

Hence the face sitting. Lately Boots has taken to waking her this way and Haesel sits up, knowing her time of lazing in the garden at her family home has come to an end.

It’s the last week of August and she’s only been home for five days. Four more and then she’ll be off on the train for another year at Hogwarts. They’ve waited until both Lily and Haesel were back to go shopping for school supplies, which also means they will have avoided both the crowds and all the people they know that will go shopping.

Haesel is a little nervous. It’ll be her first major outing into the Wizarding world since she left Hogwarts last year before the year had even ended and she’s not looking forward to it. Or, at least the beginning. She’s agreed to meet James, Sirius and Remus at the ice cream parlour at three so she has at least that to look forward to.

She looks down on the purring cat on her lap and smiles. “Never change, Boots.”

The cat looks up and his whole furry face seems to breathe ‘Who me? Change? What are you on about silly human, I am perfect the way I am!’

Haesel throws her head back and laughs.

“Haesel we’re leaving!”

Giving Boots a last scratch behind his ears she yells back: “Coming!” before putting the cat down and standing.

It’s really a lovely day and Haesel has taken advantage by wearing sandals and a summer dress. It’s short and white with blue flowers embroidered on it and Haesel thinks it looks striking with her dark hair, not to mention that it swings and swirls around her when she walks, even though the skirt is kind of short. It’s also a very grown up piece of clothing, and she feels older just by wearing it.

When Lily and Haesel came back from Bath, Petunia has immediately gasped and said that it couldn’t continue like this – they had to go shopping immediately. Their mother had agreed, pinching their cheeks with misty eyes and mentioning over and over how her little girls were growing up. Their father had just sighed and given them money and go shopping they had.

Well okay maybe they have both grown old enough and just plain grown enough to warrant buying a bra, but Haesel feels as if the clothing change also heralds an imagine change as they grow up and become women. She’s seen it happen with Petunia, after all. It’s both exiting and terrifying, honestly, so she delights in finding big baggy jumpers such as button ups and cable knit jumpers to comfortably drown in. 

Haesel walks into the house, Boots slipping in with her and darting into the corridor and then up the stairs to lie on her bed no doubt. The rest of the family are waiting in the hallway. Lily is wearing the same dress and they grin at each other as Haesel picks up her small bag from the hallway table. It’s just big enough for her wallet, a notebook and pen and her wand, because she’s learning to take it wherever she goes even though she can’t exactly use it out of school yet.

Robert opens the door and they file out. They’re just piling into the car when a red-faced, out of breath Severus Snape comes running.

“You’re late!” Lily says. “We thought you weren’t coming anymore!”

“Sorry.” Snape pants. 

Lily gets in the van, taking the middle bench and patting the spot beside her. Petunia gives Haesel a look of pity and seats herself in the back, leaving the last spot in the middle, the often coveted window seat, for Haesel. Reluctantly, she climbs in, clicking her seatbelt with finality. Ever since the accident when she was eight Haesel wears her seatbelt religiously, because she was wearing one then and while her real father – Uncle Erwin – might have saved her life by pulling her out of the wreck, she believes the fact she was wearing her seatbelt must have something to do with her survival too.

The others follow her example and once he’s done his, Snape turns to Haesel.

“Hi!” 

She gives him a nod in return; a little wary around him as always. He’s grown a little too, but he’s looking more gangly than anything.

“I’m glad to see you’re okay.”

“Thank you.” Haesel isn’t sure what to do with him and is secretly glad when Lily engages his attention by questioning him about something related to summer homework and Potions, one of their shared interest. She catches her dad’s eye in the rear mirror.

Robert winks. Haesel gives a little scowl. Robert laughs.

The drive to London seems to take ages. The air in the van in hot and stifling even when the windows are open. Sitting beside Snape isn’t very easy either - whenever she glances his way, weather she’s looking at Lily or just out the other window, he’s always staring at her. Luckily Lily tries to distract him as often as humanly possible without bringing attention to the way Haesel periodically stiffens whenever she sees a new flash. She knows now that the longer she spends in someone’s company the faster the flashes will go away so she grits her teeth, practices her breathing exercises and hopes the ride will end soon.

It takes a while before Robert manages to find a good parking spot, but once he does Haesel’s out of the van in seconds. 

“Are you okay?’ Snape asks and Haesel wishes that she could just ignore him because -

“Potter! What would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?”

but instead she just shakes her head. “It was pretty hot in there.”

“It was!” Lily whines as she also descends onto the pavement. When they’re all out, Robert locked the car and they are off. Lily and Snape walk in front, having restarted their discussion about the merits of pewter cauldrons versus copper ones.

Haesel has dropped to the back, behind her parents and Petunia even, but the latter isn’t having any of it and slows down until she’s walking alongside her littlest sister.

“You’ll be fine, you know.” She says as the Leaky Cauldron comes into view. 

Haesel shrugs. 

Petunia reaches out with one arm and pulls her briefly against her. “You’re got all of us, don’t you?”

At this Haesel has to smile, even if it’s just a little curl of the lips and disappears almost as fast as it came, but Petunia still counts it as a win.

Ivy holds the door open for them and she too gives Haesel a squeeze when she passes by. Lily is looking back towards her from where she’s passing by the bar, almost running into someone and Haesel can’t help the warm feeling that steals through her at the thought of her family. They’ve only ever been supportive even if they don’t quite know what she’s going through or how hard it sometimes is, but they are there never the less, as shows in her fathers wink as they have entered Diagon Alley and are discussion who wants to go where after they’ve visited Gringotts.

In the years since they’ve been introduced to the Wizarding World they all have relaxed a little and Robert and Ivy are no longer afraid to let them wander on their own, provided they say where they’re going and when they’ll be back.

They collectively decide to go for books and other supplies first before going for new robes and Robert assures Haesel that she’s free to slip away whenever she’s getting fashion-sick. She grins as she accepts the money he slips her and gives a little salute.

She obviously hasn’t hidden her amusement well enough because her father glowers at her briefly. While she can slip out for ice cream, her dad hasn’t got that luxury because he’s needed to give opinions on outfits and carry things, a duty she has managed to escape over the years. It’s not like she’s lacking for clothes, either - whenever Lily finds something she really likes she often gets the same for Haesel, sometimes in a different colour, but they are still so alike that what fits one of them, fits the other as well.

They both don’t care that it’s cliche for twins to dress alike because they’re recognisable enough with their different hair colours and it’s just, plain as that fun.

It’s quarter to three when Haesel’s done with fitting for a new uniform - with all the growing she’s done it was needed - and she doesn’t hesitate to drop her purchases with her dad who only gives her a suffering look before waving her off. 

Haesel grins when she heads out into the sunlight once more. It’s a beautiful day and the Alley hasn’t given her as much trouble as she’d expected. She secretly hopes that the longer she’s exposed to things that might trigger any flashes, the less they’ll happen, like they do when she hangs around people, but she can’t deny that her happiness to see her friend again might be helping as well.

James is already sitting at one of the tables outside when she arrives at Fortescue’s, accompanied by his mother and Haesel has to smother a giggle when she remembered the first time she had ice cream with James. A distant part of her wonders if James still has to keep his mum up to date with all the news on his female friends and if so … if he’s told her about his obsession with Lily.

“Come on, Mum, please? I haven’t seen them in ages and we’ll probably talk about Quidditch all the time and you’ll be terribly bored!” She hears James whine as she’s getting closer and her grin stretches her cheeks almost painfully. 

Seems he hasn’t told her about Lily, then, if he’s so keen on getting his mum to leave before the rest of the Marauders arrive.

Dorea spots Haesel before she has a chance to answer and and answering smile curls her red-painted lips.

The pureblood lady stands when Haesel has reached their table, prompting James to do the same and Haesel is once again treated to a series of air-kisses.

“Haesel-dear, so lovely to see you!” Dorea gushes as they sit down again, James having forgone the air-kisses and just hugged her, an action which Haesel had enthusiastically returned. 

Haesel smiles at her, a true, warm smile, because she knows Dorea truly means it and what can she say? The woman is very likeable. She returns the greeting with pleasure. “It’s lovely to see you too!”

“James told me you were ill at the end of last year - are you alright now?” The Potter Matriarch asks, concerned.

“Yes, I’m fine.” Haesel says and she’s got a feeling she’s going to get sick of repeating that sentence soon. But well, her friends have been genuinely worried about her, as their letters have shown, and she thinks she won’t mind repeating it a few more times for them. “Summer was really nice, I think staying in Bath has done me well.”

James makes a humming noise. “You do look a lot better. Compared to how you looked when we visited in the hospital wing - you looked like death warmed over back then!”

“In the hospital wing, Jamie?” His mother says, raising her eyebrows elegantly. “I thought no visitors were allowed?”

James blushes a little, both at the nickname and the way he just blurted out a thing that ought to have stayed secret. 

“They snuck in to see me when I wasn’t contagious anymore.” Haesel speaks up. “I was really happy to see them, it was nice of them to come visit.” She completes this with a shy smile at Dorea and the older woman predictably melts. 

“Well in that case.” She allows and pets Haesel’s hand. “Now, dear - how are your family? And your sister - what was her name again?”

“I’ve got two?” Haesel says, pretending to be obvious to where this is going. “They’re all perfectly fine, though.”

“Ah my bad. I meant your twin sister. She goes to Hogwarts as well doesn’t she?”

“Lily.” Haesel says. She can barely contain her grin. James is already looked a little cornered. “Yes, she’s in Gryffindor also. She had the highest marks of anyone in second year last year!”  
Haesel herself hadn’t had done any exams and thus had no official marks, but Lily, who’d thrown herself into her studies after Haesel had left the castle, had aced hers and wound up taking first place, something the Ravenclaws were apparently pretty miffed about. Not that Haesel cared much about the claws’ hurt pride, but she did care quite a bit about Lily and was thus very proud of her. Lily herself had been very pleased as well, saying that she was aiming to become a prefect in their fifth year and eventually maybe Head Girl if she could. Haesel herself didn’t have any such ambitions, thinking classes, Quidditch and pranking time consuming enough already.

“That is certainly impressive.” Dorea nods, scooping up the last of her ice cream. “You seem to have great taste in girls, James.”

James goes simultaneously very pale and very red, which gives him a fairly constipated expression Haesel hasn’t got any qualms laughing at. He gives her a baleful glare. 

Dorea ignores her son, which Haesel suspects is her normal modus operandi and just continues to roll with it.

“And she’s the Heiress of the House of Evans as well, I’m impressed. A great catch, certainly.”

Now James is choking on air and Dorea finally takes a little pity on him. 

“Be sure to be a good friend to her, then. She’ll need it when the suitors start showing up.”

Or not, Haesel thinks somewhere in the back of her mind, busy muffling her giggles behind her hand, not that it helps any.

“Children, it was my pleasure, but I must go.” Dorea says then and rises with the grace of a queen. “Jamie, darling, make sure to be home by half four! Haesel-dear, have fun at Hogwarts! But not too much. I’m aware you’re young yet, but one must also think of the consequences, mustn't they?”

She leaves them with situations reversed; James laughing and Haesel choking on air.

§

Remus is the third one to arrive, not a minute after Dorea has left them, but Sirius takes his time showing up.

“He did say he was coming, didn’t he?” James asks Haesel, who nods, giving the Alley another searching look. “If he told you, he’s certainly going to show. I propose we get our ice creams already?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Haesel scowls. They’ve been getting more and more frequent, these little jabs at the nature of the friendship between Haesel and Sirius. And sure, they’re pretty close, but they’re a little young for that, aren’t they? Besides, she’s a halfblood, surely it would be … discouraged or something?

Haesel curses in her head. Now she’s thinking about it as well. There’s no use in getting worked up about it, she tells herself. Puberty might be setting in but that doesn't mean anything. You certainly don’t have to act any different towards him or anything!

James just gives an amused huff. “Ice cream?”

“Sure.” Remus says. “Why don’t you stay here to guard the table and we’ll order for you?”

Haesel shrugs, eyes scanning the Alley once more. “I want a bowl with raspberry, mango and sprinkles, please.” Sprinkles have only recently been introduced in the Wizarding World, but they’re already a hit and though traditionally they’re for little children Haesel doesn’t quite care enough to mind that. She just wants sprinkles, who cares if they’re for kids?

Remus must have read her mind, because he snorts and takes her money before following James inside. 

Now alone, Haesel doesn’t bother pretending she’s not scanning the Alley like her life depends on it. That’s why the moment he comes into view, she spots Sirius immediately. The smile that curls her lips might not be stretching her cheeks but it’s warm, private despite the public setting and a wonderful warmth settles in her chest when he spots her and returns the smile.

She doesn’t stand or runs towards him, waiting until he pulls a seat towards the table to rise from her seat and pull him into a close hug. She breathes in deeply and then blows the air out slowly, melting into him. Yes, it might be stupid and she might break her own heart over the fact that she might not be able to be with him, that society will separate them, but in this moment she can’t care about that. No - it’s not that she can’t, she won’t. Right now, here in this moment, he’s hers still.

§

It had been hard, not seeing her over summer after the revelations of June and the awful fact that he’d been right, but he’d understood that she’d needed distance and time to heal, even though he’d hated it that he hadn’t been able to help. They had exchanged letters, of course, nearly exhausting his owl sometimes, but now she was here, with his arms circles around her protectively and best of all she was his again.

It was wrong to think like that, he knew it. There was no owning anyone, especially in a relationship but he didn’t think it counted if it went both ways, did it? It was also maybe a little creepy, because they were both thirteen yet and still so young but he’s know ever since he ran her over that day in February, had known back then that she was special. Not in the way last year had proven her to be, but in the way her eyes had lit up when she laughed, how her cheeks had grown red when he’d held her hand.

They were growing up, getting ever older and the world outside was getting ever more grim, but he didn’t think those things could ever change. 

Speaking about growing… Sirius knew objectively that Haesel had grown, but he had too, even if he was more legs and arms most days than normal human proportions should allow, and she still fitted into his arms, small as she was. Secretly he hopes she’ll stay like that, smaller than him, so that when he hugs her she fits like this and he can pull her extra close, protect her from all the evil the world has.

Which now also includes his other best friends, apparently, Sirius reflects as he gives James the stink eye when the Potter Heir drops a bowl of ice cream on the table and gives him an outrageous wink. Remus isn’t much better, what with the entirely too innocent smile he bestows on Sirius.

He releases Haesel, but not before giving her an extra squeeze. He’s proud to see the hint of red on her cheeks as she goes to sit down, thanking the two other for the ice cream and then quickly starting on it to avoid questions.

Maybe it’s an age old caveman thing, but Sirius’ smile is a little on the smug side when he turns to greet James and Remus. 

§

“So.” Remus says when they’ve all eaten their fill with ice cream and updated each other about their summers, never mind the fact they’ve written each other extensively. “What do you think our first prank of the year should be?”

“Hmm, difficult to say.” Haesel hums.

“I would like something really impressing.” Sirius states. “Something to really kick off the year with.”

“Something that says ‘Watch out, the Marauders are back’.” James nods. “I like that… but what?”

“We can’t do fireworks.” Haesel states. “That’s for special occasions and beside, we haven’t figured how to do make the rockets do the things we want them to so for now they’re pretty useless.”

“I agree.” Remus says. “No fireworks.”

“But it does need something… I don’t know, but it should be great!” Sirius makes a waving gesture with his arms and almost smacks James in the face, who pulls back just in time.

“Watch it.” James says and then it’s almost like a mental lightbulb has gone off, for his face suddenly lights up. “I’ve got it, guys!”

“And girl.” Haesel inserts.

“And girl.” James adds, grinning. “We’re going about this the wrong way! We don’t have to think big, but small, with great impact.”

“Small… with big impact? That’s almost a contradiction.” Remus murmurs. 

“I’m not sure I follow either.” Sirius says. 

James leans forward and the others follow, but take care to keep an eye on the others. Ever since he’s first done it, James has had the annoying habit of bumping their heads against each other and true to form he swipes his hands in a wide arc but they’ve cottoned onto his little game ages ago so the three would-be victims just duck. James looks outrageously disappointed for a moment and then grins again,the exaggerated pout luckily going away when he does.

“We want to generate chaos, don’t we?”

Haesel, Remus and Sirius nod.

“Lots of chaos, if preferable.” The latter adds on.

“So we have to do little things, little things that would cause incredible amount of chaos.”

“In that case I might have something.” Haesel says slowly. “I got some letters over the summer from that boy I met last summer, I told you about him, right? The only thing we actually talk about are pranks and I always have to hide the fact that we do ours with magic but he does have great ideas.”

“And what were those?” Remus prompts when Haesel stops talking.

“Well, he told me how he and his friends got three piglets from a nearby farmer and wrote the numbers one, two and four on their backs before releasing them in their school.”  
“That’s brilliant!” James breathes. “Exactly the sort of thing I was thinking of!”

“That is rather good.” Sirius has to admit, even though the thought of Haesel writing to another boy does funny things to his stomach. He supposes he can maybe get the fact that the boy - Michael - doesn’t have anything to do with magic at all that that might have been a comfort to Haesel, but still. That bloke better not be thinking of doing anything untoward towards Haesel!

“But how would we get piglets?” Remus wonders. “I mean, it would be rather hard to make the professors believe they’d just stumbled inside from the forbidden forest or something.”

“Why must you always speak sense?” James moans. “There goes that idea.”

“We could transfigure piglets?” Haesel suggests.

“It could work.” Sirius says, considering. “I know you said to think small, James, but I was wondering… What if we could make maybe a bigger animal, a cow or a horse or something, and then have them run rampart in the Great Hall the moment the sorting is finished? Then we could try to make a banner appear with a text on it, something such as ’Welcome back from the Marauders’ maybe.”

“Maybe.” Remus agrees. “Wide spread chaos would certainly make an impression upon the firsts.” He grins, showing entirely too much teeth.

“You know…” Haesel says, tapping one finger on her chin in thought, “Maybe we could do all that. Start with something small, that distracts everybody, such as the candles dripping or if it’s raining actual water coming down from the ceiling and the moment everybody is distracted we transfigure animals - maybe even several different kinds - and let them loose. We can help the chaos along if we want to or -”

“I’ve got it.” Sirius suddenly cheers, interrupting Haesel and ignoring the poke she gives him for it. “Food fight.”

“Sweet Merlin and Morgana.” James says and Remus is nodding along, wide eyed. “That’s beyond brilliant. Who knew you had it in you!”

“I know, right! - hey!”

They all laugh.

“I think we have it, then.” Remus says. “First we cause a distraction and make everyone look up, and then we start a food fight. One of us has to make sure though that right when everybody is occupied, they can write a message on the wall behind the professors.”

“I like it.” Haesel grins. “I’m looking forward to it already!”

“Me too.” James agrees. “We’ll have to think more on the distraction and how to start the food fight though.”

“Yes, because it has to be instant and gigantic because otherwise the teachers will put a stop to it immediately - guys different subject I’ve spotted Lily!” Sirius warns frantically. The redheads displeasure with their pranks is well known, even if she’s at least loyal to Haesel and doesn’t rat them out, the whole house, if not the whole school, knows what she thinks of the Marauders.  
Which is not much, honestly. 

They’ve had enough practice at rapidly changing the subject by now and they’re more often than not on the same page so the change in subject is smooth.

“ - but I’m slightly worried who the new Captain is going to be.” Sirius says like he didn’t just issue Lily-alert.

“It’s not going to be one of us, you know.” Haesel says amused. “Probably Neil, he’s been on the team the longest.”

“Is that really the way they choose captains?” Remus asks, interested despite himself. “Oh hey Lily. How are you?”

The redheaded witch smiles pleasantly at Remus, with whom she gets along great, considering they both like learning and studying. “Hey Remus, Sirius, James. I’ve been great - spending the summer in Bath was nice. I think we really got to know Grandmother better.”

James, estatic because she actually said his name while looking at him, something that admittedly doesn’t happen very often because James does have the tendency to work on Lily’s nerves, unfortunately, greats her with a beaming smile and nods enthusiastically when she’s talking about her holiday. Sirius has to remind himself between sniggers to say hello and so Haesel’s the only one that actually leans over towards James and pokes him, while Remus engages Lily in more pleasant chit-chat.

When he looks at her questioningly, Haesel mimes a panting dog looking pathetically at something it adores and even though the dog comparison makes Sirius sulk a little, James luckily gets the message and attempts to rescue his waning dignity. Luckily, Lily hadn’t quite noticed and James is able to join in on the chit-chat.

There’s still a pleased look on his face, but Haesel knows when she’s fighting a lost battle and lets it go.

“Hey, why did you have to make fun of dogs? Dogs are great!” Sirius whines in an undertone once he’s sure he has Haesel’s attention. If Lily is here that must mean Haesel has to leave already, but he’s not quite ready to let her go yet.

Besides, his name is taken from the Dog Star, the brightest star in the Canis Major constellation. If that’s not a reason to like dogs, he doesn’t know what would be.

Haesel giggles. “I don’t know, I quite like cats, personally.”

“Traitor!” Sirius accuses but there’s no heat in his voice.

“Actually,” Lily breaks in, “I’m here to tell you we’re leaving, Haesel. It’s quarter past four already and Mum doesn’t wants to be home too late.”

“That late already?” James stands up quickly. “I need to get going, I promised Mum I’d be home by half past.”

“Yes and Aunt Dorea isn’t one you should cross.” Sirius shivers. 

“Haha no.” James says and with a wave and a promise to see them on the train he’s off, waving through the crowds. 

“We should head off as well.” Lily says.

“I’ll walk with you to the Leaky.” Sirius gives an elegant half shrug. “It’s easiest to floo from there.”

They’re all standing now. 

“What about you, Remus?” Haesel asks. 

The sandy haired boy smiles. “I’ve got to go get a book from Flourish and Blots, so you guys can go already. I’ll see you next week.”

“True.” Lily smiles. “Shall we try to sit together? If we’re early we might be able to grab a big compartment so we can all fit in.”

“I’ll probably be early, so I’ll look for one, then.” Remus offers and after saying his goodbyes once more he too is off.

The remaining three set off towards the pub. When they can almost spot Haesel’s family standing talking next to the archway with someone Haesel recognises as Mary’s mother, Sirius catches Haesel’s hand and pulls her to a stop. Lily, eager to find out if she can maybe say hi to Mary herself continues on, unaware she’s the only one continuing now.

Sirius’ hand is hot around hers and Haesel wills herself not to pay any attention to it but she can’t help it and her cheeks warm. Sirius grins. He’s reminded of how not an hour ago he was thinking of that first meeting already more than two years ago and here they are again, he holding her hand and she blushing.

“I’ll see you soon, then.” He says, finally breaking the silence. Haesel nods. There’s not much she can say, not the things she might want to say, how she wants to spend more time together, but soon they’ll be going to Hogwarts again and then they’ll spend more than enough time together, probably more than is healthy for either of their sanities, especially if that time is spend with James and Remus too.

Going back to Hogwarts… she’s both looking forward to it and dreading it at the same time. 

“Hey.” Sirius says, voice soft. “It’ll be fine, you know? We’ll all be there for you. Lily, Remus, James and I. Even the girls - but you haven’t told them, have you?”

She shakes her head guiltily. She knows that maybe somewhere they deserve to know because Mary, Alice and Florence have been great friends to her these past two years, but she can’t bring herself to. 

“It might be better not to tell too many people, too.” Sirius muses. “It’s important that it stays secret, too.”

She nods and then all of sudden her eyes feel wet.

“Shhh.” Is all that Sirius says and he pulls her close, temporarily hiding her from the world. She’s not crying, but the hand lightly stroking her back brings her comfort anyway. “It’s going to be alright. It’s going to be fine, okay? Even if I have to make it so.”

She has to stifle a terribly unladylike snort at that, but it has the desired effect. Slowly she steps back. 

“Thanks.”

He smiles at her, wipes a stray hair from her face. Where his fingers have touched her skin it seems to be on fire and Haesel can’t help the hand that reaches up to touch, catching his fingers and holding them there.

Sirius’ eyes are a strange, silver colour and his gaze is intense.

“Anytime.”

§

There’s a break in the people swirling around them, a temporary look out on the Alley and there he sees them, standing close together. His head is bowed to hers, one hand touching her skin and fire boils in his veins. He watches with disbelief how she raises her own hand, how they stare into each others’ eyes for a long moment - too long why is it so long? Why is he touching her? - before she breaks away and with a last word leaves, heading towards where they’re all standing, but he doesn’t watch how she greets her parents.

No, his own dark eyes meet with another pair, ones he has always thought to be grey but appear to be silver in the late afternoon light.

He doesn’t know why, but in that instant, those eyes - they cause a shiver to run down his spine. 

The other boy smirks, slowly, lazily, smugly, then spins around and disappears into the crowd.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!
> 
> Gosh sorry about the delay in updating! As you might have seen, I posted a little tidbit on my page why this chapter is so late - I can only say: university is not easy, people. But it’s definitely worth it! I’m loving it, really am ^_^
> 
> Also, got a new laptop! Yay! People are brainwashed into using Azerty where I live so I had to order my laptop, but it’s here and here’s the new chapter :D I’ll try to update once every two weeks, but if I’m really busy it might be longer, sorry! I vow to never abandon the story! If you’re wondering why it’s taking so long, check my page - maybe I posted something there!
> 
> Lastly I’m sorry for not answering any reviews, but know I love each and every one of them and I’m incredibly happy you like this story! Thank you very much for your support! ^_^
> 
> PS: also, the formatting seems to be awful here. I'll try to fix it soon, sorry!


	21. עשרים ואחת

"I'm getting flashbacks to when you named your cat." Sirius says, shaking his head as he lightly pushes Haesel into a seat at the Gryffindor table. The black haired girl goes along with it without protesting, eyes still wide with shock.

"I reckon this is a lot better than 'Boots', though." James sniggers as he takes a seat on the other side of the table. Remus, who's seated himself beside Mary, chokes on his pumpkin juice. Mary pats him on the back.

"What's better?" She asks, eying Haesel with concern, noting the way she still hasn't touched her plate. Lily, who's on Haesel's other side, is trying to catch her attention by calling her name, but Haesel's too out of it to notice.

"You know we went to check out Divination, right?" James says. Mary nods. She, Florence and Lily had already decided on which electives they were going to take and as of such had felt no need to check out the other options. They've just started third year, leaving behind things such as Culture, Ancient studies and Magical Theory, ready to tackle subjects like Arithmancy, Ancient Runes, Care of Magical Creatures, Divination and Muggle studies. While they've had to make a preliminary choice before classes let out last year, they have the option to check out all the other classes and see if they might like to change their mind. They have until the 10th of September to make up their mind, although for most it's not needed.

A boy from fourth year that Alice hangs around sometimes - something they like to tease her with, of course - had told James that taking Divination made for an easy O in fifth year, and thus was worth taking. Of course James is never really going to take Divination, his mum would kill him, but they thought it would be funny to check it out and so the Marauders had gone even though they've all decided what they're going to take. Remus is going the same way as Lily and Florence with Ancient Runes and Arithmancy, while Haesel and Sirius have decided to take the first, but Care of Magical Creatures instead of the latter. James has been thinking of joining them. On one hand, he would stand a chance of impressing Lily if he chooses Arithmancy, but on the other, if he's going to be an auror, Creatures is a better idea.

Alice's friend drops down on the other side of Alice, who squeaks and then tries to pretend she didn't. By now all of them know him well enough that Haesel doesn't have to call him 'Unnamed Boy' in her head anymore and actually remembers to call him Frank, which she seems to have trouble with.

"And what happened?" Lily says, temporarily giving up on getting Haesel's attention. Surprisingly though it's actually Haesel who answers. Her eyes are still too wide, unseeing, and her voice is curiously empty.

"She predicted the names I'd give my future children."

"Your what?" Now it's Lily who chokes. The rest of them watch Haesel curiously.

"She didn't try to predict your death?" Frank frowns. "She usually does that."

"Well she tried." James snorts. "But then he -" he jerks a thumb to Sirius, who grins unabashedly "- started to get all smart with her about how and why, she in retaliation she started to say how he was going to end up married to Haesel and she would name their children…" He can't control his snickers anymore.

"You have to admit the first one was okay. For Haesel, anyway." Remus inserts, ignoring the way Lily has gone dangerously still at the idea of her little sister married - to Sirius! That, that, that… dog! - and having children.

"It's not very original, though." Sirius says, rubbing his chin. "My family prefers to name the children for starts or constellations."

Haesel gives a mortified squeak, turns red and tries to hide her face in the table.

It doesn't work, of course, but that doesn't stop her from trying.

"Bloody hell out with it!" Mary says, frustrated. "I want to know."

Sirius edges a little further away from Lily, even if he's got Haesel acting as a barrier between them.

"The oldest was going to be James Sirius." He says then, still eyeing the redhead.

Haesel gives a muffled groan into the table. Remus raises an eyebrow.

"I'm actually a bit insulted that you didn't chose to honour me, Haesel. I mean, Sirius, over me?"

"Hey, what's that supposed to mean!" Sirius says, mock insulted. Then he leans back, folds his hands behind his head and gives a smug smirk. "Well, she did marry me. If that's not a mark in my favour, I don't know what is."

Haesel gives another muffled groan into the table. Sirius untangles a hand and gives her a pat on the head. "Don't worry, darling. I'll treat you well!"

The look Lily gives him is positively poisonous and Sirius actually shrinks back.

"Now look here." The red headed witch hisses. Her voice is so cold it might be nearing the absolute zero point itself. She stands, and the others try to muffle their laughter because her hair is doing that incredibly frightening thing again where it floats up behind her head and seems to crackle with the static energy her magic provides. "If you lay as much as one, one little finger or even a look or a  _thought_  on  _my little baby sister_ I will curse you so bad your grandchildren will feel it."

Her green eyes narrow until they're barely slits. "No." She says, then. "I will make it so that you won't even have children. There. Will. Be. No.  _James. Sirius_. Black. Understood?!"

Sirius can only nod. Their friends are in various stages of hysterics, except for Remus, who's sipping his tea and Sirius can only wonder how he's so calm now.

… Until he sees the glint that's just plain evil in his fellow Marauder's eye as he proceeds to trip, no, actively push the Black heir under the Hogwarts Express.

"You know, there was going to be another child." Remus Lupin says as he puts down his teacup. "I think they were going to name it Albus Severus?"

James has rolled off his seat and is now making little choking noises on the floor. Alice has latched onto Frank to prevent a similar fate, the older boys face caught between the hilarity of it all and a sincere 'the level of crazy of you people is incredible'-expression. Florence has her face pressed into her arm and is making little hiccupping sounds. Mary is altering between watching Remus with an expression of awe and watching Lily with a bright grin, enjoying the fireworks.

Haesel makes a little pitiful noise.

Sirius makes an aborted motion towards her but the way Lily's wand is suddenly in her hand stops it.

"Eh.. Lily…" He tries, nervously eyeing the wand. It's started to emit little sparks again. The girl fingers it almost casually and Sirius gulps. It feels as if the world has come to a standstill.

The young werewolf gives Sirius a smile as he proceeds to deliver the final blow. "Oh, and don't forget Lily Luna. Their third."

The whole castle can hear Lily's wordless scream of pure, unadulterated hatred.

§

It's good, being at Hogwarts. Haesel has taken to wandering the halls when she's got the time. If there's one possible good thing about the dreams, the seeing - all right, the visions - it is the way she knows the halls of the ancient castle better than she knows the rooms in her own house. It's comforting in a way, she thinks, touching a cold stone wall with one hand as she travels a corridor close to the library. People will come and people will go, but Hogwarts will always be there, to guide them, to teach them, to house them and protect them.

She smiles. Hogwarts will always be another home to her.

Third year is in some ways easier than second year. She's elected to only take Care of Magical Creatures and Ancient Runes, because she's still on the Quidditch team and there are her duties as a Marauder on top of that. She can't withhold a snicker at that. Those duties at least are entirely voluntary. She's glad Lily has somehow taken up almost all the available electives and is buried so deep in course work she doesn't have any time to chide Haesel for working on pranks instead of Charms or Potions, which are her worst classes still. Personally she doesn't think it's a big deal. While first place for their year is definitely Lily's, the Marauders complete the top five. All the extra stuff they do, besides admittedly their natural talent, has done them well. James excels at Transfiguration, Remus in Charms and Herbology and both Sirius and Haesel in Defence against the Dark Arts. All of them are pretty good at the other subjects too and they help each other out whenever they can, so they're pretty well rounded all over.

Except for Potions. The only one that's got any talent there is Sirius and every class they fight over who gets to partner with him. James and Haesel aren't too bad, relatively speaking, but for Remus it's just impossible. That's why Sirius is the one currently cooped up in a stall in the girls bathroom on the second floor brewing the Animagus Revelio Potion. There's a ghost in that bathroom Haesel's been told is called Moaning Myrtle, but she doesn't seem to mind them. Haesel thinks she might be a tad lonely, not to mention she probably died at the height of puberty, so the boys are probably a welcome sight to her.

Haesel stifles another snicker. It's quite funny to see the boys shy away when Myrtle tries to cosy up to them. Ghosts are, as a rule, rather freezing cold whenever they pass through you, not to mention the hopeful glint in Myrtle's eyes that must be rather unsettling to be the recipient of, but is hilarious to see when you're not. Especially when combined with the horrified faces of the boys! Myrtle's current favourite is Remus, because he's always unfailingly polite and nice towards her, which Sirius, who has to spend the most time there brewing potions, really appreciates.

Haesel appreciates that too - but she'd rather not think about that. She shivers. For a week or three after the Divination Incident, as they've taken to calling it, Lily's been hoarding Haesel like she's the Arkenstone, Lily is Smaug, and the boys are the Company of Thorin Oakenschield.

The shiver gives way to a smile. If she takes the metaphor of one of her favourite books as a child to heart, then Sirius - in Lily's eyes the worst of them all - is definitely the Dwarf King.

She cocks her head to the side and reconsiders. Sirius isn't stocky nor hairy, though he fancies himself as important, no doubt. She giggles.

Wandering the castle is her private time, now, but she lets her hand fall away from the stone and enters the library.

The path she takes through the shelves is familiar by now and soon she spots the one she's looking for, almost buried in books.

"Hi Lils." Haesel says as she moves some books to drop down on the chair beside her sister's. The aforementioned sister looks up briefly, disoriented. There's a smudge of ink on her cheek and her hair is mussed, as if she's been through it often with her hands.

"Oh hey Haesel." She says, makes a vague motion that Haesel thinks is supposed to pass for a wave. "Why you here?"

Haesel smiles. "To drag you off."

Lily's gaze sharpens. "What for?"

"Playing! We have to practice that new waltz Tuney sent us." Haesel answers happily. Lily's lips pull into a frown. "You promised." Haesel adds, slightly widening her eyes and assuming a sad and pleading expression.

Lily looks torn, glancing at her course work and then again at the excellent puppy-eyes expression Haesel is making. She sighs. "Alright. Fine."

Any regret is killed mercilessly with Haesel's bright smile and an answering smile, reluctant as it may appear to be, tugs at the corners of Lily's own lips.

§

The weather is horrible and Haesel is worried. They've practiced in almost all kinds of weather, but this is going too far. She can barely see more than a foot in front of her, never mind look for the Snitch and she wonders why Madam Hooch hadn't called off the match.

She shivers, sneezes and fervently hopes she's not catching a cold out here. The warming charms failed almost five minutes in and she's soaked to the bone. In fact, she's starting to doubt whether she still has all ten of her toes.

It doesn't feel like it.

She spies a flicker suspiciously like gold in the corner of her eye.

"Haesel watch out!" James screams as he barrels past, Quaffle clutched under one arm, but Haesel has no time to react before one of the Hufflepuff Chasers slams into her. Her whole body is thrown back, breath knocked out of her as her hands involuntary let go of her broom and then she's falling, helplessly tossed like a leaf in a storm.

It's hard to breathe. Her chest is tight, there's a pressure on her neck that feels alien, threatening and somewhere Haesel is aware that the darkness encroaching on her vision is not a good sign and that she needs to react, grab her want, levitate herself, cast a cushioning charm, anything, but the world turns dark and her eyes flutter close.

The last thing she sees is the image of a huge black dog in the clouds, illuminated by the lightning.

Sirius curses the rain for the millionth time since the match began. This is Hufflepuff, not Slytherin, so the chances of foul play is admittedly a lot lower than normal, but as Beaters, Mary and he are supposed to guard the rest of the time and in this weather he's unable to even guard his own foot, never mind his own team.

Thunder rumbles ominously and Sirius wastes precious seconds wiping errant curls from his face. He's still somehow ridiculously enough contemplating the thought of having his hair cut when lightning flashes bright and suddenly he can see -

\- Haesel falling towards the ground, broom gone. Later on he will think of how impossibly clearly he could see for that one brief, unending moment, from the way her eyelashes rested on her cheeks to the empty air her hands loosely clutched at. Later on he will think on how immediate his reaction was, how he took in every detail of the situation - eyes closed, likely unconscious, Hufflepuff chaser wildly careening through the air above, the unmasked horror on James' face as he twists on his broom - but now's not later.

Now, he acts.

The moment ends and the lightning fades, but Sirius is already moving. He's not sure his broom has ever managed the speed he's pushing it to before, but he's lying almost horizontally on it. He careens through the air and fast is suddenly not fast enough. He'll take on that Muggle bloke Haesel had once been telling them about when they had been talking about speed and prove him that there is something faster than the speed of light, that he'd surpass it, because he has to.

And he does. Maybe he doesn't actually surpass the speed of light, maybe it is only the speed limit his broom supposedly had that he broke, but as he cradles Haesel's unresponsive body against him inches from the wet grass, he finds that he does not care.

§

Haesel is slow to wake from what she now, annoyingly enough, can recognise as unconsciousness. A corner of her brain notes that she's fallen unconscious way too many times if the sensation of waking from it is familiar, but a sinking feeling assures her that this isn't likely to be the last time it's going to happen.

She slowly forces her eyes open. It takes a moment before the world comes into focus, and as it does, so do the faces of her worried friends and teammates.

"Is she awake?" She hears the all too familiar voice of the Hogwarts medi-witch say, who soon bustles into being, carrying a potions vial. She motions Lily, who's sitting on Haesel's right side, to help her up slightly and the girl does so, a worried crease between her eyebrows. The Matron makes Haesel open her mouth and swallow the contents of the vial whole.

The grogginess slowly clears and Haesel blinks up at the gathered crowd, who are all wearing various looks of sadness and anger, and while Haesel is touched, really, she is - "Why the long faces, guys?"

Chaser Neil Randall, who's captain this year, clears his throat and gives James a significant look. His face is grim when he explains. "When you were knocked off your broom, it …flew away."

"I'm sorry I wasn't faster, Haesel." James says and he gently lays the bundle he's carrying, the one she'd failed to see before, on the bed. It's just an ordinary piece of cloth, but suddenly Haesel fears what it holds. Reality is a mistress as cruel as Fate, though, and James peels back the flaps to reveal her precious, precious broom, splintered and broken.

"No." Haesel whispers. She reaches out a hand, trembling fingers resting on a piece that used to be the handle.

"It flew into the Whomping Willow." Her Captain says. "I'm sorry, Evans."

Haesel swallows. She vaguely sees Remus shift guiltily out of the corner of her eye, and somehow she knows it's because of the fact that the reason for the tree is that it guards the corridor to the Shrieking Shack he transforms in, and that he's felt guilty for every injury the tree has managed to cause so far in their two-and-a-bit years at Hogwarts, but she's beyond caring about it for the moment.

"There's more, though." Mary says. "That, that … bastard grabbed the Snitch while you fell! By the time the professors noticed and stopped the whole thing they'd already won." She looks grievously insulted by this, as if the whole world should have stopped whatever it was doing and come to her friend's aid. Not like that's an unfair assumption to make; Sirius and James had done so and the rest of Gryffindor Team had tried their best the moment they noticed, but the Hufflepuff Seeker had just kept at it. Mary huffs. She's hexing the next person who says Hufflepuffs are all about hard work and fair play, because obviously they aren't.

"So we lost as well?" Haesel asks. Her voice is thin and scratchy.

Neil looks uncomfortable. This is hardly the news he wants to give to his star Seeker - the poor girl is white as a sheet. "Er, well, yes." He sees how her face falls and hurries to add: "But it's in no way your fault!"

"Not at all!" The rest of the team is quick to come to her defence as well and Haesel has to smile slightly. "It was stupid to let us play in this weather." Michael adds.

"Totally!" Siobhan, a fourth year who's the new Chaser after Seraphina Bones left last year, says. "It was really dangerous, it's a wonder nothing worse happened!"

Now that she has taken a moment to really study her teammates and friends, she sees that they are still sopping wet, and she's the only one that's at least a little dry though she's still in her dirty Quidditch robes, which means she hasn't been out of it very long.

She looks back to the bundle laying on her legs. "You guys should get changed." She says.

Neil nods. "Sorry anyway, Evans. You're excused from training until you get another broom."

"Thanks." Haesel manages and with some more well wishes and "I'm sorry" the rest of the team departs, taking her friends with them until only Sirius is left, sitting at her left side. Even Lily is persuaded to leave her side to change into dry clothes.

When they're all gone, Haesel leans into Sirius and cries.

§

"We heard you fell of your broom, Evans." A voice sounds out and Haesel turns around with a faint sigh.

"Burke. Bainbridge." She says, faintly hoping 'not this again' but fearing that it's going to be  _exactly_ that again. There goes a peaceful evening after an eventful day.

Elizabeth Burke hasn't changed one bit since first year. She still wears her curly ginger hair in a complicated hairstyle which only serves to highlight her narrow face with the long nose and thin brows. She's grown more than Haesel herself, who will probably stay fairly small even with the potions regime Madam Pomfrey has forced her on, but for now she seems stuck in an awkward, gangly phase.

Her friend - more a sidekick, Haesel privately thinks - Tabitha Bainbridge isn't a very impressive individual either. Where Burke is thin, she is pudgy, with thick black hair and a pug-like nose set in a round face. Together, they often remind Haesel of the Laurel and Hardy duo from the old black and white movies her dad likes to watch, only much less funny.

The two girls still go out of their way to make fun of her, but honestly there is not much to make fun of, she privately thinks. She's pretty popular due to Quidditch - at least, lots of people seem to know her, her grades are absolutely fine and she's got great friends.

Heh. Well, maybe the last is the problem for these girls. They still haven't gotten over the fact that Sirius made Gryffindor and not Slytherin and now regularly hangs around poor people, people from Light families and half-bloods like her.

Not like Haesel honestly thinks he'd prefer them, and it's now a generally accepted fact that the Black heir is not a Slytherin although his little brother Regulus is. He hasn't fallen out of favour with the family and while the company he keeps isn't exactly desirable for a true Dark family, it's respectable enough. Apparently even the standing of the Black family, which had been slipping the last years, has started to rise again with the sight of a relatively sane heir.

Sirius' words, not hers.

She still doesn't see how all that has anything to do with the two girls in front of her, but she knows that it's probably more of an excuse to taunt her than an actual reason by now.

However, that doesn't mean it's something she has to tolerate. It's picked up more and more lately, probably due to the fact that puberty is starting to kick in with a vengeance in the boys of their year. Most of the girls have already experienced growth, both in length and actual female attributes, and now the boys are starting to gain their adult features too, one by one.

It's also hilariously unfair. Sometimes Haesel looks at her friends and marvels, because somehow they've gathered up an array of the most genetically lucky people. Few of them actually suffer from spots and while the voice breaking was pretty hilarious with the boys, it seems to have passed in the blink of an eye. Of course the whole thing is helped by the fact that there are many cures for spots and other things caused by puberty in the Wizarding World and if you're smart about it, you don't need to suffer much. The potions and spells even work on Muggles, which was something Petunia was incredibly thankful for.

If Haesel's honest, puberty seems to only do her favours. She remembers thinking what a beautiful child Lily was, and the addition of extra Evans genes has only given her more to work with personally. She's starting to get some curves while losing her baby fat, which is a good thing on any day.

Now if her height would also cooperate…

But the whole point is that the girls are starting to notice the boys, even if they haven't really noticed the girls yet. Haesel knows of many girls in her year who are already in relationships with some of the older years, and Burke obviously hasn't failed to notice what many others have - James, Sirius and Remus are growing into some very fine young men.

Ah well. Haesel can't hide a smirk. Disregarding anything about physical features, Burke stands no chance based on personality alone. That, and the fact that she's Sirius' second cousin somehow on the interrelated pureblood family tree, which is, as far as the boy himself is concerned, way too close for comfort.

"I do hope the fall didn't cause any nasty side effects." Burke sneers now, somehow sensing she's lost the upper hand in the confrontation again, even though she was the instigator.

"Yes, that would be such a shame." Bainbridge says with an insincere smile that's more a grimace.

"Then you'll be glad to hear that's not the case." Haesel says and she's struggling to keep her mirth hidden.

Burke's sneer turns into a snarl. "I've got to tell you something, Evans, so listen well."

"Oh?" Haesel drawls. She's spent too much time with her Grandmother over the summer, she thinks, because sometimes those ingrained lessons of manner and class just drift to the surface and dictate her every move. Honestly, Evangeline would be proud.

"You tell her, Elizabeth!" Bainbridge seems to be going for a similar drawl as Haesel, but it backfires on her and she sounds a little constipated instead.

Just to drive the point home, Haesel gives the pudgy girl a cold, polite smile, but that moment of inattention costs her, for Burke has drawn her wand and fires a sickly yellow spell in her direction. Only her finely honed Quidditch reflexes allow her to dodge it, but she's still a bit groggy and her feet choose this moment to betray her. She trips over the hem of her robe and slams into the stone wall.

Burke cackles. It doesn't matter that her spell failed to touch her, it did have some of the intended effect as she stares the other girl down, who's even more dizzy than she was before.

"Yes, you need to learn a lesson, stupid Mudblood." Burke says and attempts to twirl her wand, but she's not nearly dextrous enough for it and drops it. Haesel can't help but snort and Burke colours a vivid shade of red that contrasts unpleasantly with her hair. She elbows Bainbridge and the other girl seems to remember she's got a wand too.

"Furnunculus!" She cries, but even groggy as she is Haesel can see that the wand movement is completely wrong, so the only thing that comes out of Bainbridge's wand is a cloud of purple smoke. Bainbridge and Burke both start coughing and Haesel is tempted to roll her eyes. Is she really being bullied by these sad excuses for witches? She's actively wondering how they even managed to pass their exams.

Well, that might explain some of their overconfidence. They think Haesel only got into third year on a technicality because she never took part in the end of year exams in June, so they think their skill - having passed with however low scores - must be greater than hers.

Idiots. How they ever got into Slytherin, supposedly the house of the cunning and ambitious, Haesel will never know.

The other Marauders and her have tried their hand at some duelling before, and while they are far from mastering anything, they are getting pretty good at it, so even feeling pretty awful and a bit rattled, Haesel is still better than the two Slytherin girls. She's had her wand in her hand ever since the girls stopped her, but her own clumsy episode had prevented her from fully drawing it. Now she does and before the two girls can recover she idly twirls her wand and says one of her favourite spell combinations in quick succession.

"Densaugeo, engorgio, haec rutilante, scribo dilata ignavus et stultus sempiterne, flipendo."

When the smoke clears both girls form a groaning heap on the floor several feet away. Haesel tucks away her wand feeling cheerful. Burke's teeth have grown several sizes and are in fact still growing. Bainbridge's nose has swollen to the size of a Quaffle and both have a word written in large sparkly letters on their faces. Burke's says 'coward' while Bainbridge's reads appropriately 'idiot'.

Haesel snorts. All of them are fairly simple spells easily fixed that don't cause much harm… except for the part where she charmed the letters to be impervious to attempts to remove them. They'd stay on for a day or two, by her reckoning and she pushes herself up. It doesn't seem as if there's any damage done, but still, she'd better go to the Hospital wing to have it checked just to be sure. Her head feels like it's swimming when she moves, and she doesn't think it's supposed to be doing that.

Finally upright, with another glance to the two girls still trying to untangle themselves further behind her in the corridor, Haesel slips away. She's not far from the secret passage to the fourth floor and while that's a little out of her way, it will take her pretty far from those two. No need to be at the scene of the crime.

She grins. It's their word against hers, sure, but in this case they'll probably try to keep it silent that they were defeated so easily when supposedly in the stronger position, so she's not too worried.

Now, onwards to the Hospital Wing... for the second time today. Haesel can't keep a groan down at that.

§

"So you tripped? Just tripped?" James says, sceptically. "And this hasn't got anything to do with Burke and Bainbridge tripping over some rather exaggerated facial things in the corridor earlier?"

"Not at all." Haesel grins unrepentantly.

"Uhuh. Sure." The Potter scion says, doubt dripping off his words.

Remus rolls his eyes. "You really like being here, don't you?"

"You know," Haesel says slowly, "I really think I do, yes. In fact, I'll just be presumptive here and just claim this bed here as my own."

"You go ahead and do that, Miss Evans." The Madam says drily from behind James, who jumps a full feet in the air from fright. She looks around, then back at Haesel. "What, no Mister Black or your sister?"

"Ehehe, no." Haesel says. She'd come across James and Remus also on their way to dinner somewhere on the second floor - she's got no idea how they know about the Slytherin girls already, but considers it might be due to the excellent relationship all the Marauders have with the house elves. Lily and Sirius, who'd already been down at dinner, hadn't heard yet, and Haesel prefers to keep it that way.

"Well, I'm going to keep you overnight for observation, young lady. I don't like this business with your head."

"What business? There's nothing going on in her head." James mutters and then gives a sharp "Ow!" when Remus lightly slaps him on the back of his head, an action which earns him a reprimanding look from the Matron.

"Must I?" Haesel tries. "I haven't even eaten dinner yet."

Truth be told, she's not really feeling like eating much anyway, but she's not that keen on spending the night in the Hospital wing.

Madam Pomfrey just gives her The Look and Haesel acquiesces quickly. "Oaky will bring you something light, won't you, Oaky?" She says to the house elf who'd appeared beside her at the first sound of his name. The elf nods enthusiastically and disappears again.

"I suppose that's our clue." James admits, rubbing his belly at the thought of food. Growing teenage boys, Haesel knows by now, require an incredible amount of food to keep them active.

They proceed to say goodbye, saying they'll update their other friends on Haesel's new status as semi-permanent resident of the Hospital Wing, adding that they'll try to visit before curfew again.

Or possibly after, Haesel knows. Heh. Her friends are pretty awesome, aren't they?

§

It's long past lights out when he comes to visit, stealing away through the dark as if he doesn't have any right to be there, to visit her, but he does.

Just not now, considering it's past curfew.

Haesel is curled up on her side, hair an inky mass on the pillow. One hand is cushioning her head, the other laying half under the pillow. She's been twisting again, he can see it in the way the sheets are tangled around her legs. He smiles, soft, languid. He coaxes her hand from under the pillow, sweeps some hair from her forehead. She sleeps light, and wakes at his touch.

She tenses for one moment before she recognises him, blinks and then relaxes again. Her voice is sleep-rough when she speaks, just above a whisper.

"Sirius? What are you doing here?"

"Checking on you." He says. She gives a wee smile.

"You came earlier already. Stop stalking me and go to bed already."

The way she's curled her fingers around his belie her words. He snorts, then grows serious. Well, more so. He's always Sirius, after all.

"Who attacked you and why?"

She groans and closes her eyes again. "None of your business, dad."

"It is my business if someone attacks my friends."

She gets up a little more, hair tangling over her shoulders like a waterfall of dark water, standard hospital pyjama slipping slightly and suddenly his throat is very dry.

He's a growing boy, damn it. And this… no one is meant to see her like this. There's a reason there are separate wings for girls and boys in the hospital, although there are no charms to prevent the opposite gender from entering like on the girl's dorms, which is why he was able to sneak in after all.

She yawns and Sirius is suddenly immensely uncomfortable. Why did his mind pick this moment to start noticing that his friend's becoming more of a woman than a girl, of all times? Why can't it stay firmly out of the gutter? Oh sure, he's known she's of the female gender for ages. He has considered several things in the analytical mind-set that has been stamped into him from an early age to give him an advantage in the pureblood politics, but bloody hell, why now?

Haesel hasn't noticed his internal confusion. She shrugs at him and smiles. It's endearing how loyal he is. "I dealt with it. Don't worry, it won't happen again."

Sirius feels the need to cough. He's having a hard time focussing. She takes it for assurance, and yawns again.

"Now get lost." She orders. "We can talk more tomorrow, if that puts your mind at ease."

He has to smile himself at that. They've known each other long enough that she doesn't have to think about why he's visiting her late at night - they both know how nightmares and worries plague both their minds and the comfort the other's presence can bring them. They've stopped counting the times they've fallen asleep together on a couch in the common room, although Sirius tries to be mindful of her reputation and always sets an alarm.

She gives an answering smile and makes a little motion with her free hand that sends his mind right into the gutter again, but he manages to wrestle himself out of it and to just hug her close, smell her hair, relish in the feeling of her in his arms…

Bloody puberty. This was worse than any lecture of his father on 'the birds and the bees' or 'how to properly court a lady', way worse!

But then the moment ends, she drawing away and he's not yet ready to let her go, so he closes in again and kisses her briefly on the forehead, right where the little crease appears that she and Lily have in common whenever they're thinking deeply on something.

Five minutes later, he's gone, and Haesel is still sitting up in her hospital bed, one hand lightly pressed to the spot his lips had been, cheeks a brilliant red.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!
> 
> Hopes this makes up for my long absence, eh ;) I should have been working on my paper for ancient history or my paper on modern history (or exam preparations, January isn’t that far away) but I though I kept you all long enough. Hope the 6000+ words will help you guys forgive me?
> 
> I’ve got great news! I’ve acquired a brilliant beta, gr8rockstarrox! She’s a Goddess of advising others and has graciously agreed to check my work for me - which admittedly I need, I tend to get caught up in writing and miss stupid errors. So, thank you very much darling! I appreciated it enormously!
> 
> Last note… It’s been a year - 28th November 2014 to now! This is I think my biggest project so far and I’m really thankful for all the support! I might get pretty busy and distracted by RL lately, but I love every comment, fav or follow! And I swear, I’ll never discontinue this story - how could I, heh - so take heart even if the chapters will be coming slower ^_^


	22. Ashirin da biyu

"Hey Evans, want to go to Hogsmeade with me this weekend?" A voice sounds and the Evans twins turn like one.

"Which one of us do you mean?" Lily asks, one eyebrow raised high. The boy who'd spoken, a fourth year Ravenclaw, gives a winning grin, positively oozing with attempted charm. It falls flat at the two rather unimpressed faces it gets.

"Both? Either? You're both pretty and smart, so it doesn't quite matter which one, really." The boy says. Haesel doesn't know his name, but with that kind of motivation, trying to pick up two girls at the same time never mind the fact they're sisters, that's just gross.

"Ah, no thanks." Haesel says and faintly hopes that her disgust isn't too easy to see.

The boy shrugs and turns to Lily, who regards him cooly. She's disgusted too, but even more so by the way he dissed her little sister. She might not allow anyone to date her - least of all Black, that .. Scoundrel! - but dismissing her isn't done either. She almost sighs.

She'll have to teach him a lesson, then. Hopefully it'll not only stick, but also act as a message to the rest of those stupid-infested  _boys_. No one is touching her little sister, over her dead body.

It's probably too much to hope that Black gets the hint considering she's blown up on him several times already and he still insists on hanging around, but well. At least he's not as disgusting as this  _fine specimen_.

"Well, how about it, love?" The  _fine specimen_  says and Lily sneers, twirls her wand once and lets her spell loose.

§

"Oh, did you guys hear about what Evans did to Johnson already?" One of the fourth year Ravenclaws Sirius, Remus and James are walking behind says to one of his friends. It's basically instinct by now for Sirius to hear it when Haesel is mentioned within his hearing, even if it's her last name only. Although, Haesel ism't prone to get into confrontations with people - those Slytherin girls excluded - so it's more likely about the elder Evans twin and not the younger.

Nevertheless, Sirius walks a little closer to the group in front of them as they descend the stairs towards the Great Hall for dinner. James must have the same instinct, but honed on Lily then, because the expression on his face is focussed. Remus sighs as he catches up to them because they are idiots, the both of them. Based on the comment alone the girls don't need any defending, but Sirius and James will insist on it anyway.

The Ravenclaws are experiencing the same confusion. The Evans twins are fairly well known in Hogwarts, being smart, pretty and kind (most of the time, anyway. Lily has a true redhead's temper), not to mention heir to the Evans family which most thought was going extinct with the previous generation.

"Which one? The redhead or the black haired one?" One Ravenclaw asks.

"The redhead." Ravenclaw number one says. "Remember Johnson going on about getting a date at lunch today?"

The other Ravenclaws are nodding and Sirius doesn't need eyes to know that James' hands have similarly curled into fists.

"What of it? Did he ask the Seeker?" Another boy says and Sirius vaguely recognises him as the Seeker for the Ravenclaw Quidditch team, which they've gloriously beaten last month, unlike the rather less glorious defeat they suffered against Hufflepuf last week.

The main speaker snorts. "Apparently he tried to pick up the both of them at once." He shrugs. "Johnson thought that if he asked them both at once, he might get lucky with at least one of them."

Even Remus pulls a disgusted face at that, never mind he's not actually a part of the conversation.

"That's gross." Says the only female in the group. "No way that worked. I mean, even if he wasn't trying to pick up the Evans twins."

"Yea, everyone knows that the redhead has declared the Seeker of limits." The Ravenclaw Seeker says. Remus assumes that he's one of those Quidditch nuts by the way he keeps referencing to Haesel by her position, even though he probably knows her name. And Lily's too, but on that part he's probably being obtuse on purpose.

The others all snicker at that. Sirius still looks like he's contemplating bloody murder with James as an all to willing companion, but Remus thinks that might sooth him a little. When it comes to Haesel, Lily is pretty dependable.

"If Black and Potter don't get to anyone threatening her first." One comments and Remus resists the urge to face-palm at the savage smiles that cover the faces of the boys mentioned.

They've arrived at the doors to the Great Hall now so Remus reaches out, grabs the arms of his friends and pulls them away, going in the direction of where he's spotted the girls sitting. After that last comment, it's luckily not too hard.

"Fellow Marauders," James says, with a dark look on his face. "I propose retribution."

Remus sighs. Well, he supposes that was inevitable.

§

"You almost done with that essay for Charms?" Mary asks as she drops in the seat beside Haesel in the library. Haesel drops her head with an exaggerated groan on the book she's been trying to read.

"Ah, I guess no then." Alice smiles as she takes another seat. Florence and Lily, also sitting at the round library table they prefer to take when there, smother giggles.

"It's killing all of us." Florence remarks. "Except her over there." She gives Lily a glower, but the redhead only smiles.

"I can't help it if Charms is my favourite." She says, before giving a considering nod. "Although I do like Aritmancy, too."

"Leave it to you to enjoy the hardest subjects, eh." Mary says, teasingly.

Lily goes the mature route and sticks out her tongue before gathering her books. "Regardless, I'm finished, so I'm off now."

Haesel raises her head to give her sister a frown. This is not the first time Lily has blown off studying with the rest of them, and she's a bit worried. It's not quite Lily's normal way, evading her friends, so when her sister is off Haesel herself stands as well. She fingers her wand in her pocket and then says she's off for the bathroom.

Florence rolls her eyes, but they let her go without any protests and soon Haesel's off through the corridors. It's not difficult, following Lily, for she's not walking very fast, clutching her books and absently humming to herself. It makes Haesel smile, because she knows that right now her sister is happy - she's got great friends, supportive family and lots of academic things to worry about, which is enough for Lily, and really, with all that's been bothering her Haesel can only admire her sister for that. Some might think it simple, but it's far more than that. Lily is pragmatic, in a way. She doesn't quite worry for all that's still coming, rather, she does the best she can right then and there and then tackles the problems as they come around, which is admirable. Haesel herself worries, thinks,  _broods_  too much, often caught up in emotion, but well, each their strengths and weaknesses, after all.

Right now, though, she's overthinking again and Haesel has to scramble to hide behind a suit of armour when Lily suddenly stops, glances around to check her surroundings and then ducks into an empty classroom. Haesel is so busy trying to calm her wildly beating heart that she almost misses the second figure heading by and she's thanking her lucky stars that the figure missed her completely the way she almost missed them.

When the figure has also ducked into the classroom, Haesel sneaks closer, trying to hear through the thick door, but it's useless. Now incredibly curious, a little bothered by the secrecy and not at all thinking about the old 'curiosity killed the cat' adage but rather the 'satisfaction brought it back' bit Alice once told her, she hastily leaves the corridor and runs off. They're on the third floor and if she hurries to the fourth floor there is a secret stairway that goes right beside that classroom, from where you can hear anything said inside. It's a corridor the Marauders discovered by accident when running from the caretaker Filch. They discovered halfway through second year that you can hear what's being said in the classrooms to the side of the stairway by another happy accident, but that's the way things seem to go for the Marauders sometimes.

She flits through the corridors and flies down the stairway with haste, determined to miss nothing if possible. She's rewarded for her quick thinking when she hears the voice of her sister. Haesel pauses on the stone steps, lays a hand on the wall and concentrates on the faint voices she can hear.

"… but why? We'd been friends for ages, Sev, I hardly see -"

So she's meeting with Snape? Haesel frowns. The secrecy seems a bit useless, there, everybody knows they're friends. James rants about it often enough for anyone to miss that fact, at least from their age group. That's what most people are most concerned about anyway, aside from rather outstanding individuals everyone knows, because kn a school with more than eight hundred students it's hard to kwow everybody.

"Please, Lily." The exasperated sounding voice of Severus Snape cuts Lily's off.

There's an angry huff, but the next time she speaks Lily sounds much less annoyed. From extensive experience, Haesel can only conclude she's just loosened her stance, lets her arms slip from the angry fold and letting the frown marring her brow smooth out. She doesn't know Snape well enough to know how he looks, but at this point she imagines some relief at Lily letting up on the severe disapproval.

"Allright. Fine, I won't say anything about it anymore, but my friends are getting suspicious. And I imagine you'd hardly want to catch the attention of the boys." Lily says. She huffs again, but this one is in amusement. "I wouldn't be terribly surprised of Haesel starts following me around or something soon."

Haesel stifles a guilty flinch.

"That wouldn't be good." Snape says and Haesel is confused. She gets why it would be bad to follow her sister around and eavesdrop on her conversations, that's distrustful and and odd thing to do, bit insulting also, but why would Snape think so, aside from the obvious?

"Why do you say that?" Lily asks, apparently also confused.

"I just told you why it would be bad if people saw us hanging around each other, Lily. What if they see her as well and do something against her?" Snape's voice gets louder as he keeps talking, and Haesel can imagine how a red flush would creep onto his cheeks the way it always did the rare times she hung out with the both of them before Hogwarts. "Everyone knows Haesel. Everyone knows that she always hangs out with Lupin, Black and Potter, and what they like to do. I mean, there was already this rumour that they beat up Burke and Bainbridge, last week."

"Nonsense." Lily says resolutely. "No matter what you say, they wouldn't have beaten up two  _girls_  no matter what inter-house rivalries you claim."

"Well, someone did." Snape says. He sounds like he's sulking because she dismissed his claims about the aforementioned boys.

"And why would they do that in the first place?" Lily questions, still adamant in her disbelief.

There's a short silence before Snape speaks, sounding shocked. "You didn't know? Although that would explain why you're so calm about the whole thing."

"Know what?" Lily says and by the sound of it she's getting irritated again. Snape, obviously knowing when to fight and when to admit defeat, caves immediately.

"The rumour goes that Burke and Bainbridge tried to one-up Haesel by cornering her after she came from the Hospital Wing, you know, after the game last week."At the mention of the game his voice goes a little smug sounding, probably because Gryffindor lost that one. Haesel narrows her eyes.

"What happened?" Lily asks but even as she does so she seems to be connecting the dots. She gasps. "Was that why she was admitted into the Hospital Wing again? She told me she tripped!" She sound truly indignant and Haesel can fully expect a scolding on that later on.

"Well, word is that she did, actually, because of her previous injuries, not anything those two idiots did. She hexed them well, and they deserved it. Being beaten by an injured Gryffindor when they had the advantage of both surprise and numbers." Snape mutters another swearword under his breath, but Haesel can't catch it. Even so, the knowledge that even the Slytherins seems to think Burke and Bainbridge are idiots is nice to know.

"Still." Lily says, and though she changes the topic it doesn't seem like she's ging to let it lie, but Haesel has this faint idea that  _she_ is the one who Lily wants to talk it over with, not Snape. "Regardless, I agree to making this our new meeting spot, but I still think it's stupid. The library ought to be fine."

Snape groans. "Not again, Lily I told you that we've been told not to meet up with … undesirables anymore!"

Haesel is sure that she can actually hear Lily frown.

"Such as me, then?" She says archly. "Why? It's not like blood matters, or house placement, if it comes to that."

"It's not that!" Snape exclaims. "There's this inner power play in Slytherin, you wouldn't get it, but we conform to it or we're out!"

That seems like a pretty weak excuse, Haesel can't help but think.

"So you'd rather follow than actually think for yourself?" Lily says, and then adds "Forget it. I'm going back to the Tower. I'm done with studying for today."

Snape, obviously feeling dismissed, protests. "I'm not a follower! I'm just trying to be cautious, do what's best for the both of us!"

"No," Lily says and her tone is cold, colder than Haesel has ever heard her talk to anyone, let alone a friend as highly valued as Snape is to the red haired girl. She absently wonders what happened to the conviction Lily had back on the train before first year started and what happened to seemingly shatter it so. "You're doing what is right for you. You're just taking the easy way out."

Snape sputters and Lily sighs. "It's late, Sev, and I'm tired. I'm going to bed."

She leaves the classroom with a goodnight that Snape only halfheartedly returns. Haesel sits on the stairs for a bit longer and wonders where it went wrong with her sister and her friend. To her, they've always seemed like the sort of friends that wouldn't be separated by the hardships of life, the way she's friends with Sirius, James and Remus and the girls too, probably, even though that bond is a little less deep than the one she has with the other Marauders.

Still, she had secretly admired the two a little, for keeping up a friendship despite the almost legendary rivalry between their two houses, and she wishes she could talk about it with her sister.

Well… she can. If she's brave and stupid enough to admit eavesdropping to Lily, she can talk to her sister about it. She's just not sure that she can do it,because while Lily might have joked about Haesel following her, she surely won't appreciate the stalking and listening in.

Or the fact that Haesel left the 'being harassed by Slytherin girls' part out of her 'I was still feeling unwell so I tripped' speech to explain why she was back at the Hospital Wing.

She's just getting up, hand still on the wall, when she hears voices again.

"I tried to tell her, but why won't she get it?" Snape's voice is loud in his apparent frustration and Haesel freezes, halfway up, green eyes wide, because..

"However pure her blood has turned out to be, she was still raised by those beneath us." A cultured voice speaks, just one hair too cold and suave to be considered oily but it raises the hairs on the back of Haesel's neck nevertheless. She's not sure who this is, but it can't be anyone good, given the way he talks about her parents. "You should have expected for that to rear it's ugly head sometime at the very least, Severus."

… this is undoubtedly bad.

A sigh, before Snape speaks again. "I'm sorry to have doubted you, Lucius."

'Lucius' gives a light, cold laugh without any real amusement. "See to it that it doesn't happen again. Forgiveness is not something my Lord dispenses in copious amounts, no matter how gracious he is. We expect better than that."

"I'm sorry." Snape says again and this time there's a sliver of fear inserted into the words. "I thought I could get her to understand. She's smart, she is, talented too - "

"A halfblood, as well." Lucius says, considering. "Heir to the Evans line and fortune, that is indeed fortunate. Though her character and manner leaves me somewhat… wanting." He sniffs. "At least she isn't as uncouth as that younger sister of hers."

"Haesel's very talented too." Snape says, before hurriedly adding, "Although the way she runs around with those boys and the way she plays Quidditch is in bad taste, true."

"Very well. You may continue to try to convince them of the truth of your words." Lucius says. "If possible, it would be well if you managed to reach the Black heir, and perhaps young Potter as well. Their potential is great indeed and I am sure my Lord would forgive them youthful indiscretions if they followed the right path in the end."

Snape seems to choke on his spit for a moment, spluttering.

"You have yet reach the comfort of my Lord's trust, Severus, or even mine." Lucius suddenly hisses and Haesel can't help a shudder herself at the low, animalistic quality his voice has gained. This whole conversation is disturbing her on a deep level. "Are you certain of your convictions? There is no way back once one takes the Mark."

"No, I - I'm certain, I'm true I swear." Snape stutters.

Lucius gives a low hum. "We shall see. Regardless, you must at least prove yourself in your O.W.L's at least, if you wish my Lord to overlook your own … humble beginnings."

"I will, I will." Snape says, hurriedly, not leaving a second for speculation or doubt.

There is silence, before Lucius speaks again. "Try to establish a line of rapport with the youngest Black as well. He, at least, is in our House - I trust that won't be too difficult. If the Black heir proves to be a problem, at least we will have the second one."

"I will try, Lucius." Snape says and Haesel is unsure if she's ever heard him sound so submissive to anyone before. She'd thought that his defiance against the world, the surety of his own worth, was at least something Severus Snape was hard pressed to give up on.

"There was another Black Sorted this year, wasn't there?" Lucius says in idle observation, apparently done with the previous topics.

"There was." Snape is speaking a bit faster than his usual wont, probably out of relief for the same thing. "Blacks's youngest cousin, Narcissa. She was Sorted into our house."

"Good." Lucius says. "I think we have all of the Blacks, then, aside from the heir." He sounds disdainful at the last part and Haesel clenches her hands unconsciously. She won't stand for a slight to her friends, never mind if she was meant to hear it or not.

Besides, it's partly thanks to her that Sirius is walking this path - she's the one that assured him that he was brave more than once.

"Although I must admit I was surprised that Walburga didn't immediately push for his removal as heir." Lucius goes on, completely ignorant of Haesel's indignation. Not that she wants him to know, honestly, whomever he is.

"That was truly unexpected." Snape says, trying to emulate the way the other is speaking.

"Of course it was not." Lucius says, disdain clear to the world. Haesel imagines Snape wincing at his faux pas, even if Lucius himself has only half a minute ago admitted to a similar sentiment. "She would not be so hasty to get rid of her own child, not before seeing if there was anything to be done about it, if he was yet to be swayed into a proper way of thinking. Seeing as the boy is still the heir, there seems to be enough darkness in him still to merit it."

Snape makes an agreeing sound, but doesn't say anything. The other doesn't seem to mind at all and continues on.

"I know you have undoubtedly heard the rumours going around, but don't pay them any attention, Severus. The motives and true ideals of a Black are never so easily guessed as to be circulating in rumours, of all things. But never mind that, let us return to the Common Room. It is getting late."

Snape makes another sound of agreement and then the sound of footsteps lets Haesel know that they've both departed, but she doesn't move, still half crouched on the stone stairs.

§

It's even later when Haesel sneaks into the boy's dormitory and the room is dark and silent. Ignoring the two beds directly to the left, she aims for the one in the far back that she knows is Sirius's.

She'd sat silent, frozen, for a good many minutes on the secret stairway before she'd gone back to the library, finished her essay in silence and then trooped back to Tower with the rest of the girls before the start of curfew. The others hadn't minded her silence and Lily had already gone to bed, so Haesel had put on her pyjamas, brushed her teeth and crawled in bed, but sleep wouldn't come.

After the tossing and turning finally grew too much, she'd crawled back out and put on her slippers before slipping out of the dorm by the light of her wand. It was just a short walk to the boys' dormitory, and Haesel was still a little amazed by the fact that boys couldn't go up the girls' staircase but girls could go up the boys', as if that held off the ones determined to have a secret rendezvous.

Not that Haesel is planning any of that, she thinks with a mental snicker as she pries the curtains apart as quietly as she can. The bed to her right contains Remus, after all, whose sense of hearing is superb thanks to his furry little problem. But the thought still manages to make heat rise to her cheeks.

It's stupid, this new habit of blushing whenever she thinks of Sirius in any capacity outside that of her best friend and fellow Marauder, which is surprisingly often. She'd had a hard time meeting his eyes without blushing the day after his nightly visit to the Hospital Wing, but then he'd made a stupid joke to James and all of sudden the weird tension had been broken. Things haven't really gone back to normal again, but that doesn't mean she can stop hoping they will, right?

Right? Nah, Haesel thinks, rolling her eyes at herself. But she's got more important things to worry about right now, such as trying not to wake Sirius as she climbs into his bed, because once she has she can close the curtains and they keep noise out, ostentatiously for better sleeping but more probably to keep any snoring confined.

And other things, as Haesel has heard the older girls tell and she feels her face grow hot again as she struggles to keep her mind out of the gutter. It's not quite helped by the fact that she's currently in the process of sneaking into a boys' bed in the middle of the night.

The moment the curtains close around her, Haesel lets her wand emit a little more light and then proceeds to have a heart attack, because Sirius's grey eyes are open and looking at her. For a moment they regard each other silently, before Sirius lets out a ginormous yawn. The stalemate is broken and Haesel giggles.

"What are you doing here?" Sirius hisses once he has the yawn under control, before he remembers that the curtains are soundproof. "You can't be here now, dressed like that!"

Haesel raises an eyebrow. Even though she is at least a little irritated at those pointless concerns - she wouldn't be here if she didn't need to be here, after all, however she's dressed - she's still glad that the proved effect holds true and he has to smile.

Sirius pulls himself upright, smothers another yawn and tries to bring some order in his bedhead, before giving it up as pointless and letting his hand fall away again.

He doesn't have to ask, Haesel knows what he wants to say anyway.

"I had to talk to you." She says, and leans forward slightly. "I overheard something, and I had to talk to someone about it, but I'm sorry I woke you."

"It's okay." Sirius says. "I wasn't sleeping yet - I heard you as soon as you opened the door."

"As did we." A new voice puts in and Haesel jumps away from the curtains in fright, landing right on Sirius who lets out a surprised 'oef' as the breath is knocked straight out of him.

It's just Remus, and well, James also, but the latter is quite busy trying not to roll over the floor laughing. Remus just sighs, roll his eyes and climbs on Sirius' bed. When he gets himself under control, James also joins, wiping tears off his face and still muffling snickers.

"Your faces, guys, siriusly." He exclaims finally when he's safe behind the curtains. Remus mutters  _lumos_  under his breath and by the light of his wand Haesel starts trying to entangle herself from Sirius, who's not really making that task easier because he's trying to hit James for laughing. Remus shakes his head fondly and reaches over to slap James lightly over the head. Sirius gives him a nod in thanks and then bodily lifts Haesel up and sets her beside him.

James starts laughing all over again at the surprised squeak the girl gives at that.

Finally they're all serious again, sitting in a rough sort of circle in the soft light, all looking at Haesel. The girl gives them a smile, but they can tell it's a little shaky.

"You know I went to the library after dinner, right?"

The three boys nod. They'd been pretty okay with that considering they wanted to plan a prank on that jerk from Ravenclaw and while they knew Haesel'd be for it, they wanted to do it as a nice surprise. For that to work they needed to plan in secrecy however, but obviously something had happened between dinner and bedtime if Haesel was so disturbed.

"Lily walked off halfway through." Haesel says and they all ignore with ease of long practice how James perks up at Lily's name. She continues on with her story, relating easily how the conversation between Snape and Lily went, although she hadn't heard the beginning she could guess at it easily enough.

It's the following conversation she overheard that's troubling them all.

"I know who that was." Sirius says, face grim. "Lucius Malfoy, sixth year Slytherin, that bloke with the long blond hair. The Malfoy family is pretty old, not as old as James or even yours, I think, and definitely not as old as mine, but they are pretty well respected."

"Mostly because they have a lot of money." Remus puts in.

"And not afraid to use it." James adds. "There were accusations that Abraxas Malfoy - Lucius' dad - tried to bribe the Minister of Magic, and when it didn't work he tried to remove him from office. Of course nothing was ever proven, but I remember overhearing Dad talking to Mum about it."

Sirius suddenly snickers. "I once remember my cousin Narcissa complaining to my Aunt Druella that his hair was prettier than hers."

They all have a moment of hilarity, but then it's back to serious business.

"All that stuff about 'my Lord' and taking a mark of some sort…" Remus says. "That's really worrisome."

"Yea." James nods. "There's something that has been worrying my Dad for a while. And remember those disappearances that were in the paper?"

"There was a Ravenclaw who disappeared, wasn't there? And her father told the Prophet that they had been threatened before she had been taken." Haesel says.

"And then the whole family was murdered in their beds." Sirius finishes grimly. "There's been talk - about someone styling himself as the heir of Slytherin, who talks about cleaning the wizarding world from all filth."

"Muggleborns." Haesel says, face white. Sirius nods.

"My cousin Bellatrix really buys into it as well. My other cousins don't as much, but she was talking to my mother about it this summer and my mother is the type to really like that sort of thing."

"What about your father? I mean, he's the Head of the family after all." James suggests.

"I couldn't say." Sirius shakes his head. "He did tell me something this past summer about how 'a true Black never bows to anyone', but I don't know if that means that he disagrees with that Lord or if he agrees with those views but refuses to be a follower just the same."

"Either will have consequences." Haesel murmurs. "I wonder what happens when you refuse, in some way."

"Going by that Ravenclaw and her family, probably death." James says grimly.

Remus is rightly looking worried. "What about… I mean, what's this so called Lord opinion on… people like me?"

They all look at him with smiles, Haesel even going as far as to pat his hand.

James rubs his chin. "He's just starting, so to be honest not much about his methods and goals are known yet, outside of the whole 'cleaning the Wizarding World' thing."

"I think he's just trying to gather support right now, honestly. And if other people are supposed to recruit other heirs of important families, that means that he's busy building his support base." Sirius says. "I mean, from what you overheard he seemed to place a lot of emphasis on talent as well."

"Right." Haesel agrees. "I think Malfoy put it like this, that he was willing to overlook 'youthful indiscretions' and such in exchange for loyalty."

"And money probably. I don't think you've got anything to fear just yet, Remus." Sirius says with a reassuring smile for the young werewolf. "It doesn't sound like you've caught his attention."

"Yet." Remus says darkly.

"It's not very well known that you have a little furry problem, if at all." Haesel smiles. "If hardly any people know, that's another layer of safety, isn't it?"

Remus smiles too and tries not to ignore how worried this all makes him in favour of acknowledging how truly great his friends are, that they're willing to defend him even in the face of unknown danger.

For that alone - for that blind trust, regard, love - for that alone he'll be forever loyal to the Marauders.

"Yes, I think that currently we're the most at risk." James speaks up. "Well, not real risk, I don't think that Lord character is going to pull something in Hogwarts under the nose of  _Albus freaking Dumbledore_ , but we should definitely be more on our guard."

"Speaking of the headmaster…" Haesel says. "Should we tell him about what I heard?"

Sirius is already shaking his head even before she's finished talking. "I doubt we could tell him anything he doesn't know already about that Lord. He might have retired to just being the headmaster, but Dumbledore was once the defeater of the Dark Lord Grindelwald and even if this new bloke is trying for  _that_  empty spot, it's not like we could fight him the way we are now. He'd wipe the floor with us, if he bothered being nice about it."

"I do think we need to keep an eye out, however." Remus says finally. "Maybe if we do see or hear anything out of the ordinary - have more proof than just an overheard conversation - we can take it to him."

"I do would like to warn our friends in some way, though." Haesel says, anxious. She's become fond of the saying that friends are the family you choose, and wants them to be safe or at least on alert. "I definitely want to talk to Lily, even if that'll be slightly painful."

"I think I'll write to my father about this. Not actually saying something, just vague things, but maybe he can confirm some rumours or give us tips, maybe for some extra training." James adds.

"I don't think we should go around alone anymore." Sirius says, risking a covert glance to Haesel that's not covert at all. With a sigh he just gives in. "Especially you. You've been attacked once already and while that was just a stupid thing, with people actively out looking to convert us in some way, I'd feel better if I knew that no one is hanging around alone."

"Or…" Remus says slowly.

The other three, by now used to his thoughtful silence, just let him think for a bit and just pass ideas around for how to tell their friends about any danger. Eventually they settle on just waiting for James to mail his dad and following any advice the elder Potter would have, as he'd also be much better in stealth than any of them, fourteen-year-olds with limited battle experience they are, when Remus comes out of his thoughts to join the rest of them.

"I just had an idea, guys." He grins. It has a little too much teeth to be entirely nice. He ignores the indignant 'and girl!' Haesel adds to that statement and leans closer. "You know that problem we have when pranking, what with James' Cloak getting a wee bit small for us and the difficulty we have in spotting Filch and others before they spot us?"

"Of course we know, James was griping about it just the other day." Haesel says.

"I've got the solution." In the soft light of the  _lumos_  charm Remus is still holding, his eyes glitter scarily and Haesel can't help the involuntary shift closer to Sirius. "We make a map."

"A map?" James asks, wondering. "Of the whole castle?"

"Yes." Remus says, victorious in the face of an excellent idea. "We charm it so that it shows the location of everyone in the castle, with say a dot with their name on it wherever they are."

"And then we can keep an eye on the location of everyone, including ourselves." Haesel breathes because that is truly an ingenious idea. Simple, maybe not too easy to make but between the four of them hardly a challenge, and incredibly effective none the less.

"With security measures, of course." Sirius says, considering. "Password activated - or better yet, a phrase."

"We solemnly swear.." Haesel starts with a laugh.

"We're up to no good." The three others finish and then they are all grinning widely at each other.

It's late and they shouldn't be planning things like this so late at night, not when they have History the next morning which is already hard enough to stay awake for even when one is not sleep deprived, but with every moment Haesel spends with the three others her worries are being laid to rest and her mind is turned from needless worries to actively solving problems.

"We'll call it something cheesy like the Marauder's Map." She says and even though the project will add to their already full schedule, because they're still working on the animagus thing, pranking, classes and Quidditch for three of them, it's nice.

No - it's great. It's the best thing that has ever happened to her, aside from her family, Sirius running her over in Diagon Alley that day in January almost three years ago, because it snowballed from there, brought them all to this moment, united and strong with the others to watch their back.

"Oh, and we could charm it that if you try to activate the Map but you don't have the password, eh, phrase - passphrase? that it insults you, or something." James adds with enthusiasm and they all get down to plan.

It's rather lucky that Sirius sets his alarm early, because it's not a great surprise that morning finds them all tangled over one another. At one point during the night, Haesel has snuggled underneath the covers beside Sirius, the only other one who had the blanket the whole night. James is sprawled awkwardly against one bedpost, while Remus, completely exhausted with the full moon not too many days ago, is drooling, curled up on the blanket in the other corner.

They're all rather close together because it's a wide bed but not meant for four people, three who are in the middle of growing like weeds and that's why, when he finally cracks his eyes open far enough, Sirius is greeted with Haesel's face close by, which freaks him out for all of a second before he finally remembers their planning session the last night.

When he does manage to sit up a little he finds out that the heavy weight on his legs is James, but Sirius can't withhold the hand palm smacking his forehead when he sees the round spot of drool Remus has cheerfully and mindlessly created.

Well, at least none of them snored.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!
> 
> Happy New Year! May you all have many happy and worthwhile days this coming year! Thank you very much for supporting my story in 2015 - hopefully you won't mind continuing into 2016! I really appreciate it all :)
> 
> This chapter was pretty hard, urg. I had to touch on the steadily darkening outside world, get the scene with Severus Snape out of the way and it didn't want to be written, bleh. Hope you guys do like it still, eh! ;) I wanted to get this chapter out of the way, because my first exam is Tuesday 5th and my last is Wednesday 27th, so I'll be likely out of it for the duration of that. I'll hopefully update sometime after that (once I'm done being 'OMG-exams-dead'-dead). Although, writing usually de-stressed me, so it might be earlier!
> 
> On a happy note, Monday 4th is my 22th birthday! Not that I'll be doing anything, but hey. Trying to spot all the stars in the night sky here, okay :P
> 
> Also, I've written a little short piece on how I see Severus Snape as a character, and I'll post it here now in my notes, because I just wanted to write down my opinion/characterisation of Severus Snape (the two are not mutually exclusive) and people have been asking about the way I write him before so I've been meaning to do this! I dislike bashing and will try to never do so myself, honestly. I think an awful lot, and I've been contemplating Snape for a while now, so even if you do not agree with my characterisation, please keep in mind that I try to stay fair and logical, and that I have reasons for what I write :)
> 
> At heart, personally, I dislike him. He was certainly a very brave man, but I don't think he was a good one. Most of this ties down to the fact that he was in a position of power and abused that. I might have changed studies, but I did a year of teacher training and more than that I've been a student for a pretty long time now, and I know that a good or bad teacher can make or break student's lives in sometimes very fundamental ways. The impact a teacher can have on a student can be incredible (and often teachers are unsung heroes because they just do so damn much without getting recognition for it or expecting any).
> 
> I read a post earlier today that Snape hated Neville because he could have been the chosen one and then Lily would've lived, which tugged at my heartstrings and is entirely true, but doesn't change the fact that Neville was so scared of Snape that he was his boggart, the thing he fears most! Why? For a reason Neville will probably never know nor understand and certainly impaired his ability to do well in potions. As a teacher, or as a human being, is that in no way an acceptable way to treat someone, not to mention the way he belittled Harry (one could even say he bullied him). Also, he deliberately urged the third years to consider werewolves even though he knew what it would mean for Remus Lupin if his secret was outed. It's a wonder only Hermione realised that, in fact. Why again? Because he still hadn't gotten over the almost death experience he got himself into (with a little help from Sirius) or the bullying when he was in Secondary school?
> 
> Severus Snape had a very sad childhood. Maybe he was never truly helped then, and that's awful. He went from bad to worse, with his only real support a teenage girl with her own issues and went of the deep end when in a stupid, arrogant argument he lost even that. That he changed sides and tried to repent is incredibly brave and admirable. That he tried to make it up to Lily even though she was long dead, even more. But lets not forget that he was quite willing to let James and Harry die as long as Lily lived. That it was the threat to Lily that made him change sides - not a crisis of consciousness because he thought that what Voldemort was doing was wrong in a way or shape that went against his own private moral code (or any moral code in general - I think we can at least consider the Golden Rule a bit of a global thing). One can even make a case that his love for Lily is more obsession than true love, but I'd rather give him the benefit of the doubt there myself.
> 
> So yup, he's an interesting character. He's got as much gray as the next person - but I wouldn't go calling him lily-white, either. He's very complicated, and I hope I can convey that properly in my story! If you have any more questions, please don't hesitate to PM me!
> 
> (Sorry it's so long, hah)


	23. Iyirmi üç

Haesel wrinkles her nose as she enters the boys' dorm. She often comes here - less people around when the plan pranks - but the sheer disorder often catches her off guard even though it's nothing she's seen before. Hamish and Edward aren't there again. She doesn't think she's seen them in the dorm before, actually. They usually hang out with other people in other places, which the Marauders are okay with because it leaves them the dorm for planning and just hanging out. The other place they spend a lot of time at are the kitchens, but it's sometimes nicer to be able to hang around on beds.

Remus, who's bed is usually the cleanest, is busy removing his sheets, so his is out. James' bed she doesn't want to think about ever since she found three socks and a pair of briefs nestled at the end, so the only free one is Sirius'. Said boy is sitting on his bed reading, but he looks up at her entrance and gives her a smile.

Which is not unusual. At all. Remus has given her a smile, James has grinned at her from where he's playing with a snitch on his bed, but it's Sirius' smile that makes heat surge in her cheeks. She shakes her head, hopes the darkness in the dorm will hide her red face and determinedly goes over to his bed and drops down at the end, which is still a ways from where Sirius is sitting on his pillow.

She checks the dorm once more and then weaves a privacy spell Remus has taught all them. After their last planning session, he'd gone to the library, concerned with how easily other people can overhear them as Haesel overheard the conversation between Snape and Malfoy. Maybe the spells are a bit over the top, because they already take as much precaution to not be overheard - there's no fun in executing a prank if everybody knows what is going to happen, after all - but paranoia is not useless when it is well deserved, she has learned. Just last week they were almost discovered planning the end of term prank.

"I have a new idea for the map." she says, and rubs her knee. "It needs to show animals as well because I just tripped over that stupid cat of Filch's."

Remus pauses in bunching up his dirty sheets. Normally, the sheets are removed and new ones put on by the house elves once a week, but Remus had just blushed and looked away when Haesel had sent him an enquiring glance, so she hasn't asked, not sure she wants to know.

"That will be difficult." he points out.

Sirius has laid his book aside and nods. "Not impossible, though. If we tweak that one spell for recognition…"

"If we're going to do that, we might as well make it recognise Animagi as well." James says. "No sense in doing double work later when we're unable to find ourselves on the Map."

"Or run right into Professor McGonagall." Haesel shivers.

Remus, ever the voice of reason, frowns. "I rather doubt she wanders the halls in her Animagus form."

"Even so." Sirius says. "We're now setting the Map up to recognise humans, but are Animagi classified as humans? I mean, most of the time, sure - that's why the Map will also recognise Remus - no offence mate."

"None taken." Remus says with a faint smile. It still surprises him sometimes when his friends just casually refer to his condition like that.

"Isn't that because he considers himself human?" Haesel says, getting fully into the intellectual debate. "I mean, you are, Remus, never doubt that. Just because you have a little furry problem doesn't mean you're less human than us."

The smile Remus gives at that isn't fully convinced, but at least that last jab is enough to make him smile. Once one of the Marauders used that reference in public, and ever since the rest of their classmates think Remus has a particularly badly behaved rabbit, an illusion he's only too happy to leave them in.

"But the question is; does an Animagus consider him or herself human or an animal?" Haesel continues.

"Or a bit of both?" Sirius adds.

James shrugs. "We'll be better able to answer that question after we complete the process, I imagine. Talking about that, Sirius, how's the potion."

The Black heir grins. "Almost done! We're in the last phase. It has to shimmer for a month now, and then it ought to be ready."

James does a bit of quick math in his head. "That means we'll be able to take it after winter break! And depending on how quickly we get it, the practice I mean, we might be able to join Remus in February or March."

They all grin happily. Ever since they conceived the idea to become Animagi, it's something they've debated about for hours. What kind of forms they'll have - both Sirius and James are hoping for something big and awesome while Haesel would rather like something small and easy to move around with, like a cat or a bird - and for Remus, worrying if it's really safe. They've done extensive research, both to satisfy Remus' doubts and to make sure they knew all they could so nothing would go wrong. They've even made sure to have a spell that can reverse the transformation in case one of them gets stuck halfway, which has been known to happen.

"I still think that you two need to end up like bunnies." Sirius says with a nod to both Haesel and James, who gasp outraged.

"Take that back!" James says and launches himself with a war cry at Sirius.

"You have to admit that it would be funny, though." Remus snickers. "Plus, it would totally be cosmic revenge for all those times when you guys called it my 'furry little problem'." He levels an even look at a disheveled looking Sirius. "Not that you're innocent. I've heard you call it 'my time of the month'."

Sirius, attempting to fix his clothes, tries to look innocent. It fails.

Haesel gives a delighted laugh.

§

"What are you all going over the winter break?" Mary asks as she sits down at the Gryffindor table for lunch. They're in their last week of classes, most of them stressed and exhausted because of end of term tests. Lily is in fact still trying to cram more knowledge about Charms in her brain, something the rest of them have given up on already. To quote Florence; "If it's not in my brain by now it's not just going to sink in last minute." Haesel, sitting next to her sister, tries to feed her bites of sandwiches she's made for her and have her drink some juice every so often, interspersed with guilty glances because surely Lily would want her to revise right alongside her, right?

"I'm staying this year." Remus says. "My mum got ill again and because my aunt took time off to care for her, they told me to stay here for now."

They all nod sympathetically. Remus' mum is often ill, and as his dad had been dead before Remus had even started Hogwarts, he often goes home to take care of her. Only the Marauders so far know that that's just an excuse to explain the days Remus is absent during the week. Now that they know they can cover for him during the weekend, as well. Sometimes the monthly excuses change; either Remus is ill himself, or it's his mum. Lately, Remus has told them, he had also been thinking of getting a healer apprenticeship with Madam Pomfrey, which would also explain many trips to the hospital. He's hoping that when the others join him on the full moon nights, the transformation will be easier on him and he'll not have to stay in the hospital wing. Not to mention that knowledge of the healing arts is always useful. They've debated about letting Lily know about the apprenticeship, if it's an option at all, because while they all know a healer is what she wants to become, but on the other hand it might be hard for Remus to find the answers to satisfy her questions.

They've not told anyone about their plan to become Animagi, but Haesel thinks that the Headmaster knows anyway. Even if he hadn't meant to give them the hint that Animagi are immune to werewolf bites, he'd surely known by their faces that they'd found that little bit of info extremely interesting.

"I'm staying too." Sirius says. He grins at Remus. "We'll have fun together, I'm sure!" Innocent as it seems, Sirius has another reason beside avoiding his families Yule celebration - paying close attention to the Animagi potion. It's just simmering, but it's a delicate stage and if anything disturbs it at this point, it'll all be for naught. Remus' own potion skills are so abysmal that the Marauders have made the executive decision to not give him that responsibility, a fact the amber eyed boy had been extremely grateful for. His fears about his friends safely aside, he's really looking forward to not having to spend the full moons alone and the potion is essential for that to happen.

"I'm going home." Florence shrugs. "My family is having this big party with all my relatives this year and as much as I want to skip, I really can't." She gives a groan that sounds suspiciously much like 'not Aunt Adelaide' which the others skilfully ignore.

"Me too." Alice nods. "All my cousins are coming and my eldest cousin just got the baby, and I'm so looking forward to meeting her!" Haesel smiles. Ever since her cousin had announced her pregnancy, Alice had been talking about it. She loves children and Haesel can just see her with a big family, but whenever she thinks about it there's this cold feeling in her chest. She tries not to mind it, because she's found that sometimes she can partially ignore the trigger to one of the visions. She's had extensive internal debates about the drawbacks of that, but for now she keeps to the feeling that sometimes, she'd rather not know.

There's too much she's already seen.

"What about you guys?" Mary says. "I'm going home too, by the way."

"I'm ging home. I think Mum would actively hunt me down if I even dared to stay at Hogwarts during Yule."

They all laugh heartily. Tales about James' Mum have become common and even if they haven't personally met her, all of them feel like they know her. James tells about her often enough and they all like it when he received a box with biscuits and sweets from her, which are the best.

"We're going home too." Haesel says when it's clear that no answer is forthcoming from Lily, who probably hasn't noticed what they're talking about.

"It'll just be you two then." Florence says. "And other people." She gives a dreamy sigh. "If I had any way, I'd stay as well."

When she sighs again, her eyes trained on one of the Ravenclaw boys sitting at the table next to them, Haesel rolls her eyes at Alice and Mary. Florence goes through one crush every week almost, most of which are people she's never even talked to but knows everything about anyway. She then recounts those virtues in detail to the other girls at every chance she gets and they know better by now then to actually grace comments like that with any sort of positive answer for fear another monologue will be forthcoming.

"I'm looking forward to break." She inserts instead. "I love being here with you all, but there's nothing like going home."

Sirius is smiling at her, she notes from the corner of her eye, and he gives her a little nudge with his elbow. Haesel has to duck her head to hide her blush and she internally berates herself for reacting like that. It's just a smile, bloody hell! Ever since the incident in the hospital wing she's often had reactions like this, at the most unexpected moments. It's a little frustrating, because this is her friend! Yet also, a little gratifying as well whenever she sees his reaction when she blushes or otherwise reacts, like now - his smile as turned a touch smug, and he's leaning a little more into her side.

She hastily takes another sip of tea in a bid to prevent another reaction, ignoring the way she unconsciously leans back into him as well.

§

"See, I told you!" Lily rants. "I told you that I should have focuses more on animal to animal, but I didn't, and now I lost my first place in Transfiguration to James!"

"To be fair," Haesel inserts, "You never quite had it. Solidly, I mean. It's always been a toss-up between the two of you."

Lily doesn't look remotely cheered up by that and Haesel quickly tacks on "But that means that next time, it'll be yours again!"

"That's right." now looking smug, Lily pats her bag. "I got Professor McGonagall to assign me an extra-credit essay."

Haesel has to withhold a face-palm. "It's supposed to be a holiday, Lils. A way to recharge energy in preparation for a new term."

"And?" her sister says. "I'm already filled with determination, I don't see why I should be waiting to burn it all for a worthy cause!"

Haesel sighs. Their parents can't arrive soon enough, then Lily will have other people to vent to. "You're trying to beat James at his own game, Lils. That's never going to work."

"Don't side with the enemy, Haesel-dear. That's not nice."

Haesel spins around with a delighted gasp. "Petunia!"

Her eldest sister happily catches her. They've grown used to the long separations by now, but they're all glad they managed to keep close regardless, that they can still think in terms of the Evans Family as present and not past.

Even when she's embracing her father, Haesel hears Lily start off to Petunia about her, in her eyes, dismal marks, but she can't withhold a smile when her father winks at her. Yes, her sister is barmy - but she wouldn't have it any other way.

§

Haesel groans, concentration firmly on setting one foot in front of the other. "Am I there yet?" she asks.

"Almost!" Lily yells. "Three foot… No wait a little more to the left - my left, sorry, your right - one foot… you're there!"

With a grunt Haesel drops the huge snowball on the other one they've rolled there already and then joins Lily in sealing the contact point with more snow. It's a little late, Christmas has come and gone, but three days from New Year's it's finally started snowing and they've been able to erect their usual snowman family. Or well, they're in the process of making them, starting with the biggest one they've taken to call 'Mister Smith'. How Mrs Smith looks depends on the year. Last year, they've made her taller than her husband, a truly worthy feat because Mr Smith is always as tall as their own Dad. When they first started their little holiday tradition, Robert had to help them, but the twins are incredibly proud to say that they can now do it themselves.

"What about really round this year?" Lily suggest, evidently on the same track.

"And really small!" Haesel laughs. She suddenly has this vision of a round, red-haired woman, tutting as she appraises her, exclaiming about how thin she is and how her relatives never feed her enough. _You don't even know half of it_ , steals through her mind.

Haesel shakes her head, dismissing the vision as soon as she recognises it for what it is. It's odd sometimes, how specific they are, but she tries not to think too much on it.

"..sel! Haesel!" Lily's face appears around Mr Smith's bulk. "Allright?"

"Sure." Haesel says and her smile is only a little forced. By now Lily has grown used to that, and she only gives a soft half smile before critically scanning the snowman.

"I think we can put on his head now."

Haesel laughs and agrees.

It's a little later, already turning dark, when they're finishing the Smith's dog, Spots. By then, Petunia has joined them, sitting on the porch with hot chocolate. Haesel and Lily gratefully accept their cups, blowing on the hot treat as they stare out into the garden with satisfaction.

"This is the best." Lily says and takes another sip. "Sometimes I kind of wish we can all stay like this together."

Haesel gives her an understanding smile, but Petunia ducks her head with a little blush.

"About that…" she says.

"What?" Haesel and Lily say at the same time, before grinning at each other.

"I kind of, sorta, might have a date?" Petunia says.

"What!" They now yell.

"Shhht!" Petunia tries to shush them. "Mum and Dad don't know yet."

"Who?" Lily asks excitedly, shuffling closer to Petunia. "Tell me tell me tell me you know you want to tell me!"

Petunia swipes some snow in her direction, but it hits Haesel instead, who gives her eldest sister a deadpan look.

"That boy down the street. He asked me if I wanted to go watch the fireworks with him." She grins.

"Vernon?" Lily wrinkles her nose. "But he's boring."

"I hadn't thought he was your type." Haesel says, face set in a similar confused frown.

"He isn't." Petunia says. "He's nice, though. Polite, and we've been talking for a while whenever we saw each other during holidays."

"He's still boring." Lily says.

Petunia gives a shrug. "He might be boring, but don't judge a book on it's appearance, right? Maybe it'll be pretty fun. And it's not like we'll be getting married by going on just one date, allright."

"You do know he'll want to kiss you at midnight." Haesel grimaces.

"Yes and _then_ he'll want to marry you." Lily agrees.

Petunia laughs and finishes her hot chocolate. "I'm not going to let him kiss me! I don't like him that way. I just agreed to give him a chance, you know. We can say we tried it and it didn't work out."

"We?" Haesel repeats. "You mean he doesn't like you either?"

Petunia laughs again at seeing them both puff their chests, insulted on her behalf. "I don't know, he might really, but I think he's just testing the waters? He's graduating from a posh boarding school called Smeltings this year, and he's planning to work at his father's company. I think he's just looking around now. Besides, even if he is, he probably thinks long term and I'm not ready to get married yet. I want to go to university first."

"Good for you." Lily says. She nudges her sister. "Don't let him kiss you, though."

They all giggle when Petunia solemnly promises not to.

"What do you want to do?" Haesel asks after they've been silent for a bit. It's cold outside, but really beautiful too and they're snuggled up close together under a blanket for added heat. "I mean, at university?"

"I'd like to do something with children, maybe a children's physician or a teacher."

"That would be really wicked." Lily says. "I mean, I want to become a healer, so maybe we could work together to find cures for illnesses and combine magic and normal medicine!"

"That does sound nice." Petunia smiles. "Actually, what about you, Haesel-dear?"

Lily leans over. "Don't you dare say 'curse breaker' or Auror."

Haesel gulps and says, timidly: "Professional Quidditch player?"

Lily narrows her eyes. Haesel starts laughing.

"I wouldn't mind teaching, I think. It's fun to help out others. But I'd like to travel first, perhaps. Do things. Play music at a lot of different places! That kind of thing."

They all smile.

"That is a wonderful thing to aspire to." Petunia says and then they huddle even closer as they watch the stars appear.

§

Haesel is pulling back her covers that night when Lily suddenly speaks up.

"Do I push too hard?"

"What?" Haesel yawns. She sits down on her bed, facing Lily who's sitting on her covers at the other end of the attic.

"I mean, do I push too much about studying and all? I'm sorry if I'm too pushy. It's okay if you want to become a curse breaker or an Auror or a professional Quidditch player, you know."

Haesel smiles at her sister. "Of course I know." She shuffles under her covers. "You just don't want me to have any regrets about anything, do you? You might not always convey it properly, but you really want me to be happy." She gives the redheaded girl another tender smile. "I really am. Happy, I mean."

There are tears shimmering in Lily's eyes. "I'm glad."

§

All too soon the holidays are over. They've spend the last days after New Years at Grandmother Evangeline's, and it's her that drops them off at King's Cross station. As is always the case with their Grandmother, they're way too early and after bidding her goodbye, the twins eagerly find a compartment so they can nap a little before the train leaves.

As has become her habit, Haesel pulls her favourite throw pillow from her messenger bag, followed by the quilt Ivy has knit her for Christmas this year. Boots happily settles on a corner and then both cat and owner settle in for a comfy ride.

They've taken the second to last compartment as they're wont to do, so their friends trickle in one after another and every time anyone enters Lily shushes them. Alice has to withhold a squeal when she seen Haesel and her cat curled up together and quickly fishes out her new wizarding camera.

No one is surprised when Lily demands a copy, although James teases Alice to prepare a copy for Sirius too, but one dangerous glare from Lily has Alice squeaking a hesitant 'maybe'.

Haesel wakes up only when the old lady with the sweets trolley visits. She and James immediately start whispering excitedly to one another. Using James' owl, a majestic animal called Baldr, they've come up with a plan for a welcome-back prank. They're thinking in terms of utter, unadulterated chaos, because recently they've been having competition for the best pranks. They're not quite sure who their opponents are, but James is sure that it's a pair of twins a year below them, in Gryffindor also.

"It's in their faces, Haesel, it just is. I can see it!" He whispered to her. It's a bit daring to plan pranks in a compartment full of other people, but the girls aren't going to betray them. They also enjoy the pranks the Marauders play - when they're not the victims, but the Marauders are just and fair and like some variation. Haesel especially is adamant on that. They're not going to be bullies!

"Well, they say it takes one to know one, after all." Haesel winks. James snorts and then starts laughing. The others take one look at them and then dismiss it as one of their usual things. Lily raises her eyebrow at Haesel, who just tilts her head to the side and grins. Lily has to smile, even as she shakes her head. They've spend a great deal of the holidays talking to each other, ironing out the differences that had grown between them and now Lily is a lot more relaxed about the things Haesel does. She does demand that her little sister keep with her classwork and get somewhat acceptable grades, but has admitted that even though she spends a lot of time on pranks and other such frivolous things it has given her a broad and diverse skill set, not to mention pretty good grades, all in all.

It's not always easy to get along, even if you love your siblings, that much Haesel has found out by now. But to have their support for the things you want to do.. that sort of thing is priceless.

"So." Haesel states. "Chaos."

"I'm really glad we went ahead with your plan." James says. "It's great, and it doesn't really target anyone - it targets everyone equally, even the professors. I think it'd be a great way to start the trimester, really."

"I got inspired reading over break." Haesel pulls out some notes. "Can we go over the plan once more? I'm not too sure about this spell, don't you think this might work better?"

"That series should do it, I think. We planned it out pretty well - if the house elves agree to help out again, it'll work just fine."

"I think they'd be happy to help. We're not harming anyone, right? Besides, if anyone had caught on about us being helped by the elves by now, we'd know it. They'd just refuse!"

"Or someone has found out, but they don't mind. I mean, surely Professor Dumbledore has caught on yet?"

Haesel nods. "Not like we have anything to fear from Professor Dobs. She's okay at DADA but not really for anything else. I can't believe she used to be an Auror!"

James snorts. "You can pass on an 'acceptable', which means you passes, but that doesn't mean you were any good at it. I still think it's a disappointment, because I really wanted to talk to more Aurors beside my dad."

"You still want to be one?" Haesel asks.

"Being a professional Quidditch player would be nice too - but the way it's going that's not looking very likely." James taps his fingers against the seat. "I could still be one, but if I were to do nothing, I would feel useless. My dad is out there, fighting every day, while I'm at school playing pranks, and I get that I can't do anything yet, that I'm still too young to do anything - but that's not going to stay that way forever. I want to, no, I need do something as well, you know?"

Haesel looks out the window. "Lately this keeps coming up, doesn't it?"

James opens his mouth, but she doesn't give him time to say anything. "I don't think you're wrong. I don't think I could sit by idly twiddling my thumbs and watch as my friends, my family, go out to fight. I'd be right there beside them. Ideally, though, I just want to be happy."

James' eyes soften and he gives the girl he considers a little sister a one-armed hug. "That's why we would go out, though, wouldn't we? For peace? For the happiness of those who can't fight?"

It's not a prospect that cheers her up, exactly, but it's something that makes her more determined. "Right." she states. Then, she nudges him and winks. "That's why we play pranks as well, don't we? To cheer everyone else up?"

James looks relieved to see her smiling again. "Yup. That's why." he says and they bow their heads over their parchments again.

Neither of them sees the long, searching look Lily gives them, or the way her eyes linger just that longer on the arm that is still over Haesel's shoulders.

§

"Sirius, Remus!" Haesel exclaims as she sees the aforementioned boys sitting in the Great Hall, already at the Gryffindor House table with the rest of those who stayed at the castle over winter holidays. She slides in beside Sirius, managing to hug him sideways and extend a hand for Remus as well, what results in a weird, rather awkward huddle above the cutlery and tableware.

Luckily Remus pulls away soon enough to exchange backslaps and fist bumps with James and the Marauders waste no time huddling close and doing a quick check-up session.

"The elves agreed to help." Remus reports. "Sirius gave them the potions we made -" "You mean, that I made," Sirius adds in a grumble "- and they're going to distribute them randomly."

"Good - we might get one as well and that'll throw suspicion off as well."

"What time did you say?" Haesel asks Remus.

"Dessert, like we agreed on." the young werewolf answers. "That should leave everyone with enough to actually eat, so there won't be any complains on that front."

"Ah, I'm looking forward to it!" James hums. "We'll set the spell matrixes as we eat, then."

When the dishes are finally cleared and dessert appears, none of the Marauders hesitate to serve themselves, because not doing so would definitely call attention to them and in their years of pranking they've learned how to fly under the radar, as it were.

Still, Haesel has to stifle an exited giggle against Sirius's shoulder. "I'm sorry." she says, stabbing another piece of treacle tart.

"You don't have to say anything." Sirius says, amused. "I know the feeling."

"We're feeling exactly the same." James says, but what he wants to add next is suddenly interrupted by a fourth year Hufflepuff who's scrambles up the table, knocking silverware and food eveywhere to stand there proudly, pointing at the staff table like a lunatic before bursting out: "Hahahaha! So you're the man called… craaaaaaazy!"

"It's started!" Remus whispers unnecessary. Haesel has to stifle another giggle as they all look towards the Hufflepuff boy, who clearly has no idea what he is doing or what is going on.

"I'm not as crazy as you are! Put me down!" A Slytherin sixth year girl has gone to stand on her seat this time. She looks incredulous even as she exclaims: "Oef! You cut that out!"

"Cool it boy -unwind yourself!" The Hufflepuff goes, eyes wide. "Doe doe doe te die te doodle die da doe! Now come on. Let's shake, cousin."

The Slytherin girl looks horrified now, as they both mimic a handshake over the tables between them, their housemates leaning out of the way in a similar horrified or incredulous fashion, aside from those who've already recognised it as a prank by the first sentence and are now laughing uncontrollable. "What do you want me for!"

"Their faces -" James goes, too overcome by laughter for proper sentences. "It just makes it.."

"So much better!" Sirius finishes the sentence.

"Word has grabbed my royal ear -" the Hufflepuff produces a banana out of thin air and starts swinging it around "-here, have a banana!" He squeezes the end and both him and the girl watch in mortification how the fruit bursts free from it's shell and lands, perfectly aimed, right in the girls' mouth. "That you want to stay in the jungle."

The girl, now looking furious, says, chewing through the banana with an impressive single-mindedness: "Stay in the jungle? I sure do!"

The Hufflepuff jumps of the table, exclaiming: "Good! Then old king Louis - pada pa deee, toedeloe!" and sort of swings, wildly flapping his arms around, to the open space before the Professors' table, many of which are either laughing or hiding their faces in their arms. Professor Dubs, the defence teacher, is waving her wand hastily, but the combined force of the portions and spells proves to mighty for her. "-can fix that for you! Have two bananas! And we got a deal."

To the hilarity of the whole castle he manages to produce two bananas again who with incredible aim are once again shot off toward the girl. This time, they just splash against her robes, leaving her mouth free to answer an energetic "Yes sir! I - I'd do anything to stay in the jungle!"

"Well then." the Hufflepuff goes, dancing awkwardly towards the Slytherin table, who move out of the way as one man when he makes for the table, pointing down at it like his life depends on it. "I'll lay it on the line for you. Pa da da di dum toedelie!"

And then he starts dancing on the table, breaking out in a song properly now. "Now I'm the king of the swingers, the jungle V.I.P, I reached the top and had to stop, And that's what bothering me! I want to be a man, man-cub, and stroll right into town, and be just like those other men - I'm tired of monkeying around! Now don't try to kid me, man-cub, I'll make a deal with you: what I desire is man's red fire to make my dreams come true! So give me the secret, man-cub, clue me what to do. Give me the power of man's red flower so I can be like you!"

Halfway through he even swings the Slytherin girl around, slinging even more cups and plates off the table. Haesel just about loses it when she sees a goblet full of pumpkin juice hit Lucius Malfoy, who looks completely disgusted.

The Hufflepuff jumps off the Slytherin table again and starts dancing in front of the Professors' table again, but this time several other people jump up from their tables and rush over to join him in the chorus. There's even a professor involved, this time - the defence professor ironically enough, who doesn't have enough time to put her wand away and thus ends up miming playing a drum with it, to the hilarity of the crowd.

"Ooh-bi-doo, I wan'na be like you

I want to walk like you, talk like you, too

You see it's true, an ape like me

Can learn to be like you, too!"

Together with a second year Gryffindor girl, the Hufflepuff starts pretending to play an trumpet, even producing the sounds. By this point, half the Hall is incoherent. The two fight it out complete with dance moves and whistling, until the Slytherin girl breaks in, also clapping and dancing with the rest of them. "Gee cousin Louis, you're doing real good!"

The Hufflepuf dances over to her and leans on her shoulder. "Ah, here's your part of the deal, cuz! Listen - a man's red fire!"

The girls shakes her head despite the grip the boy has on it. "I don't know how to make fire!"

The Hufflepuff shakes his head and dances away, dragging her with. "Now don't try to kid me, man-cub, I made a deal with you! What I desire is man's red fire to make my dream's come true! So give me the secret, man-cub, clue me what to do. Give me the power of man's red flower so I can be like you!"

"Fire!" Exclaims Professor McGonagall suddenly, rising. "So that's what that scoundrel is after."

Hagrid rises as well, rubbing one huge fist against his other palm. "How terrible of him! I'll beat him out, I'll - hmm yeah! Well man, what a beat!" With those words, he also starts to dance. Madam Hooch, sitting closest to him, moves out of the way just in time.

"Will you stop that sunny beat business and listen!" Professor McGonagall says. "This will take brains, not brawn."

Even the more composed students lose it at that, especially at the sight of a still dancing Hagrid, who has completely let himself go. "Believe it and I am loaded with buff!"

"Would you listen!" Professor McGonagall says.

"Oh, yea, yeah." Hagrid says but he doesn't stop dancing completely.

"Now, while you create a disturbance, I will rescue Mowgli." McGonagall says. "Got that?"

"I'm gone man, silently gone." Hagrid exclaims and dances around the table towards the others, still caught up in their dancing and prentend music playing, ignoring the "Not yet Baloo!" that McGonagall sends his way.

He breaks into the others, enthusiastically singing and swinging the Hufflepuff around in some sort of rock and roll dance, before they all finish with belting out the chorus.

"Ooh-bi-doo, I wan'na be like you

I want to walk like you, talk like you, too

You see it's true, an ape like me

Can learn to be like you, too!"

"One more time!" The Hufflepuff yells, and they go for it again before finishing off with a flourish. As they're all bowing down to the yells, clapping and laughter, the spells fall away and the compulsion to dance and sing with it.

"Ah, that was the best, guys." Remus squeaks as he wipes away tears from his cheeks.

"The best." They all agree, bumping fists over the table.

For the rest of that year, students use 'Baloo' and 'Bagheera' when talking about Professor McGonagall and Hagrid, and the Hufflepuff never quite managed to shake the nickname of 'King Louis', although his showmanship with the bananas did get him a reserve spot on the Quidditch team as a chaser.

Though the Slytherin girl managed to stave off any mentions of being called Mowgli with hexes, the Marauders privately agreed the prank had worked perfectly - and they definitely weren't in danger of losing their spot as best pranksters to those Prewett twins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!
> 
> Gosh, so sorry it's so late! I really am. Exams happened, and then I still failed half, and now I moved to a uni dorm halfway through the year, and adjustment had to happen. I'm thinking of trying to set an update date, though? I got even less time this semester, unfortunately, but I think that if I did that, at least I wouldn't leave you guys hanging so long, right? So, expect the new chapter somewhere around the first of April!
> 
> Thank you so much for your support! I cherish every alert I get (even if I can't quite answer them, sorry) :)
> 
> PS this hasn't been by my Beta yet, although I did send it over (finished it 2 March), but she's a bit busy. I just got exited, okay? Thought I'd left you guys hanging long enough ;) I'll update it as soon as I can when it's Beta-cleared! ^^


	24. Amashumi amabili nane

“So this is it.” James say, unusually solemn. He gives a nod, and his fellow Marauders, all wearing a similar expression to underline the grave importance of this moment, nod back. “This is the moment that will change us forever!”

 

He takes a deep breath to go on, but Remus, who’s a lot less anxious than the rest of them, breaks in with amusement clearly audible in his voice. “Just get it over with. No one’s died from just drinking it, you know.”

 

“I know!” James says, annoyed that his momentum has been broken. Haesel giggles. They’re all a bit nervous.

 

“Let’s just get it over with, then.” Sirius says and eyes the clear grey liquid. “Bottom’s up in three?”

 

“Fine.” James sulks.

 

“Remus, can you count?” Haesel says. They’re sitting in the boys dorm, three of them holding a glass vial containing the finished Animagus potion. Sirius has managed to bottle the rest of it and stuck it secure in his trunk, in case they ever need more of it. For the past month of January all three of them have been holding a Mandrake leaf in their mouths, something that was incredibly difficult. At one point during a Quidditch match, both James and Haesel almost choked on theirs, and all their friends wondered why they had taken to eating weirdly and carefully. Remus had even looked up a spell that kept the leaf in their mouths when they were sleeping, but hadn’t found anything useful so in the end they had to invent a spell that kept it glued to the roof of their mouth. Unfortunately the spell only lasted for seven hours, which meant that three of the Marauders went a month without sleeping any longer than that, since they applying the spell twice without a period of at least another seven hours had resulted in it not working anymore.

 

The one thing Haesel had hated most about the whole thing was that the leaf had contaminated anything and everything she’d eaten or drunk. 

 

But it was, at last, over. At Remus’ nod, they each spit their leaf into the potion, watching it dissolve. With another solemn nod, Remus starts counting.

 

“Three. Two. One. Go!”

 

As one, James, Haesel and Sirius throw back their heads and down the whole vial in one go.

 

“Urg.” Haesel gags, putting the vial back on the table beside Sirius’ bed, the one they’re sitting on currently. “That’s vile.”

 

“The best potions usually are.” Sirius remarks, putting his down as well. “The grosser it is, the better it works.”

 

“I sure hope I won’t be tasting this for the next week.” James remarks, shivering in disgust.

 

Haesel looks incredibly put out by that idea. “Gosh, I hope so too.”

 

“Anyway, you guys get comfortable, I suppose.” Remus says. The three others nod.

 

“The potion should start to work any second now.” Sirius adds. “Good luck, fellow Marauders.”

 

“Good luck.” James and Haesel echo. Remus gives them a smile. A little part of him can’t help but feel a little left out, because he can’t be Animagi with them, but on the other hand he’s glad he doesn’t have to go through the long arduous proces of first finding your spirit animal and then mastering the transformation. While at first they had been confident they could manage it in a month or so, research as well as logic has made it clear that it might as well take a year or more. There’s after all a reason why most people never become Animagi, because of the long and complicated, not to mention dangerous process. As a safety precaution they’ve all become extremely adept at casting the Homorphus Charm which forces an Animagus back into human form. Well, they’ve performed the spell as often as they could. They haven’t quite tested it, although at one point James did suggest stalking Professor McGonagall in an effort to test the spell on an actual transformed Animagus.

 

Luckily for all of their hides, that idea was immediately shot down.

 

They settle, James and Remus on James’ bed with James leaning against the headboard and Remus sitting at the other end with his book ready, while Sirius and Haesel are sitting next to each other on the formers bed, also leaning against the headboard. When the potion was finished and bottled and it was a weekend anyway, they had decided to do it all in style and comfort. Or well, honestly, comfort more than style. 

 

“I think it’s working.” Haesel blinks. “I’m starting to feel really sleepy.” As if to underline her statement she yawns widely. 

 

“Well you are lighter than the both of us.” Sirius remarks. “With less body mass, it makes sense that you’d feel the effects earlier.”

 

“That’s the general idea.” Remus agrees. “It’d be the same if you, say, donated blood - you’d feel the effects much faster.”

 

“Don’t donate blood, though.” Sirius yawns. “That’d be a terrible idea.”

 

“Yes, you never know what someone might do with it.” James agrees. 

 

“My family has this terrible book in the library called _Most potente potions_ and some of the things in there are really vile.” Sirius says. He yawns again and then almost startles as Haesel’s head suddenly drops on his shoulder. 

 

“Think this is it for me as well.” James manages through several yawns, but he never gets any confirmation from Sirius because he has also conked out.

 

Remus smiles and settles in for a while with his Defence book.

 

§

 

The whole world is misty and grey when Haesel opens her eyes. She’s in a forest, leaves still wet with dew. Everything is silent and distant as she walks through the forest slowly, never able to see more than a couple of feet. Whenever she turns, there’s nothing but mist. It’s strangely comforting, this disconnected feeling, but it’s a bit creepy also. 

 

She’s turning again, trying to spot where the mist is thinner or there’s a way out of the forest when she first sees a streak of black from the corner of her eyes. 

 

When she swiftly turns in that direction, there’s nothing there. She turn again, and again there’s a black streak.

 

She stumbles when she twists yet again, and tumbles to the ground. As she falls, there’s another black streak but she still doesn’t manage to catch what sort of animal it is, even if she feels it passed slower this time. 

 

She slowly sits up and there, in front of her, sit a small,  black cat with sleek fur and brilliant green eyes.

 

§

 

It takes a while before they’re all awake and actually conscious enough to describe what they’ve seen in the trance brought on by the potion.

 

“I think.” Sirius says groggily.

 

“Careful.” James replies, equally groggy. “You might hurt yourself with that.”

 

“Shut it.” Sirius says but there’s no heat in his voice. “I think we need nicknames.”

 

Remus puts his bookmark in place and closes the book. “That’s actually a great idea.”

 

Haesel makes an agreeing noise, her eyes only slits and her head still cushioned on Sirius’ shoulder.

 

“In honour of our Animagus forms.” the Black heir says shifting a bit to sit up more straight. The moving jostles Haesel, whose head slips down and the girl falls over with her face now smothered against Sirius’ stomach.

 

She shoots up immediately, bright red, but it’s too fast and she sways a little in place. Sirius, rolling his eyes, reaches out an arm and pulls her back to lean against him again. “I don’t get how you are so clumsy sometimes.” he remarks.

 

“Me neither.” Haesel grumbles.

 

“So nicknames.” James says, rubbing his eyes under his spectacles.

 

“Nicknames can come later. What about forms, first?” Haesel says, looking exited now.

 

“Go for it.” Remus grins. “I want to know too.”

 

“Who gets to go first?” Sirius asks. 

 

James gives a shrug. “Let’s go by date of birth?”

 

“That means me first then,” Sirius says, pleased. “Allright, I’m a dog, I think.”

 

“You’re a dog?” James exclaims, hilarity on his face. “An actual dog! That’s brilliant!” 

 

Remus can’t keep a snigger at bay either. “Haesel, I think your sister might be the same as you, hah. Doesn’t she always say Sirius is a dog?”

 

Haesel giggles. “She does, yes.”

 

Sirius scowls. “It’s not just a dog, guys. It’s huge, came up to my waist! It has shaggy black hair and even though its eyes were grey sometimes they seemed to gleam yellow. It scared the shit out of me, it just appeared there. It was really creepy, but incredibly awesome too.”

 

“That doesn’t sound like a normal dog, no.” Haesel says considering. 

 

“That might be a Grim.” Remus says. “Often it’s an omen of death and he’s said to kill the unworthy, but a Grim does protect lone travellers, is at home in the marshes and fens, can turn invisible at will and he’s always completely silent.” Out of all of them, he knows the most about creatures, magical or otherwise.

 

“Awesome! So I’m like the One Who Pads On Silent Feet, or something.” Sirius grins.

 

“You’re an idiot. That’s way to long!” James counters. “Also, lame.”

 

Haesel is silent for a moment, contemplating. “Pads on silent feet eh… What about Padfoot? It’s an another name for the Grim in some of the legends I’ve heard about large black dogs.”

 

“Padfoot…” Sirius says, considering. “I like it.”

 

“Padfoot.” James nods. “Fits perfectly. You’re already really silent on your feet if you want to be.”

 

“Thanks!” Sirius says. “Wait, wait. Does that mean I could turn invisible whenever I want?”

 

Remus looks doubtful. “I don’t think it works that way. Your spirit animal is a Grim, not you. You take its form, but I hardly think you’d get its abilities. Or maybe it doesn't really turn invisible, it just appears so silently and fast that it seems that way.”

 

“Must you always be so logical, Remus? That takes all the fun out of it.” Sirius sulks.

 

“My turn now.” James exclaims, exited. “My form is a stag!”

 

Now it’s Sirius’ turn to laugh. “You’d basically be prey for me if I didn’t like unworthy humans so much.”

 

“You mean he’s still prey.” Haesel inserts. “I’ve had venison before.”

 

James suddenly looks ill. “Me too. That’s gross. I’ll never have any ever again, I think.”

 

“I suppose I’m lucky on that account. I think the only place they eat dogs is in China.” Sirius says, also a bit disgusted.

 

“I would’t be surprised if lots of people ate or eat dogs. I remember this tale about people eating dogs and cats when meat and food in general was scarce.” Remus says. “But deer, what do we know about deer.”

 

“I don’t know much about them, ‘cept the stag is the male of course, but I just thought of the most brilliant joke.” Sirius leans forward. “Deer James, you’re the best. You’re a real deer!”

 

Only James isn’t laughing. “Not funny, Padfoot.”

 

“Be glad he doesn’t have antlers yet.” Haesel advises Sirius, who’s sporting a huge grin at the easy use of his new nickname.

 

“Yup, he might poke you with the prongs.” Remus adds. “And that would hurt.”

 

“The what?” James asks. 

 

“Prongs? Like on a fork, those are also prongs. It’s what you can also call the pointed, projected part of a stag’s antlers.” Remus explains. 

 

“Like on a fork eh.” Haesel muses and then turns an evil eye on James, who suddenly feels very nervous. “Like that fork you tried to stab me with last year.”

 

“I was aiming for Sirius!” James tries to defend himself. He’s still counting his lucky stars that Lily hadn’t seen that.

 

“As if that makes it any better.” Haesel says and Sirius gives a satisfied grin at being defended.

 

“It is fitting.” Remus gives a grin that shows too much teeth. 

 

“Wait, wait no you’re not naming me for a bloody fork!” James protests. 

 

“Fellow Marauders, me thinks Prongs doth protest too much.” Haesel smirks. 

 

James buries his head in his arms with a groan. “Why did Sirius get a cool nickname and I get stuck with that?”

 

“You should be properly thankful.” Remus says, leaning over to poke James. 

 

“Yes, Prongs. You ought to be more thankful.” Sirius says. “I mean, we could have made it worse.”

 

“I think I like Bambi.” Haesel says, mirth dancing in her eyes. Sirius snorts and then has to turn away, but it doesn’t help his self-control any because his shoulders are shaking in silent laughter anyway. Remus is similarly indisposed. Haesel has been slowly introducing them to muggle culture over the years, and Disney films have been a part of what she’s shown them, especially with their last ‘welcome back’ prank in January.

 

James is gaping in a horrified fashion. “Okay, Prongs is fine.” When Haesel looks like she’s going to protest, he snaps: “It’s brilliant, in fact. I love it.”

 

“I’m glad you love it so _deerly_ , Prongsie.” the girl in says and with another strangled groan James ducks over from his own bed, armed with his pillow.

 

The resulting pillow fight is over quickly, because both Sirius and Remus are too busy laughing and Haesel is similarly affected. James is a little too pleased with his Animagus form to really care either, so it’s sooner rather than later that they’re sitting down again.

 

“Okay, my turn.” Haesel says. “I think I’m a Black Bombay cat.”

 

“Cat.” James snorts. “Not surprising that you’d have nine lives with those stunts you pull on a broom.”

 

Remus suddenly starts laughing. “Isn’t that the breed Boots is?”

 

Haesel grins. “Boots is a mix, he’s got some Blue Russian in there as well, that explains the green eyes. Although my form has green eyes too, but I think that’s because I have them, you know?”

 

“My form had the same colour as me too.” Sirius adds, also grinning. He playfully tugs Haesel a little closer. “Shouldn’t we hate each other or something?”

 

Haesel looks a little insulted. “You mean because cats and dogs don’t mix?”

 

“Actually, that’s just a generalisation. Cats get along with dogs just fine, most of the time.” Remus breaks in. “Some breeds get along better with dogs than other cats.”

 

“You going to be fine with Boots, then?” James says. “I’d be game to adopt him if that’s the case.”

 

“Are you mad?” Haesel says, one eyebrow raised. “I wouldn’t even trust you to take care of a dust bunny, let alone my cat.”

 

The thought of James taking care of dust bunnies is enough to send Remus over the edge again and he doubles over in laughter. 

 

James scowls. “Forget I ever said anything.”

 

“That’s what I usually do.” Sirius grins.

 

Haesel pokes the laughing Remus with her toe. “It’s going to be fine, I’m sure. Maybe now I can even talk to him, you know? But we’re getting off topic, now.”

 

“Ah, yes.” James rubs his hands against each other gleefully. “Nickname time.”

 

“Don’t even go there, Prongs. I’m not answering to Kitty.” Haesel warns the boy, who slumps in exaggerated disappointment.

 

“But that would be perfect!” he whines.

 

“No, it would not!” Haesel insists.

 

“Well, for both Prongs and me we based it on a physical characteristic from our forms, so something like that. You said black with green eyes, right?” Sirius asks.

 

“Like my own eyes and hair.” Haesel nods. “Completely black, down to my whiskers.”

 

“You’ve got whiskers!” James snorts.

 

“Of course she does.” Remus has finally calmed down a little and inserts himself back into the conversation. “Every cat has them.”

 

“I can just imagine you with whiskers.” Sirius says. “Like this.” and he whips his wand out, chants a spell under his breath and before she’s got time to blink Haesel’s face is now adorned with fine black whiskers. She’s almost cross eyed as she gapes down at them, before yelling a war cry and attacking Sirius without mercy.

 

After all these years, she knows all of his ticklish spots, but as fast and agile as she is, he is strong and almost as fast, so in the end it ends like a draw. They’ve changed positions - instead of Haesel on top now it’s Sirius who holds her down and suddenly the whole world fades away as he looks down at her flushed face, breath flying fast and her hair tangled around her. 

 

It feels like he’s staring down at her for ages and Haesel wants it to simultaneously end and go on forever. His hair is getting longer and it surrounds his face, his grey eyes slowly filling with a different kind of heat to the normal warmth they hold when he looks at her. Her cheeks feel like they’re on fire and even though she should have calmed down by down she still can’t seem to catch her breath.

 

“Do you think they’ve forgotten we’re here?” James whispers to Remus but they both hear him loud and clear, which might have to do with the fact that James isn’t trying all that hard to keep his voice down.

 

“Pretty sure they have.” Remus says dryly. 

 

“Ha, like we ever could.” Sirius says as he straightens. With a quick movement he slides one arm under Haesel and then pulls her up with him, so when they are both sitting again she’s still leaning against him.

 

It’s something she’s noticed, by now - Sirius is really pretty affectionate. Whenever possible, he likes to touch people, or more likely, be touched by them. Somehow Haesel resents his mother for that, for the obvious need he has for physical affection, being reassured of the fact that people love and cherish him. She’s not sure that Walburga Black loves her children, because whenever Haesel has seen her she’s been incredibly distant with them, not even touching them in passing. It’s not because society might frown upon it, because she knows from Grandmother that while over the top affections are frowned upon, a hug, kiss on the cheek or such is fine. 

 

She doesn’t think that the Black brothers are abused, but she’s not sure. Abuse doesn’t have to be physical, after all. That’s why she never complains when Sirius is being affectionate again, even if lately she might be enjoying it too much.

 

She hopes her already red cheeks hide her blush.

 

“I do think those fit you, Whiskers.” James says earnestly, but he ruins it with the shit-eating grin he’s wearing. 

 

“Oh shut it, Prongsie.” she says, but her lips are fighting a grin.

 

Sirius tilts his head, and really, now his Animagus form is revealed to be a dog everything he does suddenly reminds her of dogs. She wonders if animalistic characteristics carry over, because she knows things like hair and eye colour, or distinctive markings such as spectacles do, Professor McGonagall being a case in point, and that thought leads her to wondering what traits she’ll display. Balance would be nice, honestly. In the air she’s fine, but the ground can be pretty challenging. 

 

“I think you need a nickname too, Remus.” is what Sirius says after some deliberation.

 

Remus swallows and looks away. “Don’t… don’t base it on..”

 

 _… my animal form_ , they all hear unspoken as it is and Haesel smiles sympathetically. 

 

“What about something related?” she suggests.

 

“Something moony, you mean?” James says, pushing his spectacles higher on his nose in thought. 

 

“Not something moony.” Sirius says gleefully. “Moony.”

 

“You are aware that means dreamy, absent-minded or even a bit crazy, right?” Remus says, but there’s relief in his voice instead of any resentment.

 

“‘I’m afraid so. You’re entirely bonkers. But I’ll tell you a secret. All the best people are.’” Haesel quotes with a mischievous smile.

 

“Thanks.” Remus says. 

 

“.. I feel like I missed something.” James says to Sirius, who has a similar confused look. 

 

“Never you mind that.” Haesel says. “So it’s decided then?”

 

“Indeed it is.” James says pompously. “I proudly present, Messers Prongs, Padfoot, Moony and Miss Whiskers.”

 

“The Marauders.” they all say at the same time, grinning.

 

§

 

“Miss Evans, might I ask why you have whiskers?” Professor Slughorn asks a few weeks later during Potions.

 

Haesel drops her textbook as her hand goes to her face. “I do?” she whirls around. “James!”

 

Said boy only snickers and then points behind her, where a soft black tail merrily swings. 

 

Slughorn’s eyebrows rise. “That is some excellent human transfiguration, Mr Potter.”

 

“Yes, and now undo it.” Haesel almost growls.

 

“Easy there, Whiskers.” Sirius says. He reaches out and pets Haesel on top of her head a couple of times. “Good kitty.”

 

She’d begun to unconsciously relax under the petting, but when he says that she tenses up again and actually hisses. “I’m working with Florence today.” she says and then she stalks off, unaware of the way her tail has started to bristle.

 

Even some of the Ravenclaws they share Potions with have to crack a smile at that.

 

§

 

Haesel is sitting on a couch in the common room, reading aloud from The Fellowship when she notices it. It’s fairly late at night, most people having retreated to their dorms already, and the Marauders are hanging out close to the fireplace. It’s still really cold in the castle, even if it’s almost April and the heat is welcome. She’d started on the book when she’d finished her homework, determined to read something for fun rather than academics for once, when the boys had come down and Sirius had demanded she’d read for them.

 

Remus is lightly dozing in an armchair to her right and James is laying spread eagle over another opposite her, while Sirius, initially just sprawled beside her, had halfway chapter two wormed his head unto her lap. She’d had to force herself to continue reading as if nothing had happened even if all she wanted to be was a messy puddle of combined embarrassment and glee on the floor.

 

The hand slowly carding though his hair isn’t hers. Or maybe it is. It just looked so soft and by now she actually knows it is, and she hadn’t been able to stop herself, but now she’s noticed something else. Whenever she moved her hand, perhaps lightly scratched his scalp with her fingers, his left leg would jiggle a little, almost exactly like a dog kicking it’s leg whenever you scratched it.

 

She’s not even concentrating on the book anymore even though Gandalf had just started on a very interesting lecture about magic rings. Instead she just lightly rakes her fingers through the black curls and watches as his leg starts shaking again. When she scratches a little, it shakes a little faster and Haesel drops the book on the floor as she starts shaking with laughter, pressing her hand against her mouth to avoid making noise.

 

When Sirius opens his eyes and looks up at her, she just shakes her head and resumes petting his hair with a smile.

 

§

 

“So if both Haesel and Sirius are displaying signs, why not me?” James asks frustrated one night, dropping down at the Gryffindor table. “By the way, Sirius, your jumper smells bad. What did you do with it?”

 

“Nothing.” Sirius says as he tries to covertly sniff around his armpits to see if that’s it. 

 

“It’s more like you stood in wood smoke for too long.” James says, distractedly reaching for the baked potatoes. Remus and Sirius exchange a glance.

 

“What’s up?” Haesel asks as she slides in beside Remus, who shrugs. 

 

“James is complaining that he doesn’t seem to exhibit any signs.” Sirius says before taking the bowl from James and spooning himself some potatoes as well.

 

James cuts into his steak. “You both do. And we know Moony has stronger senses, especially during that time.”

 

“I think you do.” Haesel says. “You might not have developed an irritating need to groom yourself - like that has any effect on my hair - but I do think you do. You’re a lot calmer, and a bit distant. I heard some girls remark on it today. They think you’ve become even cooler.”

 

“Just what I needed.” James groans. “But I do get irritated still. A lot, actually.”

 

“Yes, but only ever around blokes who stare at Lily.” Sirius says. When James turns to look at him, he shrugs elegantly. “What? It’s true. It’s like you’re marking your territory. Deers do that, don’t they?”

 

“They do.” Remus confirms. “They like to scent mark their territory, though, but it might show in another way. At least, I don’t think you’ve tried to scent mark Lily yet.”

 

“I think we would’ve noticed if that happened.” Haesel snorts, spearing a cherry tomato on her fork.

 

“The whole castle would have known if that had happened.” Sirius says, grinning.

 

“Har har har.” James attacks his steak with a little more vigour than needed.

 

“Your senses are sharper, too.” Remus says, considering. “You noticed that Sirius’ jumper smells of _woodsmoke_. Not just ‘it smells bad’, but you actually know why.”

 

“Huh.” James says. “I hadn’t realised that, but that is true.”

 

“I think I see better in dark.” Haesel adds. 

 

“Me too, but not as good as you.” Sirius says when he’s swallowed his bite of potatoes. “Think that’s natural, though.”

 

“I didn’t know there was this much effect.” Haesel says. “I don’t think the books mentioned that.”

 

“Maybe it’s because you’re younger?” Remus suggests. “It could be that you merge better or something. Or it could be because you’re just starting to learn it, but then it would be mentioned more, so I think age has something to do with it. Most people learn at an older age, if they do at all, so their magic is a lot more settled and it has less of an impact. It’s a shame I can’t do it myself, that would be really interesting!”

 

“What would be?” Lily asks as she slides into the seat beside Haesel. The Marauders pretend they can’t see how James perks up at the sight of her. 

 

“Something I found in a book about healing, but it’s not something I can do yet.”

 

“Oh, healing! What, precisely?” Lily asks interestedly and Haesel resists the urge to roll her eyes. If he wanted her off his tail, Remus should have mentioned something else, but he had to chose healing, something Lily won’t let go.

 

§

 

It’s not even seven yet when Haesel steals up the stairs to the boys dorm, a huge grin on her face. She’d woken early, even though it was a Sunday, and unable to sleep had decided to practice transforming again in the privacy of her bed. They’re all learning to transform at an incredible rate, although James is proceeding the fastest of them, which they attribute to his talent with Transformation. 

 

He’d been the first to achieve full transformation two weeks ago, and because they are definitely jealous both Sirius and Haesel have been practicing more with Sirius achieving it last week. They’ve all grown adept enough at it that they no longer get stuck halfway or transform partially without noticing it, but so far she hadn’t been able to manage a full transformation.

 

Until this morning, that is. The quiet had helped her concentration immensely and before she’d known it there was a shift in perspective and the world was a lot bigger, smells and sights clearer. She’s also had her first encounter as a cat with Boots. They’d sniffed each other, and then Boots had recognised her smell and accepted her as if not a superior definitely an equal, which had been reassuring to Haesel. The book she’d been able to find on Black Bombay Cats had said that they often didn’t get along with other cats unless dominance was clearly established.

 

Not being an actual cat, she’d hypnotised that it wouldn’t matter too much, and she was glad to find out that it indeed didn’t matter.

 

She stole past the first two beds and aimed directly for James, shaking him awake and shushing him, before proceeding to Sirius and doing the same. Then the three of them climb into Remus’ bed, who by this time is sitting upright, if still a little asleep.

 

Once the curtains are closed and the privacy spells up, Haesel lets loose her news.

 

“I managed it! Full transformation.” 

 

Her news is received enthusiastically. 

 

“How long can you keep it?” James asks. 

 

“Half an hour, so far. I was too exited to try it for longer, but I didn’t have trouble keeping my shape.” Haesel reports.

 

“No problem shifting back either?” Sirius asks. Once James had managed it, he’d been able to give them tips and pass on tricks he’d figured out, which had helped the both of them immensely.

 

“Not at all. I just focussed on being a human again, like you said, and away it went. It was really disorienting, though. I almost fell off my bed.”

 

“Hah, I had that the first time as well. Not to mention I ripped the sheets big time. I’m lucky the house elves don’t ask any questions.” James laughs. 

 

“You got your sheets tangled in your antlers, of course they would tear, Prongs you idiot. Who transforms into a stag on a bed?” Sirius needles.

 

“Like you didn’t transform for the first time in your bed either, Padfoot.” James accuses in turn.

 

“Even I did.” Haesel says, highly amused. “Now, do you want to see or not?”

 

“Of course we want to see.” Remus says and then she’s off again. It’s easier the second time, taking less concentration like they had told her it would and while the shift in perspective is still strange, she’ll get used to that in time.

 

“I literally can’t even.” Sirius says and then he picks her up. She sways and miaows protestingly and then he cuddles her close, starts scratching behind her ears and she just melts, lying bonelessly in his arms and purring like her life depends on it.

 

“Huh, I didn’t know you could purr, Whiskers.” Remus says and then he reaches over and lightly strokes over her head.

 

When she’s back in human form, fifteen minutes later, she lays down on Remus’ bed, exhausted. “I didn’t know the instincts were so strong! You guys told me about it, but experiencing it is completely different!”

 

“It’s odd, isn’t it? I almost started marking the bed posts by peeing on them before I got control over myself again.” Sirius admits, grinning unashamedly as they start laughing.

 

“Yes well you don’t purr! That is embarrassing.”

 

“I’m just really glad I’m a calm, majestic stag. No marking anything with pee or purring the moment someone scratches my head.” James says. “But that aside, we didn’t make this months as if was last week, but we’ll make it next month, won’t we?”

 

“We will.” Sirius and Haesel say, determination filling their faces and all joking forgotten.

 

“You guys..” Remus starts but he doesn’t finish. He doesn’t have to.

 

§

 

Thinking about it, researching, making the potion, working on transforming - all of it has nothing on the actual thing Haesel thinks as she looks down on the grounds of the castle, watching how Madam  Pomfrey guides Remus towards the Whomping Willow, swishes her wand to make something touch that one spot and when the branches freeze they both walk underneath it and disappear out of sight.

 

She waits just a bit until the nurse returns, without Remus this time, checking the stand of the sun. It’s almost completely down by now, so she turns around and heads up the stairs, going back to the common room to fetch James and Sirius. They’ve developed the routine to bring Remus to the hospital wing before the full moon, feeling it’s the least they could do, but now that they are all Animagi, they finally can help more than just that.

 

She doesn’t even has to say anything when she sticks her head into the common room before both boys rise and put their things away. 

 

It’s silent when they walk down to the front door and only when they’re crossing the grounds does Haesel dare to speak up. 

 

“Are you guys as nervous as I am?”

 

“I think even more so.” James says, but his pace never falters. 

 

Sirius slides a hand around one of hers. “Terrified.” his fingers are trembling lightly, but his voice is steady.

 

“Me too.” she laughs and she’s surprised how strong it is.

 

They transform right outside the reach of the Willow’s branches, first James, then Sirius and then Haesel, who slips right under the wildly swinging branches to the knot before lightly pressing it with her paw.

 

The tunnel that opens up is not unfamilliar. They’ve practiced this manoeuvre, and know that James will fit in the tunnel, even though some spots are rather tight. Sirius transforms back when they reach the Shrieking Shack and whispers the spell to open the door, as Madam Pomfrey has locked it behind her to keep Remus in as long as he’s transformed, but the moment it swings close behind them he charms it again. 

 

Remus is sitting on the floor of the first room they enter. Haesel jumps down from her perch on James’ head - her new favourite place to ride - and pads over to him, slinking by his side. Her fur startles a laugh out of him, and Sirius laughs. Remus looks over at him, let is eyes glide over James’ already imposing form even though both boy and deer still need to grow, and smiles.

 

“You best transform back now, Padfoot.” he says, his voice a little rough.

 

“Sure, mate.” Sirius says, putting his wand in his pocket and then with one smooth movement he turns into a great big black dog. 

 

Remus gives Haesel a last stroke on the head before pushing her away and rising, standing on bare feet wearing just a pair of ratty old pyjama pants. “It’s starting.”

 

The transformation is awful to watch and the anxiety she feels makes it even worse. She’s unable to sit still, like Sirius and James, until Sirius jabs her with one paw when she slinks past once again and then she presses close against him, tries to feel his heartbeat.

 

It’s as fast as her own, but the thumping sound still calms her a little.

 

Then it’s over and Moony stands before them. The long snout sniffed the air and he growls. Padfoot bears his teeth, but makes no sound. Whiskers doesn’t move aside from her tail which swishes from side to side as she considers the werewolf before her with detached interest. 

 

It’s Prongs who steps forward first, already majestic antlers lowered slightly to show respect but not in a position for attack. 

 

Moony leans forward even more, sniffing Prongs before throwing back his head and howling to the moon.

 

§

 

The first light of day finds them on the floor of the same room, only now it looks like a hurricane went through it.

 

“Bloody hell I’m so incredibly tired.” Sirius moans, but he makes no move to get up.

 

“Like you can talk.” Remus snorts, but he sounds unusually content.

 

“I’m going back to the tower and sleep. I don’t care if we’ve got class today.” James says with great feeling. “I just don’t, you hear me?”

 

Haesel just groans something unintelligent, turning her head from the glare of the light and trying to burry her head in Sirius’ tummy.

 

“I don’t think I caught that, Whiskers.” James comments.

 

Haesel turns just a little. “I said get off my leg you oaf before I’ll be forced to cut it off because of loss of blood circulation. Just so you know, being an Animagus doesn’t regenerate limbs, so if I lose one of mine, I’m going to take one of yours in revenge.”

 

“I’m really scared now.” James mocks. “Look how scared I am.”

 

Sirius shakes with laughter, which makes Haesel laugh in turn. She turns fully, finally retracting her leg from under James whose head thumps to the floor with a poof and a rising dust cloud. He promptly starts sneezing.

 

“Someone ought to clean this place.” he comments when he’s finally done sneezing. He manages to rise to a sitting position, ruffling his hair and only succeeding in getting more dust swirling around.

 

“Not me.” Remus says, not bothering to move from the floor, still looking content. “I don't  want to spend any more time in this place than I have to.”

 

“Speaking of time..” James says and he stands, reaching out with a hand towards Haesel, who takes it with a disappointed sound and lets him pull her up before he does the same with Sirius. “We need to get back to the castle before people wake up, or the nurse comes to fetch that there.” he gives a vague wave in the direction of a still, half smiling Remus laying on the floor as if it was the best bed in the entire world.

 

“Yes, see you later, Moony.” Haesel smiles and then they troop out one after another, the last applying the same charm on the door once they’ve all passed through. 

 

They leave Remus Lupin behind, but for once the amber eyed youth doesn’t mind. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!
> 
> I’m aware it’s not April 1 (not even close) but anyone going to complain? ;) I was feeling inspired and stayed up way my bedtime to type this. As it’s hot off the press as they say, right? Also not yet beta’ed. Same applies, and I’m about as tired as the Marauders now so sorry for any mistakes. They will be removed. Just bask in the double update, you’ve earned it :) night night people!  
> PS: I hope you guys like what I went with, in the end ;) I think it’s pretty fitting and also - the best companion for a Black Bombay cat is a dog. Just google it. Heh.


	25. Fënnefanzwanzeg

“Seriously guys I don’t think this is a good idea.” Remus says, waving his arms anxiously. He used to transform basically naked, but ever since his friends have started spending the full moon with him he’s been wearing the ratty pyjama bottoms he’s wearing now, which are spelled to follow him in the transformation so he’s wearing them when he turns back human, the same way the clothes and personal effects of an Animagus aren’t lost when they turn into their animal forms.

 

“Siriusly.” James corrects absently, checking over the prototype Map they’ve managed to cobble together so far.

 

“What’s the position of Baloo?” Haesel asks, peering through the grimy windows of the Shrieking Shack.

 

“In his hut.” James answers.

 

“Good.” Haesel says and moves to check out of another window, even though all of them are equally dirty and Remus doesn’t know why she bothers. Maybe it’s a sign of nerves. His suspicion is confirmed when she suddenly whirls around. “Where’s Padfoot?”

 

James looks up. “Almost at the Willow.”

 

Haesel bites her lip, then nods. “I’ll go get him.”

 

With one smooth movement she transforms and disappears. Remus watches her go with silent jealousy. He knows it’s impossible, that it’ll never be possible for him in any way - but that doesn’t stop him from dreaming about it, about being free from the illness and being able to learn that skill. He’s accepted the limitations Lycanthropy has given him a long time ago, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t sometimes secretly smarts.

 

James looks up, reading the conflicting emotions on his face too easily. “We’ll be fine, you know. The transformation is as easy as breathing by now, we don’t even need wands anymore. All three of us have complete control over our animal sides.”

 

Remus rakes a hand through his hair. “It’s not your skill I worry about.”

 

James sits back, waiting. At the back of his mind Remus silently wonders when they all grew up so much, to become so serious and grown up even though they all are only fourteen.

 

“Fine, I do. What if something goes wrong and I get out of the forest? What if we meet, I don’t know, another werewolf and we get into a fight? What then?” he rants, raking one hand after another through his hair until it sticks up in all directions.

 

James rises and lays a calming hand on his shoulder. “If you want, we don’t have to go out into the forest yet. We can wait for another time.”

 

Remus’ shoulders slump. “I want to go, though. The idea of running free in the woods, not being locked into this bloody house all the time - there’s a part of me that really longs for that.”

 

“Then we go.” Haesel says. “It’s as simple as that.”

 

He whirls around, not having noticed their entrance. As he’s looking, Sirius takes a step forward and easily shifts back to human form.

 

“You heard Whiskers.” the dog-Animagus says, swinging one arm over Haesel’s shoulders and pulling her against him in a rough hug. Haesel hisses like her cat form.

 

Remus can’t stop the smile that pulls at the corners of his mouth. “Alright then. We’ll go.”

 

James gives him a pat on the shoulder. “That’s the spirit, Moony.”

 

 

The compartment is silent when the train pulls into King’s Cross Station, the dark and oppressive mood outside affecting those inside the train as well. The cheer and sheer light of Hogwarts is hours behind and seemingly impossibly far away.

 

“Well, this is it.” Lily says eventually as the train comes to a complete stop. “I look forward to seeing you all in September.” She gives a wan smile.

 

Haesel nods as she shoulders her bag and takes the handle of her trunk. “Until then.”

 

The rest of them nod solemnly and one after another they alight from the train, quickly gathered up by their families and whisked away. The contrast with how the year started couldn’t be greater, Sirius can’t help think. Even Dumbledore’s farewell speech was a far cry from the one he can only faintly remember from last year, now insisting more on ‘being careful’ than ‘enjoying the summer’.

 

Opposing sides are clear, even on the platform. Those who support the Dark Lord, as the papers have started calling him are completely unconcerned with the heavy atmosphere, greeting their children with normal volume and none of the hasty manner the Muggleborn and some of the Half-bloods have, who hurry their children away immediately either by Floo or Apparition.

 

Even those that have stayed neutral so far, such as the Greengrass family, don’t stay at the platform any longer than it takes to collect their son and daughter.

 

What’s even clearer, Sirius thinks with disgust, is the division between prey and hunter. All those that are associated with what’s come to be known as the Light side are that much more careful, even if they don’t show any obvious concern or hurry. Even James’ parents, who as Purebloods and formidable fighters don’t have much to be afraid of, don’t dally and head home the moment they’ve found their son.

 

Just before the Potters leave, Sirius manages to catch the eye of Dorea, who gives him a concerned frown. Sirius shrugs. The frown stays as the Floo swirls her away and it gives him a warm feeling inside. He knows what she doesn’t dare say out loud - he’ll always be welcome at her house.

 

With practiced ease Sirius ignores the stab of longing and finally leaves the train. As usual, his father can’t be bothered with picking them up and there’s only his mother there. Regulus is already standing at her side, bored contempt clear on his face.

 

Some days Sirius wonders just how much is the mask and how much is true, but he forces himself to only show a similar lack of emotions as he approaches them.

 

“Mother,” he greets with a dip of the head. There’s nothing but the respect a son owes his mother in his voice, but he knows that Walburga doesn’t want anything more than that from him. As long as he shows her only the perfect Pureblood Black heir she wants to see, so long as she’s satisfied with that, she will leave him alone - that’s the unspoken compromise they have reached.

 

“Sirius.” Walburga says. There’s not even a hint of love or any other emotion in her voice. “Welcome back. I trust your year was satisfactory.”

 

“Of course.” Sirius says, adopting the same stiff way of speaking. He’s only too aware of the eyes that are following his every move. Some part of him wants to loudly point out the obviousness of their actions, the way they all made clear which side they’ve taking in this conflict that has begun to take on the appearance of war. The Dark Lord has yet to reveal himself fully and already the lines have been drawn.

 

She nods, then turns to Druella. Of her three girls, only the youngest is still attending Hogwarts. Sirius pities her. Narcissa used to be a bright and cheerful girl, but over the last year she’s grown cold and haughty. Considering that her mother is even worse than his own, he can understand her need for defence. Her eyes are wide as they meet his and he wishes he knew how to help her, but it’s already too late. Starting this summer, she’ll be trained extensively until she’s as prim and proper and frozen as can be, so that when she finishes Hogwarts they can immediately marry her off to some other Pureblood. It’s quite likely that she’ll be pregnant within the year, if not in two.

 

He tries to convey his sympathy with his eyes only, but the panicked look doesn’t go away. He remembers a time when they were young, Regulus, Narcissa and him only supervised by Andromeda. He remembers Narcissa brightly exclaiming how she was going to be a professional duellist, Andy only laughing. She’d always been his favourite cousin, especially after she ran away the last summer and married a Muggleborn. She’s been burned off the family tapestry for that stunt, but Sirius keeps secretly in contact with her.

 

“We shall see you shortly, then.” Walburga says.

 

Druella nods. There is an intense satisfaction in her face, only barely covered by good manners. Sirius wonders why. He doubts it’s because Andromeda is pregnant, so it must be something else. By the blatant fear on Narcissa’s face, she’s finally managed to find someone to marry Bellatrix. After the scandal with Andy, the talks with the Selwyns had fallen through, but a part of Sirius privately thought that Antares Selwyn had just used that as an excuse. Bellatrix has always been unbalanced, but ever since talk started about that Dark Lord, it’s gotten even worse. It had taken an embarrassing long time after all to even get the Selwyn family to agree to a preliminary contract.

 

It’s likely that Narcissa is aware of it, and she knows only too well that once her eldest sister is married off the pressure will fall on her.

 

Sirius isn’t too worried about his own future. As long as his father is teaching him the Black family secrets, there is nothing his mother can do. She can plan, she can suggest girls to him, but the one who will make the decision in the end will be his father and while he’s never been involved with his children, Orion at least is a responsible parent. He won’t pressure Sirius to marry the moment he’s finished Hogwarts, the way Cygnus will undoubtedly pressure Narcissa.

 

Of course, Orion has produced two sons with Walburga, while Cygnus and Druella have managed only daughters. With how close his parents are related, Sirius privately thinks that that’s actually a surprise, and that the both of them are actually fairly sane is even more so.

 

His suspicions are confirmed when his mother sniffs the moment Druella has bustled Narcissa into the Floo and followed behind her and says, condescension clear in her haughty tone, “They have finally managed to find a husband for Bellatrix.”

 

Sirius raises one eyebrow as he follows his mother to the Floo, only too aware of what she’s doing by mentioning this news with almost every important Dark family in the vicinity, clearly being able to hear what she’s saying. “Is that so?”

 

“Who’s the lucky groom?” Regulus asks, not quite managing the effortless drawl. Sirius gives him an amused stare and his little brother breaks long enough to briefly scowl at him.

 

“Rodolphus Lestrange.” His mother gloats. She’s clearly forgiven Cygnus and Druella for the blight of Andromeda’s deflection in light of Bellatrix marrying into the Lestrange Family, also one of the Sacred Twenty-Eight. Or, if not forgiven, at least temporarily forgotten about it.

 

He can barely hold his frown at bay. This summer is going to be even worse than last.

 

They arrive at the Black townhouse in a swirl of soot and step out elegantly. Kreacher is waiting by the fireplace, bowing so low his nose touches the ground, his ears drooping down to cover his head as he snaps quickly to remove the soot from their robes. Sirius barely manages to hide his scowl. He hates the house elf and is fairly sure the sentiment is mutual. Kreacher has never forgiven him for the pranks and tricks he used to play on his mother, whom he serves with complete devotion.

 

Ever since he started pretending to be a proper heir, their relationship hasn’t been nearly so antagonistic, but Sirius can’t bring himself to respect Kreacher, can’t forget the way the house elf used to unflinchingly follow his mother’s every command no matter how harsh the punishment she dealt out was. Objectively he knows that it always was his mother that came up with the punishment, but it was Kreacher who carried them out, Kreacher who shut him into the dark hole beside the stove, Kreacher who put the cane or the hot iron to the soles of his feet, Kreacher who -

 

It’s not even been five minutes yet and already Sirius wants to get out.

 

“If you’ll excuse me, Mother, I shall go greet Father.” Only years of practice and an iron will keeps his voice even, his face blank. Walburga nods. Her expression seems almost proud, but Sirius denies the possibility. She was the one to heal him, sometimes, but even as he aimed most of his hate towards Kreacher who carried it all out, he has never quite managed to forget or forgive Walburga for giving the orders.

 

He doesn’t think he ever will, but he’s gotten good at pretending, by now.

 

“Very well.” she says and motions Regulus to come with as she heads into the parlour, coat and hat carelessly thrown at the house elf, who snaps his fingers and directs the trunks up the stairs after him.

 

His father isn’t to be found in his study, so Sirius heads to the library. His father is sitting in an armchair towards the back, engrossed in what Sirius recognises as the family grimoire.

 

Sirius clears his throat once, twice, then gives up and just grabs a book of the shelf.

 

It takes two hours before Orion Black finally glances up and notices his eldest son.

 

“Sirius,” he says.

 

Sirius looks up from his book, which is a treatise on battle magic. “Father.”

 

“Welcome back.” his father says sounding neither happy nor sad. “How did you place?”

 

“Second in my year.” Sirius carefully replies. It’s never been explicitly stated, but as the Black heir, he’s expected to do well.

 

Orion nods. “Well done.”

 

Normally this is the end of their conversation, but this time Orion doesn’t immediately turn back to his book and instead continues staring at Sirius, head tilted just the slightest. It takes effort not to quail under his gaze.

 

An approving expression flits across his father’s face, gone as fast as it appears before his eyes narrow slightly.

 

“I am sure your mother has informed you of the impending marriage between Bellatrix and Rodolphus Lestrange.” Orion finally says.

 

Sirius, sensing no auditory confirmation is needed, only gives a nod.

 

“Surely you understand the importance of this.”

 

Another nod, slightly slower this time. Though Rodolphus had already finished Hogwarts when Sirius started, his younger brother Rabastan is a fourth year and Sirius knows that he adamantly follows the self-styled Dark Lord. The Blacks have so far stayed neutral, but this alliance with supporters of the Dark, even if it’s not the main line, will be taken as an indication of their allegiance at the least.

 

“Your mother is of the opinion that it is time to declare on which side we stand.” Orion finally shifts his gaze away, instead looking down on the grimoire laying on his lap.

 

When nothing more is forthcoming, Sirius tentatively speaks up. “What is your opinion Father, if I may ask?”

 

There’s no emotion to be found in either Orion’s face, voice or countenance. “I would not yet alienate any that could prove to be of assistance to the House of Black.”

 

The only reason that Sirius manages to keep his grip on his emotions is thanks to the fact that he’s too shocked to react.

 

“We are not a Light family and Merlin be thanked we shall never fall so far either.” Orion taps the grimoire with one hand. “Neither do I see any reason to lower my knee to one whose bloodline is not proven to be greater than my own. A Black bows to no one.”

 

Sirius tries not to shift or even breathe too loudly.

 

 _“En stirps nobilis et gens antiquissima Black.”_ his father quotes.

 

" _Behold the offspring of noble birth, the most ancient House of Black_.” Sirius repeats under his breath. It’s one of the phrases he knows best, beaten into his head by his mother from an early age.

 

“Indeed.” Orion says and Sirius knows he wasn’t as silent as he thought. He inclines his head towards his father.

 

It’s silent for a moment and Sirius hesitates, but then he thinks of the way they sat before the fire in the common room yesterday, after everyone else had gone to bed, playing a Muggle card game Haesel had taught them. He thinks of laughter, bright and brave and briefly clenches his fingers around his closed book.

 

“There are certain fractions at school who’d like to convince me to join them,” he says, for once not dancing around the issue. His father raises an eyebrow in silent judgement of his forward way of speaking, but says nothing beyond that. “They have similarly approached both James and Lily Evans.”

 

Orion is visibly surprised by that last name, but then a terrible frown forms on his face. “So when it comes down to it, this so called Lord Voldemort hesitates not to invite Half-bloods to join him with the same breath he invites the heir of the House of Black?”

 

Sirius has to bite his tongue to avoid speaking out in defence of Lily or his other friends, most important among them Haesel. This is not the time to advocate the rights of Half-bloods, no matter his personal feelings. It had been an enormous gamble, mentioning Lily’s name, but it has worked, because all his life Sirius has been raised to think of the Black name as being synonymous with royalty, even though the wizarding world hasn’t had a royal family ever since the Statute of Secrecy went into effect. It’s not something he has ever believed in and any lingering fondness was washed away by the Marauders, but he knows that his parents cling to that feeling of superiority more than they cling to their belief in the inferiority of Muggles or their love for the Dark Arts. It’s the first time he’s ever tried and succeeded in manipulating his own father and he hates it, hates it with a passion.

 

He just loves the Marauders more.

 

Taking his silence as assent, Orion rises, the grimoire falling to his feet. There’s a rage of a kind Sirius has never seen on his father's face before. It takes all of his Gryffindor bravery to not quail in the face of it.

 

“I shall not take this insult quietly.” Orion hisses and then storms out of the library. From the thunderous slam of a door downstairs Sirius knows his father has gone to his mother, and with a quiet sigh of relief he allows himself to sink into the chair, abandoning his proper posture.

 

It’s all far from over, but at least now his father, who has been Head of the family ever since his grandfather Arcturus died five years ago, won’t allow the family to side with the Dark Lord.

 

Sirius snorts in grim amusement. He might even decide to join forces with the Light, if he was insulted enough.

 

He stands, picks up the grimoire and places both books on the low table between the two armchairs before heading to his room. There he finally pulls out the note Haesel had slipped into his pocket before she’d gotten off the train, during the last round of hugs. The paper is creased where he’d gripped it tightly and he has to smooth it out several times before he dares to open it.

 

A smile grows and in the privacy of his bedroom he lets it, folding the note until he can’t anymore and then slipping it securely under the black leather armband James has given him for his birthday. There are runes stitched into it with silver thread for protection and concealment. The only time he takes it off is when he is in the shower and even then it doesn’t leave his sight. James had charmed it himself, creating a tiny cache in the thick leather. That’s where he now slips the note, even though he should probably destroy it.

 

He twists the armband until the cache is resting on the inside of his wrist and in an almost unaware movement raises his wrist until his lips are pressed against the cool leather.

 

_Courage is found in the most unlikely of places. Like mince pies. Love, Haesel._

 

Haesel scratches almost absently at a mosquito bite. She’s sitting on the porch, legs dangling. It’s peaceful, calm. There’s no sign of the storm that has taken over Wizarding Britain, the fear or the darkness or the blood and the pain.

 

She knows it’s a lie. It’s seeped into the Muggle world. Even her parents are worried, discussing the wizarding paper Lily got them a subscription to for Christmas last year when they think the girls can’t hear them, but none of them are blind or stupid. Haesel knows that they’re thinking of maybe going to stay with Grandmother for a while, when the twins are at Hogwarts and Petunia is off at university. Grandmother has already put up wards around the house and she was the one to pick Lily and Haesel up at the station in June, but their parents are worried it’s not going to be enough.

 

July had passed without any major incidents obviously caused by wizards, and they had relaxed slightly, but the arrival of the Hogwarts letters had brought the whole issue up again.

 

Lily settles beside her. They sit is silence for a while, staring out into the yard. There are tiny lights flickering on some of the bushes in the far corner and Haesel wonders if they’re caused by fireflies or glow-worms.

 

She poses the question to Lily, who ponders it for a while.

 

“I think glow-worms.” Lily finally decides. “Fireflies aren’t really common here, and the lights aren’t really flying, aren’t they?”

 

Haesel tilts her head and considers it, before humming her acceptance of that statement. They sit in silence for a while more before Haesel finally turns to her sister.

 

“So, what have they decided?”

 

Lily shrugs. “The new wards prevent owl order, so we haven’t really got a choice but to go. We both have to be present, because we need new robes and those need to be fitted.”

 

“Those are just the facts.” Haesel says.

 

“Yes, but they’re finally accepting them.” Lily counters. “I think it’s a step forward.”

 

“What did they say about your idea?”

 

“They liked the idea of meeting up with other people, especially other trained witches and wizards, but they’re not sure if a big group is a good idea.” Lily looks slightly sour at that. She’d suggested that they meet up with a bunch of their friends and all go together, mainly because it had been ages since either of them had seen any of the others. “I think they are overreacting a bit.”

 

Now it’s Haesel’s turn to shrug. “They just want to keep us safe.”

 

Lily has to concede that point and they lapse into silence again. It’s grown completely dark by now.

 

“I miss the time when we were young and all we had to worry about was homework and music.” Haesel says, nostalgia colouring her tone.

 

“Me too.” Lily sighs. She flops back and stares at the awning about the porch. “Not that we actually worried about homework, but still. It all seems so nice now.”

 

“So peaceful.” Haesel agrees. She turns to look down at Lily. Matching green eyes meet in the faint light that shines from inside the house. “Are you worried?”

 

Lily bites her lip. “I - I would like to say no, but … yes. I am.”

 

Haesel looks back out in the dark. The stars are clear and she tries to spot any constellations she knows, but the one she can’t help but look for isn’t visible in summer. “Me too.”

 

“I think that perhaps I’m more worried for my friends than for myself, though.” Lily says. “Or well, after my worry for you.”

 

“Why am I at the top of your worry list?” Haesel complains good-naturedly.

 

“You take too many risks. The hat placed us both in Gryffindor, you don’t have to prove it, you know.”

 

Haesel snorts. “I’m not trying to.”

 

“Say that again after a Quidditch match.” Lily parries and Haesel has to laugh.

 

“Fine, sometimes I might be.”

 

Lily has to laugh as well.

 

“I miss our friends.” she adds after a while. “Not counting summer after first year, this is the longest I’ve gone without seeing any of them.”

 

Haesel exhales slowly, and looks at Lily, who’s gone back to staring upwards, but the redhead doesn’t look at her this time and she turns back to the garden.

 

“Me too,” she murmurs.

 

 

Diagon Alley feels rather empty, even though the stores are all open and there are people. It takes Haesel a minute to realise exactly why that is - it’s the silence. So far she’s only seen the Alley filled with chatting people, shopkeepers calling out their wares and children running and laughing.

 

Now, all children are held tightly by the hand and most faces are drawn and pale, the mood in the Alley tense.

 

“Stay close,” Grandmother says unnecessarily and the twins nod. In the end, their parents had compromised. They’d meet up with some of their friends and Grandmother would escort them. There would be no wandering around alone, but Haesel can’t help but pause when they pass by a big black and white poster proclaiming safety guidelines issued by the Ministry of Magic.

 

She hurries back to her Grandmother, who’s already in front of the clothing store they had agreed upon as meeting point. Alice and Mary are already waiting there and they all embrace tightly while Mary’s mother strikes up a soft conversation with Evangeline.

 

“I don’t like this.” Mary says. She glances around. “It’s the first time I’ve seen the Alley like this in my entire life and I’ve been coming here since I was little.”

 

Alice nods, but doesn’t say anything. Her face is almost gaunt. While the Evans family so far has been safe and nothing has happened to or in the town where they live, others haven’t been so lucky. Alice’s cousin, whose pregnancy Alice had been so excited about, had been murdered in her bed with her Muggleborn husband. She’d been a week away from her due date.

 

It’s not the only horror story. The majority of attacks have been against Muggleborns, but starting with the bomb in the Tower of London on July 17th, Muggles have been attacked as well.

 

Haesel curls the fingers of her left hand and presses so hard she can almost feel the blunt curves of her fingernails cut her skin, but before it can come to that another warm hand covers hers and pries her fingers loose.

 

She looks up. James is staring down at her solemnly and he gives her hand a tight squeeze before letting go again and greeting the others. She tries to ignore the irrational disappointment at seeing him and tries to convince herself that she hadn’t expected anyone else.

 

When Remus, his mother and Florence and her father have joined them, they start off. It’s all done quick and efficient, everyone trying to keep the amount of time they have to spend outside in the public space to a minimum.

 

Haesel deliberately squashes the urge to look for a head of dark curls.

 

 

It’s decided that Evangeline will bring the twins to the platform September 1st quickly and without fuss. There’s been another attack in London, this time killing thirty people, and more all over the country. The government has alternatively been trying to blame them on the IRA or faulty gas lines, but the public is becoming restless.

 

Almost daily disappearances litter the paper and there are reports of strange wounds, people being found drained off all blood, savagely ripped apart or in a strange vegetable state almost as if they had no soul. The summer had started out hot, but Autumn seems to have crept in towards the end of August with a fog that lingers long after the sun has risen.

 

“Stay safe, okay?” Ivy says and then pulls them both close again for a last hug. Haesel smiles half-heartedly and then, after hugging her father and Petunia again to balance out the hugs, trails behind Evangeline as she leads the way out to the porch. She teaches them both the shrinking and enlarging charm in theory and then shrinks their trunks so they’re not burdened by them, and Haesel decides she quite likes the feeling of being unburdened like this.

 

The house is empty and Haesel trails a finger along the wall. She’s going to miss this house, she knows it. She’s spent some of her best years here. It’s been home to her and to know that soon another family will live here makes something cold settle in her belly.

 

But then Lily bumps her shoulder into Haesel’s and the black haired girl has to grin. It’s true, what Lily had said when their parents had announced that Robert had taken up a post in Canada and that they would be moving there when the twins had gone to Hogwarts and Petunia was at university; as long as their family was alive and happy in this world they would all be fine.

 

They step out and with a last wave to their family Evangeline grabs their shoulders and the world disappears with a faint popping sound.

 

They reappear soundlessly at Platform Nine 3/4th. It’s five to eleven - they’ve never cut it so close before. If the Alley was bad, though, this feels even worse. Haesel remembers her first time on the Hogwarts Express with fondness, the sights, the sounds, even the smells, but now the only sounds are those of people Apparating or Flooing in and leaving the moment they’ve put their child on the train. There are Aurors standing everywhere, silent and grim. Haesel recognises James’ father standing at one end, and he manages to make her smile slightly by giving her a wink.

 

Because they’re on the train now, she lets Boots out first before shrinking the cage and putting it in her messenger bag. Then they go in search of their friends, followed closely by Boots. They find the others in the normal compartment. It’s starting to be quite a tight fit, with how much they’re all growing, but no one suggests taking up another one as well.

 

The moment the train leaves the station, they all let out a sigh and the mood in the compartment lightens. Lily takes up the last spare seat beside Mary, but there’s nowhere for Haesel to sit until Sirius just rolls his eyes and pulls her into his lap.

 

Haesel spends the first ten minutes of the ride blushing as brightly as the train, but she calms down when she realises that no one is paying them any mind. Everyone is sitting closely together anyways, trying to take comfort from each other’s presences. Haesel tightens the grip she has on James’ sleeve and leans her head against Sirius’s shoulder, which she can now do because he has grown like a weed over summer.

 

“That’s not fair,” she whispers, when she finds out she can fit her head under his chin if she ducks a little and then decidedly does not shiver slightly when he chuckles and she can hear the rumble of it where her left ear is pressed against his chest.

 

“I can’t help it if you’re not growing.” Sirius says, teasingly. It’s hard to form an answer, hearing the vibrations of his voice and Haesel can’t help but think it has grown deeper over summer.

 

It’s only now that she feels like she can relax, finally and suddenly she’s bone tired. Even if it’s not going to be perfect at Hogwarts, it’s going to be a far cry from the tense atmosphere that the summer held and she slumps in his hold.

 

“Haesel?” Sirius whispers and as he tilts his head he can see that her eyes have closed. She hums and he hides a smile in her hair as he slides his arms more securely around her. Even if he tries, he can’t care less about what the others think of them in that moment, what Lily might do to him for touching her sister so familiarly. No, at this moment, the only thing he can do is let go of the whole keyed up summer and just be for a moment.

 

Right now, right here - with his friends around him and Haesel securely curled up against him, he is home.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!
> 
>  
> 
> Not April first, sorry ;) but this chapter was like pulling teeth! They lately are a bit because it’s all just building up, you know? I do like the wee sweet moments I can fit in >.


	26. இருபத்தி ஆறு

If one were to completely ignore the outside world, the papers with ink dripping like the spilled  blood they describe, the empty spots at the tables and the drawn, pale faces some have, or those that get a black envelope from the Ministry - if one were to ignore all that, life at Hogwarts could be called peaceful. If you even tried hard enough, it would be impossible to say there was a war going on.

 

Because that’s what it is. They can come out and call it by it’s name now, and that fact saddens Haesel more than anything. It makes her wonder, about wars from ages past. Or not even that far back. She remembers seeing rallies against the Vietnam war on telly.

 

She doesn’t think anyway rightly can be happy about starting a war, and if they are, then something must wrong with them.

 

It’s hard to but her feelings into words, but it’s a mix of anger, fear, desolation, hopelessness. Every day she sees the paper, she’s once again reminded of how happy she is that her parents have relocated to Canada. The promotion of branch managed was supposed to have gone to one of her Dad’s colleagues, but he had refused and then Robert had gotten it. Now the only one she has to worry about is Petunia, who’d been accepted into the University of London for an undergraduate in Medicine. While she’s extremely proud of her sister, London isn’t quite the safest place to be. 

 

Although no place is right now, except maybe Hogwarts. And even here the war manages to touch, Haesel ponders sadly as she butters her toast, watching a Hufflepuff girl burst into tears when she gets an all too familiar black envelop with the logo of the Ministry on it. They all know what that envelop will contain - the death of yet another witch or wizard.

 

Wingbeats make her look up. Archimedes lands beside her plate, hopping up and down a little and then stealing a piece of bacon from Remus’ plate, who’s sitting opposite her. He’s carrying a letter from Petunia, she sees, and she’s quick to liberate it. They don’t dare mail much, all in all, so getting a letter from her sister is one of the highlights of her week, now.

 

“What does she say?” Lily asks, dropping her bag and sliding into a seat.

 

“Uni’s going well.” Haesel smiles. “She said it was some adapting, living in the dorms there, because it’s so much freedom.”

 

Lily has to snort. Haesel reads a little farther and grins. “And she has to cook her own meals.”

 

“Well, that would be logical.” Remus says, scooping up some more baked potatoes. “We’re being treated like royalty, here at Hogwarts. Of course, we need it - expelling so much magical energy without eating lots would be exhausting.”

 

Lily nods and they dissolve into a conversation about energy and energy conversation, something that Haesel finds interesting only in the vaguest of senses, something she would read an article or perhaps a book about, maybe for an essay, but not something she’d delve into further and so she tunes the conversation out.

 

It’s nice, reading Petunia’s account of university life. There’s lots of tension in London, of course, but it’s not actually thought to be magical in the mundane world, and Petunia’s words are thus refreshingly normal. She’s giggling at a description of how awkward some people are with the shared bathrooms when someone taps her shoulder.

 

It’s a brown haired boy she vaguely knows from Quidditch, a fifth year Ravenclaw who flies in the position of Chaser for the House team, she thinks. The players she has the most contact with are, after all, the other Seekers.

 

“Say, Evans, you free next weekend?” He asks and Haesel stops racking her brain for his name. Next weekend is, after all, a Hogsmeade weekend, something not even the threat of an attack has been able to stop. Most people like to stick their heads in the sand and pretend nothing is going on, continue business as usual, and that includes Hogsmeade visits for their children. Of course, Hogsmeade is constantly being patrolled by Aurors and boasts some truly impressive wards, so in theory, it is rather safe and it still is a very popular outing for the students, especially now because they’re only a month and a half into the school year and homework and other obligations are still manageable.

 

Haesel cocks her head and studies Ravenclaw Chaser Boy a little closer. His last name started with a ‘p’, that she remembered. Parks? Page? Oh no, that was it - Patil. He flew well, at least according to James, who’s Haesel’s main source of information concerning Chasers.

 

“Sure.” She answers, interested to see where he’s going to take this. Maybe he means to ask her out? Hogsmeade is after all the most popular spot for a first - or really any - date. Or maybe it’ll be an invitation for an impromptu inter-house Quidditch game? She thinks she’s more partial towards the latter, but if a bloke is brave enough to ask her out in front of Lily, the least they deserve is a chance.

 

And a chance Patil gets, because the next thing he says is: “Would you like to go to the village with me?”

 

Haesel pretends to consider it for a moment, then nods. She ignores the sound of Lily and Remus choking simultaneously on their baked potatoes, pulled firmly out of the fascinating world of energy conversion by the appearance of Patil at the Gryffindor table. “What time and where?”

 

Patil seems a little relieved and blurts out: “Ten o’ clock at the courtyard, Saturday the 19th?” He barely waits for Haesel’s answering nod before beating a hasty retreat to the Ravenclaw table. Smart man, Haesel thinks. Lily’s temper is after all legendary in Hogwarts. 

 

Said girl is only now recovering, but still splutters, almost unable to believe the last five minutes actually took place. Haesel feels vaguely insulted. Does her sister think she can’t get a date?

 

Remus is slightly pale and Haesel absentmindedly checks the lunar calendar in her mind before deciding it must be something else. “Is everything allright, guys?”

 

“I’m not sure.” Remus says and yes, now she is insulted. “Who was that and why did you accept?”

 

“Patil.” Haesel answers, a little more curt than intended, but it stings that they don’t seem to think she can get dates. “He’s on the Ravenclaw Quidditch team, as a Chaser.”

 

Remus nods, looking for all he world as if he has just heard a piece of information that could change an entire game but doesn’t know yet how he should go about telling it to his team. 

 

Haesel pushes her plate away and puts Petunia’s letter in her bag. “And why not? He asked. It’s just Hogsmeade, we can walk around, get sweets and get to know each other. If all else fails we still have Quirdtich to talk about. It should be fun.”

 

§

 

By noon the news has gone around Hogwarts twice. It’s not that someone has asked out one of the Evans twins, which happens rather regularly, now that they're getting older and growing up in every sense of the word. The twins might only be Half-bloods, their name still carries a lot of weight and old money, and to be able to make a good impression might help in succeeding to get a preliminary marriage contract, the purpose of the coming out balls girls and boys have at age fifteen. It’s just that most don’t succeed in getting either of the girls to agree to a date, though. Whoever dares to ask will later find themselves in a rather embarrassing situation and so far, from the three Lily had accepted, one had rescinded the invitation the next day out of fear from retaliation.

 

Haesel hasn’t accepted any, so far. She’s not really interested in dating - except, well, maybe, but that’s neither here nor there, and the prospect of going out with someone who is interested only in physical beauty, accomplishments or a family name is about as enticing as jumping in the Black Lake buck naked in the middle of winter. 

 

But Patil - Arjuna Patil - seems like a nice enough bloke who’s also into Quidditch. Networking is always good, in case professional Quidditch is still an option in a few years. He was brave enough to ask her out in front of Lily and smart enough to know when to get away, so conversation ought to be stimulating and yes, well maybe she is sick of maybe having something that’s never spoken about and never acknowledged yet still a thing.

 

It’s not like she’s thick. She knows why Remus and Lily were so shocked that she accepted Patil’s offer, but… is it stupid she wants to do something about it? Maybe it is. She knows well enough the issues he faces, the pressure his family puts on him. She knows that maybe he’s just being overly affectionate in the way that he can be, like a puppy starved of love and affection cuddling up to everyone that gives attention. Maybe it’s like that and it’s nothing and she’s just being stupid, stupid and overly pretentious and projecting. 

 

She huffs, swings her bag to the side and lets it drop on her bed. She’s going to take advantage of the homework-free Sunday afternoon and go flying now the weather is still good. 

 

§

 

Remus peeks into the room carefully. James is perched on his bed, playing with the snitch he’s nicked from Haesel but his mind is obviously not on it. He’s not a seeker, but his reflexes are pretty incredible, even Haesel has admitted that, and right now he’s missing the snitch more than he can catch it. Remus doesn’t even have to look to see that that’s because his eyes are focussed on the bed with the curtains drawn tight around it - Sirius’ bed.

 

He walks up to James and seats himself beside the other boy. “Is he really in there?” He gives a nod to the bed.

 

James shrugs, releases the snitch and catches it again. “He stormed into the dorm half an hour ago, almost ripped off the curtains off the hooks and then nothing.” He turns to Remus. “Do you know why? I asked, but I think he’s ignoring me.” 

 

The attempt at humour falls flat. Remus awkwardly scratches his left knee. There’s a scratch there left over from the last full moon that isn’t fully healed yet. Wounds left by werewolves are resistant to magical healing and while potions help, most of the time they have to heal on their own. 

 

“I do,” He says eventually, when James has caught the snitch an additional two times. “In fact, I was there.”

 

James gives him an annoyed look, brows furrowed over his eyes. “Where? What happened? Just tell me Moony, don’t dither around so much. Pads just stormed in looking like the world had ended and he wanted to set it on fire and then dance on the ashes, and I can’t think of anything that would warrant _that_ kind of reaction, especially on a Sunday so close to his birthday.”

 

Remus groans. “Of course that just so happens to be so soon after the next Hogsmeade weekend!”

 

James nods enthusiastically. Both ignore Hamish coming in, reading the atmosphere and backing out again quickly. “Yes and you know he wanted…. Oh, hang on no way.”

 

Remus scrubs his face with his hand. Is this the fabled teenage drama his mum warned him about years ago? It feels like it’s pointless, unnecessary and over the top with misunderstandings to boot, so maybe it is. That’s the trouble with unspoken things, he helpfully points out to a groaning James.

 

“Merlin, no wonder Pads is pissed and heartbroken at the same time.” James has forgotten all about the snitch, who whizzes away cheerfully. “He had this elaborate thing planned…”

 

“So he did have something planned?” Remus says, eyebrows high. One of the reasons he was so shocked this morning at Haesel’s easy acceptance was because he’d thought that things were fine as they were - that there was no need yet to state anything, claim anyone. There hadn’t seemed to be any need for anything to change, but now it had and it seemed like no one really knew how to deal with it, even those that knew most about the situation.

 

He glanced back at the bed. Least of all Sirius, it seemed.

 

§

 

If it comes down to it, he’s not sure what he feels. Disappointment, anger, pain, a burning need to go and confirm things. 

 

He pulls the note from where he’d hid it under the leather armband, strokes the letters of her name with one finger. 

 

Courage, love. Haesel. 

 

He drops his hand down again, the note clenched in his hand. Maybe he has always known, from that moment when fate brought them together in Diagon Alley. He snorts, tired but not defeated. He’d been helping fate a little, then, what with charming his mother’s new ‘winter blue’ robes a pink so hot even little Cissa wouldn’t touch it - even she had cringed when he’d done it, right in front of almost the entire Black family. That’s not what he remembers best from that day, though. What he remembers best are dancing green eyes, matching grins and cheeks stained red with a blush.

 

It’s odd, how people can impact others’ lives - one moment, the right time in the right place, altering destiny forever. 

 

It’s something he wonders about, sometimes, in darker moments. Would he have the courage to demand Gryffindor if he hadn’t had that support? He likes to think so, but he’s not sure. It’s one of the only things he really doubts, one of the only times where he isn’t as confident, as self-assured as he likes to portray himself. 

 

The note crumples lightly in his hand. He tilts his head to look at it. He’d been so sure… he’d gambled on this, gambled and so far it seems like he has won, but it hasn’t yet yielded him the prize he wishes to win. Not that she’s a prize. But to have the chance to aks her, to see her eyes light up with her laughter, to lightly grip her chin and - 

 

He ends that thought there, but he can’t let it go. He knows he can’t let it go. In some ways, his spirit animal is too well chosen. He’s loyal, almost to a fault, he knows that of himself. He’s choosy with whom he’s loyal to, but when he is, he isn’t about to let go just so easily. He’s not really sure he can let go. Maybe he’ll carry his loyalty long after those for whom it was meant are gone.

 

He pulls the ring from under his robes. It’s heavy, both a physical weight and a non-physical, with it’s black diamond set in a silver band wherein one can faintly make out stars and constellations. He remembers when his father first showed it to him. He must’ve been four or five, and his father had kneeled down in front of him and shown him the ring he wore around his thumb, the exact same one he holds currently. Orion had explained that legend told how the stone was found at the site of a fallen star, how black diamonds were formed out in space among the stars the Blacks named their children after.

 

He’s not sure he believes it, but the significance of the ring is not lost on him. It’s not the Head of House ring his father wears now - no, that one is even more ostentatious than this one, which is actually fairly plain compared tot the ones he’s seen others wear. No, this is the ring the Heir of the House wears. 

 

His gamble in the beginning of summer has paid off, but for the moment the allegiance of the Black family is still a carefully kept secret.

 

He slides the ring back. He’d done it for them, for her, but it’s not something they need to know. He knows she doesn’t like the Pureblood politics, that she detests the rituals and the ‘breeding charts’ as she’d called them. He’d still done it for her, for himself. For the chance for the one thing he’s wanted for himself, for so long now, even since that day, that fleeting moment of chance turned into something more.

 

He sighs. He’s sure - but is she? Maybe it’s a good thing, this date with that bloke from Ravenclaw. Maybe he has no need to test the waters, see what he likes in other people, what he’s attracted to, what he wants from someone he’d potentially spend his life with, but maybe she does. He knows with a bone-deep conviction that he wants her to want him as much as he wants her, wants her to be as fully committed to this as he is. He won’t, can’t settle for anything less, because that’s who he is and if he denied himself, if he kept himself in a small cage fitted to the world that wants to keep him in the place they’ve designated for him, then he’d wither away and die. 

 

For her, he can wait.

 

Sirius Black sits up, swears the most awful curse he can think of and punches the bed post, hard.

 

§

 

“This is so painful even random people from other dorms are commenting on it.” Florence says as she drops down between Alice and Remus. The latter nods glumly. For two brilliant people, they are idiots, the both of them. He’s talked with both of them, now, and each wish to offer the other space but they hate the very thought of it. The pull between them - as friends, as something more -  is stronger than any push they can offer and they’re both suffering from it.

 

He resists the urge to sigh. He’s been doing it so often lately more than one professor has actually asked after his health. He’s been successful in convincing everyone he’s fine, healthy as a horse, but the truth is that he’s frustrated, really, really frustrated.

 

It’s almost as if they’re embroidered in some sort of forbidden romance! For Merlin’s sake, neither of them was involved with anyone else, not even that short date Haesel had with that bloke from Ravenclaw, which ended after that one outing because apparently his family had arranged a match for him with a girl from an important Indian family and he had asked Haesel out only to practice talking to girls. Which is lame. Really, for the amount of drama it has caused Remus almost wishes the date hadn’t been so casual.

 

“I swear,” He mutters, buttering up his toast with unnecessary roughness, “If nothing happens soon, I’m going to lock them in that one broom closet on the seventh floor, the one that keeps disappearing. Let’s see how they like that.”

 

Florence snorts, before making doe-eyes to her boyfriend, sitting on the opposite side of the table. By the look on their faces, Remus is fairly sure they’re playing footsie under the table.

 

“Please stop.” He says, voice just on the wrong side of begging, when they get so carried away someone is fondling his feet and he did not ask for any of that crap, because Remus John Lupin has seen enough romance drama to last him the rest of his life, what with Florence and her numerous boyfriends (they call them ‘the flavour of the week’, although this one has managed to last a record breaking three weeks now), James and his mooning after Lily, Alice and her totally obvious crush on Frank Longbottom, who’s obvious to her feelings mostly because he has, in fact, a girlfriend already. Not even Mary is spared. She’s currently at the Hufflepuff table chatting up a bloke called Amos Diggory who is apparently ‘dreamy’ even though he’s a pretentious bragger with daddy issues, from what Remus can see, and constantly prattles on about things even Remus finds boring.

 

No, he wants no part in the whole thing. Teenage hormones can go take a long walk of a short pier, in his opinion. Even sensible, book loving Lily is affected - but more in the ‘James leave me alone before I murder you with this spell meant for dusting book shelves’ sense than any other way, and then of course there is the obvious star crossed lovers-couple.

 

Remus gives in and sighs. Who do they even think they are fooling.

 

§

 

_Haesel is sitting on a bench at a station somewhere in what feels like literally the middle of nowhere. All around her are snow covered fields, some hedges almost so completely burried beneath the snow that it's hard to say what they are and the odd corpse of trees. There's a wee café attached to the station building Haesel sits in front of, but the note that Aunt Petunia shoved into her hand barely covered her ticket back home and she simply doesn't have enough to buy the hot chocolate she desperately wants._

 

_It's a clear day, sun shining from a blue sky dotted with puffy white clouds here and there, and it's bitingly cold. Normally she likes winter, likes how the snow managed to make everything pretty and uniform. There's no such thing as freaky with snow around - Dudley is too busy sitting by the fire playing computer games while drinking the endless amount of hot chocolate with marshmallows Aunt Petunia brings him to chase her around, and there's no work to be done in the garden either. The only task that Haesel has to do in winter when there's snow is shovel the driveway and sidewalk, and she doesn't mind that because the hard work warms her up and she's left alone while she finishes it. On weekdays she has to get up early to finish in time for Uncle Vernon to leave for work, but the positive of that is that she doesn't have to make breakfast those days. She likes cooking. Since she's learned to read the recipes have become easier, and she's getting tall enough to read the upper cupboards without having to climb the counter, using only the step stool she's been using for years now._

 

_Now she's not that keen on winter. It's really, really cold - she has to stand and walk every so often for fear of losing toes to frostbite. Or fingers, she thinks as she rubs them together and blows on them. They are an odd yellow colour and she can't quite feel them anymore. If she's honest, she can't quite feel anything anymore. Her whole body is starting to feel numb and Haesel gets up to walk around in the hope that her blood will start flowing again and she'll feel better._

 

_She can't help a longing stare to the warmth-fogged windows of the little café, but in her experience you have to be a customer to be able to sit inside and she's never been a customer. If Aunt Petunia decided to have tea after doing the shopping she'd make Haesel wait by the car - not in the car, like the shopping, but outside of it sitting up straight because she could dirty the car by leaning against it. When inside she has to sit on an old towel, for the same reason._

 

_Haesel stamps her feet. No wonder she's freezing - all her clothes are second hand, worn threadbare by countless people before her. As shoes she has Dudley's old trainers, which are too big, fixed with tape and completely soaked through. She's glad she thought to put plastic bags around her feet, so they are still dry but incredibly cold._

 

_Her walk has brought her to the edge of the platform. She stares in the distance, down the tracks, but no train is forthcoming. She knows it's because of the snow and cold, that some of the overhead lines are frozen and the train has to take an extensive detour, that's why it's so late. She gives the café another longing look before shuffling back to the bench. There's an snow-free spot where she'd been sitting before and she sinks down, somewhat glad to be out of the wind again. Her feet hurt and she starts blowing on her hands again, determined not to think about them._

 

_She thinks of warm places instead. Imagines a house in a city somewhere. It'd have a driveway and some sidewalk, but she'd clean them because she wants to, not because she has to. When she's done there'll be hot chocolate or tea waiting for her inside and she'd be sitting at the table, on her own chair, drinking it and warming up again. Someone would serve her breakfast, or there'd be cereal or porridge on the table of which she would be allowed to partake. Maybe there’d be honey, or jam. Raspberry jam, or strawberry. There’d be people there, her family. They would talk cheerfully, tease each other._

 

_They wouldn’t leave each other behind at a station in the middle of nowhere because Aunt Marge didn’t want her around the new pups and Mrs Figg couldn’t babysit, hoping that it would take her the entire day to get back home._

 

_Well, to the house. It’s not like she’s welcome there - it’s not like that’s her home._

 

Haesel is up before she’s even aware she was moving. She’s clutching the sheets and despite the toasty warm temperature of them, she’s cold to the bone.

 

It’s not the dreams or snatches about war that she sees that disturb her. It’s the dreams such as the one she just woke from, hyper-realistic, feeling almost more like a memory and not some vague vision of the future, just existing in a moment that hasn’t happened yet. These are the most hurtful, the most confusing, because she doesn’t quite know how to deal with the feelings they bring forth in her.

 

With a muttered apology to Boots Haesel slides from her bed. The room is silent and dark, it being the night of the Dark Moon and maybe that has unsettled her?

 

She snorts at herself. That’s grasping at straws and she knows it. It’s not like the full moon has any effect on her, either, even though she spends those nights running around the Forbidden Forest like a black cat. The moon has no effect on her dreams, whatsoever.

 

She knows what does, though, when she descends the staircase towards the common room. She’s lonely, that’s the heart of it. They’ve been carefully giving each other space and she doesn’t bloody know why. She’s fairly sure there’s no good reason for it, either. 

 

 _Tomorrow_ , she thinks as she aims for the only still blazing fire. _Tomorrow I’m setting this right because I need to. And I want to. Morgana, I want to._

 

“Haesel?” 

 

She jumps in fright, manages to hit her shin on a sofa and spends the next minute hopping up and down cursing like a sailor. Sirius tries to help her, evading her waving arms and smothering laughter and all of sudden the distance that has been between them ever since she accepted that date why had she done that again? She’s not sure she remembers, that subtle distance that had been driving their friends crazy, it’s gone, just like that.

 

“Listen.” They say, at the same time, and Haesel wavers, suddenly uncertain. “You go first.” She offers, then. Sirius studies her for a moment then nods.

 

“My father gave me the Heir ring.” He says without any preamble, straight to the point. “He’s announcing our alliance with Professor Dumbledore tomorrow, on my birthday.”

 

She has to sit down, because this changes everything. The lines had been drawn clearly before: the Light families, those that stayed neutral, the Dark families. She understood from her independent history studies into the subject that for most families this has been their way for as long as they can remember.

 

For the Black family to change that standstill… They’ve been marred by reports of madness in recent years, that much Haesel has understood from conversations the Marauders have had among themselves (that’s why they’ve chosen Wonderland for the theme for their next big prank, which just so happens to coincide with Sirius’ birthday and Halloween), but Sirius’ placement in Gryffindor and his outstanding grades coupled with Quidditch performance and all around popularity has been swaying public opinion in their favour again. Although Sirius likes to make light of it, she knows well enough that the Black family has been the closest the Wizarding World has had as a royal family ever since the Statue of Secrecy came into effect. That might have been more important and significant to the Dark families, it never the less counted on the so called light side as well and exactly that family changing sides…

 

She doesn’t even want to think about the political complications. Instead she focusses on the boy, no, the young man standing in front of her. At one night shy of fifteen he’s well on his way to magical and physical maturity, and she knows him well enough to know that his mental maturity follows that curve.

 

Suddenly, with a clear mind, she knows that she _knows_ him and he knows her in turn. He knows everything about her, her doubts, fears, what drives her to the common room at three in the morning clad only in pyjamas and a dressing gown, and she knows the same of him. 

 

It’s as easy as breathing to step forward, into the circle of his arms, fit her head under his chin and listen to his heartbeat. It’s slow, steady, as are the breaths that ruffle her hair and she squeezes a little tighter.

 

“I missed you.” She whispers, and in those three words a wealth of meaning is hidden away. He tightens his grip for a fraction more before he releases her, lifts her head with one hand. 

 

“Haesel.” Is all he says and she smiles, a little lopsided. 

 

“Sirius.”

 

He kisses her.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!
> 
> Yes I just did that. Yes, not dead. Yes, I’m off for a music festival until next Sunday at least :D I’m sorry this took so long! The story is being a bit troublesome and I’ve been really busy o.O one would think holidays would imply free time, eh! 
> 
> Thank you all for not giving up on this story! :) Thanks for reading!


	27. Fichead 'sa seachd

It’s her first kiss. She doesn’t quite know what she had expected but it’s not this. It’s simultaneously a little disappointing and not at all so. His lips are a little rough, hers are chapped where she’d bitten them during the night and it’s the wrong angle, both their noses bumping into the others. It’s not perfect, flits through her mind unexpectedly.

 

But then Sirius shifts a little, tilting her head with the hand that had been holding her chin, exhales a soft breath, tugging her closer with the other arm that curved around her waist - and it all slots into place. It’s still just a slide of lips against each other, nothing like the wild tales of snogging Florence and even Mary have told about in exited whispers whenever they’re having a girls’ night in the dorm, but to her, it’s perfect all the same.

 

It’s slow, hesitant - they’re both new at this - but it’s, cliché as it sounds in her own mind, just _right_. She sighs a little, tries to pull him closer or push herself closer, trying to eliminate any idea of distance between them. There’s a million things she needs to do from homework to the war and how her own talents might apply to it, a million and one things she could think about, but she lets them all go and lives in the moment, in the press of his lips against hers, the security of his arm pulling her tight against him, his thumb igniting fire along her spine, the heat of his fingers burying themselves in her hair, her own hands clenching his shirt tight holding them both in place. 

 

It sparks a new kind of heat in her, the kind that makes her blush and shift in embarrassment and yet she can’t stay away from it. She doesn’t think it’s the kind of fire that can burn her. 

 

One kiss turns into another, and yet another as they feed the flame with everything they have and didn’t know they possessed. It takes a while before they separate slightly, both slightly out of breath. Sirius watches how her eyes blink open. Seeing her like this, lips red and bruised from kissing, hair mussed, cheeks red and eyes hazy - this is not the kind of happiness a patronus is made of, perhaps, but it’s a kind that is fierce, heady, the kind that picks him up and never lets him go and he’s fine with that because he’s never letting go either. 

 

There’s something dark and possessive running through him as he frees his fingers, sweeps some hair of her forehead and watches the slow smile that spreads over her face, but as dark as it is it’s also tender, infinitively grateful. Yes, he doesn’t want anyone else to see her like this, so undone in his arms from his kisses, but she let him - she kissed back, clutched as desperately at him as he clutches still at her. She might be his, now, but he doesn’t have any problems at all being hers in return.

 

He can’t help it. Sirius leans down again and kisses her again. 

 

It’s different this time, not as innocent or slow anymore, Haesel notes in the back of her mind, the few brain cells that are still working and not sighing over the way his eyes have turned into molten silver, how the intent in them ought to be scary but brings a heady rush of feelings and warmth instead. She frees her hands and slides them up, tangles her arms around his shoulders and neck to clutch him closer, fingers teasingly sliding into the soft curls. He groans as she tugs experimentally and she giggles. They’re looking at each other between kisses now, completely absorbed into each other and the feelings they’re invoking. 

 

The hand he’d placed on her hip earlier, the one that wasn’t trailing lines of fire down her spine, now inches down, finds the soft skin where her shirt has ridden up. She gasps at the feeling of his thumb sweeping along her hip bone and he grins, lightning quick and smug. She kisses him again to shut him up before he can say anything and tugs on his hair again, raking her nails over his scalp. The groan he lets go against her lips travels in shivers down her spine. 

 

“Haesel…” 

 

She pulls back slightly, revels at the power she has over him. There’s something wild in his eyes, something that excites her instead of scaring her. She licks her lips, sees how his eyes follow the motion before he almost growls and bows down to kiss her again. This kiss is even intenser, the press of his mouth on hers hard and unrelenting. She gasps into it and he steals her breath, taking all she has to give and more, plundering her mouth. She fights him every step of the way, toes curling as she pushes herself up, hands roaming his shoulders and tugging on his hair while his have slid under her pyjama top, touching warm soft skin.

 

They’re both shaking a little when that kiss ends, breaths uneven and loud in the stillness of the deserted common room. The rush of her blood is deafening and she buries her head in his shoulder, lips pressing against his throat as he swallows with difficulty, breathing out in a rush of air. They stand like that for a while, calming down, neither sure where they start and the other ends. 

 

“So..” Sirius eventually starts but his voice croaks a little and he has to clear his throat. Haesel snickers, shaking in laughter. Her eyes are bright when they look up at him and he quite forgets what he was about to say, eyes softening as he lifts one hand and uses it to trace the line of her cheek. 

 

Her eyes soften as well and a beatific smile pulls at her lips. He’s sure that he’s never seen her as beautiful as she looks right now, undone and ravishes and yet so singularly breathtaking he’s not entirely sure this is all real.

 

“Haesel…” He says and then frowns. “You know, what is your second name, actually?”

 

She breaks down in giggles. “You’re the worst, Siri. Absolutely. How is it possible that we’ve been friends for almost four years now and you still don’t know my second name?”

 

He frowns a little down at her. “I don’t think it ever came up, did it?” 

 

Now it’s her turn to frown. She laughs. “It didn’t.”

 

She bursts out in more giggles when the only thing he does is look down at her expectantly. It’s like she’s riding a high wave of happiness that has yet to come down, but she sniffles the uncharacteristic giggling, biting her lip until she can keep them in. 

 

“It’s Marie,” She says then, high mood giving way for something deeper, more thoughtful but still warm and welcoming. “After my grandmother.”

 

Sirius nods. “Mine is Orion, after my father.”

 

“And mine is Charlus, James Charlus Potter.” An unexpected voice says from above. “Also after my dad.”

 

“Mine as well, after my dad.” Remus’ voice adds, as dry as paper. “It’s John. I believe that is a Wizarding tradition, naming children after their parents.”

 

When they first heard the voices they’d sprung apart, wands in their hands, backs towards each other and a spell on their mind. If there’s one thing the tense situation in the castle is good for it is excellent reflexes born from tension and nerves and countless accidental and less accidental hallway fights, but when they discover it’s just James and Remus leaning on the barrister of the second level, grinning from ear to ear.

 

“You guys!” Haesel whispers furiously, clutching at her heart. The fierce expression of Sirius’ face would make anyone of weaker resolve cower, but James just continues to grin like there’s nothing wrong in the world.

 

“Remus woke up to find your bed empty.” He says cheerfully, ignoring the way Sirius’ fingers have tightened around his wand. “He woke me, and we checked the prototype of the Map, only to find both you and Haesel in the common room, this late at night, your name-dots almost on top of each other.” He waves a hand at the way they’re still standing close together. “Of course, we had to come see what you were up to.”

 

Haesel blushes, turning so red she can feel her heartbeat in her cheeks. Does that mean they saw everything? Oh Merlin and Morgana she’d never live it down if they did! 

 

Sirius growls. Padfoot is there, in his eyes, in the protective stand he takes in front of Haesel.

 

Remus smiles. “Relax, Pads. We didn’t see anything.”

 

Both Haesel and Sirius breathe a sigh of relief and Sirius relaxes his stand, stepping back to stand beside Haesel again. They’re still rather close, and Haesel unconsciously grips the fabric of Sirius’ sleeve, tangling her fingers in the soft cotton the way she tangled them in his hair earlier. The memory makes her cheeks heat up again, not helped by the way Sirius turns slightly to to face her, a smile curling his lips as his fingers clasp her wrist.

 

“If there was something to be seen.” James puts in, leaning over even further. “I can’t help but notice you guys are awfully messed up, especially for this hour of the night.”

 

“Oh bugger off, Prongs.” Haesel says, finally stowing her wand away. “That’s none of your business.”

 

James whistles, his shit eating grin still present on his face. “On the contrary, Whiskers, it’s entirely our business.” All of sudden his eyes are dark and forbidding, his face closed off. It’s a little shocking.

 

“Because he is my brother, and if you break his heart, I will break you.” His voice is ice cold, deep and cutting and suddenly Haesel sees a glimpse of how terrifying he will be when he grows up. 

 

“The same goes for you, Black.” Remus’ eyes glow only yellow in the dark shadows that linger in the common room. “Hurt my sister and I will _end you_.”

 

It’s meant to be scary - the message they’re trying to convey is a serious, deeply meant one, but all it does it make her smile, fill her with conviction and the warmth of their friendship, their love. There’s no particular meaning in James siding with Sirius or Remus with her - she knows Remus and James consider the other a brother as well, and to James she’s his wee sister never mind that she’s actually older than him by two months. That’s the strength of their bonds, the strength of the Marauders: they will stand together and they will break together, if ever they do. 

 

So she smiles and she says thank you while she reaches up and intertwines her fingers with Sirius’.

 

§

 

“Seriously?” James gapes. Remus isn’t any better. Both of them know what this will mean, what this will change. If it wasn’t already, after this a war will really have begun. 

 

Sirius grins tiredly, for once not taking the joke. They’re all seated in front of the one burning fire that Remus has poked back into roaring and chasing away the late October chill, because in the Highlands, the winter has already begun. James has collapsed into an armchair, running his hands through his hair until it sticks up in every direction, but nobody is laughing at it this time. They’re all too busy considering the new alliance of the Black family and it’s implications.

 

From where she’s tucked into Sirius’ side, Haesel nods. “We were talking about it earlier.”

 

“And that led to you guys snogging in the common room at half three in the morning?” Remus remarks, an eyebrow lifted high. He drops another block of wood on the fire and gives a grin at their suddenly red faces.

 

“Shut up.” Sirius says roughly and pulls Haesel even closer, holding her so tightly against him that their legs have tangled and she’s practically on his lap.

 

Remus rolls his eyes. Teenage dramatics. “It’s not as if we didn’t see this coming, guys.”

 

“Yes.” James puts in. “In fact, if anyone managed to miss it, they must be even blinder than me without my spectacles.”

 

“And that’s really, really blind.” Remus finishes drily, ignoring James’ offended ‘hey!’. “No, really,” he goes on, sitting down in front of the fire facing them and smiling. “We all saw it coming ages ago. I’m happy for you.”

 

“Well, me too, obviously.” James grins. “I’m happy for myself also.”

 

“For yourself?” Haesel asks, eyebrow raised. It’s an unconscious gesture, one she employs often to great succes, but the one person it’s never worked on before has always been Sirius, who even now smiles and lifts a hand, trailing his fingers softly over the arch of her brow. She looks up, bites her lip and for a second they’re lost in each others’ gazes.

 

Then the moment passes, hands leaving faces and gazes turning back to the others. 

 

“Yes, why yourself?” Sirius asks, voice calm and controlled, but happiness is lurking at the corners of his eyes, hiding in the curl of his lips that he can’t completely suppress. 

 

There’s a similar sort of happiness in the way James’ hazel eyes are soft, as is his voice, actually delighting in the fact that two of his best friends, his brother and little sister, have found each other (and not in the actually related sense either thank Merlin because that’d be weird). “Because now we don’t have to suffer you two mooning after each other. It was torture, I’m telling you, torture for the rest of us!”

 

“Yes it was.” Remus adds. “Please don’t do that again.”

 

They all have to laugh, smiles stretching from ear to ear as both Sirius and Haesel have to look away in some embarrassment.

 

It’s only later that they return to their previous topic. Sirius looks away, into the fire as he tells them of how he manipulated his father, how that started a domino of stones falling in a completely different direction until they’ve touched down in the current position.

 

“I didn’t know he’d go that far.” He says, voice tight. “Especially after the betrothal between Bellatrix and the Lestranges. That’s something that my Uncle Cygnus arranged as is his right as her father and I think Bella had some _understanding_ with Rudolphus already, but it’s still something that would essentially amount to us choosing some sort of side.”

 

He pauses for a moment. “And then he’d started interrogating me. Nothing bad, but asking after all you, after your families, inclinations. My parents weren’t… They fought over it for a long time, while Reggie and I just stayed in our rooms. Then one day he was gone and when he got home in the evening he gave me this and told me of the alliance with Professor Dumbledore.”

 

He fishes the ring out from under his clothes, lets it dangle in the light of the fireplace. It hangs there for a moment, catching the light and refracting it.

 

“Merlin.” James breathes. “I haven’t even gotten that yet.”

 

“Really?” Haesel questions. “I thought you would have, already.”

 

James shakes his head. “My fifteenth birthday, I think.”

 

“That would be logical.” Remus says. “Seventeen might be when one becomes of age, but most parents truly start preparing and grooming a child from their fifteenth birthday.”

 

Haesel vaguely remembers her Grandmother telling her something of the like, as well. That’s why initially a coming-out-in-society-ball had been planned for Lily and her that is lucky called off now, with the Wizarding World as it is. She wants to open her mouth to say so, but a yawn comes out instead. It sets of a chain of other yawns and all of sudden they’re aware of the time again, which has gone past four in the morning now inching ever so close to five.

 

“Time for bed, I think.” James says and rises from his chair. Remus stands up yet and they proceed towards the stairway together, leaving the two others behind for a wee while longer. Before they do go up, though, James turns again. “Don’t stay up too long.” He says, eyes serious. Sirius gives him a nod and Haesel has to smother her laughter at this bit of unexplained man- communication she’s not privy to.

 

She’s about to be, though. When James and Remus have trooped up the stairs, Sirius turns to her again, lifting a hand to stroke the hair from her face. They stood when the others did, but they’re still close together, close enough that she can feel his breath on her face.

 

“What he meant is…” Sirius starts. He frowns briefly. “We should be careful not to be caught alone like this again.”

 

Haesel tilts her head. “Why?” It’s embarrassing, sure, but she doesn’t really see the need to stay in public all the time, curious as she is to explore what they have between them.

 

“Because stupid as it is it could ruin your reputation and then Lily would ruin me.” He says it fast, as if he’s not really believing he’s saying it either, adding the last part in almost as a joke, because he immediately closes his eyes and rubs his forehead with one tightly balled fist.

 

Haesel reaches up carefully and pulls the first away, uncurling the tense fingers one by one before looking up. “So we shouldn’t be seen _together_ in public, then?”

 

“Merlin, no!” Sirius grips her tight and she can’t look away from the slightly desperate look in his eyes. “I don’t mean it like that at all. Actually, I don’t give a flying hippogriff about what people think and they can all take a long walk of a short pier if they think they can tell you or me anything about how we should live our life, it’s just -” he runs out of steam there, shoulders sagging slightly, grey eyes shuttering close. “Both of us have been in the public eye a lot. We’ve always been, in a way, but it’ll get even worse, after today’s news. And people will speculate about everything and anything we’re going to do especially about our relationship and you know we haven’t even had the chance to talk about that and I don’t want them harming you in any way about that, at all, because what kind of - ”

 

She cuts him off, fingertips slowly sliding over his jaw. She’s not sure if he’s already shaving or not, but the skin is rough-soft in a way she recognises from her own father. It brings home to her again how much they’ve grown, how much they still have to grow. They really are at the start of the rest of their lives and it might be too soon so say a thing like this, at fourteen and fifteen respectively, but the idea of spending the rest of their lives together, learning who the other is every new day… it’s something that gives her shivers of the good kind. 

 

She smiles. It’s a soft, private kind of smile that catches his breath and the only thing he’s capable of is staring at her. 

 

“To be perfectly honest, I could care less of what people think of me, of us. Public opinion can change from one day to the next, from one moment to the next. The masses can truly be like sheep, led by those that can play them like a fiddle.” She pauses, fights far flung feelings of being cornered, being asked to defend her right to be herself by those who have no claim on even the most distant part of herself. “If you live your life by adhering to what others ask of you - by it the public, be it people closer to you - the weight of their expectations will, eventually, crush you.”

 

She slides her thumb over one aristocratic cheekbone dissolving into a song jaw. Even physically, there’s no escaping where he hails from, the trappings of birth even a mirror won’t let him evade. “I haven’t always been who I am now, and I’ve struggled with that for a long time. I might never again be the girl I once was, but if there’s anything I’ve discovered it’s that I’ve got people now who understand me, who support who I am, who struggle to let me go whenever I see them. I don’t live for them, but I live because of them, and they are the ones that matter.” She giggles, briefly. “I suppose the ‘those that mind don’t matter and those that matter don’t mind’ saying is true.”

 

Sirius smiles as well, hands sliding down from her shoulders to crush her against him again. Courage, love, _Haesel._

 

“I understand why you had to mention reputations, though.” She says, blinking up at him with a mischievous smile. “Even after everything… you can’t let your family down. So I’ll leave it up to you to find a solution for that. I’m sure you’ll do just fine.”

 

She winks, and he has to chuckle. 

 

“I will.” He says, and the way his grey eyes meet her green ones feels like a promise.

 

§

 

The Marauders gather in the common room before breakfast. Sirius had asked Haesel to inform the other girls as well, so it’s a whole group that troops down to breakfast together, following each other out of the portrait that guards the entrance to Gryffindor Tower.

 

Bright green eyes narrow. There’s something that’d been bothering her, really. She’s fairly sure something has been omitted from the explanation they got this morning, and now, watching her _little sister_ and _Black_ exit the portrait ahead of her Lily’s suspicions are answered. They are walking a little too close, touching a little too casually, fingers sliding past each other as arms swing always a little too long, as if wanted to grab on and not let go. Smiles that are a touch too bright considering the previous topic, hidden glances that linger.

 

And the rest of those infernal Marauders - why yes of course Lily knows that’s them, she’d have to be blind, deaf and stupid not to know how they have managed to keep their identities a secret she’ll never know, it’s not like they are especially secret about all of it - are likely aware of it as well. As stated above, Lily doesn’t consider herself to be ignorant or unobserving, and she’d definitely noticed Remus’ nervous looks at her earlier. She likes the amber eyed boy. He’s intelligent and likes reading and they can have excellent intellectual debates the likes of which she used to only have with her sisters or Sev and the latter seems to never indulge that enough, lately. 

 

She frowns, momentarily distracted. Lately all Sev seems to be thinking about is things she’d rather not talk about, like the war, or the different sides and their viewpoints. He’s all too taken with the one that styles himself ‘Dark Lord Voldemort’ - what a pretentious name - and it’s not like those things don’t apply to Lily herself, really, but she’s long decided that there’s nothing she can do about the war right now. The only thing she can do is study and improve as best as she can, so when she will be out there, and she will, because she’s not in the habit of deluding herself either, she will end up fighting because that’s just how she is, but when she inevitably will end up out there, she’ll be prepared and she will be the best she can.

 

She’s fast distracted from those morbid thoughts by another lingering touch. There’s steam coming out of her ears, now, and her hair has taken to floating behind her, crackling with her magic as her eyes narrow into two slivers of unwavering green. 

 

Did or did she not just see _Sirius Black_ touch her _little sisters butt?_

 

The girls make way quickly as they come to a standstill. Mary has a fleeting thought that they’re lucky no one else is in the corridor they’re in, because this confrontation will surely fuel the gossip circles for a month if not the rest of the semester, but then there’s no more time for private contemplation because Lily has pulled her wand on Sirius and it’s spitting little red sparks.

 

Sirius himself is standing stock still, hands out with the palms facing forward, wand still in his pocket. Haesel is slightly behind him, eyes wide, but there’s some amusement dancing in their depths. He’s somewhat resigned to this confrontation, after all, it’s been some time in coming. He can’t regret that pass he made at Haesel’s behind, though. It’s a heady feeling being able to touch her, even though they haven’t quite gone public yet.

 

When it comes to Haesel, Lily is a hawk and a mother dragon rolled in two, however. It was silly thinking he could keep it from Lily and have some peace for a wee while longer. 

 

“Black.” Lily hisses. Her wand emits another spark.

 

Their friends have formed a circle around the two of them and Sirius can’t fault them for the cautious eyes they keep on the two of them, not getting involved although James’ eyes are suspiciously starry as he stares at the fire-spitting red head.

 

“Lily.” Sirius says, evenly. “I can explain -”

 

“There is nothing to explain, _Black._ I specifically warned you away from my sister, last year, and yet you have discarded my warnings.”

 

Sirius winces as he recalls the incident after the prophecy made that one time they went to a Divination class. The snorts the others can’t contain certainly don’t help his cause. “I promise not to name any children after James if that helps?”

 

“Children?” Lily looks almost faint, voice gone high and squeaky in a way he’s never heard her before. “Children?” She looks as if she wants to say more yet can’t get the words out.

 

“Oeps.” Sirius admits. That hadn’t been a good way to direct the conversation into, no way. Bad idea, bad idea. Abort and next plan. “I’m sorry, that came out wrong.”

 

Lily is still choking on her own breath. “What in the name of Merlin and Morgana - I won’t allow you - if you think just for a minute I will, you’ve got another thing coming - I warned you, Black - ”

 

“No, stop there.” This time it’s Sirius’ voice who has gone cold. He takes a step forward, then another. His face is hard, but controlled. There’s something terribly noble about him, in that moment, Lily can’t help think. She’s never seen him that way before and it’s enough to stop her in her tracks, to allow him to get closer and lightly push her wandhand down until she’s no longer pointing her wand at him. 

 

“I understand that you want to protect Haesel, and that is, honestly, one of the things I admire most about you.” It’s scary, doing this. Not even facing that Dark Lord Voldie-something-or-another would be as scary as having to explain his intentions to Lily or even Haesel’s parent’s, but never the less he soldiers on. “But the last thing I ever want to do is harm her. Maybe you don’t trust me with her, but then, I don’t even trust myself with her, so I get that.”

 

He looks directly into Lily’s eyes, so alike yet so different to Haesel’s and wills her to see his sincerity. “She’s willing to give me a chance, and if I blotch that, if I fail to treat her as she’s due, then you have my permission to end my yourself.”

 

“If I don’t get there myself first.” Haesel says, stepping forward. Her hand finds one of his, intertwining their fingers and clutching them tightly together, looking up at him. “Or James and Remus. To either of us.” 

 

She faces forward, other hand grasping Lily and pulling her toward them. The sisters embrace, then, and Sirius catches the wink and thumbs up Florence gives him in response to his relieved grin.

 

They’re all smiling when Lily finally steps back, all willing to ignore her wet eyes or the hand she uses to roughly wipe them away, almost poking her eye out with her wand. 

 

“Right, then.” The red headed witch says. “I’ll hold you onto that, then.”

 

Sirius can’t withhold a shiver even as he returns her smile.

 

§

 

The arrival of the Daily Prophet throws the Great Hall into a frenzy of whispers that doesn’t abate for many days. Every eye is upon Sirius and the other Black children at Hogwarts, which at this time are only his little brother Regulus and Narcissa, both of whom are Slytherins. He’s been somewhat concerned for them, for what the news may mean in the snake den, but Regulus has assured him that he can deal with it. It pleases him to see his little brother grow into a man he can be proud of, out of the follower mould he’s always been pressed into.

 

It’s almost worth all the attention, but maybe not entirely. He’s resolved to not make his relationship - and that’s what it is, now, something that never fails to make him smile no matter how trying the day has been - public, until he’s been able to meet with Haesel’s parents and ask their blessing. It might seem like too much for just a relationship, but he’s always know he doesn’t have it in him to have something casual, not with Haesel. 

 

Not with the girl he’s grown to love, ever since he bumped into her, now almost five years ago. 

 

He hasn’t talked with her about all that yet, but he thinks she knows regardless, in the way she smiles at him sometimes, the way she catches his hand and intertwines their fingers whenever she can, how she curls into him when they’re in the dorm and can be themselves in private.

 

He grimaces, looking out of the train window, on his way home for Yule for the first time since he’s started at Hogwarts. He’ll have to ask his father as well, and then there’ll be obligatory meetings and plans and all those things that he dislikes but is actually pretty good at. 

 

His upbringing is good for something, at least. 

 

He glances down at Haesel, sleeping on his lap. He doesn’t know what it is about train journeys that exhaust her, but it could also be the sleepless nights she’s been having recently. He doesn’t quite know what her nightmares are about, because she won’t talk about them, but the war is heating up, growing more public in the Wizarding World than ever before. There’s a certain risk in going home, he knows that, and he can only be thankful that Lily and Haesel are flying out immediately towards their parents in Canada, leaving for Heathrow immediately from King's Cross Station, where they'll meet up with Petunia who'll be waiting for them at the platform. 

 

Sirius looks up and looks over the compartment they’ve snagged. Not all of them are here, Mary, Remus and Florence choosing to stay at Hogwarts for the break. Alice is sitting opposite him, determinedly staring out of the window, hands twisting together nervously the closer they get to London. Lily is seated beside her, glancing at Alice from the corner of her eyes from time to time. Uncharacteristically, she’d agreed to a game of gobstones with James an hour ago, who’s ecstatic mood had temporarily invigorated them all, even pulling a reluctant smile from Lily herself.

 

If nothing else, the both of them are still useful for comedic relief, Sirius thinks. He tightens his grip on Haesel as the first buildings start to flash by and the Hogwarts Express is slowing down. He’s not yet ready to let her go, but he has to when they pull into the platform. 

 

They’re in a solemn mood, all of them, when they stand up and collect luggage, descending from the train orderly and all of them a touch reluctantly. 

 

They’re just about to say goodbye when the wall on the far end away from the fireplaces explodes and Death Eaters appear, sending the platform into chaos.

 

It’s there that they meet for the first time, Haesel and Lord Voldemort.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!
> 
> Can’t believe I wrote that o.O the first scenes. In case you didn’t know, I have zero experience with writing that kind of thing. I hope it’s okay *scratches head in nervous embarrassment*. I hope you all liked this chapter! I kind of touched up last chapter as well (I was really exhausted when I wrote that) so I hope it’s clearer now! 
> 
> Unfortunately this will be the last update for a while! I’ve got to resit a staggering amount of exams (7 - in a really short period wish me luck). My last is the 3rd of September and I’m leaving the 4th for Scotland, so next update will either be the 3rd or 21st or so of that month. I’m sorry! I wrote this chapter over two weeks in bits and pieces, and I finally completed it today because it was nagging at me :) I hope you enjoy!
> 
> As a last note - someone alerted me to the fact that this story has over 500 reviews, 1247 favs and more than 1500 follows! Plus the comments and kudes and bookmarks here on AO3 :D That’s incredible, guys, I’m really, really thankful and happy! You make me want to write more and more :D every word or fav or follow is an inspiration, so, really, thank you all very much!
> 
> PS: I changed the titles it’s not very original but hopefully some of you might find their languages there ;) mine are 1, 2, 15 and a bit of 3 and 18, and I want to learn 27, too :D good luck figuring that out! I’m also changing my pen name so that it’s the same on AO3 and here, so don’t worry, it’s still me!
> 
> As of yet, this is unbeta’d due to lots of things to do :D please excuse us! ;)


	28. Twenty Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn’t quite want to write this chapter - that coupled with the start of uni in my country delayed this chapter. So ehm.. character death warning.

The shock wave from the blast blows them back and Haesel is vaguely aware of Alice yelping in pain as she’s thrown against the train, but it’s lost in the general chaos that has gripped the platform tightly. It’s hard to make out what’s happening, and Haesel wants precious seconds wildly looking around trying to find out what’s going on, where everyone is, where Petunia is - why had she come to the platform to pick them up today of all days, no, why was there an attack today of all days?

 

Movement beside her draws her attention and she meets Sirius’ wide eyes. There’s a terrible truth hiding in them, because this attack is because of him, because of the side his father choose.

 

It’s his fault.

 

They should have known something was going to happen, that Voldemort - like _hell_ Haesel will refer to him as the Dark Lord - wouldn’t take the loss of the Black family laying down. As far as she knew, nothing had happened to either Regulus or Narcissa, the two other Blacks still at Hogwarts, either and if that’s not suspicious, she’ll eat James’ socks. 

 

Of course, hindsight is twenty-twenty; the stinking socks aside there’s nothing they can do about it anymore because hitting herself over the head with the idea _she_ _should have known_ , she of all people, should have known, right? - it's useless, now. 

 

She shakes her head, then sinks to her knees beside Sirius although she has no idea how she came to stand, grips his shoulders tight - why is her wand already in her hand she hadn’t moved to get it out of her bag - and hisses: “This is as much your fault as it is mine.” She shakes him a little. “If anything, it’s _his_ fault, bloody …” She casts for something insulting enough and finally settles on “… Voldie.”

 

Maybe it’s stupid, but the fucker chose Voldemort for a reason, because she kind of doubts anyone would call their child that even if the names in the Wizarding World are a bit on the odd side sometimes, and if he did, whatever reason it may be, then the most insulting thing is to never acknowledge it and make fun of it instead, so that’s what she’s going to do from now on. Even if it sounds stupid.

 

Evidently Sirius agrees, for he can’t stop the snort that escapes him. “Voldie?” He questions, a small smile playing with the corner of his lips. 

 

“Voldie.” Haesel agrees solemnly and smiles back. For a moment it feels like they’re in a different place all together, the two of them an island of calm in a storm. But like any storm, the calm passes.

 

“Get down!” James shouts and pulls them both towards the ground. A purple spell hisses over their heads, hitting the side of the carriage instead, where it sizzles out, instead of bouncing off like Haesel had vaguely expected it would.

 

Her eyes widen. She’s got an idea.

 

She whirls around, pulls whichever person she can grab back down with her, which turn out to be Lily and Sirius. The others, Alice and James, lean forward as well until they’ve formed a tight circle with their heads close together.

 

“I’ve got an idea.” She hisses quickly. “The train, I think it might be impervious to attacks.”

 

Lily gasps. “We can use that!”

 

James nods determinedly. “This is.. This is - unexpected, but there are Aurors here and the expected response time is high, Dad said so, surely there will be reinforcements here soon.”

 

“And there are other adult witches and wizards on the platform.” Sirius puts in. “If we can get as many children on the train, then the adults will be able to operate more efficiently as well.”

 

Alice just nods. There’s something alarming about her expression, something in the lines of her body that unsettles Haesel, but she can’t put her finger down on it so it will just have to wait. 

 

James gives a furtive glance in the direction where the most spell fire is coming from, although the fighting seems to have spread a bit. The attack was timed at the best and most opportune moment -  even though people are careful to leave the platform as fast as they can nowadays, the rush of children exiting the train still manages to delay them sufficiently enough for a large amount of people to have been caught up in the attack. The five of them were lucky that they’d chosen a carriage towards the back of the train and are thus closer to the barrier to the rest of King’s Cross than to the fire places. 

 

In the back of her mind Haesel can’t help but wonder why they hadn’t attacked from the barrier, but she quickly discards that idea. Surely the security there would be stronger. 

 

“We have to spread out and warn everyone else.” James says. His voice is authoritative, she thinks, and she gives him a smile even as she nods. 

 

“I’ll go towards the front.” 

 

“No!” Lily hisses. “You can’t!”

 

Haesel gives her sister a hard look. Normally she appreciates her sister’s babying and protective tendencies, but they have no place here. 

 

“I’m the one with the best scores in DADA, and I win every time we duel, Lily. Beside, it’s not like I’m going to look for a fight, allright?” She tries to smile comfortingly, reassuring. It doesn’t quite work. “I’ll be careful.”

 

She catches Lily’s hand in one of hers. “I promise I’ll come back to you.”

 

Lily has realised the same as she has, knows that they have to think more as soldiers now and not like children because this situation will not allow them the luxury and innocence they’re due at this age.

 

In her mind Haesel curses Voldie to a lifetime of repeated death, for doing this, for bringing war into their world. For destroying the peace they all believed to last forever, for the fear they all live in daily, for the tears and the hurt and the anger. 

 

She’d been reluctant about the war, before, unwilling to face the idea of it, the things it would mean. It’s not an empty threat, an unknown for her. She’s seen it often enough, sleeping and awake. Sometimes it takes an entire night and day to convince herself she’s never fought, never bled, never _killed_ , but now… She remembers the black letters, the fear, the lifeless body of that second year Gryffindor that was so hopeful at the Quidditch tryouts before that she spotted just before she’d turned to Sirius, and she swears to do what she can to bring him down. 

 

Maybe it’s not much, maybe all she can do is get as many of the other children in the train as she can, but one day -

  - _wands out, Draco’s wand clenched in her fingers, still unfamiliar with it, his held loosely, almost artfully as if he didn’t care if it fell or not, blindly trusting that it would stay in his grip_

 

She bites down on her lip hard and looks her sister square in the eye. “I will.”

 

Lily gives a small, wobbly smile and nods.

 

“I’ll go with.” Sirius says and she wants to protest, he’s the one they probably want, he can’t go, but she doesn’t, chooses to bump her shoulder into his. She can change his mind about going forward as much as he can hers.

 

“Me too.” Alice volunteers, and James gives another nod.

 

“Lily and I will go further back.”

 

He holds out a closed fist. Haesel is the first to grasp what he means and she brings Lily’s hand forward with her, touches both of their hands to his fist. Sirius and Alice follow suit.

 

“Stay alive.” Is all the Potter heir says and they all echo him before they move, James and Lily towards the back of the train and Alice, Sirius and Haesel towards the front.

 

She hasn’t got an idea how long she’s been coaching people, ducking spells, erecting shields and firing the worst curses she has and sometimes just stupid simple ones like a jelly-legs curse, when all of sudden she notices Alice is gone.

 

She turns to Sirius, pushing the shell shocked Ravenclaw firstie she had been helping into the compartment, hastily erects a shield.

 

Sirius uses the moment to fire back and honestly, she’s stopped being surprised by the lethal curses he’s been using seven compartments ago. 

 

“Where’s Alice?” She pants, because even rigorous training hadn’t prepared her for this, although the adrenaline lighting her every nerve compensates for the draw on her physical abilities.

 

Sirius’ eyes widen. “She was just behind us!”

 

“Not anymore!” Haesel snaps, sudden fear causing her to wildly look over the platform. There are platform seems to be clearing and she thinks she can see some sort of barrier formed by several older students towards the back, protecting others. She thinks she can even see Lily behind it, her hair easily recognisable and beside her - she almost chokes on the relief that fills her. Beside Lily is Petunia, her blonde hair pulled up in a practical high tail, issuing orders and appearing to organise a first aid station.

 

She gives Sirius a nudge and when he has seen the same thing she has, they exchange relieved smiles. It seems as if the chaos is dissolving, some order being brought in and that can only be a good thing, right?

 

Sirius draws in a startled, sharp breath, eyes fixed over her head and one days she’ll get over how irritating that is, being smaller than everyone else, but now she turns and the sudden relieved hope dies a short, fiery death beneath the despair that rises like bile and tries to choke her.

 

Suddenly the platform clearing up, definite groups of fighters gathered in actual lines; suddenly it makes an horrifying amount of sense.

 

Because that there, that’s Voldie himself, looking like the photo the Daily Prophet managed to snap and print for the Ministry’s pamphlets about wanted, dangerous people, hairless white skin, red eyes, serpentine nose and all.

 

And running straight towards him is Alice.

 

It’s not even a conscious decision, to move forward, to duck, fire an _expelliarmus,_ a stunner, erecting a shield, jump over a piece of rock or a body - _don’t think about it Haesel not now don’t think about it_ \- and race towards Alice who’s come to a standstill before the Dark Lord himself, who regards her with an amused expression, like one might regard a fly crawling on the window.

 

Her heart is pounding in her ears, but she can still hear what Alice screams, tears dripping down her face, wand extended in front of her, knuckles white with the effort of gripping it.

 

“This is for Emma, you bastard!!”

 

Voldemort’s face contorts dangerously, but somehow Haesel doesn’t think it’s because of whatever threat Alice represents, but she doesn’t know what the real cause is, either.

 

He doesn’t react to her threat, turning towards one of his followers that are flanking him instead, all of them wearing the black robes and bone-white masks of the Death Eaters, thin lips pulled back into a sneer as he speaks, with a chillingly even voice. 

 

“Kill her.”

 

“No!” A voice shouts, and someone gets there before Haesel can. She’s surprised to see it’s Frank Longbottom who knows Alice down and deflects the curse with a hastily levitated piece of rock. Haesel files the action away. It’s a good idea, simple and effective for when you don’t know what kind of curse is heading away and you’re not sure your shield will hold, because she knows for a fact Frank is rubbish at creating shields. She’s heard him complain about it often enough, after all.

 

She manages to reach them then, luckily in time to erect a shield herself while Frank helps Alice up. The blond is crying openly now, big ugly sobs that seem to tear her apart from the inside and now Haesel knows why she was so disconcerted by the girl earlier - Emma was Alice’s cousin that was killed by the Death Eaters, after all.

 

“Get her to the back.” She hisses at Frank and it’s a testament to how shaken he is that he doesn’t protest. Another spell impacts her shield and her hand shakes with the effort of holding it up to cover Frank’s retreat with Alice.

 

And then she’s facing Voldemort herself. 

 

Her blood is roaring in her ears, but everything else is strangely silent. Her focus narrows down to the faintly curious expression Voldemort has, head tilted and eyes subtly narrowing as he considers her. She doesn’t see how others are moving behind her, the fighting having come to a stand still with Alice’s almost-attack. 

 

She doesn’t see Lily fighting the wall of other fighters, older students, parents and Aurors alike, in an effort to get to her, or James’ arms slacking in his effort to hold Petunia back from doing the same, or Sirius as he rushes towards her.

 

The only thing she sees are those red eyes, focused on solely her. Visions change, reality overlaps reality, confrontations future and past like badly fitting puzzle pieces, but those eyes don’t change. It takes every tiny, tiny piece of courage she has in her to contain the desire to flee, to move, to do anything beside hold her ground in front of Voldemort.

 

She’d never imagined she’d get so close to him so soon, and yet now she’s standing here it’s like it was always going to be this way. 

 

There’s still some fighting around them, caused mostly by those rushing forward and others trying to stop them, but for them, it’s almost as if they are the only two beings on the planet at that moment. It scares her so much it blows right back into determination and Haesel feels something shift in her and in that moment she’s standing taller, eyes bright, back straight, right hand holding her wand up as she unflinchingly stares him down.

 

Voldemort smiles, opens his hands with a movement that would be a bow but a wee voice that sounds strangely hysterical comments that surely he doesn’t mean to ask her to dance, not right here, not with that expression of chilling disdain mixed with even more disturbing interest.

 

“What bravery you posses, girl.” He says, the s’s drawn out making it seem as if he’s slightly hissing the words and Haesel can’t quite suppress a shiver. His smile widens just a tad, turning from cold amusement to vicious pleasure. 

 

“But then it is the defining trait of your house, is it not… courage… Foolishness.” Voldemort laughs and it’s a sound that will haunt her nightmares, now.

 

Or rather - it already does and that realisation chills Haesel to her bones. It takes all she is and has to not drop her wand and curl into a little ball, hiding from the world, hiding from the monster in front of her because

 

_a green flash_

 

_“Take my body back to my parents -”_

 

_high, chilling laughter_

 

_“So… weak.”_

 

_a woman’s voice, pleading_

 

_“By which time I shall be gone and you… shall be dead.”_

 

_“Haesel Potter… The Girl-Who-Lived… come to die.”_

 

but she can’t. She won’t. She’s stronger than this and she only closes her eyes briefly before she opens them again.

 

She doesn’t know what makes her say it, but she can’t deny it has effect, for whatever reason. “Everything seems foolish in the face of Death.” 

 

Voldemort stills. 

 

“But I’d rather stand and look it in the eye with my head held high than flee like it like a coward because - ”

 

With one wave of his hand Voldemort stills his enraged followers. 

 

Her voice is calm as she continues, clearly audible across the platform.

 

“ - Death comes for us all in the end.”

 

“Are you so willing to die, girl?” Voldemort hisses and it looks like he’s holding onto his temper by only a tread. Haesel wills her fingers to stop shaking, wills herself to truly be as confident and fearless as her words make her seem but she can’t control the minute trembling of her body and it seems stupid to even try, because distracting a Dark Lord by goading him into losing his temper is certainly the most … foolish thing she’s ever done.

 

He’s not far off with that remark, actually. Gryffindor bravery sometimes means foolishness. She still stands by what she says. She’d rather die here in protection of her friends, of her family, than cower behind walls and have others die for her.

 

_Too many have died already._

 

“I’ve got a name.” She says evenly. She’s filled with something she can’t name. It’s not quite determination, rather it’s some sort of reckless feeling because he’s going to kill her anyway how much worse can she make it at this point? Even if she doesn’t die here, she’s definitely made it unto his shit-list now, if he has one.

 

The thought is so stupidly juvenile that it makes her smile. Someone as mighty and fearsome as him has perhaps mortal enemies or pesky victims or something, not a shit-list, but eh. Whatever he has, she’s probably on it, now.

 

She kind of mourns her previous status as ‘quite undesirable for recruitment, but possible if she repents of her unseemly ways’ as given to her by Lucius Malfoy.

 

“She’s Haesel Evans, and she is under my protection.” Someone else beats her to saying it, and both Voldemort and Haesel glance away, to Sirius as he steps up beside her, as confident and cocky as she’s ever seen him. 

 

“Sirius Black.” Voldemort hisses. “You have done me great insult, boy.”

 

“Have I now?” Sirius says, cocking his head as if he’s pretending to think it over. “I can’t quite remember. Was it very important?”

 

His audacity is so shocking it makes her snort, and the dam breaks, resulting in a burst of slightly hysterical laughter. 

 

Maybe she’s insane, because she plays along.

 

“I doubt it.” She says, shrugging. “Maybe you forgot to send him Yule tidings?”

 

Sirius shakes his head, raking a hand through his hair casually, shaking the curls into their proper place. “I think I did that, though. Must have been something else. Maybe the card wasn’t fancy enough?”

 

Maybe they’re both insane. Surely there is no other explanation for this, for standing there casually insulting Lord Voldemort while at the same time ignoring him. 

 

Yes, that must be it. She bids a quiet goodbye to her sanity, and her life, too. 

 

Sirius dips his head down to her, grey eyes so fierce they appear silver. She smiles, and suddenly she’s feeling more at peace than she can recall ever feeling before, because she might be about to die but…

 

An answering smile crosses his lips and then he bends down slightly and kisses her, lightly, quickly.

 

… at least she won’t die alone.

 

§

 

There’s an opportunist everywhere - someone who’ll see a chance, grab it and take advantage of it, in some small or large way. In the case of Bozo Wilfort, it’s as big as the camera case he carries with him everywhere, which isn’t exactly big but sizeable enough, and Bozo himself is safe enough, hiding behind rubble, that he has taken the camera out and has been shooting photographs as fast as he can. He’s aiming for the Daily Prophet, now that he’s almost finished at Hogwarts, and he knows that if he can show he’s got enough talent, they’ll hire him straight out of school no matter what kind of N.E.W.T.’s he gets.

 

And talent, Bozo knows well enough, is sometimes nothing more than being at the right place at the right time.

 

So that’s why Bozo is able to snap the photos that will guarantee his future employment and cement the legend of one Haesel Evans. 

 

§

 

Maybe it’s that they’ve been focused too much on their defiance, forgetting to pay attention to their surroundings, looking only at Voldemort. Maybe it’s that they’ve driven him too far. Maybe it’s that he no longer cares who kills them, as long as they are killed, but when they let go of each other, only seconds after Sirius has underlined every defiant word he has said with one final action, declared his side with almost resounding finality, the fight breaks loose again.

 

Voldemort is keeping back, but Haesel suddenly doesn’t have the time for that to register or for her to worry about it, busy as she is trying to stay alive under the onslaught of enemies that bear down on them suddenly.

 

At first they manage to hold out fairly respectably, defending each other’s sides, aided by others coming to their aid, but while the battle, all in all, can’t have been longer than maybe fifteen or twenty minutes, thirty at most, it’s nothing like they’ve ever done before, and they’re tiring, slowly but surely.

 

When she thinks back on it later, she sees it for what it was; a strategy made to exhaust them, and how wonderfully it worked, because one girl falls, and then an older man, one after another. They’ve made a dent in Voldemort’s forces, especially after Haesel took her stand, flanked by Sirius, letting her words empower them, but the majority of people on the platform are not fighters - they are school children, barely able to fight, and parents crippled by worry for their offspring. What few Aurors that remain of the initial platform guard are trying to defend the helpless people behind the barrier they’ve been trying to set up and holding the line attacking the Death Eaters, and their forces are spread thin.

 

She’ll find out later that reinforcements had in fact already arrived, at that point, but Voldemort had masterfully used the barriers that were meant to protect the platform against those seeking to help by keeping them out, and they had been so far unable to gain acces to the platform through the barrier to King’s Cross or apparition. With the fire places locked as well, preventing an easy mode of escape, they had had to summon a ward breaking expert to finally be able to help out those stuck on the platform.

 

But by then, it had been too late already.

 

Haesel stumbles, doesn’t quite manage to evade a spell that makes the bones in her right arm break with a horrible crack. She gasps, stumbling backward, bending inwards.

 

Sirius, separated from her by the fighting, yells her name, but he’s unable to make it through towards her.

 

She presses her useless right arm to her body, left hand fumbling to pick her wand from between her frozen fingers. There’s blood dripping down her hands and her fingers almost slip, slick with the red liquid.

 

There’s a lull in the fighting around her. She lifts her head, and sees immediately that that’s not the case, not really - they’re just giving Lord Voldemort space as he glides towards her body, protectively curled around her arm. His eyes follow a drop of blood as it splashes onto the flagstones that make the platform before they glide up towards her face again.

 

“I must reward my loyal servants.” He observes, almost casually if not for the vicious pleasure that he can’t quite control showing in his voice and expression. She’s got the vague notion he doesn’t care to.

 

“Their work is… satisfactory.”

 

There’s a yellow flash before he has time to bring his wand to face her again and it takes a moment of stupefied surprise before Haesel recognises her sister because it’s Petunia standing there in front of her, arms spread and feet steady as she guards Haesel with her body.

 

“No..” Haesel gasps. “Please… no, Tuney, no, leave, please -”

 

Her oldest sister turns her head just enough to face her. There’s a small smile on her lips. “I won’t. I’m sorry, Haesel-dear.” 

 

She turns back towards Voldemort and Haesel lets out a broken cry, because her sister isn’t a witch, she has no weapons, she’s got nothing to defend herself against this madman, this powerful, insane madman, but she stand there anyway, flowered skirt ripped, blue coat dirty, formerly polished shoes scuffed and covered in blood and stone-dust, hair half-freed from the orderly tail and still she stands there, shielding Haesel from Lord Voldemort.

 

“I will never let you anywhere near my _sister_ , you monster.” She says and her voice is strong, powerful and Haesel chokes on her sobs desperately trying to free her wand and straighten up because _there’s only one way this can end._

 

The movement is ill-fated and she crumbles to the ground when something - bone, shards of bone - break through her skin and make the world momentarily whiten out from the intense pain. When she comes to, barely a second later, breathing short and irregular, she’s on her knees and her wand is dangling from her unresponsive fingers, but she can still hear Voldemort’s laugh.

 

“Pray tell me what you can do to stop me, Lord Voldemort, when you are but a mere muggle.” He muses, voice high and coldly contemplating. It’s not a question he wants answered, though. “Nothing! You can do nothing but… die. _Avada Kedavra._ ”

 

She doesn’t hear the scream that tears itself from her throat as the spell hits her sister and Petunia _folds_ , knees buckling as she falls on the ground, her hair splaying out around her in a golden halo. Haesel ignored the pain in her arm and all her various other scrapes as she crawls towards her sister, wand forgotten on the stones behind her.

 

“No, please, no - Tuney wake up it’s not funny this is not the time to play pranks, open your eyes, come on, please -” She’s praying, mumbling, unending even as her voice breaks and it’s only her lips that vorm the words as she reaches Petunia. 

 

Her sister’s eyes are closed, and she’s strangely peaceful. For some strange reason, right now, in death she’s the most beautiful Haesel has even seen her and she clutches at her sister with one arm, tears dripping down on cooling cheeks, on a chest that will never draw breath again.

 

“Love… Such foolish sentiment.” Lord Voldemort muses. “So useless, in the end.”

 

With that, he raises his wand once again. “ _Avada Kedavra._ ”

 

§

 

She’s not afraid, in those last few moments, as she raises her head to face him, green eyes brightened by tears to a shade not so dissimilar from the curse that heads towards her.

 

No, in those few seconds, when Haesel and Lord Voldemort look each other in the eye, it is him who fears.

 

§

 

For the rest of her natural life, Lily Evans will curse herself for being slow. For getting distracted from her sister. For not being there, even though she doesn’t know what she’d have done, even though she

 

even though she would have done the same thing. 

 

She’s barely aware of the curse that almost hits her but that James luckily manages to block for her, even though the bespectacled boy is limping and there’s blood from a cut on his forehead bleeding into his left eye, obscuring his view. 

 

She’s unaware of the way Alice collapses into Frank’s hold, with only one thought in her head; _this is my fault if I hadn’t run towards him this is my fault._

 

She’s unaware of the way Sirius lets himself be distracted and can’t duck the _Cruciatus_ send his way, screaming himself raw from more than just the curse he’s being held under, how his hands reach towards Haesel, twitching from the nerve damage the curse is causing him.

 

She only knows Petunia, unmoving on the ground and Haesel, crouched over her body, covered in blood.

 

Lily only knows the curse that reaches her baby sister, her last remaining sister, her twin.

 

§

 

The world explodes in a brilliant white light. 

 

Haesel wonders if this is death, and if so, will she be able to see her sister there? Will she get a chance to meet her birth parents? 

 

She thinks she’s got many things to ask them.

 

§

 

The blow knocks Lily down, but it can’t keep her there and she scrambles up again, almost knocking over James but the boy manages to stabilise her and they stumble forward together and right now every moment he’s managed to irritate her before, everything she thinks he’s done wrong, all of it is forgotten because right now he's here, here when she needs him.

 

She wonders how she has the space to wonder about that. Why she can formulate thoughts like this in her head, but she discards the thought. It’s not worth it.

 

The light clears away, and though Bozo Wilfort’s previous photograph was ruined by it, this one isn’t. This one shows what Lily and James can see quite clearly: Haesel slumped beside Petunia, quiet and seemingly unmoving and Lord Voldemort, quite literally stumbled back into the arms of his followers, blood dripping from his nose easily visible on his paper-white skin.

 

All is still for one endless moments, and then Haesel breathes in, coughing, hoisting herself up slightly on her good arm, the hair that has fallen not enough to block the sight of her once clear forehead now marred by a scar shaped as a lightning bolt.

 

That’s what Bozo’s following photograph will capture; Haesel Evans, lightning bolt scar bleeding on her brow, sitting beside the corpse of her oldest sister, alive after being hit by the Killing Curse.

 

Afterwards - Lily can’t say what happened after that. She remembers reaching Haesel, weeping equally from relief and pain because while Haesel is alive, whatever miracle made it so didn’t save Petunia and she used to have two sisters.

 

Now she has only one.

 

She’s told, later, when they’ve all been brought to various hospitals, when in one bed is Haesel who’d passed out again when Lily had finally reached her and on the other Petunia, covered by a white sheet but Lily knows they cleaned her, has seen the nurses do it herself because she refused to leave her sisters, but by then it's a care that has long fled her mind and something she can only vaguely muster care for, concentrated as she is on what remains of her family. All of her friends are in the room with her. Sirius is still shaking from the after effects of the Cruciatus, but he refuses to let Haesel’s hand go and for once, for once Lily is glad for that. 

 

Sure, she’d teased them and given him the stink eye whenever he touched Haesel too casually, but there hadn’t been any heat to it, not after that time in the hallway on his birthday, when he stood up to her and showed her just how much he cares for her little sister. Her only sister, now.

 

She bites her lip hard enough to make it bleed.

 

“Lily -” James starts but he looks left, towards the bed where Petunia rests and lets it go, instead picking up a tissue and dabbing it against her lip. When he moves away she stops him, grasps his sleeve and holds on with enough force to whiten her knuckles. He stalls, glancing down at her questioningly but Lily only leans her head against his shoulder, hides from the world.

 

She doesn’t want more than that, just a moment where she doesn’t have to look at her dead sister and her living but hurt sister and at the tears that have yet to stop making their way down Sirius’ cheeks even when the boy wipes his eyes every so often. She doesn’t want to look at the doorway where Alice has slid down to form a little ball of anguish down on the floor, because she can’t face her, not yet, maybe not ever. 

 

Just for a moment, she wants to hide from this cruel, cruel world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So… yup. There’s that. Writing this was very draining, gosh. Gods. I am very sorry. I suppose you could say canon now definitely took a very long walk of a rather short pier, along with most of my story planning. This story really has taken a life of it’s own - the reason this took so long is that I knew what was going to happen this chapter and I didn’t want to write it, actually. 
> 
> Anyway, I’m really busy these days. I got back from Scotland, moved (fairly definitely honestly, this is sort of a new chapter in my life and I’ve had to deal with that) and then uni, hah. Taking a shit-load of classes, so I’ll be very busy and so I’m afraid I’ll take even longer to update. I’ll try to go for at least once a month if I can, though, and I’ll never abandon this story! 
> 
> Thank you for reading :)


	29. Dudek naŭ

“Haesel-love, where’s Lily?”

Haesel looks up from her book to see Petunia peering down at her over her sunglasses. She’s seated under a tree, buried in a book about magical creatures, trying to stay out of the sun in the unexpectedly hot summer day. This summer’s been a bit of an anomaly, so far - cloudless blue skies and days of warm sunlight which gives Haesel and Petunia a slight tan and Lily an abundance of freckles. Then again, they’re not in England anymore, so it’s probably to be expected.

She takes a moment to think it over, cocking her head to the side. “I think she went to the shop with Mum? They were talking about craving melon, or something like that.”

Petunia nods. She straightens again, swipes a hand over her loose cotton skirt more out of habit than truly removing any dirt clinging to it. It’s slightly dusty, but in such a dry climate, in the middle of summer, that’s entirely to be expected. The other hand slightly shuffles her sun hat around, probably in the hope to catch a cold breeze through her sweat soaked hair. Haesel’s own hair is curled up in a loose bun, hot and heavy against the back of her neck. She was tempted to cut it off earlier in the summer, when they got here first, but when she’d mentioned it in a letter to Sirius, he’d almost gone ballistic and she’d had to swear not to do it.

She’s still tempted, though - having ink black hair halfway down your back doesn’t exactly help in a sweltering climate like this and it was rather embarrassing, fainting from the heat the first days they were here. She’s gotten used to it, now, but still. Perhaps she can take some small revenge on the Black heir when they get back to Hogwarts.

She’s about to bury herself back into the book when she noticed Petunia still hasn’t moved, one hand clutching the rim of her sunhat, the other loosely curled but hanging free next to her hip. She’s staring into the distance, still and unmoving in a way she’s almost never, because the casual elegance Petunia has worked so hard to cultivate is nowhere to be found in the tight lines of her body.

“Tuney?” She asks, shuffles the letter from James she’s using as a bookmark between the pages, marking her progress.

Petunia hums, somehow sounding attentive and completely distant at the same time.

“Are you okay?”

Her sister turns to her, but Haesel feels as if Petunia is looking through her, not at her. It’s rather disconcerting.

“I’m fine, Haesel-dear, don’t worry.” She smiles, but it’s oddly empty.

“You sure? Maybe you should drink some water or lay down if you’re getting too hot.” Haesel says, furrowing her brows.

Petunia tips her head forward, fingers falling from the brim of her hat to dangle beside her. “Perhaps I shall.”

She’s about to turn away when she faces Haesel again. Her eyes are strangely intent. “Although, I’d like you to promise me something, first, Haesel-dear.”

All of sudden Haesel feels cold. There’s something yawningly empty about the sky. The world feels blank, the colours washed out, stretched out on the point of snapping, a blanket of silence smothering every sound. There’s nothing but the tree, the grass Haesel’s sitting on, an unfelt wind ruffling Petunia’s long skirt.

She stands, the book slipping from her hand. When it lands on the grond, it simply breaks away, forgets to exits.

Petunia’s eyes are dark and clear. There’s nothing in her anymore that reminds Haesel of her sister, as if something has taken to wearing the husk of her sister’s body.

“Promise what.” Haesel says, barely able to keep her voice from quivering. At some point they’ve grown older, no longer twelve and fifteen, two girls now almost women grown.

Then Petunia smiles, and it’s like a flash of something, warmth, light, touching the world and bringing the colours to life and the sounds to hearing. There’s something dancing in her eyes, something alive and clear and warm, something that’s only Petunia and it breaks Haesel’s heart.

“Please.” She says, voice breaking, pleading, begging. “Please, no, Tuney -“

“I won’t. I’m sorry, Haesel-dear.”

“Tuney!”

§

She wakes up with a start, going from sleep to wakefulness in one single instant, surging up before catching herself. She’s sitting up, hunched over slightly, breathing hard, when she’s finally conscious enough to remember herself.

Her hair is loose, a curtain of black shielding her from the world. She raises a limp hand and wipes it away. There’s a terrible emptiness inside her. Her limbs feel like lead, unresponsive, but she pulls the blanket away and slides her feet to the side to stand up regardless.

She doesn’t want to think about how it’s a relief to have an actual dream, an actual nightmare how others have them, not something that’s half remembered and half conjured but wholly true.

Something bitter curls low in her stomach.

She straightens, staring at the empty bed on the other side of the small room she reluctantly recognises as the one she often spend time in, the little private room off the main Hospital Wing. There’s something about that bed that makes the empty inside her cry, rage, feel. She faces away from it.

Someone is sleeping in the chair beside her bed, their position indicating they were probably holding one of her hands. She recognises those black curls. One hand reaches out, softly touches them, swiping them away from his face.

Sirius looks exhausted, lines drawing down his face, bags dark under his eyes. His face is pressed at a uncomfortably looking angle against his arm, but she lets him sleep.

She glides past him, stumbles onto her suddenly reluctant feet. There are clothes and shoes lying on a low table beside the bed. She pull the robes over her flimsy hospital gown, pulls on socks and shoes, wraps the cloak around her.

She leaves the bright red and gold scarf behind, tucked around his shoulders.

§

The little hospital room is empty when he looks into it. Well, he has to amend, slightly amused, empty of the one he is looking for. Young Mr Black is still there, sleeping on the bed at an angle that looks as if he’ll wake with a rather painful crick in his spine.

Ah, well. He’s young yet - the boy would recover from it fast enough.

Albus Dumbledore peers over his half-moon spectacles, strokes his fingers down his long beard.

Perhaps not a boy, anymore, no. Something old and terrible now lives in the eyes of many of his students. Too many, and it’ll always stay one of his worst regrets, seeing the light in their eyes be tempered into steel, seeing them loose their childish innocence and belief in the world.

“No parent should have to bury their child.” He murmurs, quietly, the words escaping him almost beyond his intention.

There’s a Gryffindor scarf wound awkwardly over Sirius’ shoulders.

Perhaps there’s somewhere else he knows to look.

§

The whole world is white. Haesel has always loved snow. It always seemed like it could bury the world in a blanket that hid all that was cold, all that was hurt, tuck it in like a child before bed, promising that it’ll be fine now, a new day always comes after the long night, just rest your eyes now, let it all go, you don’t need to cry now.

She wants to be that child, but she isn’t. She’s never been. No one has ever tucked her in, held her hand as she fell asleep, told her stories with all the voices done properly, not now, not before.

It’s silent. The Black Lake stretches out into the distance, no wind creating ripples on the surface. She wraps her arms closer around her knees, breathes out a cloud of white, tucks in her chin more firmly in the cradle of her arms. Green eyes watch the silent mountains.

There’s something timeless about them, she thinks. They were here long before humans walked these lands, and it’s oddly comforting to think they’ll be there long after.

Haesel sits in silence, allows herself for once to be. There are things she should think about, but she doesn’t. She just lets thought flicker past like a flock of ever changing birds, lets them come and go and stops on nothing in particular.

There was a time she knew everything.

She curls even closer into herself. The cloak is heavy around her, spreading out like a drop of ink on the white untouched paper of the snow covering the top of the Astronomy Tower.

There are steps behind her. Someone comes to a stop beside her, and from the corner of her eye she spies long, blue robes with stars on them, the tips of heeled boots with clasps.

It’s a long time before the Headmaster of Hogwarts says something, and eventually Haesel disregards his presence, simply going back to being and the wide, snow covered landscape.

“There was a time once when I thought myself much like this tower.” Albus Dumbledore says. She looks up at him from the corner of her eye, not outwardly reacting otherwise beside that small movement. His hands are clasped behind his back, pointy wizarding hat carelessly tilting backwards.

“It seems rather odd at times, people tell me - their inability to imagine I was once a youth drunk on the possibilities the world seemed to lay before my feet.” He smiles wistfully. “Of course, ‘pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall’, does it not?”

She bites her lip. He glances down at her. There’s a twinkle in his eyes, but it’s not as bright and unending as the ones she’s seen in his eyes before, when he came upon her practicing her music, when they visited him in his office regarding Remus’ illness. It’s a sad twinkle.

“Was it pride, then, that felled you?” She says, eventually, turning back to stare out.

He gives a little hum. “Pride, or perhaps a strong belief in my own indestructibility? It is hard to say, even after all these years.”

“Need we not believe in ourselves?” Haesel replies, burying her chin in her arms again, feeling very removed from the conversation, distant but not unfeeling. Empty still, perhaps.

The Professor hums again.

“Did you truly fall, sir?” She asks eventually.

It’s silent for a long time, long enough that a part of her starts to worry she crossed some line, asking him this.

“No.” He answers then, softly. “Someone else fell, instead.”

Age old grief colours his tone, and she does nothing but nod, slightly, and then they stay there in silence once again.

He’s patient enough to coax her words out, asking without asking, offering his own grief not in exchange for but in empathy with hers.

“I’m afraid, sometimes.” Haesel says. She swallows. “I try to - lock it away, bury it, forget about it, but it never quite goes away.” She gives a dry chuckle. “Almost like a shadow, it never leaves my side.”

“You bear a heavy burden, my dear. Stronger shoulders have buckled under less.” His tone offers no judgement, no accusation. It gives her strengt to continue, to let herself utter the words she’s so long locked away deep in herself.

“I don’t think I can carry it.” She lets out a light breath. Speaking the words has not lightened the load on her shoulders, but there is something liberating in the act regardless. “Why is it me, sir? Why must I carry that burden?” She curls up even tighter. “I wish I didn’t.”

“Would you wish those burdens upon another, then?” Professor Dumbledore asks, peering over his spectacles down at her. She meets his eyes, considers for a moment before she huffs out a quiet breath.

“No.” She laughs lightly. “Some part of me wants to - but I couldn’t.” Much quieter, voice small, she adds, “I don’t think I could live with myself if another had to carry my burdens. I don’t want them, but they are mine, aren’t they?”

“‘Burdens are for shoulders strong enough to carry them.’” He quotes, softly. She looks up, a tiny smile curling the corners of her lips.

“I didn’t know you read Muggle literature, sir.”

“Oftentimes, there is nothing better than to sit down by the fire with a good book, I have found. Aside perhaps from some nice, woollen socks.”

The smile widens further and an answering one grows on his lips. He tilts his head slightly towards the door leading inside the castle.

“There are others that would like to speak with you, I think - mayhap we will speak of burdens another time.”

She gives a slight nod, rises and swipes the snow off her cloak. Before she can enter the door, she pauses, looking back.

“Thank you, sir.”

He stares out into the wide, open landscape, past the Black lake and the numerous trees of the Forbidden Forest, long after she’s gone, before he finally murmurs, “Think nothing of it, child. It is the least I can do. I fear dark times are upon us, now - the true test of strengt has yet to come.”

But she’s not here to hear them, and the words are lost to the wind. Perhaps it is better so, Albus Dumbledore muses. Perhaps it is better so.

§

“Haesel.” Lily says, and then they are clutching at each other, tangled so close together they become one, united in grief and pain, choking on sobs, clinging at clothes.

“You were gone, I -” Lily begins, tears trickling down her cheeks to land into ink black hair.

“I’m sorry.” Haesel says, only there are no words, only the tightening of a grip.

It takes a long time before they can let go, and then Lily takes her to a small stone of white marble, in a quiet glade somewhere close to the border of the forest, still within the wards of the school.

Haesel falls down on her knees, cares not for the way the thin material of the hospital gown immediately absorbs the wetness of the snow. One hand reaches out, trembling, caresses the letters written in the marble.

Lily kneels beside her. “Grandmother offered the crypts on Ravenmoor Manor, but I -” she swallows, voice breaking “- I asked Professor Dumbledore, because she wanted to come to Hogwarts one day. Because.. she gave her life, she wasn’t supposed to be there, wouldn’t if not for us, wouldn’t if not for magic, but she so loved it… She could have hated us, in another life, but she didn’t, she always smiled and was there and supported us - we were going to work on curing diseases together, remember? Muggle and magical medicine working together, who knows what we could have done, and I wanted her to at least have this. To be here, in a place of living magic, not alone in a tomb.”

Haesel chokes on her sobs. Lily leans against her, letting her weight slip against slender shoulders too fragile for their load.

“She’d never let us be alone, remember? Never let us be stupid. Never let us go to bed angry.” She laughs, wistfully. “She’d bring us hot chocolate, no marshmallows for you - never took sides in any stupid argument. Ah, sometimes that could be annoying! I’m glad she had you to baby, I could never stand it. I always wanted to be treated like an adult, an equal even if I was still a snot nosed brat wet behind the ears, but you didn’t care so much, so that worked out, didn’t it.”

Lily reaches out, caresses the stone, fingers trailing the path Haesel’s took before, coming to rest beside them on the cold stone in front of them.

“Remember that time when we snuck out at night to go swimming in the pool? We were lucky Mum didn’t catch us. We could at least persuade Tuney to keep quiet about it. Mum would have grounded us, or forbidden us from going swimming again and it was so hot that summer! Or that time…”

Haesel lets Lily’s words wash over. Neither of them is strong, neither of them even tries to pretend, but here, now, it’s okay. Maybe here, sitting before Petunia’s grave, remembering her as she was, the words she spoke, the things she did, the way her smile would turn exasperated, but fond, almost as if she couldn’t help it

maybe here she’s still somehow with them.

_Petunia Anne Evans_

_7 March 1956 - 10 December 1974_

_She walks in beauty, like the night_  
_Of cloudless climes and starry skies;_  
_And all that’s best of dark and bright_  
_Meet in her aspect and her eyes;_  
_Thus mellowed to that tender light_  
_Which heaven to gaudy day denies._

§

He’s holding her too close, but it’s okay - she’s not inclined to let him go either. It’s hard to remember it hasn’t even been Christmas yet, not with the world the way it is now. It’s quiet, but not a restful kind. It makes them all wary, this silence from Lord Voldemort. It’s not the first time he’s been in public, but previous times have always had an edge of geniality, meant to sway people towards his, not this ruthless, unbending stance.

Haesel knows all too well the message he intended to send. The defection of the Black family could not be idly borne, after all. Maybe he’d even hoped to bring them back into the fold. It’s well suspected that it’s Sirius who’s responsible for the change in alliance, so perhaps a convincing argument made towards the heir of the family might be able to sway his convictions.

Not that they ever would. If there’s anything Sirius is, it’s stubborn, persistent.

She burrows closer to him, clutches him tighter, whenever a tremor runs through him, remnants of the damage the prolonged Cruciatus Curse he’s been held under caused to his nerves. Earlier, desire might have played a part in their inability to be apart, but now it’s something much darker, much more helpless and afraid. It wakes her up in the middle of the night, Lily checking if she’s still there, to Sirius tossing and turning in wrinkled blankets crying her name and reaching helplessly.

All of them are affected. There’s an awful silence that hangs around their dorm, Mary and Florence torn between comforting a closed off Lily, a silent Haesel or a despondent Alice. It’s easier for the boys, but there is still a gaping, silent chasm in their group of friends.

It breaks only three days after Haesel woke up, the morning after Christmas. It’s early, but none of them have been sleeping well and they’re already up. Haesel is cuddling Boots, slowly sliding her fingers through his fur. The soft purring of the cat reassures her, and if not for the company, she might have joined him in cat-form, but it’s a Marauder secret and she can’t expose it, not even to her sister.

Remus’ secret isn’t hers to reveal, no matter how much it hurts not to tell this to the only sister she has left, now.

She bites her lip. It’s always in the back of her mind, but sometimes she stumbles over it and the pain is fresh again. She tries swallow, but there’s a lump stuck in her throat.

Unbidden, images creep into her mind. The broken forms of her parents before the grave, the way they clutched at Lily and her, the way her father had to pry her mother’s fingers of the marble gravestone.

A broken voice catches her attention and she glances over. Alice is on the floor, on her knees, clutching Lily’s skirt. The redhead is staring down with what Haesel would call careless cruelty in her gaze if she didn’t know her twin so well.

“I’m - I’m so sorry, I never meant, it was my fault I’m so sorry -” Alice is crying, big ugly tears and sobs that tear her throat. “I’m so sorry…”

Lily unwinds Alice’s hands from her skirt. There’s something heartbreakingly kind on her face as she kneels, still holding Alice’s hands.

“I know.” She murmurs. “I’m sorry too.”

Alice pitches forward and Lily catches her, holds her and strokes her hair, and repeats it again and again in a soft tone. “I’m sorry too.”

§

“They’ve given you a nickname, Haesel.” Remus says, folding the Daily Prophet.

Said girl hums uninterestedly as she pokes her toast. James takes the newspaper from Remus and unfolds it, reading the article.

“Girl-Who-Lived.” He repeats, brows furrowed. “Not particularly imaginative.”

Something cold seeps down Haesel’s spine and she buries her fork in her toast. Lily, who’s sitting on her left side, leans in at the same time as Sirius grasps her hand under the table. She gives him a grateful squeeze, leans her head on Lily’s shoulder. They’ve become a lot more tactile, lately, reassuring each other of their continued existence, taking comfort in the presence of the other.

She misses her parents, in an oddly distant way. She’d been in a magical coma for nine days, and when she woke up they had already buried Petunia. Lily had spend almost all the time with Haesel, sitting beside the bed, reading, thinking, sleeping. She’s told her mother has had to be sedated often, spend some time unresponsive clutching her father’s hand, quietly attended to by Grandmother.

Often grief brings people together, she’s heard before, but here it seems to tear them apart.

Mary gives an inelegant snort. “Of course it’s unimaginative. It’s the Prophet.”

“The photos are… I don’t know, clear.” Florence says. “I’m amazed someone took the time to make them.”

James sneers, only lightening a wee bit when Lily nudges him with one elbow. Haesel lets a small smile curl her lips. At least that’s one positive thing - James and Lily seems to have made a truce, gained some common ground.

Or it could be that Lily has simply grown tired of being angry, of being hateful. There’s something despondent, something quiet and dangerous about her sister, sometimes, a fire that’s blanked low but continues to burn, reminding her of a sleeping volcano, funnily enough. Haesel can’t quite bring herself to fear it’s eruption, though. She has no doubt it will be well deserved.

“Someone will always take some opportunity.” Sirius says, voice rough. “I for one am glad we’ve got proof of Voldie stumbling back with a nose bleed.” There’s venom in his voice.

Haesel lays her fork down, giving up on the now mutilated piece of bread. Voldemort had been spirited away by his followers before his status could be ascertained. Some idiot from the Ministry had declared him dead, only to be found dead himself the next day, the by now well known green mark floating above his house. Even if he’s death or at least severely incapacitated, his followers quite clearly are alive and well.

She doesn’t think he’s dead. She knows with a terrible sureness that she’d know. She resists touching her forehead, resists touching the curse scar bright on her brow. It’s a curse scar, that’s clear, but Madam Pomphrey hadn’t known what to do about it and it’s not like there is anything to go on, any previous record.

Most people stay dead after hit with the killing curse, after all.

Girl-Who-Lived. Haesel sighs and pushes her plate away.

It seems she’ll never be free of some things.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Ah, well. I’m sorry it’s late, and short. It’s gotten hard to write this story! It’s so dark, lately. I still love it - it’s really a challenge, hah. Maybe it’s worse because I’ve been stressed out and sleepy a lot lately, pfft. Deadlines and exams, I’m sure you know the drill -_- wish me luck, I suppose? Thank you for reading and I wish you all the best for the coming New Year :)
> 
> Quotes are from the Bible, Gone with the Wind, and the poem is the first verse of ‘She Walks in Beauty’ by Lord Byron. This chapter was inspired partly by the following:  
> “I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo.  
> "So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” (J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring). (That I grew up reading LotR and HP and others probably explains a lot about me, hihi).
> 
> PS: I kind of edited the previous chapter (sorry for the mistakes). I'm afraid both my beta and I are quite busy, and I'm more often than not pretty tired when writing (case in point, it's 11:45PM here). Thank you for reading anyway! ;)


	30. sih

She feels numb as she stares down at the paper in her hands, the front page with it's bold claim right above a photo showing the Evans' family mansion burning down in all it's black-and-white glory.

"I'm sorry." Haesel says eventually, because she feels she needs to say it, even if it's quite useless.

Evangeline Evans, sitting opposite her, sighs and puts her cup of tea down. The gesture is effortlessly elegant in a way Haesel herself never quite manages to get right, no matter how much she tries. Then again, she's not very invested into learning, either. Quidditch and adventures, interesting bits of magic, particularly about defence, those have always more held her interest.

"It's quite all right, dear." Her grandmother says, voice almost unaffected. Haesel raises her eyebrow and Evangeline can't suppress a smile curling the corners of her mouth. She gives in.

"Well, you are right. It matters." She pulls the paper from Haesel's hands and folds it up, puts it away. "More than three hundred years of history in one building… Paintings, books, artefacts, all that my husband left me down to the ashes in the crypt, save that which was already in the vault at Gringotts, all of it is gone now."

She keeps folding and unfolding the paper, sliding her fingers down the creases to smooth them down. "I was married on that lawn, I gave birth to my children there. I lived some of my happiest days there - I loved and I laughed and cried."

Evangeline sets the paper aside, picks up her teacup but doesn't drink. Her voice has gained a whimsical tone, one that reminds Haesel of that time when they stayed in Bath in the town house Evangeline has there. It's not a time she looks on fondly, for the most part, but the one upside was that she and Lily got to know their austere and impressive Grandmother a lot better. Haesel can still recall with clarity how she'd touched one of the great winged chairs in front of the fireplace in the first floor parlour, fingers gliding softly over leather upholstery, an even softer look of fond recollection in her eyes.

"No." Evangeline says, decisive. "There is nothing you ought to apologise for in this sorry affair, dear child."

"I -" Haesel starts. She bites her lip, fingers fiddling with her own cup of tea, also untouched, even though it's probably her favourite. The elves are great like that, and she lifts the cup anyway because she feels guilty enough already without having something small like this added to it.

The warmth of it is uplifting. It's not actually her favourite Earl Grey blend, but a mint one, perhaps with a hint of chamomile, that soothes and strengthens her. Bless the house elves of Hogwarts, indeed.

Evangeline says nothing. The look in her eyes suggests that she knows what Haesel wishes to say. The black haired girl taken another sip of tea, then sets the cup down. It faintly rings against the saucer, and both females can't suppress a small smile. Haesel's feels a little mischievous, and that, more than anything, that tiny wee thing of a feeling makes her entire world tilt on it's axis.

Has it truly been so long since she felt this young, carefree, happy? It feels almost as if happy, carefree Haesel was someone else, a skin she shed, another life she might have led, but that's stupid, of course.

She stares into her tea. For every up she can think of, there's a down as well - life, amnesia, gaining a family, loss of her parents, magic and friends, a terrible talent, she's been both lucky and unlucky, almost as if there's some balance she can make of it all.

_But then, what could balance out losing her sister?_

"Sometimes I think…" She starts, then stops again, fiddles with her cup some more. Evangeline sits patient.

Haesel looks up. "I think, I can't help thinking, that it was so terribly selfish. Everyone says she was so brave and selfless, and all, but then I miss her so much and I can't help but think…"

Evangeline gives a slow, sad smile. "When my Harold died I wondered the same. He didn't have to go fight Grindelwald, he wasn't that much of a fighter, he was old, there were the children, he was already picking up extra shifts in Saint Mungo's, and yet… For him, it wasn't enough." She holds Haesel's eyes. "Is it up to us to judge the actions someone takes with their life? Fighting for his home, family and cause was important enough for my Harry to give his life for. You were important enough to Petunia that she gave her life for you. Is it fair? I suppose not, but then, is anything?"

The world is growing hazy, and a couple of tears slip free as Haesel gives a wavering half shrug, half nod. She lets them fall, cold on her hands, a quiet drop in her tea.

Evangeline reaches over and grips one of her hands. "It is not wrong to wonder about these things, but don't let them consume you. Would you not have done the same, in her place? Perhaps it is both selfless and selfish to not want to live in a world where another can't."

"But- I -" Haesel chokes. "Now I- now we, we have to live in a- a world without her.."

Grandmother squeezes her fingers. "Yes, dear child, now we do." She releases her grip on Haesel's hand, reaches up instead to lift her chin so she's looking her into the eyes again. "Perhaps we had no choice in the matter, but we do have a choice in how we go forward, now."

She wipes the tears still steadily tricking down Haesel's cheeks away with her fingers. "I do not know what happens after one dies - even ghosts cannot answer that question for us. I do, however, believe that we will once again see those that we lost. That somewhere, somehow, my dear Harry is waiting for me, and that when it is my time, he'll greet me the way he used to, once more."

She releases Haesel's face. "Not all tears are bad, my dear, but take care not to drown in them."

There's a quiet strength about her, something old and powerful, but benign, kind, and for some reason it reminds Haesel of that one terrible moment, when Petunia had glanced over her shoulder and smiled and refused to move.

_"I won't. I'm sorry, Haesel-dear."_

I'm sorry, too, she thinks. I'm sorry.

"Besides," Evangeline says and when Haesel looks up her eyes are ever so faintly twinkling with light. "It is only thanks to you I sit here, today, alive and well."

Haesel can only nod mutely, faintly tasting ash on her tongue and feeling ill. She tries to ignore the feeling, useless as that is - it's been proven by now that it won't go away even if she denies it.

Looking at her grandmother sitting opposite her sipping tea as if it were any other ordinary morning, she wonders what the consequences of listening are. She thinks they might be worth it.

§

Life gets easier after that - or maybe she can deal with it better - and yet it is harder, too. The way she is treated in the halls of Hogwarts has changed, after December 10th. Some students treat her with respect bordering on inappropriate awe, watching her as she passes and whispering in exited tones, others look at her sidewise and down their noses, more like the kind of fascinated stare one would give a particularly long living bug. Others yet are hostile, either openly or secretly.

None of those reactions surprise Haesel, really - the Wizarding world has been, in her experience so far, not exactly shy about showing what they think or feel about any particularity except for when they feel they're better served by burying their heads into the sand like a particularly demented bunch of ostriches. What does surprise her is that the hostile stares aren't just from a single house. She's ashamed of herself for thinking that, but while the majority of those students are indeed Slytherins, there are quite a few people from other houses that have developed a dislike for her over the holidays. She reminds herself to be better, to not let her prejudices overwhelm her good sense and fair judgement, but it's not always as easy as it sounds.

It helps that there are Slytherin students that actively oppose the Dark Lord.

One such students seats themselves beside her in the library one Tuesday evening. Haesel blinks up from her Transfiguration homework, for a moment confused before she can blink in understanding.

Regulus Black is an almost carbon copy of Sirius, with the same easy elegance, the same grey-almost-silver eyes and black curls, the same bone structure. At the same time, they're not exactly the same. Regulus' features are more finely boned, almost effeminate, and his eyes don't seem as silver as Sirius'. The most striking difference, in the end, is the colour of his tie - silver and green, the serpent of Slytherin House embroidered proudly on the breast of his high quality robes.

Sirius' little brother sets down his books - third year Defence and some reference books - before pulling out a chair, settling himself while he smiles at her. She can't help but compare his smile, slightly too wide to appear sincere, to the grins Sirius has given her in the past, and she wonders at his purpose approaching her now. They've passed each other in the halls before, nodded occasionally in reference to the fact that both of them have their individual ties to Sirius, but they've never actually spoken or interacted further than that. She knows that Sirius keeps into contact with his family, though sporadically and always in neutral territory like the library. His elder cousin Andromeda had coached them on Potions, at one point, though they'd never told her just what they'd intended with them she should have known, Haesel can't help but think with fond recollection. She'd liked Andromeda.

"Hello." Regulus says, giving her a nod. His voice is smooth, cultured and Haesel suddenly has a flashback to meeting Sirius in the Alley, years ago now, the way his voice had sounded. It's dropped now, in a way that has yet to happen to Regulus, making him sound boyish and innocent. She holds back a snort. She's yet to meet an innocent Black, no matter how much they'd sound like one. Even back when she met him, Sirius had been quite devious already.

"Hi." She answers, trying to keer her confusion from showing, but either she's blindingly obvious or Regulus is just that good at reading faces, because his smile turns a little knowing, with a side of smug.

"You must be wondering why I'm here, I suppose." He says then, rearranging his books without looking down.

"Not really." Haesel deadpans.

"Really now? And here I heard a Gryffindor's curiosity was almost as insatiable as a Ravenclaw's." Regulus says and wow, Haesel can believe that amount of sass from Sirius' wee brother, allright.

"You must have heard… incorrectly." She answers instead, raising her eyebrows slightly. She supposes it is rather rude to blatantly imply his information is wrong, but it's also kind of fun to exchange veiled barbs with him, so she can't quite see the harm.

And from the slight glimmer in his eyes, he's enjoying it too.

"Why, and here I thought I could count on some facts to be irresistible to time and change." Regulus answers. He bends slightly to get a quill and some parchment from his bag, but doesn't break eye contact. She's right; he is enjoying it.

Haesel cocks her head slightly. "I think you'll find that the only fact that doesn't change is the fact that everything does."

Now his eyebrows rise slightly. "That is a bold claim to make."

"Is Gryffindor not supposed to be the house of the bold?" To be fair, she's enjoying it too, very much so. It's rare she has someone new to talk to, especially lately. Outside of her established friendships, like the Marauders, the girls or the Quidditch team, people either adore her, which is disquieting, or they despise her, which isn't very encouraging to making friends either.

"Hadn't we just established that just because something is supposed to _be_ in some way doesn't make it so?" He answers her question with another question.

"A reasonable thing to assume." She says. "But then, I suppose you know what that word makes…"

".. an arse of you and me." He says and she's pretty sure she's not imagining the grudging respect in his eyes. She can't keep her grin suppressed, this time, because, no matter how juvenile it might be, she just got this perfect pureblood lad cursing in public. Round one goes to her.

"In any case, is there anything you wanted from me?" She inquires, because she can afford to be a wee bit acquiescent now without losing too much of her just won ground.

He knows it as well, she can read that in the sharpness of his smile, but he's obviously not above taking the opportunity she's given him.

"As a matter of fact, yes." He slides the Defence book over to her. "I've heard you're not so bad with defence, and there is this spell I'm not sure I quite understand. I had hoped you'd have some insight in the matter."

"You're asking me for help?" She can't help but inquire. A Slytherin asking her, favourite Golden Child of the Moment, for help might not go over so well in the current political climate.

Then again, it's not as if the Blacks have ever quite cared about the conventions of others. She's sharply reminded of that fact once again when something smug and condescending slides over his features, throwing them in haughty relief. After all, Orion Black's decision to declare for one of the two sides - to some, not just declare but actually change sides - had brought Voldemort to openly show himself in an attack instead of hiding behind his followers, just so he could have a chance at convincing the Black heir himself.

 _My parents think of themselves as royalty, or as near as you can get._ Sirius's voice echoes in her head, back from when he'd explained his actions from over the summer to the other Marauders the day of his birthday.

Royalty - she might be able to forget it whenever she's with Sirius, in the face of the warmth of his eyes and his words when he's with them, but sometimes she can see it in him as well as she can see it in Regulus now.

"Are you doubting your capabilities?" Regulus asks her, perfectly aware he's needling her, provoking her pride. "And here my brother told me you are the best in his year."

She's a little taken aback by the mention of Sirius, because so far they've danced around their one, mutual connection, and she's a little more honest than she intended to be. "Not quite the best, I'd say, personally, but I can see if I can help you?"

"Excellent." Regulus proclaims and proceeds to flip some pages until he reaches what he wishes to ask her, turning the book in his hands and holding it out. She accepts it, warily. Third year is mostly creatures, which had been fun, all in all, because they'd been able to use their knowledge directly in the new elective for those who'd taken Care of Magical Creatures.

It's not simply bowtruckles or hinkypunks that he's interested in; no, it's the page on Dementors that's lying open between them.

"I want to learn the Patronus Charm." Regulus says, and when she glances up at him, still surprised, there's a painful sort of honestly in his eyes that disarms her. "Sirius told me you could cast it when you were thirteen."

"I -well," She hesitates a moment before giving in. "I could, yes."

"Excellent. Teach me, then."

She blinks. Not even a please, but then again, you can't have everything, she supposes. "Allright?"

§

Sirius is reading on his bed when she enters the dormitory. He only notices her when she sits down beside where he's laying and she takes a moment to chide his lack of spacial awareness before she drops her bag on the floor and laying down beside him. It still causes her to flush, invading his space so casually and him being fine with it, even welcoming her presence.

He closes his book, lays it aside and turns towards her, eyes soft and silver in the late afternoon light.

"Finished your essay?" He asks and the deep sound of his voice sends a thrill through her. He's too sharp to have missed the slight shudder that goes through her body and his eyes darken infinitesimally. With one hand he sweeps the loose hair from her face, fingers leaving a burning trail on her skin.

It's at once the same and different to all the other times when a simple touch caused them to feel too much, but she can't regret the changing times, because now there is no confusion or holding back for the sake of sheer stubbornness, because what else had it been. Now, he bows down and she raises her head and their lips meet in the middle and for a while she doesn't think at all. In fact, she's quite forgotten what she came to say at all.

§

Later that evening they're all clustered around their favourite spot in the common room, Remus in front of the fire and the rest of the Marauders draped over the sofa and an armchair. For once, it's James and Haesel who are sharing the sofa, the former trying to plait the latter's hair, and Sirius bowed over a book on advanced potions techniques while the other three chat around him.

"Yes, but that's never been done before." Haesel replies to Remus before wincing in pain as James pulls to hard. They'd been teasing his lack of nimble fingers before, when he'd dropped his wand trying to twirl it as Sirius and Remus have taught themselves in third year when they'd been bored in detention. Really, there's only so much detentions scrubbing cauldrons one can have before one discovers the best and most efficient methods of cleaning them. Now James is determined to learn it too, and is practicing by plaiting, a tip from Alice. As Haesel is the only one with hair long enough for proper plaiting, she's his designated victim, something she's regretting quite a bit already. It's as if the Potter heir sometimes forgets the hair is, in fact, still attached to her head.

"Would it really solve the problem, though, having an all-female team?" Remus asks, brows furrowed.

"Of course it would!" Haesel argues, wincing again. "That way, no one could claim anything but their own power had won them the game, you know. If there was a bloke on the team, and he happened to do anything of significance, like actually actively participating in the game as most players generally do, some people would point to that bloke as the reason the team won."

"That's stupid." James says.

"Never said it wasn't." Haesel tilts her head ever so slightly, trying to get a look at James' face but not managing to for fear of ripping out some hairs herself.

"Don't worry, it looks fabulous." Remus grins. Haesel glances at him from the corner of her eyes, her whole face just shouting incredulity.

Remus just grins and she gives up with a sigh, rolling her eyes and changing the subject yet again.

"Anyways, isn't it about time that we plan our next prank?"

There are secrecy spells protecting them - their modus operandi for almost everything, now - so she feels safe enough to mention it out loud. The word 'prank' revives Sirius from the depths of his potion studies. They all laugh as they stare upon his bleary eyes, hair ruffled from passing through it with his fingers. It's not quite as bad as James' hair tends to get, but a far cry from his normal standards, in any case.

"Yes." James says, heartfelt. "Yes, please. Those Prewett twins are trying to upstage us, I'm telling you!"

Haesel laughs. "They're what, twelve? They can _try,_ you mean."

Remus nods. "By that age we were doing much more complicated stuff than they're up to. Maybe they'll match us someday, but then, every day they improve so do we."

"Too right." Sirius says, smug as you please. "And it's not like we'll just hand over our title of best pranksters in Hogwarts just like that, am I right or am I right?"

"Like we'd say you're wrong." Haesel says, something close to exasperation colouring her voice.

§

Life goes on. About every other professor warns them not to slack off on their exams this year, as the next year will bring O.W.L's at the end of them, which means the pressure put on them will only increase. Haesel turns a worried eye on Lily whenever someone mentions O.W.L.'s, but her sister seems to be fine, so far. Fortunately for her, Lily is one of those people that, while normally focussed, only grows more productive when under pressure, which Mary claims is patently unfair. They're all working hard, already. It's easier, sometimes, to bury oneself in essays and assignments instead of looking at all the empty spaces on the benches, either from people who've left Hogwarts or will simply never come back.

The spaces are filled rapidly, though. Many Muggleborns and half-bloods have gone underground, either out of the country or to safe houses, and many more still have come to Hogwarts, which is rapidly turning into the greatest safe house in the country. Whole wings of the castle, halls and rooms which have stood empty for years and years are now opened up to those who need it. There's a rumour among the students that many of those who take up residence in the castle are members of a new resistance group headed by Albus Dumbledore himself, who are responsible for stopping many of the attacks now happening frequently all over.

It's true the headmaster is looking harried. Haesel can sympathise. Maybe people leave her alone on account of her age and relative inexperience, and all she gets is specials in Witch Weekly and the Daily Prophet dedicated to her - she thinks she remembers why she hates gossip - but the public isn't nearly as kind towards the defeater of the previous Dark Lord, Gellert Grindelwald. He remains kind and welcoming though, no matter how late, how inconvenient her visit or how busy he is.

_"Can I come in, sir? It's just.. I -"_

_"Of course, dear girl." A quick-silver grin lighting up tired blue eyes. "A burden shared is a burden halved, is it not?"_

She shakes memories off with the same ease as she shakes off other inconvenient things, now.

Soon enough the weather warms again and they start spending time outside again. Haesel develops the habit to head down to Petunia's grave with Lily, whenever the both of them need a little space or quiet. Haesel has developed the habit of talking to the white marble stone as if she were writing a letter to her sister, telling her about pranks or Quidditch matches or the latest happenings at Hogwarts, while Lily tends to ramble about classes, magical theory or all the idiot boys who think she's in the mood for romance.

"You never are." Haesel points out once, amused. She's gotten some flower seeds off Hagrid and is in the process of planting them around the clearing. It had been inspired by something their Mum had mentioned in a letter, about the flower beds at their house in Cokeworth which would have been flowering by now if they'd still been living there. Granted, while Petunia was at school Mum'd take care of the flowers, but Petunia always asked about her flowers in every letter, and now Haesel wants to plant some even if her sister can't exactly enjoy them anymore.

Lily huffs. "You'd think they'd have taken the hint by now."

"Not unless you beat it into their heads with a stick, I suppose."

"Yes, well, violent Muggle methods might work." Lily has to admit, reluctantly amused as she can't help but imaging the sight. "It's because I hang out with Sev, I think."

"How come?" Haesel asks, taking care to plant the bulbs the right side up.

"Well, we've got quite the close circle of friends going, the eight of us, and none of us has any close friends outside of that, right?"

Haesel hums. "I'm quite close to the rest of the team, Florence has all her boyfriends, and I swear Alice knows everyone of the firsties all the time, it's uncanny! How does she separate them from one another? I literally can't; it's impossible."

Lily snorts and then falls into delighted giggles. It takes her a bit to calm down and Haesel watches her with a fond grin for a moment.

"They're not clones of each other, really."

"You sure? Except for Davies and those Prewett twins I'm pretty sure they all look exactly the same."

"You only know Davies because she's on the team and the twins…" Lily trails off and gives Haesel a Look, but Haesel suddenly finds herself completely immersed into shovelling dirt on some bulbs and can't possibly notice anything but the dark damp earth, absolutely not.

Lily gives it up as a bad job, especially because when pressed, even she has to admit to liking the pranks the Marauders execute. Some are stupid, like the one where they charmed half the library so that every other book you picked up called you naughty names, and some are annoying - and annoyingly impressive, too - such as when they managed to lift the charms on the ceiling of the Great Hall so it actually rained inside instead of the ceiling just appearing to reflect the sky outside.

She still wonders how they pull off some of the things they come up with, like how did they get acces to the laundry? Or the meals? Or how do they even get around the castle at night, all the time? In the previous years, at least one of them used to get detention about every other week, but since this semester started only one of them has gotten a detention so far, and that was Sirius for calling professor McGonagall 'Minnie' again.

That boy has a death wish sometimes, she thinks, and then freezes slightly before shaking it off. Bad thought, definitely.

"Perhaps that was a bad example." She picks up the previous topic again. "It's just that I spend most of my time either in the Tower, or in the library, and if I'm in the library, I'm with Sev."

After the holidays, when they first decided to never go anywhere alone, she'd told Sev that she wasn't going along with the sneaking into empty classrooms thing anymore that he'd gotten into the first term of the year. Already she'd had to tell off Haesel for following her, when her sister had admitted to so much with a guilty face, and yeah, Lily had been rightly upset with her for that, but on the other hand, if Haesel'd do it, others might do so too and she didn't fancy running into that uppity Malfoy boy anytime soon.

"So people take that you're willing to meet blokes from other houses based on your interactions with one person, with whom you've been friends since before Hogwarts?" Haesel asks sceptically, one brow raised.

Lily choses to focus on the streak of dirt marring her little sister's brow instead of how much the expression reminds her of Petunia. She reaches forward to wipe it off. "I never said the general student populace was intelligent."

"Pfft." Haesel blows away one unruly bang. "Unfortunately all too true."

Lily, knowing she's thinking of how Witch Weekly's latest spread on her sister had gotten half the student body in a tizzy - and seriously how had they gotten their hands on the information about Lord Black meeting their Grandmother over preliminary contracts anyway? Even Sirius hadn't known his father had been up to it, although he had admitted to not being very surprised. When she'd thought about it, neither had Lily, because for all the wondrous magic they held, the Wizarding World was generally rather backwards in things like courtship and marriage.

She sits back, contemplating her sister who's now humming under her breath, part of Vivaldi's spring concerto, the allegro if she isn't mistaken. The largest part of her still thinks they're too young to think about serious relationships, let alone marriage. When prodded about it in the privacy of the dorm on one of their girls evening, Haesel had only shrugged.

"Even if we're young, that doesn't mean we're not serious about it, you know?" She'd said, a pensive look on her face. A small smile had grown on her face, as she absently painted her nails Gryffindor red. "Besides.. actions speak louder than words, sometimes, and well, Sirius was willing to stand beside me that day. He tried to catch the attention of Voldie, to get it off me, and…" She'd paused then, all four of them hanging on her every word but Haesel hadn't noticed it as she focused down on her toes, her words turning soft and carefully spoken. "I thought I was going to die, you know? I honestly thought so." She swallowed, painfully. "I think I did."

She looked up then, eyes bright, and while her lips wobbled her smile hadn't wavered. "I was happy I wasn't going to die alone, you know."

"Oh Haesel." Mary had said and pulled the black haired girl into a sideways hug and they'd all studiously ignored how her shoulders had shaken and she'd been sniffing for a while after. She'd not been the only one, after all.

Lily can't look upon Sirius Black now without hearing those words, without seeing those terrible moments again, and well, she'd resigned herself to the two of them being together before because he'd been so terribly honest with her on his birthday, and he'd not let her sister down ever since, but it was that day that finally convinced her.

She'd promised herself she'd protect Haesel, the first time she'd seen that thin, too small, hurt girl on a hospital bed that threatened to swallow her, mask on her face and lines trailing from her arms. She'd promised herself again when they'd all huddles together on the love seat of their old house, when Mum had suggested they'd completely adopt Haesel. She'd promised… and she'd already failed once.

"Hello? Earth to Lily-pad?"

Lily blinks herself aware to the sight of Haesel leaning over her, waving a hand before her face. "What?"

"I'm done." Haesel says, pulling of her Herbology gloves and stuffing them into her bag with the rest of the gardening supplies she'd nicked from the greenhouses, even though the professor would have loaned them if she'd asked. When Lily had asked her, her sister had grinned and asked her where the fun in that was.

Lily hadn't been aware fun was a requirement even for things like getting gardening supplies, but then again, she can't deny it had been rather fun to sneak into greenhouse one during their free period yesterday.

"It's going to be nice." She says, standing and surveying the clearing, checking the spots Haesel has been digging in and looks up at her, smiling. "It's going to be lovely."

Haesel smiles back, just as softly. "I think so too."

§

_She's in an office. By the look of all the medical journals and books, the scrubs and lab coats laying around, it's an office in a hospital somewhere. It's a pleasant space; walls a calming light blue and some potted plants decorating shelves. She has to suppress a snort when she notices all of them have medical properties. Once a healer, always a healer, she supposes._

_She turns around and it's only then that she sees the person sitting behind the desk, scribbling away on some paper. Dark red hair is pulled into a sloppy bun with a pencil stuck into it, the collar of the flowery blouse beneath the robes of a healer slightly crooked. But most striking are the vivid green eyes currently narrowed on the papers on the desk._

_Haesel just stands there for what feels like an eternity, drinking in the sight of her older twin, her only remaining sister, aged into a beautiful and elegant woman, perhaps in her early twenties still but obviously competent and capable, working on some patient files or a complicated theory that's surely going to revolutionise healing as the world knows it._

_She's amazing._

_The door opens but neither of them notices at first, not Haesel nor the actual owner of the office, until the young man leaning in calls for attention._

_"Healer Evans? You've got a visitor."_

_Lily Evans looks up, brilliant green eyes dancing with delight. "You know it's Potter now, Reginald."_

_Reginald laughs. "Sure, but to me you'll always be Healer Evans, if you'll excuse me."_

_Lily shakes her head, but anyone can tell she doesn't mind. "You said visitor, Reginald."_

_"Right." The young man, an apprentice healer by the colour of his robes, nods. "I'll let them in now, if that's alright."_

_"Them?" Lily asks, confused. "I thought you said visitor, single?"_

_"Well, the second one is rather little still, if you take my meaning." Reginald says and winks, before pulling back and letting whoever is waiting behind him through._

_Lily laughs now, clearly delighted, as a man with a toddler on his arm steps into the room. It's almost uncanny how much they resemble each other, this older, taller, more mature version of James Potter, and this child, but for the green eyes that are exactly the shape and colour of his mother. Lily stands, coming around the desk and reaching out at the same moment the toddler does so and she takes him in her arms, accepting a kiss from her husband as she does so._

_Haesel's eyes are blurry with tears, and she has to look away. Only now she notices the photographs on the wall and she takes a step closer, letting the couple behind her have their moment, their child caught safely between them._

_There's a photo of Lily and James dancing in autumn somewhere, Mary grinning widely with a broom on her shoulders in the uniform of the Holyhead Harpies, Alice with what seems like Frank and a wee baby in her arms, Florence wearing Apprentice robes caught unaware as she charms someone who's just out of reach for the photo to catch, Remus sitting on a log before a bonfire with a gentle smile, James and Sirius in Auror robes with arms around each other, … A whole future hangs on the walls in front of her, and she's caught in it for a long moment, happy laughter in the background, revelling in the happy grins of her friends, her chosen family._

_It takes her entirely too long to notice the one person missing. There's only one photo of herself; an old photo of Petunia, Lily and herself sitting on the porch of the new house in Cokeworth hangs beside a portrait of her parents on their wedding day._

_She takes a step back, startled, but when she glances back, at her sister, so grown up and beautiful, alive and shining, teasing James about the stain on his robes, tickling the little boy with Lily's eyes and James' hair… it suddenly doesn't seem so important anymore._

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! It’s been too long, I know. I’m afraid it’s only going to be more of the same as long as I’m at uni! This chapter is unbeta-ed, so sorry if there are mistakes! Please be so kind as to ignore them, heh. (or tell me, that’d also be appreciated ;)). I hereby dedicate this chapter to Twinings™ Green Tea Mint, all of you kind readers, and the philosophers of the Scottish Enlightenment without whom I wouldn’t have a subject to write a paper about. Terribly interesting stuff, believe me ;)  
> I’ll try to update after the 19th and before the 27th of May! (after papers and before exams, fyi) As always, thank you for your patience and support! ^^


	31. Author's Note

Hi!

So, a long time ago I told myself I'd never upload a document that wasn't a chapter as a chapter, because it was always a disappointment to see an upload alert without any new actual content, but as you can see, I've had to quite change my position on that matter. Yup.

First of all, I'd like to state that in no way I'm intending to drop this story and leave it unfinished. I've always enjoyed writing it - even the hard parts were really a test of skill, forcing me to get better and adapt and that's an amazing growing experience - but I simply can't at the moment. I feel terribly guilty at leaving you all for so long without any sign of life or what I'm planning to do. The reason for that is simple, I suppose.

Last week, I sort of had a mental breakdown. I've got a history of panic attacks when I'm over-stressed, and I kind of barely avoided having one right before an exam I was supposed to take. I ended up at the student psychologist's instead, hah. I've had another meeting since, and the kind lady-psy I spoke with - diagnosed me, I suppose - with active performance anxiety and perfectionism. To be honest, not much of a surprise, but what did surprise me was how much of a relief it was to have someone who's a professional, who's got lots of experience dealing with those kinds of things, state those things and just, I dunno, confirm that I'm not just imagining myself a bunch of issues. 

Ehm, to give you an idea, basically I feel like I have to be perfect otherwise I'm useless or worthless, but perfect is never good enough. 

The past two years I've steadily devoted more and more of my time to uni (because let's face it, that's sort of what you have to do in order to survive, hihi) and I've more and more run into things I might have been able to evade before. I really like going to uni, I like being in a high-pressure environment and do things like write papers and attend classes and study, and just because I like it so much I'm going to extend my study another year, take less classes and start training to deal with anxiety. So ehm, that's actually a good thing, I think :)

The above isn't meant to be an excuse, but I would like to think it's an explanation of why I haven't found the time to update since April (that was before paper deadlines, heh). I take anything important very seriously, and this story is important to me, so I keep trying to produce the best I can (and sometimes that isn't even enough). A consequence of that is that eventually you start liking what you do less and the motivation to work on it slowly dies out, which is a bit of a problem.

I also kind of got into a lot of other fandoms (blame Spider-Man: Homecoming for my re-newed interest in MCU over summer, heh). Part of my processing power's also occupied with working on my own original concept. It's a story I've been working on for almost twelve years now, it's changed hugely since I was 11 but I love the world-building :D 

Anyways, the whole point of this is to say that yes, I reaffirm my promise to finish this story but no, I can't at the moment. I won't, to be more precise. I'm prioritising my health (mental and physical), and I hope you can all understand that. Part of why I feel so guilty for not updating and not updating you all is because the support I've gotten for this story is immense and it's really been like a candle in a dark room, it always makes me really happy when I think about it. I'm really, really thankful for all the support I've gotten up to this point, so - you're all really amazing and I love you! It's just amazing to know that so many people read this story and loved it, so thank you so very much for that! :) <3

I'd like to end this wee update bit with some rather hopeful news. I've long been wanting to participate in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month for those not in the know), though in a semi-unofficial capacity since you're supposed to start and finish a new project of 50k, I think. In any case, depending on where I am the coming November (mentally, tbh) I'd like to take the chance to see if I can finish this story in a sort of personal NaNoWriMo! I'd then update it in weekly updates, after someone'd been able to look it over, possibly ;) I'll let you all know again if that's possible!

So update on the situation with this story around November 2017! I'll let you all know what I'm going to do then. I'm afraid that it's a conditional promise (to finish ALOL in NaNoWriMo) because I can't predict in what sort of headspace I'll be and if I will be able to write at all. I'm sorry to say that until I know exactly how I'll proceed, I'm going to tag this story with 'discontinued until further notice', because you all deserve at least that much honesty from me, especially towards new readers. 

Thank you for your time and I hope you're all well!

Best wishes

Sigy Artyn


	32. Makumi matatu nerimwe

She wakes late. It’s a beautiful summer morning, sunlight warm and welcoming through the gaps in her bed curtains. Boots is curled up on the pillow beside her, his tail ever so often flicking in sleep and swiping over her face. For a moment, Haesel is tempted to join him in her animagus form, but while she’s in a sort of content, sleepy mood, she’s not tempted to actually go back to sleep so she sits up, letting the blanket fall off as she stretches.

 

The dorm is empty when she slips out of bed, feet sinking in the plush carpet Lily charmed there at the beginning of the year. It’s been a huge help. There are pipes that transport hot air from the kitchens throughout the castle, and many spells beside, but still, a stone castle in the Scottish Highlands can be terribly cold in winter which is why Lily came up with the idea of transfiguring certain patches of dorm floor into fluffy red carpet to match the drapes. Haesel stands upon her patch now, rooting for her slippers. They’ll have to remove the carpet soon, because school’s almost out and they’re vacating the dorm, but for now it’s there and protects Haesel’s feet from the cold stone.

 

Haesel gives another yawn, badly stifled behind a hand and shuffles off towards the bathroom. She’s not worried about having had such a long lie in; it’s been ages since she slept so well and it’s a Saturday morning to boot. Beside, if she’d been late for the game one of the girls would’ve woken her, after all.

 

The thought of the impending Quidditch game revives her somewhat. It’s going to be Ravenclaw against Slytherin to determine the runner up to the Quidditch cup. She gives a satisfied grin somewhat deformed around her toothbrush. Obviously Gryffindor had taken the actual cup home to proudly present to a misty eyed Professor McGonagall. 

 

“Don’t you ever tire of getting that cup?” Lily had asked over toast and porridge the next morning, gaining some rather hilariously outraged reactions from Mary, Sirius and James. Haesel had only grinned, still in her - now freshly laundered - jersey and riposted; “Don’t you ever tire of getting the House Cup?”

 

Lily, arguably the most efficient at winning points in their year, had sniffed but conceded the point, eyes twinkling merrily. Neither minded the inclinations of the other; Lily came to every game and Haesel helped her study, so both were content with their own thing.

 

It wasn’t hard to choose what to wear. A blue lace bra was covered with a warm shirt, on top of which she threw her Gryffindor ‘Seeker’ jersey, matching a loose black skirt. She pulled on some socks, lacing up her latest pair of bright red converse, before pulling the curtains open fully. Boots just stretched more into his patch of sunlight and Haesel left him to it, traversing down to the common room.

 

She hadn’t been the only one taking a late morning. Remus was shuffling down just before her, and the two went down to the Great Hall together, lazely conversing about anything that struck their fancy, from the latest prank by the Prewitt Twins to what they were going to eat. 

 

“We need to come up with the end of year prank.” Remus says, twisting his neck slighly until it cracked. Though the full moon was just a handful of days behind him, Remus was still feeling the effect of the transformation. He glances to the side, seeing Haesel deep in thought, finger tapping her chin, and can’t help a smile. It’s a rare day he’s not humbled by his friends and the love they show him, the acceptance and warmth.

 

That sparks inspiration. 

 

“Can’t we, I don’t know, do something nice?”

 

Haesel sends him a puzzled glance. “Like, what, give everyone a case of the warm and fuzzies? Kittens and puppies and rainbows and such?”

 

“Well, maybe not to that degree, but I do think we could all do with a nice cheery goodbye.” Remus says. “Though, if you want rainbows, I’m pretty sure we could change up the fireworks a little.”

 

“Are they safe yet?” Haesel frowns. “I’d like a festival, though, I guess. The feast is so boring, and no offence, but it’s not like going out into the world at the moment is something most people are looking forward to. It’s not like many are actually leaving.”

 

“Yeah true.” Remus nods. After the altercation in the station in December, all was sort of silent for a while, but just as rumours of the actual demise of the Dark Lord started to surface, the attacks had started again. The Dark Lord himself hadn’t been seen just yet, but both the brutality and the amount of attacks had sharply increased over spring getting to a level of violence that was now higher than ever. In terms of the war, 1975 was shaping up to be one awful year. In light of that, and the safety of his students, the headmaster had decided to keep the school open in a limited capacity for those that had nowhere to go. Hogwart’s shields were rather impressive, after all. Not that the decision was a uncontested one - many feared it would bring even more attention to the school, already an important target by virtue of being a bastion of freedom and light, and being the residence of the Girl-Who-Lived.

 

Remus glances down at Haesel again as they descended another flight of stairs. She’s still tiny, thin but subtly muscled thanks to all the Quidditch playing and Animagus exercise she gets. She’d been letting her hair grow out for years now and her long black braid currently reached far down her back. The vibrant green eyes she and her sister shared are calm now, lights dancing in their depths as she contemplates prank ideas, and Remus wonders again at the contradiction she provides. He wasn’t there, during the Attack on the Platform, but he’d seen his friends as they came back from it, broken and shattered. Lily and Sirius had lived next to Haesel’s bed while she lay unconscious. There’d been a terribly emptiness in Alice’s eyes, and a hardness in James’ that sometimes scared him. 

 

And the words Sirius had spoken one night, grey eyes haunted and tinged just slightly with madness intermingled with grief, about how they’d taken a stand.. about who’d actually paid the price.

 

They’d all changed after that. Haesel was by turns silent and ghostlike, depending on whatever she’d been seeing. James and Sirius trained obsessively, the latter practicing darker spells than Remus was really comfortable with sometimes. He wasn’t quite sure what the effects had been on the other girls, but after a first, uncomfortable period, they’d closed ranks and grown even closer. He suspected Lily had had quite the same reaction as James and Sirius, turning to intensive studying, but he’d seen her enter and leave the Forbidden section more and more often.

 

The outside world had changed the most. After all, there had been numerous witnesses, even photographical evidence, that Haesel Evans had done what none other before her had managed; she’d survived the killing curse point blank. Many others had evaded it, sometimes by raising incredible shields of often elemental magic, but none had survived it when it had hit, until her. She’d become an instant celebrity in the magical world, her whole life spit out in gossip magazines and even the Minister of Magic asking to speak with her (preferably with a reporter there). As far as Remus knew, she’d refused all interviews and comments, just tried to go on with her life and try to come to terms with the loss of her sister.

 

He doesn’t begrudge her that. He knows how close Haesel is to her family, how much she’s worked to get them to bridge the gap the loss of Petunia had caused. He can’t help but wonder, though, how much of her new status affords her a platform to speak out about social change, to take a stand against everything Voldemort stands for. 

 

“So if we combine those elements with that what I mentioned earlier, I think we would have a feast to remember, wouldn’t you agree, Remus?” Haesel’s voice breaks into his thoughts and he startles. When all he can produce is helpless ‘ehm’ sounds, she breaks into laughter. “Hah, I knew you weren’t paying attention!”

 

Remus shrugs, but can’t resist smiling either as he follows this bright, shining girl. 

 

§

 

“Sooooo…” Sirius draws out the word in an uncharacteristic display of what his mother probably considers bad manners. Then again, most of what she considers good is completely against his morals so it’s not like his mother’s thoughts were worth much on the subject.

 

“Yeah.” Haesel agrees, cocking her head to stare more at the display before her as if that will somehow change it. “Lily, pinch me please?”

 

Said redhead nods dumbly, reaches out and gives her sister’s arm a good pinch. Haesel gives a whimper, more because that means what she’s seeing is real than out of any real pain Lily’s distracted pinch has given her. 

 

“Are you guys seeing what I’m seeing?” Lily whispers, afraid to disturb the scene before her. After all, it’s not every day one sees one’s Muggle father companionably drinking what looks like the good whisky with what basically amounts to Wizarding royalty in the person of Orion Black. 

 

“Yup.” Haesel agrees. “If by the same you mean our father having the cosiest chat with your father in the history of cosy fireside chats, then yup. Totally seeing what you’re seeing.”

 

Sirius blinks a couple of times, but that changes nothing. Of course, that’s the moment Orion chooses to look up and spot the three of them standing in the doorway of the private room above the Three Broomsticks rented just for this meeting. 

 

“Ah, good.” The Black patriarch says in what Sirius would’ve called a genial tone if he didn’t know his stern, austere father didn’t do such things. “You are here.”

 

Afraid of what might come out of his mouth because his father doesn’t do stating the obvious normally either, Sirius just nods and tries to hold on to whatever composure he can grab onto. 

 

Robert, who had looked up at the same time as Orion, sets down his glass on a coaster before standing and approaching them. Sirius takes a step to the side, entering the room fully now, to allow him to hug his daughters close. Seeing the faint desperation in which they hug each other just a wee bit too tightly, he steps closer to the fireplace and the chairs arranged before it. As far as he’s aware this is the first time the girls have seen their father since the beginning of spring term, so they will probably welcome a little privacy.

 

His father has remained seated in the armchair he’s occupying, but he gives Sirius a nod as he comes closer, inviting him to sit with a negligent wave of his free hand. He seats himself on a settee closest to his father’s right side, as expected of him.

 

Sirius inclines his head. “Father. You look well.”

 

Orion gives another regal nod, and Sirius is relieved to see his father’s haughty bearing still there, though uncharacteristically softened. “You as well, son. What of your exams?”

 

“We’ve yet to receive the results, but I’m confident I did well.” He answers, truthfully. Maybe his runes could use some work, but that’s in his opinion. He’s pretty sure for anyone else’s standards he’s well within his rights to rest easy. 

 

That’s not an option anymore, though. Not for him. Not after December.

 

“Good.” Orion states, as if he hadn’t expected anything else and well, he probably hadn’t. Sirius has come by the high expectations he places upon himself honestly, after all. “Your team?”

 

With a start Sirius realises his father is actually, for the first time he can remember, asking about who won the Quidditch Cup. Caught by surprise and a rush of pleased happiness, he gives an honest smile, not a carefully calculated smirk of satisfaction the sort he’d normally go for. “We won. Wasn’t easy, toward the end - Ravenclaw was playing very vicious, for their doing - but James scored a goal putting us in lead just before Haesel caught the snitch.” 

 

“In the nick of time, too.” Haesel adds, and Sirius is pleased to see her seat herself beside him, though with a respectable distance between them. “I’m afraid Captain might’ve had a hard time blocking their next play otherwise.”

 

She gives him a small, private smile. They’re both proud of that victory. It was hard won, the Ravenclaw team had gone all out and Gryffindor had had a hard time matching that ardour. They had managed, though, in the end, and that just made it all the sweeter. 

 

Robert retakes his seat and Lily completes the circle, sitting on her own father’s left side to Haesel’s right. 

 

“Orion.” Robert says, with a respectful yet friendly voice, achieving the balance with an ease Sirius hadn’t expected from him. Some of the purebloods his parents entertain at dinner parties can’t achieve that level of class and ease of manner while making it seem that natural. It’s certainly not something one would think a man essentially a squib raised primarily outside the Wizarding world to possess. Sirius is suddenly reminded of the fact that whatever fortune and social status the Evans possessed had been entirely selfmade. He’d never quite given thought to it, seeing as most of the tales he’d heard had been about Robert in his capacity of father to two of his friends, not as capable businessman. “Let me introduce you to my youngest daughters, Lily and Haesel.”

 

Both girls give a careful but still elegant seeming sort of bow, half a curtsy while staying seated, when their name is mentioned. Orion favours them each with a nod, something pleased in his fathers’ eyes at their manners. Sirius has to stifle an inappropriate snort as he suddenly remembers Haesel struggling to get the whole greeting thing clear back in first year, after the culture classes the twins had taken. 

 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Lord Black.” Lily says, taking the lead as she is the oldest, Haesel giving a nod and smile, seeming to support the sentiment wholeheartedly. 

 

“Likewise.” Orion says. “Robert, might I present you once again my eldest son, Sirius.” 

 

Robert gives Sirius a warm smile, and Sirius can’t help but smile back with the same warmth. This is hardly the first time they’ve met, after all, and it seems Haesel’s father hasn’t forgotten Sirius’ introducing himself in Diagon Alley, back before first year. 

 

“I’m glad to officially meet you, my boy.” 

 

Sounding entirely too much like his father, Sirius replies with the cultured drawl he’s been perfecting since childhood. Try as he might, he can’t repress the way he means what he says entirely - not that he much wants too. “Likewise, Mr. Evans.”

 

§

 

“Am I the only one who thought that was just a little odd?” Lily says as they’re walking back to the castle. In the distance they can hear cheering, and Haesel happily concludes the game must still be ongoing. Slytherin lost to Ravenclaw yesterday, so now they’re fighting over third place with the Hufflepuffs. 

 

“I’m not questioning a miracle.” Haesel shrugs. Sirius tugs her a little closer against him as they walk and they share a happy smile. Neither of them had hoped for this sort of outcome, their fathers finding unexpected common ground and respect. 

 

“True enough.” Lily laughs. They know the groundwork for this meeting has been laid by Evangeline, and it was expected she’d continue the meetings as they drew up a formal contract of betrothal, which personally Haesel doesn’t need, but well, she can do it if it keeps Sirius’ family appeased mostly because that makes him happy, and she’s come to find she’d do quite a lot to make him happy. It’s not an entirely selfless notion, because it serves her happiness as well, but that is secondary to the light in his eyes and the ease to his smile as he and Lily recount the conversation, play acting the parts they thought most surprising. 

 

Would that you could see me now, Petunia, she thinks. I’ve learned to be love as you taught me - selflessly, whole heartedly, contentedly. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!  
> I could apologise until the sky burns for the late chapter, the shortness of it, the lack of communication, but instead I’d much rather like to thank you al for your unwavering support these past months! I’ve struggled with the expectations I place upon myself, anxiety and all that I’ve talked about in the note before this. It’s not been easy and it’s certainly not over, but I’m happy to say I’m doing a lot better than this summer! I recently had exams, and while I failed two (due to ill timed illness and plain not enough time, mostly) I also passed three with really good scores, which is certainly heartening! :)   
> I once again repeat that I’ve no intention of abandoning this story, though I was tempted at times. Your support and reviews have made it so that I definitely shan’t! ^^ I hope you don’t mind that that at times might mean shorter chapters, though I don’t intend to skip on content ;) this chapter was a bit a filler though so I can get to more fun things :D I’m going to aim for a chapter every month, so see you in March! I hope you all have a most wonderful year ^^


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